YALI:
Yo SISTER! WA! I've not heard from u in AGES!!! (ok, exaggerating here, but hey, miss you!)
I suppose you'll be ending your exams soon... Er, so i heard about the conflicting news reports about some examination answers begin posted on the net. Hope that does not affect you... Though it was for accounting students.
HAHAha, was laughing about your lack of brain cells. Aw, don't worry. In fact, your neurons should be working better after examinations!
We shall meet up okokok...?
1.
It is very depressing to hear of people dying, as of late.
I know people have been dying all over already for the longest time, but recently, i guess it has hit home and i've been keeping with the news.
First, collapse of the Nicoll Highway, Second, the collapse at the worksite at Fusionpolis and Now, the stabbing of a sales assistant at West Mall on saturday.
A SHOPPING MALL, mind you! With a whole concentration of people in an enclosed area. Not that he was a mad man, but the fact that he did it in full view of the public!
It was reported that the suspect, or rather, the murderer (oh please, as much as the "innocent until proven guilty" thing says... ) was loitering around on friday itself.
He RETURNED to complete the abhorrent deed the next day. That means that he had a day to sleep over the decision.
What does that say?
Murder was on his mind already.
For how long, only the assailant REALLY knows.
2.
What do you think of guys who switch focus of affection in less than a few weeks, plus, to a person he never felt for before.
Jerk... or simply Starved...
They should never be allowed to breed, for the sake of future generations of womankind.
3.
I felt that i had accomplished enough work on wednesday, so i decided to give myself a little break on thursday.
Not much of a break really. But just some fresh air.
Well then again, not quite.
*sigh*
I really must try to let loose sometimes.
You see, i do not go out unless i have a reason to. I must have something to accomplish. I don't see myself going out just to "hang out".
TO me, i don't find it possible.
IF anything, the closest it would get would be... If i go out for the purpose of EXPLORING. So that means walking around withOUT a particular direction in mind, BUT doing so for the purpose of DISCOVERY.
Anyway, yeah. I went out on thursday to top up the bus card.
After which, i walked by Macs towards the bus stop.
Being deprived of late, of fast food and especially fries, i decided to indulge.
The real point of this, is this.
As i sat, like just one of the many random people who sit along the walkway on tiled seating outside Bestway, i noticed an old lady opposite me.
Now, she was eating "gao luck" (pronounced as such but not sure of real spelling).
With her, were a few filled NTUC bags.
As i am munching on my fries, she was munching on her chestnuts.
And i thought:
- Look at the different things we are eating.
Not to generalize for sure. But me, from the generation of fast food. Her, the older generation enjoying the treats from the past.
- How would i be like when i get to her age?
- *reflects on way of life and lifestyle, how blessed i am, how unstable my life is, how i have not achieved very much*
Then i think.
- Would i be able to support my family next time? (if i would be so... -hm, privileged? subjective- to have a family)
- Would i end up just being a person who toils and toils in a low paying job, living a less comfortable life than i have now?
Though i might have everything i need now, that does not mean i will be living in the same luxury in future.
- She looks contented with where she is and what she was doing. Where will i be at her age? Can i live contentedly too?
And so the bottom line is this:
I am going to make sure my kids get all the things i have now. I am not seriously deprived, i was never ill treated, i have been blessed from the day i was born.
But it scares me too, that my life is in its beginning stages and if i do not get my qualifications, it is going to be difficult to survive in a society such as ours.
Some people still make it despite the odds. But me? I have been too sheltered and spoonfed.
If i will be thrown into such a situation... God Help. I won't be able to cope on my own.
4.
Made a trip to safra on friday with coach. Not many compound bows to choose from.
Safra had a couple of Mathews, a PSE, and a Darton, i think.
Coach has a better idea. I have to decide on whether i want to take up that idea.
But anyway... i have made my choice.
I have decided to join the national training team.
I hope that in time, i will gain the full support of my family, my friends and potential team mates.
This is a slightly life altering decision.
I do not feel that i am not at peace with my decision.
I guess i feel pretty all right about it after making my decision.
But the thing that unsettles me is fear of what's COMING.
I suppose that is natural for any newbie.
5.
How would you feel if BOTH your parents take on a mission trip to a country that is a ticking time bomb?
"Trust God", we all think.
It is hard... :-(
6.
Recently, we thought that our beloved dog Jed was having asthma attacks.
Brought him to the vet and discovered that the "attacks" he was having were called "Reverse Sneezing".
That is when he "forgets" how to function and starts warping himself up.
Happens when they get excited or... it just happens as and when.
It is common among dogs actually.
My previous dog had the same problem.
But now that we know what that is, i am wondering what exactly took his life.
In his last hours, he had a breathing problem.
It was a strange affliction that took him within 1-2 days.
We didn't want Jed to leave us the same way Prints (last dog) did.
Jed is a spoilt little brat. Everyone loves and hates him at the same time.
He's a devilish angel, all packaged in a small frame.
He has destroyed 1 and a 1/2 drawers and a few pieces of wooden furniture.
He:
1. looks like a dog
2. eats like a pig
3. climbs like a mountain goat
4. jumps like a kangeroo
5. Trots like a hackney pony
6. probably barks louder than a German Sheppard
7. mad as a hat
8. mischievous as a monkey
9. steals like a well trained bandit
10. has a personality bigger than himself and big enough to embarrass a dog thrice his size.
11. Probably "suffers" from "i'm a Doberman" complex too. (haha)
I could go on and on and on about his exploits around the house.
If not for the charges we'd be slapped with by the law, we would've thrown him out the window already.
Aiya... but that's just how Miniature Pinschers are.
Too big for their little paws.
7.
Been raining for the past few hours.
It's SUNDAY! My ARCHERY DAY!
BLAH... I've not left the house yet as i'm waiting for a good time. I hope that just because the west end of Singapore might have ended its share of the downpour, the east will start its downpour.
That's the whole problem with outdoor sports and being in Singapore.
The friggin' weather.
Ok. Gotta go.
Ta-ta all.
Always appreciate visitors. :-)
Till Then.
*Joline needs Discipline*
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Positivity
Alwyn:
Thanks a lot. I have to figure that one out though. Think long and hard over it.
6 days a week! Really no joke.
And old man doesn't like the sound of it now that they have changed it.
*** ***
There was a woman. Young she is, 36.
I believe she was living a life of her own. Successful, yuppie type of lifestyle. Being able to travel, work abroad, with a pretty decent job.
But one day she awoke to find that she had a monstrous headache that wouldn't go away.
And her colleagues would visit her everyday to see how she was faring but it got no better.
When she went to see the doctor in New York, where she was based at, she discovered that she had some nerve and vein problems in her brain.
In addition, she had also suffered a stroke. A 4cm by 4cm clot in her brain was detected.
She could not fly back immediately to Singapore as it was too dangerous.
When she did return, she lived her life as though it was a dream. Her balanced was messed up, her right side of her body was impaired because of the clot in her left brain.
There was so many things she could no longer do.
The extent of the damage was something no one should go through.
She kept telling her friends... "Wake me up, Wake me up from this dream..."
Her world was nothing like what it used to be.
Anyhow, then a friend brought her to a place where people could help.
In a few months (2-3 months or so), a miracle happened.
She woke up one morning to find that she felt... Different.
She felt, something was different about her today. She felt... something had CHANGED.
She knew her doctor told her that she should not swim unless she had someone to watch over her.
But guess what.
She went downstairs to the pool and jumped in. And SHE SWAM.
She swam, and swam BETTER than she did before the incident.
The doctor told her that the clot was to take at least 6 months to clear.
But no.
She was HEALED!
Even the doctor was astounded.
*** ***
And last week, she was in church to tell us all about it.
When she came forward, she said, "I can't even believe that i was ever sick!"
She was born into a christian family but left the church for 15-20years.
But that day, things changed for her. And she is now a living testimony that God heals.
Even though she had strayed, God still loved her and healed her when she decided to return to the Father.
She knows that God is trying to tell her something.
The place that her friend brought her to, was the Healing Rooms, it is so named.
It is a ministry in our church that serves to open doors to people who need healing from their ailments.
She is not the only one who has experienced healing through the power of God.
*** ***
The Lord never turns away someone who sincerely comes crying back to Him.
He does not gloat, He never rejects, He never drives away.
Instead, He welcomes with open, loving arms.
Just like in the story of the Prodigal Son.
In life, God needs to throw something at us before we realize or learn anything.
We are like repeats of the Isrealites back in history.
God had to teach and discipline the people that He loved.
And that is how we are like to Him today.
*** ***
I love japanese rice.
With the seasoning and stuff.
(the sesame seeds, seaweed, and other whatnots that are brown in colour but tastes good)
Mom made a new pot of it this morning. HEAVENLY!
Dump egg, beef/prawns onto the thing and wala!
Ooohh... Yum.
*** ***
Want to get my PDL today.
Hopefully can also summon guts to call up Clint.
*eeekk!!!*
*** ***
Have not been feeling well for the past few days.
Guts have been acting up on me, making me feel miserable and uncomfortable.
Not that i've been puking, but i feel lousy.
Gotta go. Have to get work done if i want to get out today.
Thanks a lot. I have to figure that one out though. Think long and hard over it.
6 days a week! Really no joke.
And old man doesn't like the sound of it now that they have changed it.
*** ***
There was a woman. Young she is, 36.
I believe she was living a life of her own. Successful, yuppie type of lifestyle. Being able to travel, work abroad, with a pretty decent job.
But one day she awoke to find that she had a monstrous headache that wouldn't go away.
And her colleagues would visit her everyday to see how she was faring but it got no better.
When she went to see the doctor in New York, where she was based at, she discovered that she had some nerve and vein problems in her brain.
In addition, she had also suffered a stroke. A 4cm by 4cm clot in her brain was detected.
She could not fly back immediately to Singapore as it was too dangerous.
When she did return, she lived her life as though it was a dream. Her balanced was messed up, her right side of her body was impaired because of the clot in her left brain.
There was so many things she could no longer do.
The extent of the damage was something no one should go through.
She kept telling her friends... "Wake me up, Wake me up from this dream..."
Her world was nothing like what it used to be.
Anyhow, then a friend brought her to a place where people could help.
In a few months (2-3 months or so), a miracle happened.
She woke up one morning to find that she felt... Different.
She felt, something was different about her today. She felt... something had CHANGED.
She knew her doctor told her that she should not swim unless she had someone to watch over her.
But guess what.
She went downstairs to the pool and jumped in. And SHE SWAM.
She swam, and swam BETTER than she did before the incident.
The doctor told her that the clot was to take at least 6 months to clear.
But no.
She was HEALED!
Even the doctor was astounded.
*** ***
And last week, she was in church to tell us all about it.
When she came forward, she said, "I can't even believe that i was ever sick!"
She was born into a christian family but left the church for 15-20years.
But that day, things changed for her. And she is now a living testimony that God heals.
Even though she had strayed, God still loved her and healed her when she decided to return to the Father.
She knows that God is trying to tell her something.
The place that her friend brought her to, was the Healing Rooms, it is so named.
It is a ministry in our church that serves to open doors to people who need healing from their ailments.
She is not the only one who has experienced healing through the power of God.
*** ***
The Lord never turns away someone who sincerely comes crying back to Him.
He does not gloat, He never rejects, He never drives away.
Instead, He welcomes with open, loving arms.
Just like in the story of the Prodigal Son.
In life, God needs to throw something at us before we realize or learn anything.
We are like repeats of the Isrealites back in history.
God had to teach and discipline the people that He loved.
And that is how we are like to Him today.
*** ***
I love japanese rice.
With the seasoning and stuff.
(the sesame seeds, seaweed, and other whatnots that are brown in colour but tastes good)
Mom made a new pot of it this morning. HEAVENLY!
Dump egg, beef/prawns onto the thing and wala!
Ooohh... Yum.
*** ***
Want to get my PDL today.
Hopefully can also summon guts to call up Clint.
*eeekk!!!*
*** ***
Have not been feeling well for the past few days.
Guts have been acting up on me, making me feel miserable and uncomfortable.
Not that i've been puking, but i feel lousy.
Gotta go. Have to get work done if i want to get out today.
Monday, April 26, 2004
Hmmm.....
Been having a slightly quieter time.
Could be quieter. I wish it so.
I need some peace to gather myself together, quieten my mind, calm my heart and control my emotions.
*** ***
Went to the outdoor range yesterday from 1pm till 6pm. HA.
And my mom tagged along throughout the whole 5 hours. I must contragulate her on her perserverence.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Reading the papers from cover to cover in the shade but in the HEAT.
I hope NOW she believes that i can REALLY shoot for 5 hours non-stop in the heat and sun.
And it is not as if i escape somewhere to meet my secret taleban boyfriend.
*rolls eyes*
My dad and mom got to meet Simon and Clint.
My dad believes he was being sweet talked into letting me join the team.
I agree.
Buttered me up like dunno wad. Embarrassing lor.
Anyway, i did ok even with mom and Simon around. I guess i am moving on.
Not as scared as before.
Groupings were better this week than last week. Still inconsistent.
But i can safely say that when it is inconsistent, it's not horribly off. It's like, in red or blue.
State of mind and body, i suppose.
I had one bull's eye! YAY!
I started archery in march and i guess progress is not too bad. Considering i only go once a week.
HA.
I have learnt that training is everyday, cept monday.
Not 4 times per week.
My old man does NOT like that.
CRUD. I've been wondering and worrying about whether i can handle it.
I've learnt of two girls in NUS who have not decided whether to join either.
ARGH.
My form still sucks big time.
*chuckle*
Then, i am suppose to call Clint to make a trip to SAFRA. ARGH.
This is a super tough decision.
LORD, help me.
My life is yours, my days are yours.
Have it YOUR way.
Could be quieter. I wish it so.
I need some peace to gather myself together, quieten my mind, calm my heart and control my emotions.
*** ***
Went to the outdoor range yesterday from 1pm till 6pm. HA.
And my mom tagged along throughout the whole 5 hours. I must contragulate her on her perserverence.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Reading the papers from cover to cover in the shade but in the HEAT.
I hope NOW she believes that i can REALLY shoot for 5 hours non-stop in the heat and sun.
And it is not as if i escape somewhere to meet my secret taleban boyfriend.
*rolls eyes*
My dad and mom got to meet Simon and Clint.
My dad believes he was being sweet talked into letting me join the team.
I agree.
Buttered me up like dunno wad. Embarrassing lor.
Anyway, i did ok even with mom and Simon around. I guess i am moving on.
Not as scared as before.
Groupings were better this week than last week. Still inconsistent.
But i can safely say that when it is inconsistent, it's not horribly off. It's like, in red or blue.
State of mind and body, i suppose.
I had one bull's eye! YAY!
I started archery in march and i guess progress is not too bad. Considering i only go once a week.
HA.
I have learnt that training is everyday, cept monday.
Not 4 times per week.
My old man does NOT like that.
CRUD. I've been wondering and worrying about whether i can handle it.
I've learnt of two girls in NUS who have not decided whether to join either.
ARGH.
My form still sucks big time.
*chuckle*
Then, i am suppose to call Clint to make a trip to SAFRA. ARGH.
This is a super tough decision.
LORD, help me.
My life is yours, my days are yours.
Have it YOUR way.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Life
Life is an interesting thing.
So many experiences.
Time holds so much that can occur. Just within that space.
Then you think of how much more of life you have.
You meet some, you lose some.
You think of how comprehensive it all is.
I know so little. I have experienced so little.
It takes guts to step out.
My cooped up protective life shields me.
Count me blessed or cursed.
Most would say blessed.
I guess life would resume back to "normal".
But with a huge wound that needs to heal. And i will live with the scar.
Life would go back to how Joline once saw it.
School, JC friends, church, archery.
Carefree except for school work.
Relationship? What is that?
Joline will have no more emotional responsibilities.
It is empty.
But at the back of her mind, she knows he still lingers.
She does not know how and what.
She just wants to be alone. To be alone. To heal.
So new, all these.
All part of Life.
Onward Christian Soldier!
*** ***
Clint called to say to come check out a compound bow.
Second hand but very new. $1100. Was told only used once.
Includes: arrow rest, scope and sight and case.
Excludes: stabilizer, arrows and trigger. Prolly the arm guard also.
The scope itself costs a bomb. Can be up to $500, if it's from the brand Sure-Loc.
So, the bare bow itself really doesn't cost very much. That's IF it is a Sure-Loc sight.
Will be poking around tomorrow.
Having to juggle school and potential archery training is something of a daunting task.
The more i think of it, the more i feel afraid.
But i know that if i continue being afraid of being challenged, my kind of life and mentality is useless to me.
I cannot be wallowing away at home, taking my own sweet time.
Sure, my grades have been coming back, making me grin from ear to ear.
But i had so much time, no challenges.
Add some funk.
It is going to help me to focus more, make better use of my time.
To stop dreaming, getting it going on.
Recent events have made me turn to God more and i think i will finally get up and find a cell group.
Priorities.
God, School, Archery and er... (dd..r..r....iiii...vv....ing...) *shudder*
Can i handle it?
Training will take up 4 days per week.
I know that when i focus, i can get things done. (school work)
The side effects are just acute exhaustion after that.
But if that's what it is going to take. So Be It.
I was psychologically psyched up to prove i could achieve some time ago. But the drive has lessened into doubt.
I feel less sure of being able to prove myself.
But i think once i start getting into the groove, i will be fine.
*** ***
It was a desire, within me, to do something for the republic.
Ever since i stepped onto he field, i've tried to keep God in mind.
I am wondering if this path was opened to me because God decided upon it.
I fear that at some point, i will step away from God's agenda. That, i do not want.
I want to cling onto Him. Every step of the way.
So many experiences.
Time holds so much that can occur. Just within that space.
Then you think of how much more of life you have.
You meet some, you lose some.
You think of how comprehensive it all is.
I know so little. I have experienced so little.
It takes guts to step out.
My cooped up protective life shields me.
Count me blessed or cursed.
Most would say blessed.
I guess life would resume back to "normal".
But with a huge wound that needs to heal. And i will live with the scar.
Life would go back to how Joline once saw it.
School, JC friends, church, archery.
Carefree except for school work.
Relationship? What is that?
Joline will have no more emotional responsibilities.
It is empty.
But at the back of her mind, she knows he still lingers.
