Saturday, April 24, 2004


Life is an interesting thing.

So many experiences.

Time holds so much that can occur. Just within that space.

Then you think of how much more of life you have.

You meet some, you lose some.

You think of how comprehensive it all is.

I know so little. I have experienced so little.

It takes guts to step out.

My cooped up protective life shields me.

Count me blessed or cursed.
Most would say blessed.

I guess life would resume back to "normal".
But with a huge wound that needs to heal. And i will live with the scar.

Life would go back to how Joline once saw it.
School, JC friends, church, archery.
Carefree except for school work.

Relationship? What is that?

Joline will have no more emotional responsibilities.

It is empty.

But at the back of her mind, she knows he still lingers.

She does not know how and what.

She just wants to be alone. To be alone. To heal.

So new, all these.

All part of Life.

Onward Christian Soldier!

*** ***

Clint called to say to come check out a compound bow.

Second hand but very new. $1100. Was told only used once.
Includes: arrow rest, scope and sight and case.

Excludes: stabilizer, arrows and trigger. Prolly the arm guard also.

The scope itself costs a bomb. Can be up to $500, if it's from the brand Sure-Loc.

So, the bare bow itself really doesn't cost very much. That's IF it is a Sure-Loc sight.
Will be poking around tomorrow.

Having to juggle school and potential archery training is something of a daunting task.

The more i think of it, the more i feel afraid.
But i know that if i continue being afraid of being challenged, my kind of life and mentality is useless to me.

I cannot be wallowing away at home, taking my own sweet time.
Sure, my grades have been coming back, making me grin from ear to ear.
But i had so much time, no challenges.

Add some funk.

It is going to help me to focus more, make better use of my time.
To stop dreaming, getting it going on.

Recent events have made me turn to God more and i think i will finally get up and find a cell group.

God, School, Archery and er... ( *shudder*

Can i handle it?
Training will take up 4 days per week.

I know that when i focus, i can get things done. (school work)
The side effects are just acute exhaustion after that.

But if that's what it is going to take. So Be It.

I was psychologically psyched up to prove i could achieve some time ago. But the drive has lessened into doubt.

I feel less sure of being able to prove myself.
But i think once i start getting into the groove, i will be fine.

*** ***

It was a desire, within me, to do something for the republic.

Ever since i stepped onto he field, i've tried to keep God in mind.

I am wondering if this path was opened to me because God decided upon it.

I fear that at some point, i will step away from God's agenda. That, i do not want.
I want to cling onto Him. Every step of the way.

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