Monday, November 29, 2004

Talk is good.

I am having a chicken wing craving now. Dang, at 11:40pm.


Anyway, this is all i have to say for now.

Intellectually in-sync and engaging conversations about things that matter are real turn ons.
While pointless and non stimulating conversations are seriously depressing and trying.

Maybe i'm the pointless one.

Till Then.
*Fill me*

Sunday, November 28, 2004

*insert rolling eyed emoticon*

Been staving off blogging because, i have nothing interesting to say, no quirky ideas or memorable instances that are worth my attention.

Except that (on friday) i saw an elephant waddle into its pond, drop a few big yellow bombs into the already bacteria filled water and then proceeded to slump into the watery mass and wallowed around.
Yeah, complete with poop bobbing against the elephanty too.

Kinda like how in life, we create our own crap and then sit around in it.
Take it literally or figuratively. Whatever.

Oh, i was at the zoo on friday with a friend's mom's childcare centre children. I could go on forever about the time i had, but i think i'll just put down the most salient points to note.

Looking at the children, my heart just sang. It was like, obviously though, looking at little adults. Little humans. Bite sized little creatures with bright eyes and eager faces.
Little canvases open and clean to have things painted upon them.

God's gifts... Those little itty bitty children.

As a psychology student, i now begin to appreciate the dialogue i hear between children themselves. How they interact and communicate with words and gestures, what means what to them, how they construct meanings and ideas about the world around them.

They are such a joy to OBSERVE (not exactly look after, *groan*, unless you've got yourself an ANGEL).

Couldn't stop gushing over them as i watched them. I've NEVER felt this way about children.
Then again, maybe the lot i had around me were, yeah, mostly the sweeter, nicer ones.
About 4+years old.

Ha, and YES... i have my TWO favourites! This little japanese girl whom i've dubbed "My J-Pop Star" and another little Caucasian girl. Quiet little sweetie with lily fair skin, an oh-so-incredible-mega-watt-smile and crystal clear eyes!

Disclaimer: I am NOT A PAEDOPHILE.

*** ***

The Esplanade Roof Terrace. Yesterday. For the first time.
It helped that there was a beautiful clear night sky, with the full moon shining brightly upon us homosapiens and stars that speckled the black velvet cosmos.
And... ORION!

What better way to spend time at the Esplanade than with someone who enjoys silence too.
Thanks dude!

*** ***

Oh hey, and i am going to be a trainee of sorts for my church's new band. (Band as in, Guitars [electric, acoustic], drums, synthesizer and keyboard)
Me, keyboardist.
Most pleased to serve my God with whatever... erm, i have. I'm not sure if they qualify as talents, but BLEAH.
If He wishes, He will provide!

*looks at the clock on the right corner*

GARN. Looks like a photoshooting stint is in order. Indoor range, here i come.

I need solitary time!

Ya know what?
Think i shall keep one week for myself.
I really NEED to stop running around the country for a bit and enjoy some joline time. Yes, being in the company of myself.

And i haven't accomplished any shopping yet. Garnn...
I need clothes.
My phone is dying. Slowly but surely.
I need a new scope.
Competition is coming up and what have i done?! Need more practice.

I'm glad it's been a busy holiday though i'll BET that the people behind the LTA are laughing as they count my money! MY MONEY!

For those of you whose emails i've not replied to, I'M VERY VERY VERY SORRY.

Till Then.
*You're all precious to me. Each and every one of you.*

Thursday, November 25, 2004


The bbq on monday went pretty good. I actually enjoyed myself. (Wow, Jo enjoyed herself while being around people.) Could actually let loose a little, being my ditzy and active persona, which is by far the closest to my real self.

We played a prank on our birthday boy. It was hilarious! And it was so funny seeing him "attack" his girlfriend when he found out that she was in the prank as well.

While everyone was feasting on the first round of bbq stuff, i realized that no one was cooking so i decided to do so. As a result, i got to eat just one of the chicken wings i *sort of* marinated (had a little help) last minute before i left for the bbq.

Well, i am most happy to serve others. So, it is not a problem anyway.
Besides, seeing food cook is actually quite a pleasure.
Hm, reminds me of food chemistry. Chemistry option paper.
The stupid thing that i studied only JUST before the paper began on the day itself.

The bbq fire was so freakin' hot that the metal button (above the zip) on my bermudas got heated up and was searing my skin!

*** ***

Had a good work-out day yesterday (wed). Had about 30min of badminton in the afternoon, about 1hour+ of gym followed by more badminton in the evening. Heh.
A new part of me is aching now... hohoho. *GRIN*

My left triceps have healed well but my hamstrings are still experiencing a slight problem from the last gym session. I discovered that the muscles shortened! Trying my best to do some stretching exercises whenever i can.