She does not know how and what.
She just wants to be alone. To be alone. To heal.
So new, all these.
All part of Life.
Onward Christian Soldier!
*** ***
Clint called to say to come check out a compound bow.
Second hand but very new. $1100. Was told only used once.
Includes: arrow rest, scope and sight and case.
Excludes: stabilizer, arrows and trigger. Prolly the arm guard also.
The scope itself costs a bomb. Can be up to $500, if it's from the brand Sure-Loc.
So, the bare bow itself really doesn't cost very much. That's IF it is a Sure-Loc sight.
Will be poking around tomorrow.
Having to juggle school and potential archery training is something of a daunting task.
The more i think of it, the more i feel afraid.
But i know that if i continue being afraid of being challenged, my kind of life and mentality is useless to me.
I cannot be wallowing away at home, taking my own sweet time.
Sure, my grades have been coming back, making me grin from ear to ear.
But i had so much time, no challenges.
Add some funk.
It is going to help me to focus more, make better use of my time.
To stop dreaming, getting it going on.
Recent events have made me turn to God more and i think i will finally get up and find a cell group.
Priorities.
God, School, Archery and er... (dd..r..r....iiii...vv....ing...) *shudder*
Can i handle it?
Training will take up 4 days per week.
I know that when i focus, i can get things done. (school work)
The side effects are just acute exhaustion after that.
But if that's what it is going to take. So Be It.
I was psychologically psyched up to prove i could achieve some time ago. But the drive has lessened into doubt.
I feel less sure of being able to prove myself.
But i think once i start getting into the groove, i will be fine.
*** ***
It was a desire, within me, to do something for the republic.
Ever since i stepped onto he field, i've tried to keep God in mind.
I am wondering if this path was opened to me because God decided upon it.
I fear that at some point, i will step away from God's agenda. That, i do not want.
I want to cling onto Him. Every step of the way.
PAIN
The truth was revealed in the most terrible manner.
Cold fear gripped my heart.
Tears flowed as i spoke.
Now only pain stabs my heart.
The pain of lost, the pain of suspicion and mistrust.
I have NEVER, EVER felt like this.
To have had feelings but, before anything could happen, future has been snuffed out.
Parental disapproval.
PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN.
ACHE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am dumb, hurt, silenced.
I can only cry softly to God.
Or wail.
But that would bring my whole confounded family on me like a pack of hounds.
Twisting, pining, numb, ache.
Mistrust, suspicion, reflection.
ALONE.
Pain.
That pretty much sums up everything.
My eyes hurt from crying.
The music playing in the background is the only thing keeping me sane.
Thank God tomorrow's saturday. Church.
OH LORD MY GOD, HELP.
Cold fear gripped my heart.
Tears flowed as i spoke.
Now only pain stabs my heart.
The pain of lost, the pain of suspicion and mistrust.
I have NEVER, EVER felt like this.
To have had feelings but, before anything could happen, future has been snuffed out.
Parental disapproval.
PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN.
ACHE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am dumb, hurt, silenced.
I can only cry softly to God.
Or wail.
But that would bring my whole confounded family on me like a pack of hounds.
Twisting, pining, numb, ache.
Mistrust, suspicion, reflection.
ALONE.
Pain.
That pretty much sums up everything.
My eyes hurt from crying.
The music playing in the background is the only thing keeping me sane.
Thank God tomorrow's saturday. Church.
OH LORD MY GOD, HELP.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Listening to "Firm Foundation" (kinda ironic, considering recent occurrences)
May the Lord have His way in my life.
Let me not fight for what I want but follow instead His agenda.
Remind me to depend fully upon the Lord.
Let me cling onto His every word, His every will for my life.
Help me to trust You completely.
*** ***
Question:
How do you know when something that is staring in your face is part of God's plan?
Easy answer: Pray.
Question:
How do you differentiate between thoughts and God's voice?
Answer: When God speaks, you will know.
Question:
What if you don't get a response?
Answer: Er... Wait? Continue praying... i guess.
Such instances make life quite hard. When you are feeling lost and are relying on God, somehow... It seems all quiet up there.
*** ***
The collapse of Nicoll Highway came as a full shock.
No more can we go on thinking that nothing can happen to us.
Who would have thought that this would happen in good old Singapore, the highly successful island, with first class facilities. (well, mostly)
Like many have said, it is a miracle that no passenger vehicles on the highway sunk along with the highway.
Furthermore, workers who were working were "partially saved" as they were having a break during the collapse.
It is like this email i received.
It's entitled the Small Things.
I'm not sure about the reliability of the email but you can never be sure that it is lying either.
It speaks of how some people were spared death during the 9/11 attack.
For example,
1. My kid got sick so i had to bring her to the doctor
2. I tripped over a stone and twisted my ankle so i couldn't get to work on time...
...
That sort of thing.
It's these little "ANNOYING" things in life that may actually have spared us our lives.
I stand by the fact that nothing ever happens by chance.
*** ***
I have a very bored pet dog in my room.
He's telling me, in doggy language, to play with him.
But i am typing out a blog entry and attempting to crank out a good psychology essay.
*** ***
What is Love?
I shall go check out the Bible's definition.
And make a check list for the feelings i have.
*** ***
Apparently, one of the archers i was introduced to on sunday found me on Friendster. And he knows... Pdus! Cool.
Got to go.
Till Then.
*Will someone PLEASE sell me your compound bow?*
Let me not fight for what I want but follow instead His agenda.
Remind me to depend fully upon the Lord.
Let me cling onto His every word, His every will for my life.
Help me to trust You completely.
*** ***
Question:
How do you know when something that is staring in your face is part of God's plan?
Easy answer: Pray.
Question:
How do you differentiate between thoughts and God's voice?
Answer: When God speaks, you will know.
Question:
What if you don't get a response?
Answer: Er... Wait? Continue praying... i guess.
Such instances make life quite hard. When you are feeling lost and are relying on God, somehow... It seems all quiet up there.
*** ***
The collapse of Nicoll Highway came as a full shock.
No more can we go on thinking that nothing can happen to us.
Who would have thought that this would happen in good old Singapore, the highly successful island, with first class facilities. (well, mostly)
Like many have said, it is a miracle that no passenger vehicles on the highway sunk along with the highway.
Furthermore, workers who were working were "partially saved" as they were having a break during the collapse.
It is like this email i received.
It's entitled the Small Things.
I'm not sure about the reliability of the email but you can never be sure that it is lying either.
It speaks of how some people were spared death during the 9/11 attack.
For example,
1. My kid got sick so i had to bring her to the doctor
2. I tripped over a stone and twisted my ankle so i couldn't get to work on time...
...
That sort of thing.
It's these little "ANNOYING" things in life that may actually have spared us our lives.
I stand by the fact that nothing ever happens by chance.
*** ***
I have a very bored pet dog in my room.
He's telling me, in doggy language, to play with him.
But i am typing out a blog entry and attempting to crank out a good psychology essay.
*** ***
What is Love?
I shall go check out the Bible's definition.
And make a check list for the feelings i have.
*** ***
Apparently, one of the archers i was introduced to on sunday found me on Friendster. And he knows... Pdus! Cool.
Got to go.
Till Then.
*Will someone PLEASE sell me your compound bow?*
Monday, April 19, 2004
Whoopee...
First and Foremost:
1. Friend has decided to return back to Christ!!!!!!!! OH!!!! HOOHOOHOH!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!
AHH!!!!!!!!!!
2. Thank you all for responding to the previous entry, both in comments and sms. It is really nice to know that you care. What will i do without you. *BIG HUG TO ALL*
I really appreciate it.
3. There was more to it then plain rejection.
*** ***
Things have FINALLY settled down and i hope and PRAY that it's going to stay this way.
I am too tired to carry on arguing and fighting. It doesn't help too that sms can be such a pain.
Sms is like the most discrete form of communication. Especially good when you have parents like mine.
My parents are PROTECTIVE, can be overreactive like potassium in water (is that correct? My chemistry all give back to Mr Paul Cheong already), they are CONSERVATIVE, TRADITIONAL, a bit the CLOSED-MINDED.
Hello... I have a friend who has a mom who,
1. likes him to drink, YES, DRINK ALCOHOL with her. And NO, she is NOT WACKO.
2. dyed his hair FOR him. I think it was... orange.
What a difference.
*** ***
I watched "The Passion of the Christ" on saturday.
I was prepared for a gory, violent show.
I can't say i shed tears enough to feed my dog.
In fact, i didn't really feel emotionally stirred at all.
Am i heartless and insensitive?
I am actually.
But I also say it has something to do with the expectation prior to the show.
But what it HAS done for me though, is this:
It served to me as a reminder that
God is REAL.
God LOVES us.
And just LOOOOK at him. So obedient, patient and kind.
Gentle, like a little lamb.
Do you think any human today will go through all that for his friends, without uttering a curse at least once?
NO!
What Love is This?
God's Love.
God IS Love.
Isn't that such a wonderful truth?
Our lives are in no better hands.
If you think Christians are insane to let their lives be controlled by some unseen force/spirit...
Well, apparently, this unseen force/spirit is very very very caring and loving.
How can we not trust such a being to take care of us.
Of late, because of QT being done in the mornings, i can safely say that i'm beginning to love spending time with God. It wasn't like this some time ago.
By the way, listening to Christian music when one is down is a sure remedy to calm and soothe the soul.
What better way to seek solace.
Everytime there's turmoil, you know someone is there to help.
He works in mysterious ways...
Ah... Bliss in God.
*** ***
Finished church service today, had lunch with family and god bro and his mom.
THEN LEFT FOR ARCHERY!!!!!!!
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF IT!
I was there from 1:05pm to 6:36pm. ( i remembered the log in and out time)
WA. I got sunburnt and thus "earned my strips" as an archer.
Have got these super obvious untanned lines.
My calves are darker then my white chicken thighs. ( was wearing berms)
My face is red with sun kissed splotches.
Very unglam looking tan. Hahahhaa...
My favourite part of the day.
When my shooting kaki and i decided to have some fun at 30m. WOOOTT!
Before he came, i was having my own practice at 18-20m. I must say i've improved lots. And i feel so contented.
Actually had all 5-6 arrows in yellow. And this regular while walking by, gave me some encouragement! *beams*
So when my kaki came, i felt confident enough to move on to 30m. (Simon and Frankie weren't around... So, play around a bit LAH!)
And goodness!!! It started out really funny because we were hitting targets all right... NOT OUR OWN ! We kept shooting into each others targets without meaning to. Which were next to each other. Teeheehee, had so much fun laughing at each other.
But of course, things got better after adjusting the sights.
I'm so happy... I didn't lose any arrows and i managed to hit yellows!
VERY INCONSISTENT though. Some were probably flukes but overall, not bad for a 30m stint, PLUS, the targets were not the regular size ones. They were smaller.
Oh.
And i spoke to the National Coach, Clint.
He says that he'll be looking around for a 2nd hand Compound for me and he says he hopes to see me around soon training with the national team.
*uh........*
Suddenly the thought of it seems almost dreamlike. Unreal.
I was introduced to two national team shooters. Pretty young guys, methinks. Younger than me, at least.
I could hardly remember their names.
But one of them remembered mine.
Was quite shocked when he said goodbye to me before jumped into the car and left.
Everyone seems to be chinese speaking, and there i was, some chinese illiterate. Pathetic.
My parents didn't believe that i was shooting at the range the whole time.
They thought i galavented somewhere.
See how neurotic they are.
Hello, Joline LOVES ARCHERY... why'd she go anywhere...?
I'm back with a
1. remarkably uneven tan,
2. red face,
3. aching right shoulder joint
4. bruises on my left arm.
5. two tingling right fingers. (i need a good finger tab...)
FOR THE LOVE OF THE SPORT!
Till Then
*The Heart Sings.*
1. Friend has decided to return back to Christ!!!!!!!! OH!!!! HOOHOOHOH!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!
AHH!!!!!!!!!!
2. Thank you all for responding to the previous entry, both in comments and sms. It is really nice to know that you care. What will i do without you. *BIG HUG TO ALL*
I really appreciate it.
3. There was more to it then plain rejection.
*** ***
Things have FINALLY settled down and i hope and PRAY that it's going to stay this way.
I am too tired to carry on arguing and fighting. It doesn't help too that sms can be such a pain.
Sms is like the most discrete form of communication. Especially good when you have parents like mine.
My parents are PROTECTIVE, can be overreactive like potassium in water (is that correct? My chemistry all give back to Mr Paul Cheong already), they are CONSERVATIVE, TRADITIONAL, a bit the CLOSED-MINDED.
Hello... I have a friend who has a mom who,
1. likes him to drink, YES, DRINK ALCOHOL with her. And NO, she is NOT WACKO.
2. dyed his hair FOR him. I think it was... orange.
What a difference.
*** ***
I watched "The Passion of the Christ" on saturday.
I was prepared for a gory, violent show.
I can't say i shed tears enough to feed my dog.
In fact, i didn't really feel emotionally stirred at all.
Am i heartless and insensitive?
I am actually.
But I also say it has something to do with the expectation prior to the show.
But what it HAS done for me though, is this:
It served to me as a reminder that
God is REAL.
God LOVES us.
And just LOOOOK at him. So obedient, patient and kind.
Gentle, like a little lamb.
Do you think any human today will go through all that for his friends, without uttering a curse at least once?
NO!
What Love is This?
God's Love.
God IS Love.
Isn't that such a wonderful truth?
Our lives are in no better hands.
If you think Christians are insane to let their lives be controlled by some unseen force/spirit...
Well, apparently, this unseen force/spirit is very very very caring and loving.
How can we not trust such a being to take care of us.
Of late, because of QT being done in the mornings, i can safely say that i'm beginning to love spending time with God. It wasn't like this some time ago.
By the way, listening to Christian music when one is down is a sure remedy to calm and soothe the soul.
What better way to seek solace.
Everytime there's turmoil, you know someone is there to help.
He works in mysterious ways...
Ah... Bliss in God.
*** ***
Finished church service today, had lunch with family and god bro and his mom.
THEN LEFT FOR ARCHERY!!!!!!!
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF IT!
I was there from 1:05pm to 6:36pm. ( i remembered the log in and out time)
WA. I got sunburnt and thus "earned my strips" as an archer.
Have got these super obvious untanned lines.
My calves are darker then my white chicken thighs. ( was wearing berms)
My face is red with sun kissed splotches.
Very unglam looking tan. Hahahhaa...
My favourite part of the day.
When my shooting kaki and i decided to have some fun at 30m. WOOOTT!
Before he came, i was having my own practice at 18-20m. I must say i've improved lots. And i feel so contented.
Actually had all 5-6 arrows in yellow. And this regular while walking by, gave me some encouragement! *beams*
So when my kaki came, i felt confident enough to move on to 30m. (Simon and Frankie weren't around... So, play around a bit LAH!)
And goodness!!! It started out really funny because we were hitting targets all right... NOT OUR OWN ! We kept shooting into each others targets without meaning to. Which were next to each other. Teeheehee, had so much fun laughing at each other.
But of course, things got better after adjusting the sights.
I'm so happy... I didn't lose any arrows and i managed to hit yellows!
VERY INCONSISTENT though. Some were probably flukes but overall, not bad for a 30m stint, PLUS, the targets were not the regular size ones. They were smaller.
Oh.
And i spoke to the National Coach, Clint.
He says that he'll be looking around for a 2nd hand Compound for me and he says he hopes to see me around soon training with the national team.
*uh........*
Suddenly the thought of it seems almost dreamlike. Unreal.
I was introduced to two national team shooters. Pretty young guys, methinks. Younger than me, at least.
I could hardly remember their names.
But one of them remembered mine.
Was quite shocked when he said goodbye to me before jumped into the car and left.
Everyone seems to be chinese speaking, and there i was, some chinese illiterate. Pathetic.
My parents didn't believe that i was shooting at the range the whole time.
They thought i galavented somewhere.
See how neurotic they are.
Hello, Joline LOVES ARCHERY... why'd she go anywhere...?
I'm back with a
1. remarkably uneven tan,
2. red face,
3. aching right shoulder joint
4. bruises on my left arm.
5. two tingling right fingers. (i need a good finger tab...)
FOR THE LOVE OF THE SPORT!
Till Then
*The Heart Sings.*
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Sad.
I hate doing this.
And this is the second time it has happened.
I hate rejection and i hate to reject.
The hurt in my heart is mirrored in the other party's.
But his hurt is a few times mine.
I do not wish to boast. I do not want to come across as a braggart.
Am just feeling SO DARN MISERABLE.
Imagine someone hurting BECAUSE of you. Who ever likes to make ANYONE hurt? (apart from out of spite/revenge)
This is downright cruel. But i had no choice.
All i wanted to do was to help.
Why.
Why.
Why.
The human soul.
The human emotions.
The human body.
All Broken.
Love. Such a word.
So much joy, so much pain.
OH LORD HELP!
Be his solace and mine.
If he would only open his heart to hear.
And this is the second time it has happened.
I hate rejection and i hate to reject.
The hurt in my heart is mirrored in the other party's.
But his hurt is a few times mine.
I do not wish to boast. I do not want to come across as a braggart.
Am just feeling SO DARN MISERABLE.
Imagine someone hurting BECAUSE of you. Who ever likes to make ANYONE hurt? (apart from out of spite/revenge)
This is downright cruel. But i had no choice.
All i wanted to do was to help.
Why.
Why.
Why.
The human soul.
The human emotions.
The human body.
All Broken.
Love. Such a word.
So much joy, so much pain.
OH LORD HELP!
Be his solace and mine.
If he would only open his heart to hear.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Out of Hand...
Alwyn:
Thanks Alwyn. I agree with you and been trying to act on your advice.
It sure is comforting to receive advice from a fellow Christian, and better still, someone who's been there and done that.
Not long ago, our church gave us 2 little booklets.
One book was on how to tell people about Christ after watching "Godspell".
The other book was one which we're suppose to give out as a gospel tract.
I think those two books are invaluable bits of help concerning how to "bring" prebelievers to Christ.
Thank God for them.
Yup. For people who have had negative experiences and aren't receptive, it is best to just treat them with tender loving care, be of good christian character (Thanks Alwyn) and give tracts or things to do with God......
Been trying to be a good friend to him but things have taken a twist.