Had a little dinner by the sea. AS IN, ON THE BEACH, WITH THE SEA A FEW METRES AWAY FROM ME. It was THAT THAT THAT BEAUTIFUL! I was SO IMPRESSED with the idea!
Pasta Fresca by East Coast.

Hey gals! What say you about a trip like that for dinner? It'll be awesome.

Went for a walk at Labrador Park. I know, I know. Kinda like a lover's place, it is.

Memories flooded my head when we (schoolmate and i) went over.
Memories of that sunset at that little balcony of sorts.
Memories of you.
And of course, memories of ACJC BAND!

We just walked the length of the Park, ventured onto the jetty. A still night it was.

If only i could be there for hours on end and with someone special. To sink into his embrace as we stare out to sea and watch the lights sparkle in the distance on the dark sea.
Uhm... *smile*

The expanse of sky was just... OH GLORY!

I conked out the second my head touched the pillow. Horizontal meditation went well and woke up aching! AH, the pain. Nice, nice.

Well, today calls for more up and running business. Golly Wolly, i am tired!
But, i can do it!

Till Then.
*Very seh* (add the nasal quality when you say that)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Spot me!

Sunday... at the ACS (Archery Club of Singapore) Indoor Range.
Using the Club's wooden riser recurve bow, with ancient Samick limbs. Hoohoo.
Maybe a photo of me and my compound bow would be coming up.

I am the fourth person from the left.
Only GIRL there ok, GIRL POWER.

Grabs her arrow... Posted by Hello

And she draws the bow! Beware! I can de-man you! The nicest bow among us (at the shooting line) belongs to the second last guy. His own equipment. Posted by Hello

And the release... Ah, and a perfect follow through! (Erm......) Anyway, guy with the nicer bow is not here. Posted by Hello

Maybe later.
Going to the indoor range now for some business and training.
See you later, i hope.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Some things don't seem to end, does it. (skip, to spare yourself something sappy)

Thanks for that bit of info there mate.
Let's up it a little.
What if the individuals had been apart for much more than just months?
Enough time for each of them to attempt to find love with other people.
Hm, say, 4 or 5 years, maybe more?

*** ***

Thoughts flow and emotions follow in hot pursuit.
For being too investive.
For being too nostalgic.
For feeling so much.
For having such a... theatrical, full coloured, surround sound, movie-like enabled memory.

Why did it have to happen?
I look up into the serene blue sky of understanding. But all i can do is look?
I'm dangling on the rope, close to the opening, but hanging, in mid air over a long, deep, dank, dark hole.
I've come a long way.

I got pushed back in. But.
Conversely, i can struggle out again. Pull and grapple for freedom once again.
I should be able to do it.

But even then, what closure do i get for pulling myself out? For doing it myself?
Blue sky not so clear after all.

As you are human (you do possess feelings) as am i human as well (human flesh prone to weakness) i hope that there is some reason.
Be it a simple/rash/harmless/minutely tiny/polite reason...
A reason, would be nice.

I cannot ask you why. Who am i to you, to ask you why?
I cannot expect anything. Who am i to you, to expect anything?

I can only say how i feel here, knowing full well there's only a 0.0000000000001 chance that you'll see this.

Well, never mind.

In fact, i shouldn't be feeling teased.
I am fine, in control. Have always been for a while now.
There's no reason why i should not be the same, even now.
But... it's you i'm talking about.

I bet you don't feel the pain anymore. I doubt you do. It's been pretty clear.
Course, not that it's a bad thing. :-)

Being the fella i am, i feel too much for my own good over certain things.

Some things change and some things don't seem to end.

*** ***

Been a month after the exams and it hasn't stopped, though maybe, just maybe, signs of slowing is in order. WOOT!

Let's see. BBQ, archery clubhouse business and competition self-training, Gym, Badminton, meeting friend, church and archery.
That's my whole week, one day at a time, in summary.

I would've said "I don't know if i should laugh or cry".
But i guess, laughing is a better option.
May i add, hysterically.

I am chugging on, chugging on. Every day has an agenda.
In more ways than one. (?)

Till Then.
*off to the bbq. I HOPE, the chicken tastes like something decent*

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Feeling... Emo.

Had a perfect ending to friday. After a long, smelly, bo liao-ish day at the indoor range, i STILL got to meet up with my treasured JC friends.
For reasons of privacy, who they are and information shall not be disclosed.

We had a great time despite the short meet up. (Quality, Quality!) Well, I wish it had lasted longer. But never mind, it was oh so good seeing them. It hardly feels as if 2 years have passed since we got out from ACJC.