Use a little imagination and i think you will get my implication.
Have not been feeling as down as a few days ago.
I feel somewhat mercifully detached but still able to be friend. But i have something new and delicate to deal with.
And it's not going to be easy.
Lord God, please help.
***
Went to SAFRA last sunday and discovered that the lady there wasn't the mom of David but they're like... cousins!
(oooohhh!)
The best part is, she's in the national team. And in the women's compound team.
WOOT!
She was telling me that the national team needs to train up more women compound bow shooters. No surprises there.
Gladly...
I got a bull's eye at 18m! WOO!!!
With compound, it's easier.
Got to go.
Really hope things will come to a rest. A low, constant buzz will be fine.
I can't take roller coaster emotional rides no more.
Till Then.
*Read your bible, Pray everyday. You will grow, grow, grow...*
Thanks Alwyn. I agree with you and been trying to act on your advice.
It sure is comforting to receive advice from a fellow Christian, and better still, someone who's been there and done that.
Not long ago, our church gave us 2 little booklets.
One book was on how to tell people about Christ after watching "Godspell".
The other book was one which we're suppose to give out as a gospel tract.
I think those two books are invaluable bits of help concerning how to "bring" prebelievers to Christ.
Thank God for them.
Yup. For people who have had negative experiences and aren't receptive, it is best to just treat them with tender loving care, be of good christian character (Thanks Alwyn) and give tracts or things to do with God......
Been trying to be a good friend to him but things have taken a twist.
Use a little imagination and i think you will get my implication.
Have not been feeling as down as a few days ago.
I feel somewhat mercifully detached but still able to be friend. But i have something new and delicate to deal with.
And it's not going to be easy.
Lord God, please help.
***
Went to SAFRA last sunday and discovered that the lady there wasn't the mom of David but they're like... cousins!
(oooohhh!)
The best part is, she's in the national team. And in the women's compound team.
WOOT!
She was telling me that the national team needs to train up more women compound bow shooters. No surprises there.
Gladly...
I got a bull's eye at 18m! WOO!!!
With compound, it's easier.
Got to go.
Really hope things will come to a rest. A low, constant buzz will be fine.
I can't take roller coaster emotional rides no more.
Till Then.
*Read your bible, Pray everyday. You will grow, grow, grow...*
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Please pardon my evil twin.
Although i think she has made a point i might probably choose to make use of at some point in time.
Ever felt weird because you were trying to tell someone about God even though you had issues with Him yourself?
Last night was as such.
Just cannot begin to express how broken i feel inside. (let's use "X" to denote someone i know)
X is someone i just met recently and X has been sharing with me quite appalling things from his past and present life. It is a wonder how he is able to carry on daily life without going totally insane.
X isn't all that young so that would mean he has been going through some pretty "good" crap.
His situation is unspeakably awful. I can only DESCRIBE the sadness of it all but i cannot go into details.
Those of you out there who might be going through a rough patch or have gone through some, might want to consider speaking to him.
You will not only realize that you're not alone, but there're some people whose situations can be far worse.
Was trying to tell him how God can change his life. God can turn it all around, from something so bad to something good. When God is in the middle, He can turn great sadness into a great testimony.
But there was no way i could persuade him. I don't believe in forcing God down a person's throat. I can't change his mind. I can only tell him but only he can change his own mind.
He's been through so much. I can only nod and say "i understand"... but i never really will. The pain of his predicament is just too great for sheltered-me to comprehend.
Felt terrible that here i was, a christian, trying to tell someone about God, but never having felt the fullness of God at all.
If i were a psychologist or psychiatrist hearing of his problems, WITHOUT having developed a friendship, it wouldn't have such an impact on me.
When he shares his load, i can feel the burden transferring over to me as well.
I know it should not have this kind of negative effect on me, but it is happening. Am feeling down already.
Was i put in this position for a reason? Well, i believe things don't happen coincidentally.
In addition to the problems, we had an argument. Things are just so complicated.
Just two weeks ago, i was carefree with no notion of someone so in need of help.
This day, i suddenly feel as if i have some responsibility to bear.
HOW CAN I HELP?
He jolly well knows i can't help him, says no one can... and staunchly says not even God can. It hurts to hear the whole thing.
It is tragic that on this Earth, some people just have to endure so much pain and loss.
His spirit is just so worn and tattered from all the stones and barbed ammunition that is constantly being lobbed at him.
I want to just push him away. Push him away so that i needn't feel sad. Push him away so that there's one less worry in life.
But even an idiot would know that that is a selfish, abhorrent thing to do.
But if i were to stick with it, i pray... I really PRAY that GOD would help me endure through it.
It is sucking the life out of me.
I know the real person in need here, is X.
God Help. God, PLEASE Help.
Theoretically, i know God never forsakes his children. But ever felt so far from God?
Perhaps my emotions are getting the better of me.
I should learn to be stronger. Both in mind and in emotion.
Learn to know what should bother me and what should not.
Learn how to partition feelings and thoughts from what's at hand.
Turmoil.
Turmoil.
Turmoil.
Heart is aching.
Although i think she has made a point i might probably choose to make use of at some point in time.
Ever felt weird because you were trying to tell someone about God even though you had issues with Him yourself?
Last night was as such.
Just cannot begin to express how broken i feel inside. (let's use "X" to denote someone i know)
X is someone i just met recently and X has been sharing with me quite appalling things from his past and present life. It is a wonder how he is able to carry on daily life without going totally insane.
X isn't all that young so that would mean he has been going through some pretty "good" crap.
His situation is unspeakably awful. I can only DESCRIBE the sadness of it all but i cannot go into details.
Those of you out there who might be going through a rough patch or have gone through some, might want to consider speaking to him.
You will not only realize that you're not alone, but there're some people whose situations can be far worse.
Was trying to tell him how God can change his life. God can turn it all around, from something so bad to something good. When God is in the middle, He can turn great sadness into a great testimony.
But there was no way i could persuade him. I don't believe in forcing God down a person's throat. I can't change his mind. I can only tell him but only he can change his own mind.
He's been through so much. I can only nod and say "i understand"... but i never really will. The pain of his predicament is just too great for sheltered-me to comprehend.
Felt terrible that here i was, a christian, trying to tell someone about God, but never having felt the fullness of God at all.
If i were a psychologist or psychiatrist hearing of his problems, WITHOUT having developed a friendship, it wouldn't have such an impact on me.
When he shares his load, i can feel the burden transferring over to me as well.
I know it should not have this kind of negative effect on me, but it is happening. Am feeling down already.
Was i put in this position for a reason? Well, i believe things don't happen coincidentally.
In addition to the problems, we had an argument. Things are just so complicated.
Just two weeks ago, i was carefree with no notion of someone so in need of help.
This day, i suddenly feel as if i have some responsibility to bear.
HOW CAN I HELP?
He jolly well knows i can't help him, says no one can... and staunchly says not even God can. It hurts to hear the whole thing.
It is tragic that on this Earth, some people just have to endure so much pain and loss.
His spirit is just so worn and tattered from all the stones and barbed ammunition that is constantly being lobbed at him.
I want to just push him away. Push him away so that i needn't feel sad. Push him away so that there's one less worry in life.
But even an idiot would know that that is a selfish, abhorrent thing to do.
But if i were to stick with it, i pray... I really PRAY that GOD would help me endure through it.
It is sucking the life out of me.
I know the real person in need here, is X.
God Help. God, PLEASE Help.
Theoretically, i know God never forsakes his children. But ever felt so far from God?
Perhaps my emotions are getting the better of me.
I should learn to be stronger. Both in mind and in emotion.
Learn to know what should bother me and what should not.
Learn how to partition feelings and thoughts from what's at hand.
Turmoil.
Turmoil.
Turmoil.
Heart is aching.
Friday, April 09, 2004
Before i ramble.
Happy Good Friday to ALL.
The day where we remember that God came down as a man, Jesus Christ, to take up the world's sins upon himself and die in our place.
We deserved to die. But no.
To Sin is Death, but God loved the world that he gave his own son to die on the cross for sinners like us.
For us to reconcile with God, we must come to Jesus.
We believe not by emotions, but by faith, we believe.
To God be all the Glory.
*** ***
I will not hesitate to say that my grammar has gone down the toilet hole.
Maybe i should fabricate an imaginary friend.
*** ***
I don't know if i should be thankful or mutter.
Ever since that day my family had that Penang Hawker Fair thing at York Hotel, i've been dreaming of yummiliciously tasty prawn mee and palatable oyster omelette.
Have always liked prawn mee but never was too much of a fan of the oyster omelette.
But that dinner changed the latter.
Everything blended together making it taste just... Exquisite.
Note: I'm no food critic. I just like what i like.
I have re-acknowledged the presence of one store at clementi.
I will go and treat myself one of these days...
I've not been to any other place with prawn mee as good as that.
If anything, i've not had prawn mee anywhere.
WOULD ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND (GOOD) PRAWN MEE?
PRAY, PLEASE tell me...
*** ***
It is never safe to go for outdoor archery anymore these days.
I would say that the weather is unpredictable. But, that is... wrongish because most of the time, it rains.
I think the right word is "fickle". Yes, FICKLE.
I can't tell what season it is anymore. It just does what it likes. It's either my mind has deteriorated into a 12 year old's and i can't seem to distinguish anything, or the environment has really been screwed to the point of no regularity.
*** ***
Speaking about my mind. Have noticed that it has gone fuzzy and blurry.
It is as if the unconscious has been working... well, unconsciously behind my... (back?) mind such that when i encounter a problem, my mind REFUSES to think and analyse.
It just REFUSES... like a stubborn donkey.
When i try to think, only fragments of coherent thought would pierce through the fuzz and mist in my mind.
Then soon after, rubbishy memories will start entering my head and then i'll begin to daydream.
It is as if my mind is going right about bonkers. IS MY BRAIN ROTTING???
Only short flows of proper thought will come and then it'll be interrupted shortly.
My spelling ability has also gone down. My ability to analyse has gone down. My attention span is... 35% efficient.
At this point, i am VERY VERY VERY tempted to say something mean.
Anyway, a friend recently told me: "It seems you need to get angry. It's only then that you'll see things through entirely.
So, is my mission to piss you off?"
*sniggers*
*** ***
This is my blog and i am entitled to say what i want.
How it is perceived will be the reader's choice.
Mean, sarcastic, pointless, illogical, one-sided, whatever...
I'm just not being true to myself. Why should i bother whether or not i will get stoned over the net on my own blog.
Joline has a mean streak in her but because of one incident in her life, it made her change a little.
It was once "mean" and "true"/ "partly true" / "not true".
Now, meanness is restricted to, "mean but TRUE".
Think Simon Cowell.
The "mean but TRUE" comments are the only mean things i dare to say to people.
Some people just don't get it and mistake my complete honesty as being mean.
Think Simon Cowell again.
I'm contemplating spewing all things mean. Whatever the permutation.
Why should i mince my words?
Because this is a public diary?
(rhetorical question)
I want to swear freely but i know that i shouldn't.
Not just because it is ugly to see on screen, but it also reflects an ugly side i'd rather not let loose.
As a learning Christian, there're things you just have to abstain from.
Swearing can successfully give angst.
Of course one can wrestle with words in an intelligent manner to give the same angst.
Perhaps swearing is just a shortcut.
*** ***
Ah, evil twin sister is up and about again.
She decided to come out for a bit to stretch.
*** ***
Maybe it's because both she and i are cheesed that we might not be going to the range this weekend.
Happy Good Friday to ALL.
The day where we remember that God came down as a man, Jesus Christ, to take up the world's sins upon himself and die in our place.
We deserved to die. But no.
To Sin is Death, but God loved the world that he gave his own son to die on the cross for sinners like us.
For us to reconcile with God, we must come to Jesus.
We believe not by emotions, but by faith, we believe.
To God be all the Glory.
*** ***
I will not hesitate to say that my grammar has gone down the toilet hole.
Maybe i should fabricate an imaginary friend.
*** ***
I don't know if i should be thankful or mutter.
Ever since that day my family had that Penang Hawker Fair thing at York Hotel, i've been dreaming of yummiliciously tasty prawn mee and palatable oyster omelette.
Have always liked prawn mee but never was too much of a fan of the oyster omelette.
But that dinner changed the latter.
Everything blended together making it taste just... Exquisite.
Note: I'm no food critic. I just like what i like.
I have re-acknowledged the presence of one store at clementi.
I will go and treat myself one of these days...
I've not been to any other place with prawn mee as good as that.
If anything, i've not had prawn mee anywhere.
WOULD ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND (GOOD) PRAWN MEE?
PRAY, PLEASE tell me...
*** ***
It is never safe to go for outdoor archery anymore these days.
I would say that the weather is unpredictable. But, that is... wrongish because most of the time, it rains.
I think the right word is "fickle". Yes, FICKLE.
I can't tell what season it is anymore. It just does what it likes. It's either my mind has deteriorated into a 12 year old's and i can't seem to distinguish anything, or the environment has really been screwed to the point of no regularity.
*** ***
Speaking about my mind. Have noticed that it has gone fuzzy and blurry.
It is as if the unconscious has been working... well, unconsciously behind my... (back?) mind such that when i encounter a problem, my mind REFUSES to think and analyse.
It just REFUSES... like a stubborn donkey.
When i try to think, only fragments of coherent thought would pierce through the fuzz and mist in my mind.
Then soon after, rubbishy memories will start entering my head and then i'll begin to daydream.
It is as if my mind is going right about bonkers. IS MY BRAIN ROTTING???
Only short flows of proper thought will come and then it'll be interrupted shortly.
My spelling ability has also gone down. My ability to analyse has gone down. My attention span is... 35% efficient.
At this point, i am VERY VERY VERY tempted to say something mean.
Anyway, a friend recently told me: "It seems you need to get angry. It's only then that you'll see things through entirely.
So, is my mission to piss you off?"
*sniggers*
*** ***
This is my blog and i am entitled to say what i want.
How it is perceived will be the reader's choice.
Mean, sarcastic, pointless, illogical, one-sided, whatever...
I'm just not being true to myself. Why should i bother whether or not i will get stoned over the net on my own blog.
Joline has a mean streak in her but because of one incident in her life, it made her change a little.
It was once "mean" and "true"/ "partly true" / "not true".
Now, meanness is restricted to, "mean but TRUE".
Think Simon Cowell.
The "mean but TRUE" comments are the only mean things i dare to say to people.
Some people just don't get it and mistake my complete honesty as being mean.
Think Simon Cowell again.
I'm contemplating spewing all things mean. Whatever the permutation.
Why should i mince my words?
Because this is a public diary?
(rhetorical question)
I want to swear freely but i know that i shouldn't.
Not just because it is ugly to see on screen, but it also reflects an ugly side i'd rather not let loose.
As a learning Christian, there're things you just have to abstain from.
Swearing can successfully give angst.
Of course one can wrestle with words in an intelligent manner to give the same angst.
Perhaps swearing is just a shortcut.
*** ***
Ah, evil twin sister is up and about again.
She decided to come out for a bit to stretch.
*** ***
Maybe it's because both she and i are cheesed that we might not be going to the range this weekend.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
The compound bow wasn't suitable.
Draw length was too short.
Actually, most of the "unsuitability" can be adjusted.
The poundage was 39 pounds me thinks. I couldn't pull it past 3 inches maybe?
I was like: Freeeeaaakkk!!! *pant, pant*
Gah.
I've not been told anything. Not even to call Simon.
Bah.
Alwyn:
YERSH!!! Technology is a biggy. Look at swimming.
Spending 1-2k is a lot...
Because i'm looking at it from the view of someone who doesn't have that much disposable money.
But we agree though that when you want something, you'd pay.
Not to say there's no sweat, but to us, it is well worth it.
So, what did you buy?
I'm up to my throat with school work.
So much to do.
*runs around screaming and tossing papers in the air*
Draw length was too short.
Actually, most of the "unsuitability" can be adjusted.
The poundage was 39 pounds me thinks. I couldn't pull it past 3 inches maybe?
I was like: Freeeeaaakkk!!! *pant, pant*
Gah.
I've not been told anything. Not even to call Simon.
Bah.
Alwyn:
YERSH!!! Technology is a biggy. Look at swimming.
Spending 1-2k is a lot...
Because i'm looking at it from the view of someone who doesn't have that much disposable money.
But we agree though that when you want something, you'd pay.
Not to say there's no sweat, but to us, it is well worth it.
So, what did you buy?
I'm up to my throat with school work.
So much to do.
*runs around screaming and tossing papers in the air*
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Pleased. *grin*
Well, well, well...
Did i say that while i was out at school on thursday, my parents were having a discussion on Jo and archery.
While talking to my dad a while ago, Simon called to tell me to come down to the range tomorrow afternoon.
Jo thinks: My Pleasure!
(you see, my official basic lessons are over. I'll be glad for any chance to go down.)
So now, i've to sign on as a member because it is against the law to own (in future) equipment without having the proper license.
WHOOPEE.
He asked a previous SEA Games archer if she would like to sell her bow to me. I'm supposedly going to have to check it out tomorrow.
My dad seems ok now with the idea of me buying a bow.
I offered to pay for part of it.
We have agreed on it being 50-50.
I have been saving up for a long time... To spend it in a flash is going to hurt.
But hey.
I'm willing to spend it because i am SO sure i want it.
Usually when Jo's sure, Jo IS SURE.
Gut, Heart, Soul feeling, SURE.
Which is why, i am hardly sure about a lot of things.
Go Figure.
*******
The worst part though, is that my MOM wants to come with me to the range tomorrow.
I am not sure if it is going to be WORSE than having Simon breathing down my neck.
One thing is for sure.
I'm going to get a lot of pressure to perform because this is going to be the first time my mom sees me shoot.
Most probably so, my performance will be reported to my dad.
GAh...
I'm only 50% ok with 20-25m. (with the recurve bow)
Hopefully the lady, i think her name is Rachel, will be there so i can try her compound bow.
Wookay.
Better start psyching myself up already. This will be good practice then.
Alwyn:
I will be mindful about that. I know i can trust you on it, you're a great mentor!
Thank you loads. :-)
Affirmative. The Best is Yet to Be!
Did i say that while i was out at school on thursday, my parents were having a discussion on Jo and archery.
While talking to my dad a while ago, Simon called to tell me to come down to the range tomorrow afternoon.
Jo thinks: My Pleasure!
(you see, my official basic lessons are over. I'll be glad for any chance to go down.)
So now, i've to sign on as a member because it is against the law to own (in future) equipment without having the proper license.
WHOOPEE.
He asked a previous SEA Games archer if she would like to sell her bow to me. I'm supposedly going to have to check it out tomorrow.
My dad seems ok now with the idea of me buying a bow.
I offered to pay for part of it.
We have agreed on it being 50-50.
I have been saving up for a long time... To spend it in a flash is going to hurt.
But hey.
I'm willing to spend it because i am SO sure i want it.
Usually when Jo's sure, Jo IS SURE.
Gut, Heart, Soul feeling, SURE.
Which is why, i am hardly sure about a lot of things.
Go Figure.
*******
The worst part though, is that my MOM wants to come with me to the range tomorrow.
I am not sure if it is going to be WORSE than having Simon breathing down my neck.
One thing is for sure.
I'm going to get a lot of pressure to perform because this is going to be the first time my mom sees me shoot.
Most probably so, my performance will be reported to my dad.
GAh...
I'm only 50% ok with 20-25m. (with the recurve bow)
Hopefully the lady, i think her name is Rachel, will be there so i can try her compound bow.
Wookay.
Better start psyching myself up already. This will be good practice then.
Alwyn:
I will be mindful about that. I know i can trust you on it, you're a great mentor!
Thank you loads. :-)
Affirmative. The Best is Yet to Be!
Friday, April 02, 2004
There.
Alwyn:
Your advice and encouragement never fails to perk me up and think on a different level... and it usually comes at a good time too! (your other personal entries as well!)
Just want to thank you lots. I always appreciate the comments you leave here.
I am close to putting myself in a strait-jacket for blogging again. But this, i could not help.
By no means have i read this before till a few minutes ago.
Inspiration.
Just Go For It
Archery provided the surprise of the 2003 SEA Games when Albert Loh clinched a silver medal. While congratulations poured in, many people did not realise that this young man's success has been possible only because of his refusal to give up despite the odds against him. The former Institute of Technical Education student chased his dream and overcame financial constraints and the lack of public interest in his sport. "At the end of the day, you need to believe what you are doing and just go for it," he says.
(from the Team Singapore Website, http://www.teamsingapore.com.sg/main/detail.jsp?a_id=4729&type=1&cat=2)
It feels kind of nice that this young man and i seem to share the exact same thoughts, even in words.
Huimin:
Sorry girl, this was too much of a lure.
In the spirit of gratitude, just want to thank you loads for your comments! Nice to see you drop by now and then.
Hope your erm... two essays didn't suck the life out of you.
Your advice and encouragement never fails to perk me up and think on a different level... and it usually comes at a good time too! (your other personal entries as well!)
Just want to thank you lots. I always appreciate the comments you leave here.
I am close to putting myself in a strait-jacket for blogging again. But this, i could not help.
By no means have i read this before till a few minutes ago.
Inspiration.
Just Go For It
Archery provided the surprise of the 2003 SEA Games when Albert Loh clinched a silver medal. While congratulations poured in, many people did not realise that this young man's success has been possible only because of his refusal to give up despite the odds against him. The former Institute of Technical Education student chased his dream and overcame financial constraints and the lack of public interest in his sport. "At the end of the day, you need to believe what you are doing and just go for it," he says.
(from the Team Singapore Website, http://www.teamsingapore.com.sg/main/detail.jsp?a_id=4729&type=1&cat=2)
It feels kind of nice that this young man and i seem to share the exact same thoughts, even in words.
Huimin:
Sorry girl, this was too much of a lure.
In the spirit of gratitude, just want to thank you loads for your comments! Nice to see you drop by now and then.
Hope your erm... two essays didn't suck the life out of you.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Muddled
Pretty much explains my state of mind.
Been waking up to pretty looking mornings having no drive whatsoever to accomplish my work which has been nagging at me for a while.
I wouldn't say it's piling up as yet. But i do know that if i continue like this, it WILL.
Hitting a plateau maybe?
Hopefully this entry will be short.
I've recently begun doing my quiet time in the mornings instead of at night before i sleep.
Why didn't i do this long before.
I am usually too tired out at night that i fall asleep while praying.
What better way to start the day. Start it off with a talk with my one Creator and Heavenly Father. He's the utmost head of everything in my life.
It only makes sense.
As Christians, we have these few sides or rather, that influence that taunts us continuously.
Sometimes we might seem to feel that picking up the Bible is such a chore.
But i know that my soul enjoys basking with, and in the Lord, no matter what S.A. Tan tries to do to tell me otherwise.
Sing His Praises and Thank the Lord.
Keep mind focused on God.
The devil hates it.
*******
Well.
I've called Simon.
THANK GOD.
God has been so gracious. Yesterday morning, i just prayed that whatever will be spoken about would be favourable... But of course, keeping God's plan/will in mind as well.
And YES.
Was asked: So how should it go from here? Are you interested to further this?
I was SOO afraid he was merely going to tell me the procedures of gaining membership.
But no, he was posing the offer to me about the training team.
Conclusion this far:
I am still unsure, afraid, freaked, worried, about how this's all going to turn out.
The new team people i've to meet, the politics (possibly), the training...
Most of all, MY PARENTS.
The next step is getting me a compound bow.
A brand new one is 2 GRAND. Yes, $2K.
But Simon will be looking out for a second hand one.
The tricky part here is that compound bows are CUSTOMIZED to the archer.
You can't use mine, i can't use yours.
I've spoken to my mom. She's very concerned about my studies.
My dad?
Sceptical as usual.
Made a remark that pierced me.
In times like that, i am determined to prove it to him.
Just like i did not long ago.
I remember how sceptical he was when i said i wanted to do something for the Republic. That was just after our fun shooting stint at SAFRA.
I guess i felt i wasn't going to be tied down and away from my aspirations. And so i just went ahead and paid for my own lessons.
Here i am.
Not trying to boast or sound like an arrogant big shot.
The point i'm making here is:
When you believe in and want something, go for it. When you feel something seems right, don't be afraid. Don't allow yourself to be shot and brought down therefore, discouraged.
**********
I had an experience like this in secondary school.
Our military band was having our annual band camp and during some interaction time, i must've said something to one of my juniors about A Math that one band teacher in charge didn't quite agree with.
That night, she singled me out for a scolding. Using reasons like the above and other stuff.
I knew (at that time) that i did nothing wrong and well... i let my bullheadedness stick with me throughout.
The thing that has stuck with me till this day was this remark she said repeatedly in my face:
"Next year (referring to when i'll be in sec 4 with the stress and all), I WON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU HANG YOURSELF."
How's that for a teacher?
She must've been hysterical with anger.
In the end, i did well for my 'O's.
Too bad she quit from our school before the 'O' Level results came out for my batch.
She would have had to eat her own words. And that ugly handbag.
***********
Yup, so don't be discouraged.
Maybe sometimes, people DO have a point when they say something negative because they can see that perhaps after all, you may not have the potential to go far.
Which is why sometimes, you've got to use your gut feeling.
Am not saying this is definitive as things can change like the wind.
Nevertheless.
You DO get my drift.
So much for a short entry.
Been waking up to pretty looking mornings having no drive whatsoever to accomplish my work which has been nagging at me for a while.
I wouldn't say it's piling up as yet. But i do know that if i continue like this, it WILL.
Hitting a plateau maybe?
Hopefully this entry will be short.
I've recently begun doing my quiet time in the mornings instead of at night before i sleep.
Why didn't i do this long before.
I am usually too tired out at night that i fall asleep while praying.
What better way to start the day. Start it off with a talk with my one Creator and Heavenly Father. He's the utmost head of everything in my life.
It only makes sense.
As Christians, we have these few sides or rather, that influence that taunts us continuously.
Sometimes we might seem to feel that picking up the Bible is such a chore.
But i know that my soul enjoys basking with, and in the Lord, no matter what S.A. Tan tries to do to tell me otherwise.
Sing His Praises and Thank the Lord.
Keep mind focused on God.
The devil hates it.
*******
Well.
I've called Simon.
THANK GOD.
God has been so gracious. Yesterday morning, i just prayed that whatever will be spoken about would be favourable... But of course, keeping God's plan/will in mind as well.
And YES.
Was asked: So how should it go from here? Are you interested to further this?
I was SOO afraid he was merely going to tell me the procedures of gaining membership.
But no, he was posing the offer to me about the training team.
Conclusion this far:
I am still unsure, afraid, freaked, worried, about how this's all going to turn out.
The new team people i've to meet, the politics (possibly), the training...
Most of all, MY PARENTS.
The next step is getting me a compound bow.
A brand new one is 2 GRAND. Yes, $2K.
But Simon will be looking out for a second hand one.
The tricky part here is that compound bows are CUSTOMIZED to the archer.
You can't use mine, i can't use yours.
I've spoken to my mom. She's very concerned about my studies.
My dad?
Sceptical as usual.
Made a remark that pierced me.
In times like that, i am determined to prove it to him.
Just like i did not long ago.
I remember how sceptical he was when i said i wanted to do something for the Republic. That was just after our fun shooting stint at SAFRA.
I guess i felt i wasn't going to be tied down and away from my aspirations. And so i just went ahead and paid for my own lessons.
Here i am.
Not trying to boast or sound like an arrogant big shot.
The point i'm making here is:
When you believe in and want something, go for it. When you feel something seems right, don't be afraid. Don't allow yourself to be shot and brought down therefore, discouraged.
**********
I had an experience like this in secondary school.
Our military band was having our annual band camp and during some interaction time, i must've said something to one of my juniors about A Math that one band teacher in charge didn't quite agree with.
That night, she singled me out for a scolding. Using reasons like the above and other stuff.
I knew (at that time) that i did nothing wrong and well... i let my bullheadedness stick with me throughout.
The thing that has stuck with me till this day was this remark she said repeatedly in my face:
"Next year (referring to when i'll be in sec 4 with the stress and all), I WON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU HANG YOURSELF."
How's that for a teacher?
She must've been hysterical with anger.
In the end, i did well for my 'O's.
Too bad she quit from our school before the 'O' Level results came out for my batch.
She would have had to eat her own words. And that ugly handbag.
***********
Yup, so don't be discouraged.
Maybe sometimes, people DO have a point when they say something negative because they can see that perhaps after all, you may not have the potential to go far.
Which is why sometimes, you've got to use your gut feeling.
Am not saying this is definitive as things can change like the wind.
Nevertheless.
You DO get my drift.
So much for a short entry.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
edited.
My state of isolation from other people is giving me the feeling of aimlessness.
I hope this is hormonal.
In addition, i know i have work to do. But i'm blatantly wasting my time away thinking of doing things other than work.
What the dong is wrong with me.
Remember the friend who pissed me off last week?
Well, he actually made the effort to mend things after one week of not speaking.
That is totally respectable.
I should learn that kind of humility.
Have not called Simon yet. I feel a cold shiver of fear run through me everytime i think of calling him.
(just felt it)
(and again)
(even in my fingers and toes)
I have school work and i just remembered that i have driving to take care of. Archery is still a blur.
Shucks.
Too many things on my hands now.
I know where my priorities lie but i am weak.
God, please help.
Think i shall go and occupy myself with some housekeeping. Writing up my schedule especially.
I have met a very interesting person.
Makes my mind go bogus and feelings go a bit haywire.
Not in the good sense.
A contradiction?
Yes.
I am amused to find that my good friend has changed her status quo in Friendster.
*gasp! where no man has ever gone before!*
I am in love with the compound bow.
There is a feeling of power, control and beauty.
I love the whole set-up.
Clad in an arm guard, wrist sling, release aid.
While the bow is decked with the bowsight and stabilizer. (haven't gotten down to trying with the scope yet)
Love it.
Standing all alone at the shooting line, sizing up the target, with the bow held low.
Shoulders back and level, body erect, head up. Eyes focused.
When the feeling is right, lift the bow above head level in the predraw aim position and then bring it down to anchor.
With the bow drawn, find the target centre with the bowsight and align them both. Wait and feel for the right moment in time then gently pull the lever.
Watch the arrow fly straight and thunk into the yellow region.
Pretty.
Grin inwardly to self.
Like Daniel at DMArchery who came by.
"When you've gotten the accuracy, it's time to play the mental game. It becomes very "zenny". Imagine(visualize) your arrow hitting th bull's eye. It's very zen after that."
Funny the other day while at Kino, i picked up a book on the Zen of archery (something to that effect), at the same section. It wasn't there before.
I flipped through a bit.
Wa, so airy.
I didn't get to go to Borders that day.
No money to splurge on books.
David is a God on the bow!
He said he was approached to make the national team but it was and IS a grand high pity he can't afford the time.
WASTED.
He's a funny, as in humourous, fella.
There was something i noticed.
Usually, i would have a problem when i'm the only girl around a bunch of guys.
I usually have trouble carrying myself.
This is due to my upbringing.
I am unashamed of stating that fact.
Apparently, the archery range was testosterone laden but i hardly felt i was different.
Of course the occasional family came by with girls but after they left, I was the only person there with no friend(s) for company. And even when someone else came alone, it was a guy.
Archery really is an individual sport.
Come to think of it.
To give you an insight into poetry.
If that line "Archery really..." was found in a poem and written just like that. i.e, one line on its own, it is likely to be interpreted as this:
The poet chose to place this line separate from the main body to emphasize the point of individuality.
This illustrates the point that archery is as individual and singular as the line that was placed apart and alone.
Crappy right.
I hope this is hormonal.
In addition, i know i have work to do. But i'm blatantly wasting my time away thinking of doing things other than work.
What the dong is wrong with me.
Remember the friend who pissed me off last week?
Well, he actually made the effort to mend things after one week of not speaking.
That is totally respectable.
I should learn that kind of humility.
Have not called Simon yet. I feel a cold shiver of fear run through me everytime i think of calling him.
(just felt it)
(and again)
(even in my fingers and toes)
I have school work and i just remembered that i have driving to take care of. Archery is still a blur.
Shucks.
Too many things on my hands now.
I know where my priorities lie but i am weak.
God, please help.
Think i shall go and occupy myself with some housekeeping. Writing up my schedule especially.
I have met a very interesting person.
Makes my mind go bogus and feelings go a bit haywire.
Not in the good sense.
A contradiction?
Yes.
I am amused to find that my good friend has changed her status quo in Friendster.
*gasp! where no man has ever gone before!*
I am in love with the compound bow.
There is a feeling of power, control and beauty.
I love the whole set-up.
Clad in an arm guard, wrist sling, release aid.
While the bow is decked with the bowsight and stabilizer. (haven't gotten down to trying with the scope yet)
Love it.
Standing all alone at the shooting line, sizing up the target, with the bow held low.
Shoulders back and level, body erect, head up. Eyes focused.
When the feeling is right, lift the bow above head level in the predraw aim position and then bring it down to anchor.
With the bow drawn, find the target centre with the bowsight and align them both. Wait and feel for the right moment in time then gently pull the lever.
Watch the arrow fly straight and thunk into the yellow region.
Pretty.
Grin inwardly to self.
Like Daniel at DMArchery who came by.
"When you've gotten the accuracy, it's time to play the mental game. It becomes very "zenny". Imagine(visualize) your arrow hitting th bull's eye. It's very zen after that."
Funny the other day while at Kino, i picked up a book on the Zen of archery (something to that effect), at the same section. It wasn't there before.
I flipped through a bit.
Wa, so airy.
I didn't get to go to Borders that day.
No money to splurge on books.
David is a God on the bow!
He said he was approached to make the national team but it was and IS a grand high pity he can't afford the time.
WASTED.
He's a funny, as in humourous, fella.
There was something i noticed.
Usually, i would have a problem when i'm the only girl around a bunch of guys.
I usually have trouble carrying myself.
This is due to my upbringing.
I am unashamed of stating that fact.
Apparently, the archery range was testosterone laden but i hardly felt i was different.
Of course the occasional family came by with girls but after they left, I was the only person there with no friend(s) for company. And even when someone else came alone, it was a guy.
Archery really is an individual sport.
Come to think of it.
To give you an insight into poetry.
If that line "Archery really..." was found in a poem and written just like that. i.e, one line on its own, it is likely to be interpreted as this:
The poet chose to place this line separate from the main body to emphasize the point of individuality.
This illustrates the point that archery is as individual and singular as the line that was placed apart and alone.
Crappy right.
Monday, March 29, 2004
Odd
Am aching.
Physically.
Pissed with myself on saturday, so i went to SAFRA on sunday (yesterday) to practice.
I just felt that i needed to do some brushing up of my form and also to prove something to myself.
For a nice 5 hours.
Hardly felt the time go by.
Could've gone right on but... money constraints.
Was there from... let's see... 4pm to 9pm.
EVERYONE. DMArchery may be small but the rates are good. $8 an hour. The people there are are awful nice too. So, anyone interested in archery, go to SAFRA, 5th floor.
Can't say i actually got much practice on my form. Reason: Too engrossed with results.
That is a problem with me. Too proud.
Ok, shall list my problem areas and consciously work on it the next time.
1. high bow shoulder
2. inconsistent anchor point at chin
3. not using back muscles
4. plucking of bowstring at release
Note: Those are my problems with the recurve bow.
People i met:
Funny. Although i'd like to use first name initials, i can't because everyone i met had his name beginning with 'D'.
The owner of the place is Daniel, his helper whom i suspect is his son, is David.
And another archer i got to know is Danny.
Wot's with the 'D's. Gah. Reminds me of Mr Ex. But bleah. No interference here.
Danny is one very interesting individual. But to respect privacy, shan't talk about him.
He let me try his $2k recurve bow! ( trusting a complete stranger like me to handle his gear???)
It's SO heavy.
But i am SO THANKFUL he pulled some strings and asked David to let me try the Compound Bow.
(to those of you who are new and lost, no, these aren't bow ties. Think Robin Hood.)
David is a God on the bow.
Enough said.
*** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Yup, so practically spent the next 2 or 3 hours with the compound bow.
I LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It helps to undo my high bow shoulder and fixes a consistent anchor point.
And it's FASTER, making the arrows fly straighter.
Plus... you don't have to worry too much about releasing problems.
The only negative point SO FAR, is that it is a wee bit more sensitive.