I'm the sort that enjoys long and drawn out time spent with girl friends. I prefer spending a whole day with them without the need for any of us rushing off at a certain time to attend to something else.
The feeling of not wanting the precious day to end.

Suddenly feeling so happy yet sad. Happy for that wonderful indulgence in friendship but sadness that it ended so soon. As if, my life support system just got cut off.

*** ***

I've been hearing about this thing from a few friends lately, and i must say...
Hm, must be the season or something.

So, the question i shall ask is, "Can love between exes rekindle itself?"
(ok people! Stop moaning!)

Duh, ok, i suppose one of the most obvious answers that i think would be shot back at me would be, "Depends on the circumstances."
Circumstances encompasses about a gazillion things, and i shall so not bother about listing them down.

There's this pastor from my church who told us that when he was in secondary school, he saw THE girl and KNEW she was going to be HIS WOMAN. They dated but thing is, things didn't go right then.

They went their separate ways and had their other relationships.

But surprise surprise. God brought them back together and today, they are happily MARRIED.

So, he wasn't wrong after all eh?

Anyway, i've been slapping myself both mentally and physically recently. (yes, slapping physically is done in private at least. You don't believe? Then, you don't know me.)

Sometimes, i need to get a grip when my head runs off with my emotions. Cut those stupid thoughts on their tracks and tell self to WAKE UP.
I don't advocate doing it but it helps me refocus, nod mechanically and go back to who i am and where i am.

I feel so... :-(
Can anyone ever live up to it? Everyone is different and i cannot impose such standards on anyone, now can i?

It's 3am, i neeeeeeed to ramble but i am living at this point in constant fear of mommy/daddy thrusting my room door open and hissing at me to go to bed.
Following which, i would get a scolding the next morning.

I think my adrenalin is going to an all time high. Fear, fear!
Ok, shall go. Invisible hands are tearing me away from my perch in front of the laptop.

TIll Then.
*Dettol makes me smell like... Gleneagles*

Friday, November 19, 2004

keeps me happy.

Note: Haloscan has been acting strange lately.

*** ***

While pumping iron...

Archer guy: Is this your first gym day?
Jo: Yes...
Archer guy: When i had mine, i ached for 2 weeks!
Jo: ok...

I didn't believe him.
I'm aching pretty much all over now. It's only been one day but anyway... i don't forsee myself aching that long.
2 weeks?! No way.

Well, if you've spoken to me about work-out derived pain, you would know that i LIKE the pain.
The pain makes me feel good.

Crud. I'm returning to my old bad habit of sleeping late. Gotta scram. Perhaps more when i return.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


I woke up to a beautiful (in the commonest of sense, i don't mean the beauty of a rainy day) day.

Seeing the clear true-ish blue (without that milky film. but will i ever know what TRUE BLUE really is?) and the white unthreatening clouds, always makes me feel happy and thankful.
The unsuspicious winds that blow also make me feel like... grinning into the sky.

Oops, that reminds of me QT which i haven't done yet for today.

The only cruddy thing is, i'm not feeling all too physically wonderful today though i know i'll get through it with my sometimes-can-activate bullstrength.

The Movie

I watched The Incredibles yesterday and i must say it had me enthralled throughout, to the point that i failed to finish my measly 100g worth of Famous Amos cookies. Mind you, that alone says quite something.

I felt that the show was a little adultish, you need to listen up a little. The dialogue and character mannerisms aren't as hilarious as in Shrek and Shrek 2. However, it's altogether a show worth spending money on.
If you're torn between Sharktale and The Incredibles, CHOOSE THE LATTER!
Sharktale is... weak.
I might even say that my dad, the action show lover might enjoy The Incredibles.

The Phone. (no, not the cellular. ok, that was lame***.)

Because i cannot have (*sob*) the recently released new Nokia models, i've begun lusting after the Sony Ericsson T630, k500i and k700i.
But since it's only the k700i that has the fm radio, it is the clear winner of the three.
Problem is, it's the most pocket blowing (comparable to the untouchable Nokias) of the lot. So there.

Yeah, although there're a couple of Nokias that aren't THAT shabby and are less bank account devastating, i know that their value will depreciate a lot faster and that's just... No Thanks mate.

There are things in this world you desire in this lifetime, but cannot have.

First gym training with team members.

Yes, so it's meeting coach at 4:30pm later. I feel... uneasy about the whole thing. I think i'll be training with the younger archers. Oh no, i can feel myself going into clam shell mode!
The mode when Jo merely becomes a quiet, shy-smile, talk little, klutzy girl who is the loner.