I'm hoping Simon wll speak to me about the compound bow... I LOVE IT.
Was hitting mostly yellows, a few strays and a handful of bull's eyes.
Technicalities replace certain skills.
Truth.
DAnping:
Yo woman!!! Took you some time to get here hah?
How're YOU?
hahha, yes, Jed IS CUTE. But he's the naughtiest thing.
He hasn't been stealing underwear or socks anymore because we've learnt how to isolate those items.
However, he's made up for it by destroying shoes (a lot of my mom's) and STEALING VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING.
He's fatter and just slightly bigger now. It's a good thing he's cute or else we would've murdered him much earlier.
Right. I am spending my time unwisely.
Back to academics.
Physically.
Pissed with myself on saturday, so i went to SAFRA on sunday (yesterday) to practice.
I just felt that i needed to do some brushing up of my form and also to prove something to myself.
For a nice 5 hours.
Hardly felt the time go by.
Could've gone right on but... money constraints.
Was there from... let's see... 4pm to 9pm.
EVERYONE. DMArchery may be small but the rates are good. $8 an hour. The people there are are awful nice too. So, anyone interested in archery, go to SAFRA, 5th floor.
Can't say i actually got much practice on my form. Reason: Too engrossed with results.
That is a problem with me. Too proud.
Ok, shall list my problem areas and consciously work on it the next time.
1. high bow shoulder
2. inconsistent anchor point at chin
3. not using back muscles
4. plucking of bowstring at release
Note: Those are my problems with the recurve bow.
People i met:
Funny. Although i'd like to use first name initials, i can't because everyone i met had his name beginning with 'D'.
The owner of the place is Daniel, his helper whom i suspect is his son, is David.
And another archer i got to know is Danny.
Wot's with the 'D's. Gah. Reminds me of Mr Ex. But bleah. No interference here.
Danny is one very interesting individual. But to respect privacy, shan't talk about him.
He let me try his $2k recurve bow! ( trusting a complete stranger like me to handle his gear???)
It's SO heavy.
But i am SO THANKFUL he pulled some strings and asked David to let me try the Compound Bow.
(to those of you who are new and lost, no, these aren't bow ties. Think Robin Hood.)
David is a God on the bow.
Enough said.
*** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Yup, so practically spent the next 2 or 3 hours with the compound bow.
I LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It helps to undo my high bow shoulder and fixes a consistent anchor point.
And it's FASTER, making the arrows fly straighter.
Plus... you don't have to worry too much about releasing problems.
The only negative point SO FAR, is that it is a wee bit more sensitive.
I'm hoping Simon wll speak to me about the compound bow... I LOVE IT.
Was hitting mostly yellows, a few strays and a handful of bull's eyes.
Technicalities replace certain skills.
Truth.
DAnping:
Yo woman!!! Took you some time to get here hah?
How're YOU?
hahha, yes, Jed IS CUTE. But he's the naughtiest thing.
He hasn't been stealing underwear or socks anymore because we've learnt how to isolate those items.
However, he's made up for it by destroying shoes (a lot of my mom's) and STEALING VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING.
He's fatter and just slightly bigger now. It's a good thing he's cute or else we would've murdered him much earlier.
Right. I am spending my time unwisely.
Back to academics.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Why Am I ...
Feeling like crud.
Just came back from shooting.
TOday, spent 95% of time at 20m-25m. (it wasn't 18m after all)
My shots have improved since last week.
But why do i feel so crappy?
I shoot just fine alone or with the other archers.
But the minute i hear Simon's voice, or if he's coaching me, or see him approaching, my shot would go wide.
It frustrates me. It's like telling him that there's no improvement when it's that he's freaking me out.
He wanted to shift me to 30m but he didn't in the end.
I can't say exactly why because i ain't him. Though to me it's obvious he wasn't satisfied with my performance.
Apart from that, i had also let other factors get me down.
Which's SO STUPID of me.
Why am i being SOOOO STOOPID?
Feel totally degraded today.
The only consolation is that i was told to call Simon next week. Not sure what he wants to talk to me about.
Only time will tell.
Sigh.
Need to practice SOMEhow. But i only get one chance per week. How is that enough?
I'll pick myself up.
Just need a little time to psych myself with self talk.
I know that at some point in time, everyone will go through some kind of setback.
But it scares me that before i can even go further, i am screwing my chances.
Hey Alwyn:
WHAO. THanks for the info there...
WIll slowly go through them.
Grade HALF? *chuckle* heeheehee. Don't know how to help in finding you a good, patient teacher. I've no recommendations.
Later.
*sinks into a stupor*
Just came back from shooting.
TOday, spent 95% of time at 20m-25m. (it wasn't 18m after all)
My shots have improved since last week.
But why do i feel so crappy?
I shoot just fine alone or with the other archers.
But the minute i hear Simon's voice, or if he's coaching me, or see him approaching, my shot would go wide.
It frustrates me. It's like telling him that there's no improvement when it's that he's freaking me out.
He wanted to shift me to 30m but he didn't in the end.
I can't say exactly why because i ain't him. Though to me it's obvious he wasn't satisfied with my performance.
Apart from that, i had also let other factors get me down.
Which's SO STUPID of me.
Why am i being SOOOO STOOPID?
Feel totally degraded today.
The only consolation is that i was told to call Simon next week. Not sure what he wants to talk to me about.
Only time will tell.
Sigh.
Need to practice SOMEhow. But i only get one chance per week. How is that enough?
I'll pick myself up.
Just need a little time to psych myself with self talk.
I know that at some point in time, everyone will go through some kind of setback.
But it scares me that before i can even go further, i am screwing my chances.
Hey Alwyn:
WHAO. THanks for the info there...
WIll slowly go through them.
Grade HALF? *chuckle* heeheehee. Don't know how to help in finding you a good, patient teacher. I've no recommendations.
Later.
*sinks into a stupor*
Friday, March 26, 2004
Today's Liting Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how to change word size, not sure if that's posible... But Anyway, Happy Birthday, my dear friend!!!
Prior to monday, had been feverishly editing my Arts assignment. Am tempted to just abbrev that as "ass"...
GAH...
I had to squeeze a 600+ word answer to one that's 300 or below. No thanks to the ambiguous question structure.
After which i had to get down to serious mugging again to catch up with my readings.
Felt SO sluggish.
Guess doing my assignments was so draining that i just didn't have the right attitude towards my work.
I love DAVID LANZ'S MUSIC.
Was at KINO the other day and they started playing one of his albums, "Finding Paradise".
Being the kind with sad, melancholic inclinations, i like "Tears for Alice".
I've tried it on the piano yesterday. Pretty easy to plonk it out but it sounds a bit bare.
That's the problem with not having enough experience. I stopped piano at a measly grade of Grade 1 (practical).
But since i enjoy music a lot, and we still have that black upright piano, i'm still playing.
At my own leisure.
To save myself from playing the grade 1 books and the tough grade 3 and above classical stuff, i just listen to music and try to follow.
It's fun!
But sometimes when u don't manage to get the right chords, it just doesn't sound right.
Oh, i bought a skinny archery book from Kino. Gah. Within my budget mah.
CAn't say i've read it cover to cover.
But have read and re-read the important bits. ( important at this point)
Pretty day today. Hope it stays.
I actually have some time to myself today. Will go to Borders and look for more books on archery.
I think i've morphed into a studyholic.
When i'm not at my table doing some form of work , i feel guilty.
Bad, bad.
This started in secondary school.
For example, my sec 2 final year examinations were over, but i still felt guilty even while watching tv.
The weird thing was that i did well for my exams but yet.
It's not so acute anymore but i still do feel guilty when i go out.
Any scientific disorder?
I remember this GP comprehension once, about how people today are so caught up with work that with every free moment, they would find some work to do. On trains and whatnot.
Well... some people are busy on our trains with activities far different. Think: couples.
My room is a war zone.
And so is my face.
I think it's the weather's effect. Everytime a zit heals, a few more are birthed!!!! They are multiplying exponentially.
I notice i'm not bothering with "Scribbles" anymore... Guess it's because i'm happy and safe from depression.
When happy, Jo doesn't muse.
Jo is amused.
Alwyn:
Hm, i take it that your new found hobby is editing photos...? Hee. Seriously, i thought that picture you posted was something so fresh. Was captivated.
"Is that real? Looks like it.... But look at the texture! It seems somewhat dreamlike... But then look at the details. It really looks like the hall but yet something seems out..."
Haha. I liked the gun and the gloved hands.
Me like weapons.
I applied for all 3 unis... SMOO included.
THere's quite a few reasons as to why i did.
Here're just a couple:
1. one mental torment would be over.
2. save parents' money.
Thanks for your support! Will be doing a lot of mulling over the potential decision.
I hope it's something God opened up for me... (because he knows some desires)
Huimin:
Helloz. Yur... Hostels. Very happening. *tsk*
Yes... would go for it if i wasn't in this transitional stage. DOn't want to follow a certain national sprinter's steps.
Feeling really torn. I know where my priorities lie.
Yet when it comes to the decision, my resolve might crack.
It is sad when u think about how some people say that you just have to sacrifice some things in life no matter how fantastic.
It's an opportunity here but i'm wondering if it's going to end up being one of "those" sacrifices.
I sound so pessimistic right.
:-D
2:16pm
I'M BACK!
I spent most of the time at Taka looking for that -murpingpickatootoo- SHOP.
Up and down, up and down the escalator, walkin' left and right, left and right....
Guards standing around those big brand shops were probably radioing each other about a:
*crackle, crackle*
"Aye, got this funny funny char boh with #$% brur brur face, walking hor from one end to udder end... Better watch out, skarly she planting bombs in toilets. Be care-foo hor."
Finally found the equally -murpingpickatootoo- directory and so i reached the shop and got what i wanted.
Think i'll be back there again. Nice stuff.
If that sounds joline-u-no-hope-LAH!... Well.
Went to the atm machine to check balance and the wonderful machine nearly scared the guts out of me!
The machine's keypad had some problem of sorts and it wasn't registering anything i keyed in.
Thought my card would get retained... Horrible, gut-scaring, machine!!!
After a few drawn out seconds that felt like minutes, it spat out my card.
Thank-u-very-much.
So ok.
Time to head home and decided to have a nice cool drink to make me HAPPY after all that.
Then silly me.
I explicitly said to myself, "This had better not screw up. I want my drink."
Don't know what on Earth i pressed at the drink machine.
Instead of Ice Lemon Tea, a can of Soya Bean dropped out.
*mumble, mumble*
I'm lucky i got home in one piece. Maybe i could've been struck by lightning or something but God decided i should live through more very-joline things.
Ah well.
These things always seem to be happening to me.
Till Then.
*gotten prezzie. hope she likes it.*
I don't know how to change word size, not sure if that's posible... But Anyway, Happy Birthday, my dear friend!!!
Prior to monday, had been feverishly editing my Arts assignment. Am tempted to just abbrev that as "ass"...
GAH...
I had to squeeze a 600+ word answer to one that's 300 or below. No thanks to the ambiguous question structure.
After which i had to get down to serious mugging again to catch up with my readings.
Felt SO sluggish.
Guess doing my assignments was so draining that i just didn't have the right attitude towards my work.
I love DAVID LANZ'S MUSIC.
Was at KINO the other day and they started playing one of his albums, "Finding Paradise".
Being the kind with sad, melancholic inclinations, i like "Tears for Alice".
I've tried it on the piano yesterday. Pretty easy to plonk it out but it sounds a bit bare.
That's the problem with not having enough experience. I stopped piano at a measly grade of Grade 1 (practical).
But since i enjoy music a lot, and we still have that black upright piano, i'm still playing.
At my own leisure.
To save myself from playing the grade 1 books and the tough grade 3 and above classical stuff, i just listen to music and try to follow.
It's fun!
But sometimes when u don't manage to get the right chords, it just doesn't sound right.
Oh, i bought a skinny archery book from Kino. Gah. Within my budget mah.
CAn't say i've read it cover to cover.
But have read and re-read the important bits. ( important at this point)
Pretty day today. Hope it stays.
I actually have some time to myself today. Will go to Borders and look for more books on archery.
I think i've morphed into a studyholic.
When i'm not at my table doing some form of work , i feel guilty.
Bad, bad.
This started in secondary school.
For example, my sec 2 final year examinations were over, but i still felt guilty even while watching tv.
The weird thing was that i did well for my exams but yet.
It's not so acute anymore but i still do feel guilty when i go out.
Any scientific disorder?
I remember this GP comprehension once, about how people today are so caught up with work that with every free moment, they would find some work to do. On trains and whatnot.
Well... some people are busy on our trains with activities far different. Think: couples.
My room is a war zone.
And so is my face.
I think it's the weather's effect. Everytime a zit heals, a few more are birthed!!!! They are multiplying exponentially.
I notice i'm not bothering with "Scribbles" anymore... Guess it's because i'm happy and safe from depression.
When happy, Jo doesn't muse.
Jo is amused.
Alwyn:
Hm, i take it that your new found hobby is editing photos...? Hee. Seriously, i thought that picture you posted was something so fresh. Was captivated.
"Is that real? Looks like it.... But look at the texture! It seems somewhat dreamlike... But then look at the details. It really looks like the hall but yet something seems out..."
Haha. I liked the gun and the gloved hands.
Me like weapons.
I applied for all 3 unis... SMOO included.
THere's quite a few reasons as to why i did.
Here're just a couple:
1. one mental torment would be over.
2. save parents' money.
Thanks for your support! Will be doing a lot of mulling over the potential decision.
I hope it's something God opened up for me... (because he knows some desires)
Huimin:
Helloz. Yur... Hostels. Very happening. *tsk*
Yes... would go for it if i wasn't in this transitional stage. DOn't want to follow a certain national sprinter's steps.
Feeling really torn. I know where my priorities lie.
Yet when it comes to the decision, my resolve might crack.
It is sad when u think about how some people say that you just have to sacrifice some things in life no matter how fantastic.
It's an opportunity here but i'm wondering if it's going to end up being one of "those" sacrifices.
I sound so pessimistic right.
:-D
2:16pm
I'M BACK!
I spent most of the time at Taka looking for that -murpingpickatootoo- SHOP.
Up and down, up and down the escalator, walkin' left and right, left and right....
Guards standing around those big brand shops were probably radioing each other about a:
*crackle, crackle*
"Aye, got this funny funny char boh with #$% brur brur face, walking hor from one end to udder end... Better watch out, skarly she planting bombs in toilets. Be care-foo hor."
Finally found the equally -murpingpickatootoo- directory and so i reached the shop and got what i wanted.
Think i'll be back there again. Nice stuff.
If that sounds joline-u-no-hope-LAH!... Well.
Went to the atm machine to check balance and the wonderful machine nearly scared the guts out of me!
The machine's keypad had some problem of sorts and it wasn't registering anything i keyed in.
Thought my card would get retained... Horrible, gut-scaring, machine!!!
After a few drawn out seconds that felt like minutes, it spat out my card.
Thank-u-very-much.
So ok.
Time to head home and decided to have a nice cool drink to make me HAPPY after all that.
Then silly me.
I explicitly said to myself, "This had better not screw up. I want my drink."
Don't know what on Earth i pressed at the drink machine.
Instead of Ice Lemon Tea, a can of Soya Bean dropped out.
*mumble, mumble*
I'm lucky i got home in one piece. Maybe i could've been struck by lightning or something but God decided i should live through more very-joline things.
Ah well.
These things always seem to be happening to me.
Till Then.
*gotten prezzie. hope she likes it.*
Monday, March 22, 2004
Dilemma
Blistering heat.
I like.
Weapons.
I like.
Aching rhomboids and trapezius.
I like.
Sunburnt skin.
I like.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Am standing at a point where a #$%^load of factors are being thrown at or are staring hard at me, as if i wassa bug in a box.
Therefore, once i manage to deal with these factors, i will have to make that determining decision.
Was told that if i agree to begin seriously, i'll have to train FOUR days PER week with the team.
1: Mental training
2: Physical training (weights and running)
3 and 4: Actual shooting
So given the rigorous schedule, the way SIM has structured my lessons will give me almost optimum time management. Enough space to move around between studies and archery.
If i get into a local uni this year, all that might change because of the amount of time i need to spend in school.
So. IF and only IF i get a place, i will have to make a choice between local uni education or national team opportunity.
Unless the association has a way around it.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Both Simon and Clint tell me to go into Compound Bow as that would give me a good chance.
The reason is this:
I'm too OLD for recurve bow!
*hahAHHAHAHAhhaHA!!!!*
I don't feel offended but i feel regretful.
Apparently, age matters in archery and this spills into the requirements for recurve, if you want to do well.
My mental condition is no way right for competitive recurve. It is 60% skill, 40% technical.
Compound Bow is 60% technical, 40% skill.
Sounds demeaning? Well, reality check here. After all, i AM a little old to be an ideal beginner.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Spoken to me dad. We both agree it's only sensible to try out the compound bow first.
I mulled over it and doubts began coming in.
"Am i actually good or just marginally better?"
"Does my physiological body/genes have the potential to push me to the level of a professional?"
If the answers are unfavourable, i would rather pull out and forget it.
There's no point in wasting anyone's time, effort and hope.
I think the compound bow can't be assembled the way the recurve can.
As a result, i think they have to carry the whole thing in one piece in the case.
Why oh why, is it that in all my life, i've to carry big things?
First the Tuba, then the fat and cumbersome Alto Saxophone case and maybe this Bow case?
Bah.
I'm big myself.
Anyway, i've more or less have to wait for the results, and until then, think long and hard plus go for more lessons.
Maybe with that compound bow...
Going to try and gauge how bad i want to take this opportunity...
Suppose i didn't take up the offer and simply chose to go about as usual.
Would i keep thinking back about how "I SHOULD HAVE!!!" about a gazillion times?
Would i be constantly bothered by the "What IFs"?
Would i be suffocating with regret?
Alwyn:
Really...Thanks a lot. :-D
I just thought though that most people can do it, just that it's not very common. Oh yes. YOu'd be surprised at how good children are at it. They're so cute when you see them go and the way they chatter and get excited over it makes one smile.
One kid would shout: "FIRE!!!" before he makes his shot.
I don't like kids (honest... but it's not good eh.) but seeing them in their innocence(the good side of innocence) just makes one grin inwardly.
Quikz:
HEYA! Archery's coming along good... Need to brush up though. Not used to the serious practices yet...
YEAH!!!!! It's extremely FUn. To the MAX.
It is a mental thing though, which makes it very unnerving sometimes.
Have you tried it?
Kelly:
Hulloz! Yup, it's fun, fun. Good for recreation really. It has lots of benefits. As for arm power. Yes, that is one issue. Though you need a strong upper body too.
Where did you go for it? I think the one at Marina is gone...
Read an article in the Sunday Times with sadness.
Varsity students in dorms are having this sexual orgy going on.
Some students have NO QUALMS about making it obvious! Note the extent!
It is so sick.
Maybe we should build a big, huge dorm, put those sex crazy students in there, lock the whole place up for a few decades. Let them have it.
Then when we all feel happy, we'll open the doors and see what kind of species emerge.
Till Then.
*...*
I like.
Weapons.
I like.
Aching rhomboids and trapezius.
I like.
Sunburnt skin.
I like.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Am standing at a point where a #$%^load of factors are being thrown at or are staring hard at me, as if i wassa bug in a box.
Therefore, once i manage to deal with these factors, i will have to make that determining decision.
Was told that if i agree to begin seriously, i'll have to train FOUR days PER week with the team.
1: Mental training
2: Physical training (weights and running)
3 and 4: Actual shooting
So given the rigorous schedule, the way SIM has structured my lessons will give me almost optimum time management. Enough space to move around between studies and archery.
If i get into a local uni this year, all that might change because of the amount of time i need to spend in school.
So. IF and only IF i get a place, i will have to make a choice between local uni education or national team opportunity.
Unless the association has a way around it.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Both Simon and Clint tell me to go into Compound Bow as that would give me a good chance.
The reason is this:
I'm too OLD for recurve bow!
*hahAHHAHAHAhhaHA!!!!*
I don't feel offended but i feel regretful.
Apparently, age matters in archery and this spills into the requirements for recurve, if you want to do well.
My mental condition is no way right for competitive recurve. It is 60% skill, 40% technical.
Compound Bow is 60% technical, 40% skill.
Sounds demeaning? Well, reality check here. After all, i AM a little old to be an ideal beginner.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Spoken to me dad. We both agree it's only sensible to try out the compound bow first.
I mulled over it and doubts began coming in.
"Am i actually good or just marginally better?"
"Does my physiological body/genes have the potential to push me to the level of a professional?"
If the answers are unfavourable, i would rather pull out and forget it.
There's no point in wasting anyone's time, effort and hope.
I think the compound bow can't be assembled the way the recurve can.
As a result, i think they have to carry the whole thing in one piece in the case.
Why oh why, is it that in all my life, i've to carry big things?
First the Tuba, then the fat and cumbersome Alto Saxophone case and maybe this Bow case?
Bah.
I'm big myself.
Anyway, i've more or less have to wait for the results, and until then, think long and hard plus go for more lessons.
Maybe with that compound bow...
Going to try and gauge how bad i want to take this opportunity...
Suppose i didn't take up the offer and simply chose to go about as usual.
Would i keep thinking back about how "I SHOULD HAVE!!!" about a gazillion times?
Would i be constantly bothered by the "What IFs"?
Would i be suffocating with regret?
Alwyn:
Really...Thanks a lot. :-D
I just thought though that most people can do it, just that it's not very common. Oh yes. YOu'd be surprised at how good children are at it. They're so cute when you see them go and the way they chatter and get excited over it makes one smile.
One kid would shout: "FIRE!!!" before he makes his shot.
I don't like kids (honest... but it's not good eh.) but seeing them in their innocence(the good side of innocence) just makes one grin inwardly.
Quikz:
HEYA! Archery's coming along good... Need to brush up though. Not used to the serious practices yet...
YEAH!!!!! It's extremely FUn. To the MAX.
It is a mental thing though, which makes it very unnerving sometimes.
Have you tried it?
Kelly:
Hulloz! Yup, it's fun, fun. Good for recreation really. It has lots of benefits. As for arm power. Yes, that is one issue. Though you need a strong upper body too.
Where did you go for it? I think the one at Marina is gone...
Read an article in the Sunday Times with sadness.
Varsity students in dorms are having this sexual orgy going on.
Some students have NO QUALMS about making it obvious! Note the extent!
It is so sick.
Maybe we should build a big, huge dorm, put those sex crazy students in there, lock the whole place up for a few decades. Let them have it.
Then when we all feel happy, we'll open the doors and see what kind of species emerge.
Till Then.
*...*
Saturday, March 20, 2004
A few things learnt.
Today, i was humbled by 18metres of grass ahead of me.
1. My shots were going all over the place.
2. My stance kept being picked upon.
I'm not sure if my stance was wrong from the start because it's never been picked upon till today.
One: maybe it went wonkers today because i was doing 24 pounds (tension of the bow) from the start.
Two: maybe it was wonkers all along but they've now begun to teach me the serious nitty gritty stuff.
I could feel that it was hard for me to obtain a full draw because somehow, my arms and shoulders were tired out.
Whatever it is, i'm going to practice my stance at home in front of the mirror.
Prior to today, i had been mentally doing my "release" and it seems to have worked cos it could feel the "follow through" today.
I've learnt that rest is good. Continuous shooting is a bit too much sometimes.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Had a talk with Simon and Clint today after shooting.
Apparently in Korea, where some of the best archers hail from, the training is remarkably tough. "Tough" is an understatement.
It's bogus but it seems to work.
1. They use canes( i'm not sure exactly WHAT but its definitely something to whack you with!) to slap the training archer to get the posture right.
2. They make archers sleep next to tombstones overnight.
3. They have archers standing at the edge of a cliff and look DOWN.
Simon was talking as though i had already decided to pick it up seriously and signed the papers.
Well, the next all important step is to talk to the elders...
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I'm really annoyed with a friend of mine.
Without even knowing the FACTS, he makes some impression in his head and tells me point blank.
Strikes me as totally IMMATURE.
Grow up, please.
I know that everyone has their own opinions.
But i suggest you make EDUCATED and INFORMED ones, for your own sake.
I have not explicitly told any of my close girl friends about these recent happenings.
No one really knows about these, unless they have read my blog.
So here i am, with the bad luck of sharing it with him.
Ok, i have to respect he feels that way. But as i've said, please give it a bit more thought.
And be careful with the kind of things you say.
Because right now, i think i want to push you off Bukit Timah Hill.
Or maybe leave you to the monkeys.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Weizhen:
Thanks a lot girl. Yes, it is good advice to get involved with life.
One step at a time i guess.
I am trying to get involved... I wouldn't say i really am but... step by step!
GOt major assignment editing to do.
Till then.
*Sigh... Forgive Him.*
1. My shots were going all over the place.
2. My stance kept being picked upon.
I'm not sure if my stance was wrong from the start because it's never been picked upon till today.
One: maybe it went wonkers today because i was doing 24 pounds (tension of the bow) from the start.
Two: maybe it was wonkers all along but they've now begun to teach me the serious nitty gritty stuff.
I could feel that it was hard for me to obtain a full draw because somehow, my arms and shoulders were tired out.
Whatever it is, i'm going to practice my stance at home in front of the mirror.
Prior to today, i had been mentally doing my "release" and it seems to have worked cos it could feel the "follow through" today.
I've learnt that rest is good. Continuous shooting is a bit too much sometimes.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Had a talk with Simon and Clint today after shooting.
Apparently in Korea, where some of the best archers hail from, the training is remarkably tough. "Tough" is an understatement.
It's bogus but it seems to work.
1. They use canes( i'm not sure exactly WHAT but its definitely something to whack you with!) to slap the training archer to get the posture right.
2. They make archers sleep next to tombstones overnight.
3. They have archers standing at the edge of a cliff and look DOWN.
Simon was talking as though i had already decided to pick it up seriously and signed the papers.
Well, the next all important step is to talk to the elders...
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I'm really annoyed with a friend of mine.
Without even knowing the FACTS, he makes some impression in his head and tells me point blank.
Strikes me as totally IMMATURE.
Grow up, please.
I know that everyone has their own opinions.
But i suggest you make EDUCATED and INFORMED ones, for your own sake.
I have not explicitly told any of my close girl friends about these recent happenings.
No one really knows about these, unless they have read my blog.
So here i am, with the bad luck of sharing it with him.
Ok, i have to respect he feels that way. But as i've said, please give it a bit more thought.
And be careful with the kind of things you say.
Because right now, i think i want to push you off Bukit Timah Hill.
Or maybe leave you to the monkeys.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Weizhen:
Thanks a lot girl. Yes, it is good advice to get involved with life.
One step at a time i guess.
I am trying to get involved... I wouldn't say i really am but... step by step!
GOt major assignment editing to do.
Till then.
*Sigh... Forgive Him.*
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Off top of head
1. I didn't know writing about arty farty stuff was so stressful. You have to be so in touch with your right brain...
THEN AGAIN.
I think i'm not actually using my right brain. I'm using my left brain. Why. Because i'm don't think my answers are coming out the way they're are "suppose" to.
Instead, i'm using logic to smoke my way through. No wonder it's so BORING.
2. Got me a pair of new glasses. They're red this time round. My blue glasses faded to a grey in JC. Hope this one doesn't follow suite. My dad says look so studious. -pteh?-
3. I realize i haven't been writing things i've thought over. Reason being, when Jo's happy, her brain can't be bothered much to think but goes on auto-pilot.
4. I've passed my Basic THeory. (driving) Now to get down to serious driving... Round the circuit.
5. I hate poetry. I hate poetry. Honest to hilly billy loo.
6. I think the song "Strange Fruit" sung by Billie Holiday is morbidly amazing. Me like.
"Southern trees bear strange fruit.
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root.
Black bodies swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.
Pastoral scene of the gallant South,
The bulging eyes and twisted mouth,
The scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.
Here is the fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop.
Here is a strange and bitter crop."
by 'Lewis Allen' (Abel Meeropol)
7. Replies.
Huimin:
Thanks a lot! That made my day... *imagines...*
The thought of ever going for the SEA Games is a bit too fantastic to comprehend at the moment.
BUT, i sure do hope that i'll be given the opportunity...
Then you can point me out!!!
(haha, thick skinned right)
I wonder if it will really come to pass one day.
I know (not personally) this girl who's from my JC and same lecture group who has taken part and won medal(s) in the SEA Games. Her name is Christel Bouvron. Think you would've heard of her before.
Amazing how these people can balance their tough training with their studies.
Hee.
Weizhen:
It IS FUN!!!
I get this notion that actually everyone out there does have some archery skill. It boils down to eyesight, technique, concentration, instinct, and well... strength.
I'm not experienced, so i could be wrong, but i think its not often that someone would suck really bad at it.
UNLESS. The person is unable to pull the string at all and hold it there.
There's this petite girl in my group and she can do it.
I'm ending my lessons in 2 weeks so i'm not sure u can join me at the same time. Plus... I'm not sure if you need a pass to even be there.
We had to get a pass initially.
Kelly:
Hi there woman! I totally welcome your tags. Feel free to tag anytime!
8. If i can get to go for the SEA Games even if it's just for the experience of being there, it'll be a DREAM coming to past.
The experience is going to be a bit like erm... William hung's.
He shot to fame just by showing his face for a few minutes.
For me, it's happening all too quick as well.
Not in terms of fame la...
Not long ago, i was a nobody who didn't know nuts about the sport. But it's a little different now.
I'm no big shot, DUH...
If i were to take that all important step towards shooting competitively, my schedule and lifestyle will change pretty much.
Can't say that's a bad thing.
Never expected to see myself in this position.
Makes life oh so exciting.
9. I'm SO BORED. Even blogging can't seem to tease out my boredom.
It's these cursed assignments, i tell you. Been staring at the laptop screen the entire day.
I'm going blind.
THEN AGAIN.
I think i'm not actually using my right brain. I'm using my left brain. Why. Because i'm don't think my answers are coming out the way they're are "suppose" to.
Instead, i'm using logic to smoke my way through. No wonder it's so BORING.
2. Got me a pair of new glasses. They're red this time round. My blue glasses faded to a grey in JC. Hope this one doesn't follow suite. My dad says look so studious. -pteh?-
3. I realize i haven't been writing things i've thought over. Reason being, when Jo's happy, her brain can't be bothered much to think but goes on auto-pilot.
4. I've passed my Basic THeory. (driving) Now to get down to serious driving... Round the circuit.
5. I hate poetry. I hate poetry. Honest to hilly billy loo.
6. I think the song "Strange Fruit" sung by Billie Holiday is morbidly amazing. Me like.
"Southern trees bear strange fruit.
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root.
Black bodies swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.
Pastoral scene of the gallant South,
The bulging eyes and twisted mouth,
The scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.
Here is the fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop.
Here is a strange and bitter crop."
by 'Lewis Allen' (Abel Meeropol)
7. Replies.
Huimin:
Thanks a lot! That made my day... *imagines...*
The thought of ever going for the SEA Games is a bit too fantastic to comprehend at the moment.
BUT, i sure do hope that i'll be given the opportunity...
Then you can point me out!!!
(haha, thick skinned right)
I wonder if it will really come to pass one day.
I know (not personally) this girl who's from my JC and same lecture group who has taken part and won medal(s) in the SEA Games. Her name is Christel Bouvron. Think you would've heard of her before.
Amazing how these people can balance their tough training with their studies.
Hee.
Weizhen:
It IS FUN!!!
I get this notion that actually everyone out there does have some archery skill. It boils down to eyesight, technique, concentration, instinct, and well... strength.
I'm not experienced, so i could be wrong, but i think its not often that someone would suck really bad at it.
UNLESS. The person is unable to pull the string at all and hold it there.
There's this petite girl in my group and she can do it.
I'm ending my lessons in 2 weeks so i'm not sure u can join me at the same time. Plus... I'm not sure if you need a pass to even be there.
We had to get a pass initially.
Kelly:
Hi there woman! I totally welcome your tags. Feel free to tag anytime!
8. If i can get to go for the SEA Games even if it's just for the experience of being there, it'll be a DREAM coming to past.
The experience is going to be a bit like erm... William hung's.
He shot to fame just by showing his face for a few minutes.
For me, it's happening all too quick as well.
Not in terms of fame la...
Not long ago, i was a nobody who didn't know nuts about the sport. But it's a little different now.
I'm no big shot, DUH...
If i were to take that all important step towards shooting competitively, my schedule and lifestyle will change pretty much.
Can't say that's a bad thing.
Never expected to see myself in this position.
Makes life oh so exciting.
9. I'm SO BORED. Even blogging can't seem to tease out my boredom.
It's these cursed assignments, i tell you. Been staring at the laptop screen the entire day.
I'm going blind.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Read at Own Risk. Real Long. Topic: ARCHERY.
Well now.
Time has never passed this slowly in such a loong time...
Usually i have too many things to do and time seems to be this little red rat scuttling at top speed away from me.
I'm up this sunday morning.
Earlier than i usually would be, which means i've got so much time on my hands before...
ARCHERY, ARCHERY, ARCHERY!
There goes JOline again.
ANd there's this constant threat of the weather taking a turn for the WORST and splish splashing rainwater all over my bimbotic head.
Don't you just hate it when a thought escapes you?
The reason why i wanted to blog was because i had this fragment of a thought.
It just HAD to ditch me.
Oh, couldn't sleep again last night.
ACK.
I hope this isn't going to be a learned habit.
Archery=can't sleep.
I woke up several times throughout the night, only to find it hard to drop off again.
It'll be so silly if it i had to go to some sleep shrink and say, " i can't sleep because... i have archery lessons the next day."
I'd probably be told to just chuck the lessons.
As if i would.
Almost got up to study.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
10:12pm
I'm back!
Left the house at 1:30pm and was out till about 7pm++ i think.
Today was something like, Flatter Day or something.
I'm going to just say everything as it is, and in hope i don't sound too arrogant or anything.
Along with my basic archery mates, we went over to the beginners' plot.
While my coach, (let's call him Simon from now on, shall we?) was zero-ing me, i shot some good ones.
Actually, all my arrows scored in the yellow region. (the innermost region)
By the way, zero-ing (or so i thought i heard, but it makes good sense) is when you adjust the "sighter"(or was it "sight"?) or aiming device to the right level so that your arrows go where it should.
After a few more rounds, dialogue:-
Simon: JOline, is the bow too light for you?
Me: Er... It's, comfortable.
Well, he went and got me another one anyway.
And it was definitely heavier!
Tension is... 24 pounds, right about, methinks.
Subsequently, he moved me away from the other 2 girls and gave me a target for myself!
(initally, 3 of us were shooting at one target)
I guess i did good, cos at each round, most of my arrows were in the yellow, with a handful in the red.
Usually once everyone in the row is done, someone would shout "Clear?" and the others should reply "clear!". Then everyone would go forward to collect the arrows.
While waiting to collect, i heard the other coach say to Simon behind me,
"Which lesson?"
Simon: Second.
With that, i was whisked off to join 3 other guys at the 18m target.
(those guys were having their 4th lesson and i was just some raw beginner!)
The feeling of moving up so fast was awesome.
It was there when i began getting a lot of attention from the new coach.
Attention meaning:
Correcting of my posture, bringing up of the bow, release, holding of the bow, and more i can't remember.
Everything i had learnt as a raw beginner from earlier lessons was either thrown out the window (gone with the wind, it was windy) or had been built upon with more professional advice.
At 5pm, my two girl mates left while i was still shooting with the 3 guys and the coach.
This freed Simon to come over to our side.
And scarily... the national coach was there too.
When Simon came over he said to my coach: Wa, you whacking her already ah? So fierce!
My coach: Ya lah... Must train fast now. So that can use as standby team.
(i started laughing, i couldn't hold me bow)
My shots weren't that great. Managed to hit within the target mostly, but the best was a red.
The other shots were within the white, black and blue.
Two even sailed way past the target board onto the grass beyond!!!
SUPER FARNI CAN??!?
hahahaha...........
I never knew 18m was THAT far.
Seriously.
By then, Simon the President, Clint the National Coach and i think another seasoned archer(s) were sitting watching us.
Pressure cooker situation.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
As i left, Simon caught up with me and begun to tell me stuff that kinda took me by surprise.