Ahem, excuse me.
*flattens out the creases on clothes and clears throat*

Looks like Jo has to revert back to PR pushing mode. The person i was, back before uni began.

Crazy, ditzy, loud, happy, cheery, laughy, excitable, sharp, smiley, dishes out grins like everyone loves it...
Not that it's a fake me. In fact, i feel better being loud than quiet.

I have to do this, before it's too late.

If the world were rid of all its imperfections, would the world really be perfect?

Till then.
*drags hurting self to get ready for the step towards something potentially life changing*

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

*a little wave and a hullo*

*looks around*
Have things changed? Not quite.

Anyway, been having a little dry spell lately so i've gone off the blogging a bit. I'll probably be back soon with more nonsense to spout.
As usual right.

Well, this week is packed. Wonderful! Yet, gah... But it's all good anyway.

I'm going to be training at the gym with the team tomorrow. Of course, unofficially. How things develop in future depends a lot on external factors and what i can do to prove my worth.

I need to get lots of things done.

Confession: I wuv you all...! :-)

Friday, November 12, 2004

Homebound. (updated)

My phone has begun showing signs of impending death... or prolonged suffering.
It's doing its own shutting down, restarting, hanging and dying... And the power button no longer works.
Basically just screwing up on me. Pulling stunts that really aren't very amusing. :-(((

Well, well. I guess the first reaction to this would be, "Hey, great excuse to get thee a new phone!"
Been looking around for a bit and spotted a couple of phones i like, but the prices put me off in a blink.
Oh well.

I do like my N6510. I like the way it looks, its soft blue backlight, the font size. Although there was a period of time when i felt the itch for a new phone, i've never really actually felt like ditching my N6510.
Poor baby.

HAH. But i refuse to repair it. Because, ahem, you know, need to move with the times ya know? *cough, cough*

*** ***

Man, i've been going out often in the past weeks. As pretty much of a recluse, i've never gone through this kind of "intensive socializing", believe it or not. Usually, my holidays in the past would be long and quiet affairs, with occasional outings, no big brouhaha.

I'm getting calls to go out to meet, catch up, do stuff.
It's amazing.
Yes, i'm that new to the social world, big time.

I never knew that people actually want to be in my presence. You know as a kid till now, i've always thought that people didn't really like me around. I guess me being a sensitive kid coupled with having gone through bad experiences in the past... and perhaps not having the resilience then, kind of made me into this self-conscious and recluse-like person with a i'm-not-worthy mentality.

People. Never ever let your kids turn out to be like me, all right? You do not want them to be hindered in their social lives.

Library Gang of ACJC 2SC10... I LOVE YOU GALS.

*** ***

I'm going to protect myself from you.
You seem to play this game, flitting around.
You seem mighty unstable to me though you speak otherwise.
There's nothing to oblige to, but things aren't pretty anyway.
I can never tell what your true intentions are and your words are never clear.
And i don't think you have quite the grip on things either.
Jo, you cannot afford this.

I don't know what's going on over yonder. I don't know why it happened, and why things are the way it is now.
I do hope to hear from you soon.
Hope i didn't say anything to make you feel uncomfortable. I do apologize if i did.

*** ***

I realize i may have, in me, embedded hatred and insecurity. Hatred and insecurity that flares up when a certain situation comes about. When it rears its ugly head, my insides get heated up and my mind goes into hyperactivity.

In truth, I was a jealous kid in the past, always in need of love and attention. I hated the idea of having another younger sibling and i used to scream bloody murder and cry like a banshee when there was any talk about another sibling.
I would kick up a huge fuss when my parents paid attention to someone else's baby.
It was almost... i hate to say it, and i think i won't. Not appropriate.

I grew to hate children though times have changed me, mellowed me out somewhat. ALTHOUGH... i sometimes get evil ideas. *revolver! revolver!*

Being deprived as the kid, perhapos now as an adult, i guess this "deprivation" (though i am inclined to hope i am not!) has translated into an expectation that i project onto another person i may love/have feelings for.
(child to parent, now, adult to adult)

So, when i don't have that need fulfilled, i can become a serious big time BITCH.
Like the way i was a serious big time jealousy prone kid.

Some honest reflection. Some psychology.

*** ***

Does anyone have any nice and good Nokia phones to recommend?

I know i promised never to have anything to do with Ericsson ever again, but the Sony Ericsson cellulars aren't too shabby at the moment.
What is paramount to me, is that sms typing should be easy and quick.
AND... the obvious being, idiot proof. Or, technoidiot friendly.

Till Then.
*Where're you?*

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

To be idle.