I mean, i really didn't expect him to tell me these things when i'm so new, a totally raw archer and only into second basic lesson.
He told me:
- if you are serious, interested, it'll be good to get own gear. But can use their bows as for now.
- told me about the talent scouting thing going on with kids and the people around shooting.
- shooting competitively.
- other stuff i totally can't remember.
Even better.
As i was walking to the MRt station, Clint came up from behind.
So, we talked all the way to the station and till he left the train.
He explicitly said that i should do compound bow shooting plus he almost let me in on some... stuff. Heh.
Maybe i might get it next week? -chuckle-
Oh. The "ranking" is like this.
Bare Bow: for VERY VERY basic beginners
Recurve Bow: for beginners also. The max range is 70m.
Compound Bow: the bow with the furthest range. More gadgets surrounding it. Very technical.
All in all, from my conversations with Simon and CLint, i am getting the vibe that they want me to consider taking it up seriously and "aim high".
The conversations were littered with "SEA Games" (Next year)
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I am mostly very happy about these recent developments.
This is something big, related to doing something for the love of the sport and representing the country.
(though many may have differing views about doing ANYTHING for the republic)
I've never experienced anything at this level.
Feel so honoured and actually valued.
Imagine one day...
I'll be sitting with (and rubbing shoulders, maybe literally) a bus load of sports celebrities like Christel (forgive me, i cant remember how to spell her name), Jocelyn Yeo, Li Jia Wei...
Hahaha.
Wishful thinking.
On the other hand.
I kind of think too that surely, there must be other promising archers. And they are just basically trying to rope in as many of the better ones as possible.
So, i shouldn't feel too exclusive. Haha.
For all i know, they're just taking their chances. Maybe once i get into it seriously and they see that i'm mediocal, they'll shove me away.
All i'm thinking is that i've to tread carefully here.
Going to watch myself and don't "gullibly" believe everything said about me doing this and that.
I mean, yes, i think i should aim high. Maybe i can make it.
But i just don't want to become an unwitting victim in whatever it is.
I'm not trying to be overly suspicious.
Am just trying to open my eyes a bit more, think for myself, be sure i'm not going to get played out.
It's a dog-eat-dog world.
But it sure is expensive.
I also have to consider my studies.
The most important thing. My parents didn't pay so much just to see me run off with a bow and arrow.
If i can just balance it out, it'll be superb.
Neither do i want to let this get to my head as well. This's something i've been asking God to guard me against.
I've made a vow that should anything big happen, i will attribute everything to God first.
He is the One who created me and given me whatever gifts i possess.
He is the One who allowed.
Each time i catch myself being a snoot, i mentally shoot myself and ask God to guard my mind and heart.
I think i've said enough.
I doubt anyone read this till the end.
For my own personal use, man, this sure beats writing it out by hand.
Till Then.
*SAtisfied*
Time has never passed this slowly in such a loong time...
Usually i have too many things to do and time seems to be this little red rat scuttling at top speed away from me.
I'm up this sunday morning.
Earlier than i usually would be, which means i've got so much time on my hands before...
ARCHERY, ARCHERY, ARCHERY!
There goes JOline again.
ANd there's this constant threat of the weather taking a turn for the WORST and splish splashing rainwater all over my bimbotic head.
Don't you just hate it when a thought escapes you?
The reason why i wanted to blog was because i had this fragment of a thought.
It just HAD to ditch me.
Oh, couldn't sleep again last night.
ACK.
I hope this isn't going to be a learned habit.
Archery=can't sleep.
I woke up several times throughout the night, only to find it hard to drop off again.
It'll be so silly if it i had to go to some sleep shrink and say, " i can't sleep because... i have archery lessons the next day."
I'd probably be told to just chuck the lessons.
As if i would.
Almost got up to study.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
10:12pm
I'm back!
Left the house at 1:30pm and was out till about 7pm++ i think.
Today was something like, Flatter Day or something.
I'm going to just say everything as it is, and in hope i don't sound too arrogant or anything.
Along with my basic archery mates, we went over to the beginners' plot.
While my coach, (let's call him Simon from now on, shall we?) was zero-ing me, i shot some good ones.
Actually, all my arrows scored in the yellow region. (the innermost region)
By the way, zero-ing (or so i thought i heard, but it makes good sense) is when you adjust the "sighter"(or was it "sight"?) or aiming device to the right level so that your arrows go where it should.
After a few more rounds, dialogue:-
Simon: JOline, is the bow too light for you?
Me: Er... It's, comfortable.
Well, he went and got me another one anyway.
And it was definitely heavier!
Tension is... 24 pounds, right about, methinks.
Subsequently, he moved me away from the other 2 girls and gave me a target for myself!
(initally, 3 of us were shooting at one target)
I guess i did good, cos at each round, most of my arrows were in the yellow, with a handful in the red.
Usually once everyone in the row is done, someone would shout "Clear?" and the others should reply "clear!". Then everyone would go forward to collect the arrows.
While waiting to collect, i heard the other coach say to Simon behind me,
"Which lesson?"
Simon: Second.
With that, i was whisked off to join 3 other guys at the 18m target.
(those guys were having their 4th lesson and i was just some raw beginner!)
The feeling of moving up so fast was awesome.
It was there when i began getting a lot of attention from the new coach.
Attention meaning:
Correcting of my posture, bringing up of the bow, release, holding of the bow, and more i can't remember.
Everything i had learnt as a raw beginner from earlier lessons was either thrown out the window (gone with the wind, it was windy) or had been built upon with more professional advice.
At 5pm, my two girl mates left while i was still shooting with the 3 guys and the coach.
This freed Simon to come over to our side.
And scarily... the national coach was there too.
When Simon came over he said to my coach: Wa, you whacking her already ah? So fierce!
My coach: Ya lah... Must train fast now. So that can use as standby team.
(i started laughing, i couldn't hold me bow)
My shots weren't that great. Managed to hit within the target mostly, but the best was a red.
The other shots were within the white, black and blue.
Two even sailed way past the target board onto the grass beyond!!!
SUPER FARNI CAN??!?
hahahaha...........
I never knew 18m was THAT far.
Seriously.
By then, Simon the President, Clint the National Coach and i think another seasoned archer(s) were sitting watching us.
Pressure cooker situation.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
As i left, Simon caught up with me and begun to tell me stuff that kinda took me by surprise.
I mean, i really didn't expect him to tell me these things when i'm so new, a totally raw archer and only into second basic lesson.
He told me:
- if you are serious, interested, it'll be good to get own gear. But can use their bows as for now.
- told me about the talent scouting thing going on with kids and the people around shooting.
- shooting competitively.
- other stuff i totally can't remember.
Even better.
As i was walking to the MRt station, Clint came up from behind.
So, we talked all the way to the station and till he left the train.
He explicitly said that i should do compound bow shooting plus he almost let me in on some... stuff. Heh.
Maybe i might get it next week? -chuckle-
Oh. The "ranking" is like this.
Bare Bow: for VERY VERY basic beginners
Recurve Bow: for beginners also. The max range is 70m.
Compound Bow: the bow with the furthest range. More gadgets surrounding it. Very technical.
All in all, from my conversations with Simon and CLint, i am getting the vibe that they want me to consider taking it up seriously and "aim high".
The conversations were littered with "SEA Games" (Next year)
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I am mostly very happy about these recent developments.
This is something big, related to doing something for the love of the sport and representing the country.
(though many may have differing views about doing ANYTHING for the republic)
I've never experienced anything at this level.
Feel so honoured and actually valued.
Imagine one day...
I'll be sitting with (and rubbing shoulders, maybe literally) a bus load of sports celebrities like Christel (forgive me, i cant remember how to spell her name), Jocelyn Yeo, Li Jia Wei...
Hahaha.
Wishful thinking.
On the other hand.
I kind of think too that surely, there must be other promising archers. And they are just basically trying to rope in as many of the better ones as possible.
So, i shouldn't feel too exclusive. Haha.
For all i know, they're just taking their chances. Maybe once i get into it seriously and they see that i'm mediocal, they'll shove me away.
All i'm thinking is that i've to tread carefully here.
Going to watch myself and don't "gullibly" believe everything said about me doing this and that.
I mean, yes, i think i should aim high. Maybe i can make it.
But i just don't want to become an unwitting victim in whatever it is.
I'm not trying to be overly suspicious.
Am just trying to open my eyes a bit more, think for myself, be sure i'm not going to get played out.
It's a dog-eat-dog world.
But it sure is expensive.
I also have to consider my studies.
The most important thing. My parents didn't pay so much just to see me run off with a bow and arrow.
If i can just balance it out, it'll be superb.
Neither do i want to let this get to my head as well. This's something i've been asking God to guard me against.
I've made a vow that should anything big happen, i will attribute everything to God first.
He is the One who created me and given me whatever gifts i possess.
He is the One who allowed.
Each time i catch myself being a snoot, i mentally shoot myself and ask God to guard my mind and heart.
I think i've said enough.
I doubt anyone read this till the end.
For my own personal use, man, this sure beats writing it out by hand.
Till Then.
*SAtisfied*
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Collective Annoyance
A relationship broken and a new one made within a short span of time.
One is hurting some, while the other is having it good.
That's what's happening around me.
Can't help but feel a mixture of glee as well as envy.
I try to squash the envy because i only need to trust in the Lord for my future.
My JC mates are just the best so far.
I have many friends i keep in contact with but they are the ones who've kept in contact regularly on intimate terms even 1 year after we've graduated.
For a few, even if we only contact each other after a long while, the closeness is still there like we've never been apart.
I thank God for them.
They are so important and precious to me, know how crushed i'd feel if we do drift apart.
They're my (on Earth) source of acceptance, solace, encouragement.
There's so much that we have shared.
Seeing one now attached is so exciting but yet there's a tinge of sadness.
I know that her life has just expanded to accomodate a significant (more so than us) other.
It is how one handles the situation. Striking a balance between the old and new.
Nevertheless, her new devotion will take up time.
It feels as if a part of her is gone and lost.
It is kind of ridiculous though because anyway, i hardly see her so how can i feel this way since i should hardly feel that lost?
Simple.
Because when we DO meet, there's the new element.
So in addition to not meeting, more attention is taken even during the meet.
Now that i think of it. It's not so much an issue of time, but more an issue of attention.
Yes, that's more to the point.
People have to move on.
I can't complain.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Huimin:
Thanks, heh.
Actually, now that you did ask that question, it has reminded me to write an entry about making the team.
How's school so far?
Have you had a change in tutors?
Alwyn:
Yes, been having loads and oodles of fun! Thanks there.
Oh, i was coached by the president actually.
The team coach came to watch now and then and gave bits of advice here and there.
But i suspect one of the reasons why he comes over because my new found friend is a Filipino, like him.
So it's kind of nice having someone from the same country to converse with in their own language.
In addition, she is a pretty lass. So... more incentive.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
The weather's gone wonky donky.
One cycle: Bright and dry then rainy and dreary.
Ya can git a few sah-kerls within a dah isself.
I sure hope it ain't gonna be this way this sunday.
Am about to finish that psychology essay on evolution.
I'm confused about it.
The question implies loads of info to be included, while i can't find much to say.
My 1000 word limit is way too generous and i'm trying to type floridly to fatten up the thing.
Argh.
How, how, how.
Crumma-fud.
Referencing and citation is such a pain.
Been staring at my essay and can't even write a decent conclusion. My mind is far... far... away.
1 2 sleep.
Gads, did i just type that?
I think one day, i shall type a normal entry but i shan't bother with editing it at all.
It'll probably be as painful to read as my "academic" essay.
*yawn*
Been doing free weights daily recently.
I miss the ACJC gym.
Spacious, wide range of machines for parts of the body, air-conditioned with music, has FUNCTIONING treadmills... Good gym machine brand.
Oh, i found out that MUSIC and PHILOSOPHY are STILL IN the syllabus.
Whoopee!
ANYWAY, this is THEE thing that eating at me.
I just got back my first assignment, the POETRY ANALYSIS one.
Apparently, i got a C. (NOT Credit.)
It's the C as we all know it.
I am annoyed not because i think my tutor is a turd for giving me that grade but because i knew something like this would happen.
I put all my effort into writing out what i thought was right and should get me a decent mark.
I analyse the poem as I understand it.
And according to what i think the question is asking for.
D'you know HOW ANNOYING it is to be DIFFERENT from everyone?!??!?!?!?
APPARENTLY, people don't see the way I do!
T
he comments i received totally took me by suprise because it didn't occur to me that the question was asking me "that"!
!@##$$#@^%$# !@#$$#@%%&^%* @#$#@%$# !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My thought processes and understanding of some things just doesn't go with everyone else's.
Its is not because i misread the question, Gads NO!, I read it over and over to make sure i was answering it.
SIGH.
The major thing is this.
The things that are deemed important to me, hence i talk about, is not of significant importance to THEM.
What THEY deem as important, is not important to me.
With that, doesn't it screw it almost everything?
Because i'll be writing things that DON'T want to hear!
I was given examples of what i should have included.
And when i thought about it, i just COULDN'T figure what it is that's important and should be analyzed.
Man, i am so annoyed.
It's not my tutor.
It's ME.
I JUST DON'T get it.
Why do i have to think differently?
Am i just pure SHALLOW?
If anyone thinks it's good to be different, well, not in this context!
Poetry is JUST NOT my thing.
I need to get this out of my system before i screw up my next archery session on sunday.
Why is it that each time i start school, my first assignment always comes back to me with darn sucky grades.
Ok, i admit they do improve later on.
But it is subjective after all.
That was sociology.
This is POETRY.
Till then.
* "#$%^&*#$%" --Joline Lim *
One is hurting some, while the other is having it good.
That's what's happening around me.
Can't help but feel a mixture of glee as well as envy.
I try to squash the envy because i only need to trust in the Lord for my future.
My JC mates are just the best so far.
I have many friends i keep in contact with but they are the ones who've kept in contact regularly on intimate terms even 1 year after we've graduated.
For a few, even if we only contact each other after a long while, the closeness is still there like we've never been apart.
I thank God for them.
They are so important and precious to me, know how crushed i'd feel if we do drift apart.
They're my (on Earth) source of acceptance, solace, encouragement.
There's so much that we have shared.
Seeing one now attached is so exciting but yet there's a tinge of sadness.
I know that her life has just expanded to accomodate a significant (more so than us) other.
It is how one handles the situation. Striking a balance between the old and new.
Nevertheless, her new devotion will take up time.
It feels as if a part of her is gone and lost.
It is kind of ridiculous though because anyway, i hardly see her so how can i feel this way since i should hardly feel that lost?
Simple.
Because when we DO meet, there's the new element.
So in addition to not meeting, more attention is taken even during the meet.
Now that i think of it. It's not so much an issue of time, but more an issue of attention.
Yes, that's more to the point.
People have to move on.
I can't complain.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Huimin:
Thanks, heh.
Actually, now that you did ask that question, it has reminded me to write an entry about making the team.
How's school so far?
Have you had a change in tutors?
Alwyn:
Yes, been having loads and oodles of fun! Thanks there.
Oh, i was coached by the president actually.
The team coach came to watch now and then and gave bits of advice here and there.
But i suspect one of the reasons why he comes over because my new found friend is a Filipino, like him.
So it's kind of nice having someone from the same country to converse with in their own language.
In addition, she is a pretty lass. So... more incentive.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
The weather's gone wonky donky.
One cycle: Bright and dry then rainy and dreary.
Ya can git a few sah-kerls within a dah isself.
I sure hope it ain't gonna be this way this sunday.
Am about to finish that psychology essay on evolution.
I'm confused about it.
The question implies loads of info to be included, while i can't find much to say.
My 1000 word limit is way too generous and i'm trying to type floridly to fatten up the thing.
Argh.
How, how, how.
Crumma-fud.
Referencing and citation is such a pain.
Been staring at my essay and can't even write a decent conclusion. My mind is far... far... away.
1 2 sleep.
Gads, did i just type that?
I think one day, i shall type a normal entry but i shan't bother with editing it at all.
It'll probably be as painful to read as my "academic" essay.
*yawn*
Been doing free weights daily recently.
I miss the ACJC gym.
Spacious, wide range of machines for parts of the body, air-conditioned with music, has FUNCTIONING treadmills... Good gym machine brand.
Oh, i found out that MUSIC and PHILOSOPHY are STILL IN the syllabus.
Whoopee!
ANYWAY, this is THEE thing that eating at me.
I just got back my first assignment, the POETRY ANALYSIS one.
Apparently, i got a C. (NOT Credit.)
It's the C as we all know it.
I am annoyed not because i think my tutor is a turd for giving me that grade but because i knew something like this would happen.
I put all my effort into writing out what i thought was right and should get me a decent mark.
I analyse the poem as I understand it.
And according to what i think the question is asking for.
D'you know HOW ANNOYING it is to be DIFFERENT from everyone?!??!?!?!?
APPARENTLY, people don't see the way I do!
T
he comments i received totally took me by suprise because it didn't occur to me that the question was asking me "that"!
!@##$$#@^%$# !@#$$#@%%&^%* @#$#@%$# !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My thought processes and understanding of some things just doesn't go with everyone else's.
Its is not because i misread the question, Gads NO!, I read it over and over to make sure i was answering it.
SIGH.
The major thing is this.
The things that are deemed important to me, hence i talk about, is not of significant importance to THEM.
What THEY deem as important, is not important to me.
With that, doesn't it screw it almost everything?
Because i'll be writing things that DON'T want to hear!
I was given examples of what i should have included.
And when i thought about it, i just COULDN'T figure what it is that's important and should be analyzed.
Man, i am so annoyed.
It's not my tutor.
It's ME.
I JUST DON'T get it.
Why do i have to think differently?
Am i just pure SHALLOW?
If anyone thinks it's good to be different, well, not in this context!
Poetry is JUST NOT my thing.
I need to get this out of my system before i screw up my next archery session on sunday.
Why is it that each time i start school, my first assignment always comes back to me with darn sucky grades.
Ok, i admit they do improve later on.
But it is subjective after all.
That was sociology.
This is POETRY.
Till then.
* "#$%^&*#$%" --Joline Lim *
Saturday, March 06, 2004
IF you'd like to hear it ...
I couldn't sleep last night.
Got into bed and i felt as if i had a springs between both my eye lids.
Couldn't keep 'em closed.