*rolls eyes*

Gee, i'd be setting off for the Esplanade by now if not for the hefty transportation... costs. LTA has made tons of money from me in the past few weeks. I hate it. Money just gets sucked out from my ez-link card like nobody's except for LTA's business!
Seeing the value going down at a steady rate makes me sad.

Yeah, i know it's worse if you live in Japan and the other countries where cab fares can come up to someone's wage for a day.
Just let me whine, will ya.

I had lovingly stroked thoughts of stepping into a teleportation portal/tube and "ZWAANGG!", i'd arrive at my destination in a split second. How nice that would be.
Kind of like, the portal de-atomizes you, or, zaps you into electrons or whatever tiny matter and then transports you via some fibre or cable.

Thing is, who gets to be the first to try the thing. The poor rats.

There was this book that fictitiously suggested that perhaps one day, babies will be the next subjects of experiments.
I might've remembered the exact bottomline wrongly, but i know it was by Neil Gaiman.

But hey, i could leech a ride to the Esplanade later! But, i'll be on my own. Wouldn't that be bittersweet, or contradictory, for me.

The bliss of being all alone, but with my thoughts.
All alone to enjoy the sounds and smells of the sea, the sounds of the night, to feel the wind against my cheeks, to gaze at the sky that stretches before and above me.
No one to tell me they're bored, no one to keep entertained.
No one to suggest anything i don't want to do.
It's not called loneliness.

Yet, at moments like those, you'd like someone who enjoys the same space, the same quietness, the same love of nature.
We needn't speak and the silence is perfect, for both of us recognize the beauty and enjoyment derived and hence the value of the experience.
And because we know how each other feels, we have no wish to intrude into each other's space. Or personal experience.
Even then, disturbances would be perfectly timed and the joy of being able to complement each other is... indescribably sweet.
The common understanding between us would be priceless.

*** ***

Ok, snap out of it. I'm going for a jog. Excuse me.

Till Then.
*Archery Competition, 10-11 Dec 2004*

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Open the eyes, i must.

A swift kick to my behind and a huge slap with a luohan fish across my face, will do really nicely at the moment.
I need to wake up and quit living in a fantasy.
Stop being dependent!

I don't need you in order to function properly!
I can do well enough on my own, thank you very much.

No, no, don't get me wrong, life would be cool with you but a girl's got to know when to pull the brakes... sometimes.

*** ***

We (names withheld for privacy purposes) talked about manners... of guys, that is.

For example:

- He eats like he usually would... Only that he eats so... openly, that you can see every molecule of food in his mouth.
- He is NOT gentlemanly.
- He eats more noisily than a bulldozer.
- He picks his zits in front of you... and checks the results of his gold mining.
- He has a very disgusting way of cleaning his... face. Or a part of it.
- He snorts in a very crude way to clear his nose. He might as well be running around with the pigs.
- He doesn't stand to greet someone especially if the person comes by to shake his hand.
- (list not exhaustive)

Well, perhaps some of you, having a boyfriend who has some of these disgusting traits, or maybe ALL or MOST of these traits (oh, bless your saintly heart, darling) does not bother you very much.

Perhaps, you might even see these as shallow and undeserving of attention because he fulfills your every other need perfectly. (Well and good for you, darling)

But for the rest of us who are bothered by his non-existent manners, please stand up!
Why, thank you! Yes, i too, joline, cannot tolerate living with a caveman!

Imagine him having a meal with the rest of your family at the dinner table at home, or eating out with your family.
And the whole bunch of us will be treated to a display of his animalistic manners!
Wow! Call in David Attenborough, Call in Jane Goodall!

I wouldn't know what i'd do apart from the "digging a hole and hiding in the ground", "kicking him under the table", "pretend to drag him to the toilet to... educate him" measures.

Update maybe later.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Someone made a voodoo doll of me, i'm sure of it.

I am pissed because now i have to retype my long rant. Crummy computer.
Guess I won't be including the details anymore because once is enough and that was mercilessly lost.

So, i'm sorry if you guys were hoping for something MORE, about my stupid crap day i had yesterday at the range.

Am i junk or is my bow the junk:

My stupid compound bow messed up big time on me twice. I think it just can't seem to take the shocks/impact very well.
As a result, my arrow rest destroyed some inner metal threads (that has been thankfully fixed due to coach's dexterity).
The entire arrow rest popped right off my bow. My heart also nearly popped and dropped.
AND secondly, my scope did a half spin after one particular shot (as in, it came loose so had to tighten again).

Tell me. Is it my bow or me?

I should've gotten either Hoyt or Mathews. Problem is, they are too bleddy expensive.

While shooting with the team:

I lost 1 arrow, murdered another because i lost the metal tip and i killed the fletches of 4 more.
They say it is all part and parcel of archery. Oh really. I take it on half trust for now.

Then, coach cranked up the poundage, from 29 to 33-35pounds. Do the math. Usually, you only crank up 3 pounds at one shot, maximum.
I was like... *Oooff* when i had to draw the bow.
Well, a necessary step, because i had to reach the target at 70m. No choice.
As you will guess, i was dog tired at the end of the shoot.

Had this one suspicious arrow that kept going into blue despite me aiming at the centre.
And i think coach kept seeing that happening. Not very good for a first time 70m impression eh.

But zen... I managed to get a 10 pointer ok! (I hope it's not taiko one)With my x6 scope! What was the national archer next to me using?
A SURE-LOC x10 SCOPE OK! Which is worth more than a hundred, or a few hundred dollars.
Me? Using a humble Spigarelli x6 scope costing $68.
Hail Joline!

YEAH RIGHT. I am only a small cashew nut lah, i have LOTS to improve on...

Jo the perfect Klutz:

BAH. Clumsy, i am.
In the earlier part of the day, i kept tripping on the strings on the floor that demarcates the equipment line. My bow also got caught on the tent's foundation strings such that when i walked, oblivious to the drag, i pulled on the tent's cover.
All this, in full view of strangers who were amused.
Friggin' embarrassing ok.
But, i am the master of making things look forgivable. *fuahhahaha*

Just when i thought that klutz jo was done with entertaining her audience. She outdid herself again. Just you hear.

At crowded City Hall Interchange, i was an idiot and stepped onto the escalator that was coming DOWN from the higher story. I thought it was going UP to the higher story.
Ok, so as i've said, without much exagerration, i had to do a "tapdance" on the escalator to save my sorry butt. I had to turn around and get off, else i'd be dancing for all eternity.

Because my bow was long, it banged on the sides of the escalator creating such a bleddy din that people turned round to stare. ****!

*** ***

All in all, an interesting day in a not so nice way.
I hope to infinity that no one on that MRT platform will ever see my face again!

Anyway, it's pretty early (about 3pm) to be shacked but i am.

Maybe later.

*dog yawn*

Sunday, November 07, 2004

*was* contented with a little gastric pain.


I'm back from a long day at the range... Wait till i divulge about the day's happenings.
Two words: %^&*I^G %$^T! (yes, that does spell something but too profane for sanctified eyes)


What is this? Verbal Diarrhoea. Blog Diarrhoea.


Decided not to turn on the lights, so that i could see what the sky held in store.
I leaned out the window to discover the wealth of stars i could see! It was SUCH a beautiful sight to behold.
Without warning...

I know those days are gone but hey, cues always happen right?
I remember "Orion". The star constellation that had always been my favourite.
Orion itself fascinated me and i think it amused you to know that this silly girl never failed to be transfixed by it.

"Come over here! You can see it better here." (looks up and points)
But i think my voice got lost in the wind.
You smiled and said something or other and went on your way.

I wish our cell mates could book a chalet soon. Then hopefully, a bunch of friends and i can go gaze at the sky, sit at the breakwater at night (WITH PEPPER SPRAY) and listen to the waves and creatures of the night.

Oh ____.

Jed just vomited on my bed.

Saturday, November 06, 2004



Could've gone arching at the outdoor range. I JUST PRAY THAT GOD WOULD ALLOW THE WEATHER TO PROLONG INTO SUNDAY.

I'm sure all the other people into outdoor sports would be very appreciative too...
Please... God? Pretty Please?

Shooting with the team tomorrow... THEE TEAM. I cannot wait.

*** ***

Something is definitely wrong with me today.

I felt so indifferent to everything. I had cell, then service. Things were all right. But when it came to dinner with the friends, i felt so OFF.
There's nothing to be moody about. I just was.
I didn't have a single bite of food. Just ice lemon tea sufficed.

Sipped my lil ole drink, i did. Staring into space, listening to the conversation.
Chipping in at times saying some totally obscure (irrelevent too?) stuff. Ha.

You know, i think i know why i am so dull now. Ok, listen:

1. Jo is/was a sarcastic person.
2. And it kept my mind sharp because it takes WIT TO BE SARCASTIC OK! And WIT takes some BRAIN POWER!
3. Problem is, my sarcasm can be scathing and hurtful.
4. Therefore, i have decided to cut down.
5. Hence, i do not work my brain anymore.
6. Therefore, Jo has dulled.

The "price" of being less sarcastic, is... something good. That is, more friends.

No people, do not freak. I love having everyone around. Friendship is one of those priceless things in life.
Meant to be treasured and held closely to the heart.
And when some friendship screws up, i get affected. You should know by now.