Turned to some Class 95 and left it on timer.
The hi-fi turned off before i could sleep.
And yes, there was tossing and turning.
I managed to doze off and when i came to, i checked my clock.
4:50a.m ONLY?!??!?!
More tossing and turning.
Double springs in both eyes.
I forced myself to lie in bed as long as i could.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Thinks to self: " Very 'SMART' JO... Came ALL by yourself."
I looked onto the field and saw people walking in leisurely, in pairs and groups.
Thinks to self; "Least you got the guts to come by self!"
And so the day begins.
While waiting for my "coach" to show up, i met a big guy named Eugene.
He has all the size and ears of a certain, usually gold coloured deity that sits upon an altar smiling...
He sits in the shade to "guard", i suppose, the book for regulars to book in.
When my "coach" came, I got my temporary card to show that i was there on LEGAL terms.
Then this other guy, named Clint came by. Thought he was just some club coach,
After they had our bows and arrows sorted out, 3 girls (incl. me) were called over to the beginners'grounds.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
It seems that I have been taught two different methods for indoor and outdoor shooting.
At SAFRA, I was taught to pull the "string" till my hand reaches my cheek.
But today, i was taught to pull it till my hand was touching my chin.
Plus, the string had to be pressing vertically against my lips and nose.
Heehee.
The permutations of the position of where your hand is pulled to and the angle at which you hold the bow will lead to very different results.
So, with some mental and technical adjustments, things got better.
I started to hit the yellow region and red region.
But of course with some shots going WAaayyy off!
By the way, it's like this.
There're 5 rings and each has a different colour.
Outermost: white (not counted)
Second: Black
Third: Blue
Fourth: Red
Innermost, fifth: Yellow.
So after a few rounds of shooting, we had a break under one of the brollies.
Lo and Behold.
My "coach" was the President of the Archery Association of Singapore.
The "some club coach" named Clint... is the NATIONAL TEAM COACH.
But, the BEST part is...
The National Team Coach pointed at me and said to the President, whose name is Simon Wee,
"She has potential".
And before we left, both Clint and Simon said (Simon says! SO, i should obey right?) that in fact, I should go into archery.
But Simon said to just follow through the lessons and see how it goes.
I agree.
I couldn't believe my EARS.
Me?
WOW!
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I had SO much fun.
I couldn't stop shooting.
Only when my arms started hurting did i cease for a bit.
I am now slightly but definitely unevenly sunburnt.
I have white "sleeves" now, because i wore a t-shirt.
Not only that.
My left lower arm has this funny pattern because the parts uncovered by the hand guard has been tanned.
So, my left arm looks like a cow's leg.
Well, having next lesson, next sunday.
I can't WAIT.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** **** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Came home and blabbered everything to my dad.
About the day and the stuff below.
Here's what Simon told us:
- Archery is like Golf. Expensive.
- Size doesn't matter.
- People who come for trials for the entire day, go home radiating heat and sleep with the air con on.
- The arrows that the more pro people use are worth $60. EACH.
- With about $400 to $600, you can own a Recurve Bow and 12 arrows.
- The other pro-er bows cost at least $1500.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I dread the doing-of my upcoming psychology essay.
BLeah....
Till then.
*Dream, Aim, Focus, Want it, Be Sure, Go For It.*
Got into bed and i felt as if i had a springs between both my eye lids.
Couldn't keep 'em closed.
Turned to some Class 95 and left it on timer.
The hi-fi turned off before i could sleep.
And yes, there was tossing and turning.
I managed to doze off and when i came to, i checked my clock.
4:50a.m ONLY?!??!?!
More tossing and turning.
Double springs in both eyes.
I forced myself to lie in bed as long as i could.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Thinks to self: " Very 'SMART' JO... Came ALL by yourself."
I looked onto the field and saw people walking in leisurely, in pairs and groups.
Thinks to self; "Least you got the guts to come by self!"
And so the day begins.
While waiting for my "coach" to show up, i met a big guy named Eugene.
He has all the size and ears of a certain, usually gold coloured deity that sits upon an altar smiling...
He sits in the shade to "guard", i suppose, the book for regulars to book in.
When my "coach" came, I got my temporary card to show that i was there on LEGAL terms.
Then this other guy, named Clint came by. Thought he was just some club coach,
After they had our bows and arrows sorted out, 3 girls (incl. me) were called over to the beginners'grounds.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
It seems that I have been taught two different methods for indoor and outdoor shooting.
At SAFRA, I was taught to pull the "string" till my hand reaches my cheek.
But today, i was taught to pull it till my hand was touching my chin.
Plus, the string had to be pressing vertically against my lips and nose.
Heehee.
The permutations of the position of where your hand is pulled to and the angle at which you hold the bow will lead to very different results.
So, with some mental and technical adjustments, things got better.
I started to hit the yellow region and red region.
But of course with some shots going WAaayyy off!
By the way, it's like this.
There're 5 rings and each has a different colour.
Outermost: white (not counted)
Second: Black
Third: Blue
Fourth: Red
Innermost, fifth: Yellow.
So after a few rounds of shooting, we had a break under one of the brollies.
Lo and Behold.
My "coach" was the President of the Archery Association of Singapore.
The "some club coach" named Clint... is the NATIONAL TEAM COACH.
But, the BEST part is...
The National Team Coach pointed at me and said to the President, whose name is Simon Wee,
"She has potential".
And before we left, both Clint and Simon said (Simon says! SO, i should obey right?) that in fact, I should go into archery.
But Simon said to just follow through the lessons and see how it goes.
I agree.
I couldn't believe my EARS.
Me?
WOW!
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I had SO much fun.
I couldn't stop shooting.
Only when my arms started hurting did i cease for a bit.
I am now slightly but definitely unevenly sunburnt.
I have white "sleeves" now, because i wore a t-shirt.
Not only that.
My left lower arm has this funny pattern because the parts uncovered by the hand guard has been tanned.
So, my left arm looks like a cow's leg.
Well, having next lesson, next sunday.
I can't WAIT.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** **** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Came home and blabbered everything to my dad.
About the day and the stuff below.
Here's what Simon told us:
- Archery is like Golf. Expensive.
- Size doesn't matter.
- People who come for trials for the entire day, go home radiating heat and sleep with the air con on.
- The arrows that the more pro people use are worth $60. EACH.
- With about $400 to $600, you can own a Recurve Bow and 12 arrows.
- The other pro-er bows cost at least $1500.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I dread the doing-of my upcoming psychology essay.
BLeah....
Till then.
*Dream, Aim, Focus, Want it, Be Sure, Go For It.*
Thursday, March 04, 2004
No suitable title. (edited)
Blah.
Does the weather really have to act up NOW??!?!
I mean, it was bright, hot and non-rainy till just recently. (in terms of weeks)
WHY, WHY.
Especially when i'm going to have my first basic archery lesson this saturday.
All i can hope for is that the bloomin' weather rains itself all out before saturday morning.
Or that wherever i'll be going to will be so ulu that rain has never seen that part of Singapore.
(though it is IMPOSSIBLE anyway. It IS Singapore, you know)
Here i am grumbling away when some people would be dancing around a fire with jingly jangly ornaments and facial paint screaming bloody murder for rain to pour.
Speaking of such.
I thank God that i am where i am.
Take for example:
I stare at my pencil box and all its contents and realize that there're loads of people in another part of the world who don't even own half(or less) of what's in my pencil box.
If i expand the scope and just look at the rest of what i own.
A stapler, a cup (with milo in it), a laptop, a bag, speakers, a dictionary, textbooks, my own toilet, bed,... (yada, yada)
I come to realize that i never knew i owned so many things. These things are all mine.
I have education.
I have family.
I have a home.
I have friends.
I have food and shelter.
I have clothes.
I have choice.
And there're people out there who don't have anything.
The stark reality stares at me daily and i've taken it all for granted.
Yet.
In the nothingness, they might have some things i don't.
I'd do an injustice if i even try to list those things because i will hardly ever know.
How little is my mind!
How little it is that i know!
The brain. A complex little blob of fat.
Ever networking, ever pulsing, ever ugly.
The mind. A busy little bunch of cog wheels.
Ever learning, ever fantasizing, ever wondering, ever remembering, ever stimulating, ever interesting, ever distracted, ever dreaming.
Joline... will you just.
*looks up innocently*
"Me?"
January:
No...! *Psycho's OST playing in the background*
Wa serious... You've got to let me in on some Sonnet ripping technique because i am so not poetry material. ('cept for Haikus i hope)
Think i blabbered a lot about it in past entries.
HAven't gotten to Sonnets by Shakespeare yet, perhaps i will take a peek later.
Oh YES! But if anything, there's actually one rather morbid sounding one i like.
It's called "Marked with D" by Tony Harrison.
The problem is that Sonnets are so enjoyable when one can GET it by oneself.
Having it explained to me makes me feel so dumb and unsatisfied.
Alwyn:
Yep... the score was real close last year. I was there screaming along with my junior.
But i was on the wrong side of the field when it came to that last kick. I think it was a conversion right.
I do hope it's not going to be a trend for RJC to creep up slowly on us like this.
*cringe*
Today's THURSDAY.
That leaves me about less than 40 hours to ARCHERY!
WHoop DEE dOO!
Till Then.
* "Everything that is done in the world, is done by hope." --Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. *
Does the weather really have to act up NOW??!?!
I mean, it was bright, hot and non-rainy till just recently. (in terms of weeks)
WHY, WHY.
Especially when i'm going to have my first basic archery lesson this saturday.
All i can hope for is that the bloomin' weather rains itself all out before saturday morning.
Or that wherever i'll be going to will be so ulu that rain has never seen that part of Singapore.
(though it is IMPOSSIBLE anyway. It IS Singapore, you know)
Here i am grumbling away when some people would be dancing around a fire with jingly jangly ornaments and facial paint screaming bloody murder for rain to pour.
Speaking of such.
I thank God that i am where i am.
Take for example:
I stare at my pencil box and all its contents and realize that there're loads of people in another part of the world who don't even own half(or less) of what's in my pencil box.
If i expand the scope and just look at the rest of what i own.
A stapler, a cup (with milo in it), a laptop, a bag, speakers, a dictionary, textbooks, my own toilet, bed,... (yada, yada)
I come to realize that i never knew i owned so many things. These things are all mine.
I have education.
I have family.
I have a home.
I have friends.
I have food and shelter.
I have clothes.
I have choice.
And there're people out there who don't have anything.
The stark reality stares at me daily and i've taken it all for granted.
Yet.
In the nothingness, they might have some things i don't.
I'd do an injustice if i even try to list those things because i will hardly ever know.
How little is my mind!
How little it is that i know!
The brain. A complex little blob of fat.
Ever networking, ever pulsing, ever ugly.
The mind. A busy little bunch of cog wheels.
Ever learning, ever fantasizing, ever wondering, ever remembering, ever stimulating, ever interesting, ever distracted, ever dreaming.
Joline... will you just.
*looks up innocently*
"Me?"
January:
No...! *Psycho's OST playing in the background*
Wa serious... You've got to let me in on some Sonnet ripping technique because i am so not poetry material. ('cept for Haikus i hope)
Think i blabbered a lot about it in past entries.
HAven't gotten to Sonnets by Shakespeare yet, perhaps i will take a peek later.
Oh YES! But if anything, there's actually one rather morbid sounding one i like.
It's called "Marked with D" by Tony Harrison.
The problem is that Sonnets are so enjoyable when one can GET it by oneself.
Having it explained to me makes me feel so dumb and unsatisfied.
Alwyn:
Yep... the score was real close last year. I was there screaming along with my junior.
But i was on the wrong side of the field when it came to that last kick. I think it was a conversion right.
I do hope it's not going to be a trend for RJC to creep up slowly on us like this.
*cringe*
Today's THURSDAY.
That leaves me about less than 40 hours to ARCHERY!
WHoop DEE dOO!
Till Then.
* "Everything that is done in the world, is done by hope." --Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. *
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
It's all in the Music
I'm DONE with those Sonnets as for now and i've moved on to Music! It's a pity that the Open Uni has removed music from the humanities syllabus.
I suppose i can understand the stand that not everyone can grasp music by reading a single chapter, listen to some music and turn into Debussy overnight.
As someone who's been making (with the best intentions and "attempts") music for most of my life so far, i can understand music a little more than the layperson out there.
*closes eyes and recollects*
Why... The big ole Tuba in Primary school, and the Alto Saxophone in Secondary School and JC.
The piano and flute at own leisure.
I'd say about 9 years in band playing, right about.
The piano and flute is ongoing.
So instead of making it a music analysis thing like they did to us for Poetry, they put more emphasis on appreciation.
So much for music.
The other thing they had axed is Philosophy. Once again, it's going to be as transiently done.
I can't say if i'm pleased by that or not.
Nevertheless, we're doing both but only paper deep.
Music's the one that is such a shame... Oh well. The world doesn't revolve around my wishes.
I've got a thing about guys and music.
I am DRAWN to them like flies to rubbish, Jed( see: "My Slavedriver" under Bare Essentials ) to food, males to PS2/FHM...
A chap who is proficient in a musical instrument would have given himself a good place in my books like someone say... who looks like Elijah Wood... (whoops)
If he's not proficient, proficient, he could at least understand (not merely appreciate) music and maybe be able to play a little on something.
Music and guys are a great combination. I like.
In terms of no books, no scores kind of music making:-
(an exception would be if the paper music has been internalized and transformed in a personal way)
Music involves expression, skill, thought, articulation, sensitivity.
Just some of the things that really score.
When i watch someone play, it is heaven to see him transform in an instant into a being one with the tool.
Suddenly, the person whom you thought you KNEW, displays a totally new side of himself.
What comes from the mind, heart and soul spills out, to the listener.
Divine.
But of course this is all very well for girls too.
ALwyn:
Read your comment with interest, and i think the last part stands in this case.
Which explains my confusion. Heh.
Maybe the next thing would just be how much am i of each.
Hm... Robert Browning sounded familiar.
"Our Aspirations are our Possibilities" (methinks he also said)
Yesterday was ACS's 118th Founder's Day.
I remember my first ACS Founder's Day i think. Was it in the indoor stadium? That would be... Year 2001.
The Combined Band [ACS (BR), ACS (I) and ACJC] were seated on one end of the vast ground. So, we pretty much had a great view of all the schools present.
ACJC had the poorest turn out.
What stayed with me most was that Rugby Warrior thing that the team(s) did.
Absolutely marvellous stuff, though i'm not sure it was entirely original.
Anyway, it's that Thundering Spirit that counts.
Amazing stuff.
ACJC had better kick Ghim Moh Institute's butt this year. (NOT Ghim Moh Sec, i LOVE my alma matar ok)
As much as i think we shouldn't be arrogant about our achievements year after year, I think ACJC should remain KING of the RUGBY FIELD.
It is one of our niche sports and one that holds many of the Alumni's tender hearts.
Very precarious.
Rugby as well as the wins are ACS's long standing tradition and pride and if anything were to break it and, WORSE, cause a yearly losing streak, i'll be devastated.
So will many other pro ACS people.
Now, i just need a good information source to update me with that important date annually.
All Righty. Gotta Go.
Till Then.
*ACS Forever!*
I suppose i can understand the stand that not everyone can grasp music by reading a single chapter, listen to some music and turn into Debussy overnight.
As someone who's been making (with the best intentions and "attempts") music for most of my life so far, i can understand music a little more than the layperson out there.
*closes eyes and recollects*
Why... The big ole Tuba in Primary school, and the Alto Saxophone in Secondary School and JC.
The piano and flute at own leisure.
I'd say about 9 years in band playing, right about.
The piano and flute is ongoing.
So instead of making it a music analysis thing like they did to us for Poetry, they put more emphasis on appreciation.
So much for music.
The other thing they had axed is Philosophy. Once again, it's going to be as transiently done.
I can't say if i'm pleased by that or not.
Nevertheless, we're doing both but only paper deep.
Music's the one that is such a shame... Oh well. The world doesn't revolve around my wishes.
I've got a thing about guys and music.
I am DRAWN to them like flies to rubbish, Jed( see: "My Slavedriver" under Bare Essentials ) to food, males to PS2/FHM...
A chap who is proficient in a musical instrument would have given himself a good place in my books like someone say... who looks like Elijah Wood... (whoops)
If he's not proficient, proficient, he could at least understand (not merely appreciate) music and maybe be able to play a little on something.
Music and guys are a great combination. I like.
In terms of no books, no scores kind of music making:-
(an exception would be if the paper music has been internalized and transformed in a personal way)
Music involves expression, skill, thought, articulation, sensitivity.
Just some of the things that really score.
When i watch someone play, it is heaven to see him transform in an instant into a being one with the tool.
Suddenly, the person whom you thought you KNEW, displays a totally new side of himself.
What comes from the mind, heart and soul spills out, to the listener.
Divine.
But of course this is all very well for girls too.
ALwyn:
Read your comment with interest, and i think the last part stands in this case.
Which explains my confusion. Heh.
Maybe the next thing would just be how much am i of each.
Hm... Robert Browning sounded familiar.
"Our Aspirations are our Possibilities" (methinks he also said)
Yesterday was ACS's 118th Founder's Day.
I remember my first ACS Founder's Day i think. Was it in the indoor stadium? That would be... Year 2001.
The Combined Band [ACS (BR), ACS (I) and ACJC] were seated on one end of the vast ground. So, we pretty much had a great view of all the schools present.
ACJC had the poorest turn out.
What stayed with me most was that Rugby Warrior thing that the team(s) did.
Absolutely marvellous stuff, though i'm not sure it was entirely original.
Anyway, it's that Thundering Spirit that counts.
Amazing stuff.
ACJC had better kick Ghim Moh Institute's butt this year. (NOT Ghim Moh Sec, i LOVE my alma matar ok)
As much as i think we shouldn't be arrogant about our achievements year after year, I think ACJC should remain KING of the RUGBY FIELD.
It is one of our niche sports and one that holds many of the Alumni's tender hearts.
Very precarious.
Rugby as well as the wins are ACS's long standing tradition and pride and if anything were to break it and, WORSE, cause a yearly losing streak, i'll be devastated.
So will many other pro ACS people.
Now, i just need a good information source to update me with that important date annually.
All Righty. Gotta Go.
Till Then.
*ACS Forever!*
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