It's just weird... not being 100% me. Ok, i'm not going to go down that train of thought. Again.

There are only certain people i feel safe enough to unleash my sarcasm to but even then, i still hold my tongue at times and... What i say doesn't come quite as quick anymore.

As for the moody disposition... It's the hormones talking this evening. I think it's pretty fair to believe that.

Nevertheless, i did feed off the jokes tonight and laughed like a loony. I liked that the most.
Laughing heartily is a lost luxury.

Man... so-and-so is pretty friggin' FUNNY! Cannot say lar.

Anyway, a parting note for now... (gotta go do some stuff, might be back)

You know you've gotten fat when the matter under your face/chin vibrates along with the bus you're on.


Friday, November 05, 2004

Ramble Mode (II)

What happened to your lip?
Did you get into a brawl?
Is that fungus on your lip?
Did you contract some disease?
Did you bite your lip?
Did someone bite your lip?

Nay, my darling honey bunny dog Jed jumped, hit my chin, and so my front tooth cut my lip.

Dangerous Happy Dog.

The desires of my heart calls.

I think i've spoken about this before. But ramble i will... Wot's new huh.

It's been a while since i've given a part of myself away. As much as it gets a little lonesome at times, i know jumping into a relationship is a perfect no-no. I have long ago decided that i will surrender my personal life to God. I let Him do the controlling. I'm not going to push for what i want till i know, in my soul, that things are different.

True chemistry between me and a potential special someone else is a pretty difficult thing to conceive.

God fearing, same wavelength, same humour, same crappiness, same goals, same intellectual communication level, ability to make me feel like there's no one else in his eyes, ability to hit the right chords with the right words that i long to hear but have no knowledge of myself... Someone who gives me the space i need because i'm an individualistic girl, but he is able to also give me the feeling that he's always there for me and loves me.

Were you just going to tell me to go marry the television?
No, you can't do very much with a telly, i'm afraid. *smirk*

Anyway, did "those requirements" sound pretty normal enough?
Well, try adding in the fact that i am little Miss Eccentric.

Ah, so...
True chemistry between me and a potential special someone else is a very difficult thing to conceive.

So when I sense a discord, i know it's never.

Some don't understand me, some choose to run away, some tolerate, some love me (only my girl friends hor... Sad)
Some complement me.

As for now till the day when i feel the waves move in sync...

My days will be filled with my friends (that includes whoever is reading this and consider yourself my friend) and family that God has so richly blessed me with.
You guys have been the pillars that held me together in all seasons.
How can i thank you more.
With these few measly words, i lay my gratitude before you.

*** ***

Because of the way life has been prodded at lately by an aspect, i have been thinking.

It is not easy dealing with it (though it is definitely manageable) but... i guess God has His ways, in His time.
I trust Him with my life.

If i have to remain the spinster who feeds starving children, then so be it.
So long as God is with me.

He will never chuck me in something such that His grace is insufficient to help me through.

So there.

*** ***


I. Had. A. Wonderful. Day. Today.
Cheers to sisterhood and honest friendship! I lub (nope, no spelling error there) you Germ! yeehehehee.

Well, ok, so Miss Suaku cum Eccentric made her debut to the Library @ the Esplanade today.

But instead of just the library alone, i think i might make the Esplanade my hangout.
Nothing can quite adequately describe how the sky gazer felt when she looked up to the heavens.
The size and span of it made me feel like spreading my arms wide and tilting my head back and not giving a jack dime about what anyone seeing me thinks.
(perhaps i embarrass friends that way eh.)

If only the seats weren't WET and if Germ and i got there earlier. Oh well. There's always a next time. I hope.

The sea, the sky, the closeness with nature makes my soul soar, my heart sing, and the beauty of it all overtakes my being. (Must be better than... *sheepish* oh, nothing)

By hook or by crook. I'm going to head down to the beach some day and spend my time basking in nature.

*** ***

Tomorrow's saturday, the most packed day of the week. Hopefully, it'll pass so quick that sunday will feel like it arrived in a blink of an eye.

ARCHERY!!! THE TEAM!!! 70metres HERE I COME!!!

Watch out, Singapore. ;-P

Till then.
*My best is all i have to give. Will my dreams come to pass?*

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Ramble Mode. (I)

The Walk, with my Lord.

Life has been interesting of late.
Though maybe not always for reasons i favour though, but still. Life is not a straight droning line like the way it was a few weeks back.

With the exams out of the way, i suddenly discover "that there IS a social life". (haha, courtesy of classmate!)

It's been great in the area of the Christian walk. I am not saying that i've experienced wonders and great closeness with God.
What i do know is, is that my life is inching, very slowly, but inching still, towards God.

And i am finding myself drawing millimetre by millimetre closer to Him, increasing my faith, getting to know more Christian brothers and sisters and talking to them about life and God.

I am always grateful that God has placed each and every one of them in my life. They are all here for a purpose and i hope that things will get better and better as life proceeds on.

*** ***


Loads of birthdays coming up this month and in december. Including yours truly.
I am not saying that to hint anything LAH.

Thinking back on how birthdays have been in the past...
I don't really like noisy surprises and embarrassing, centre-of-attention kind of birthday celebrations.
I just like being with the ones i love. I don't need to be surprised.
And... an ang pow would be nice. *grin*

Been spending a lot on archery these days and also when i go out to meet friends to catch up. Unfortunately, i am not thinking of working because for one, the time available is rather short for work and i think, i think, i have other things i'd much rather devote my time to.

*** ***


My inner being feels somewhat hanging in limbo, and i feel like its chattering away and going through all sorts of emotions. Another side of me is calm, still and drifting.
How would one explain this in psychological terms? *hm.*

*** ***

Last Sunday.

Coach: So Joline, when are you going to join us?
(you have NO IDEA how long i've been waiting to hear you say that!)
Joline: (feels a surge of hope about the training team matters but decides to play safe... 8-<) ... You mean shoot 70m?
Coach: Yeah.
Joline: Erm.
Coach: I think i'll pull you in next week.
Joline: I only just started shooting 50m.
Coach: You only started shooting 50m...
Joline: Yeah. (looks at him wondering what he's going to say)
Coach: 70m next week ah? (walks off)
Joline: (summons up existing pluck and speaks in all the confidence i could muster) OK.

Glory Jo, what did you just get yourself into?
My scope is only a x6 one! How am i going to have enough of yellow to let my red aiming dot drift within?

Shooting with the national team. That's all well, good, wonderful and FINALLY.
What good is that if i do not undergo the proper training?

Annneeewaayy, i am not going to be ungrateful. I will just take things as they come.
Hopefully, that opportunity i was given so long ago will come to pass.

*** ***

It's Christmas? Already?

I just heard an advert proclaiming some Christmas offer on the radio. I don't know about you, but it actually feels odd that Christmas is approaching. Somehow, i get this notion that it's here... too early? It's kind of, out of place?
The time that has lapsed feels like we should only be in June now and not November.

Well, as much as i don't like the way Christmas has become in this little country of ours, i have to admit that i like the approaching anticipation of the day itself.

On the OTHER hand, i don't like it because once the day itself passes on, i feel as if:
I am left in a dark room with a deflated ballon in my left hand and a popped party gun in the right hand coupled with a party hat on my head on the verge of slipping off. And there's the feeling of indignance.

What happens is that the Christmas atmosphere is built up and then once it's over, it feels like everything gets abruptly chopped short.
Everything just returns to the normal drone and bustle again.

To me, that's depressing.
Not to say that i wish to perceive Christmas the way the general society does, but you get my drift right.
It's just the way it affects you.

I just thought this post was getting too long, so i've decided to break it up.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Now, now children, this is only for adults and for people who know where i'm coming from!

Joline is going to scream, so back off.

Sometimes, i don't know why i EVEN FRIGGIN' BOTHER!
Each time, i think i get smarter, but really, i am a sucker. A REAL SUCKER!

WAKE UP!!! HELLO?! W-A-K-E U-P!!!!!

I shall forever remain celibate, even in the mildest sense.
I can't even trust myself, stupid girl.


There are some people... i should just STAY THE *beep* AWAY from.

But why oh why do such people stir the air?

I think they should just all go and disappear.


*** ***

I realize i have lost whatever edge i had. The sharp mouthed, quick to shoot back bitch has softened.
But of course, you, my friends, can correct me i'm wrong.

I'm not referring to stuff like the above. That's... something else altogether.

But seriously, it's like this:

Whenever i meet someone i know is of my frequency, i find myself just so UNABLE to match that level, like i would have been able to, IN THE PAST.

I find myself unable to keep up and reply in the same manner although i KNOW that i could before.
It's really frustrating!

So, am i comfortable with this newer me or am i dying to break out of it?
Is my brain slowing? Am i becoming a dim-wit?

*sob* :-(((((((

Maybe i'm just afraid of being too liberal with my words since my mindset now seems to be, "Make more friends".

So, would my new friends ever get to see the real me?
Hm, i would probably diss them off before they can stay around for long.

Ok, i seriously need to get work done! Have got lots of tasks to accomplish and i can't even remember the whole lot.

Maybe later.

Till Then.
*Moratorium..., a slow developer, you.*