Thursday, September 30, 2004


I want to blend up my psychology textbooks, chug them down in a swig, and FAST FORWARD TIME...



Withdrawal symptoms.

I want to own a Hoyt Compound Bow and Recurve Bow someday.
Pweety pweety bows...

My PSE bow is all right. Mine looks most like the SUPRA models you see there.
Just that Hoyts look absolutely gorgeous. *presses nose against the laptop screen*
But they're just TOO Expensive.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Me? For Music Ministry?

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from NOW, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

And here's Jo wishing you a very Good Morning at 12+a.m approaching 1 a.m.
As you can see, she is acting herself.
But you may choose to see it both ways.

Distorted Jo face. Pablo Picasso would be so proud of me. Posted by Hello

*** ***

Ok, anyway. Guess what.
I have been seriously psychoed by my cell mate to go for the music ministry audition.
YES, to serve God as a pianist.


I think all i needed was that final shove. I guess all along i have been harbouring thoughts of contributing to the music ministry but always thought it was rather far fetched.
Of course, i had also doubted my own ability.
And I still do...

How can i possibly be as good as the people who play every week?

HELLO? Let me give you the low down on my "credentials":
- Piano practical: Grade 1
- Piano theory: Grade 3
- I've stopped my lessons since secondary school, like, sec 1.
- I play by ear now and buy piano books to sight read and play.
- I can play mostly only songs in C major...
- If it's not in C major, the song had better be printed in a book so i can be reminded to hit the sharps or flats.
- Never played in a band before. (BAND: drumset, electric guitars, synthesizer...)
Only bands i've been in were the LOOK-AT-THE-CONDUCTOR-KIND.

I know that it's one thing to serve God...
Trust Him and He'll provide.

Thing is, erm, is this something i should've gotten myself into?

It's scary you know??? One service's congregation can come up to a few hundred people.
And i heard that they (the ones in charge) are pretty concerned with skills, and not only just the spirit to serve.

I prayed over it before i wrote the email.
I felt a strong urge to send it.
Not sure if it was my own excitement or God saying: Go.

Used to be comfortable playing with guests milling about but those days of showmanship confidence is gone.
Haven't played with an audience in a long while.

Audition is on the 9th and they're looking out for:
- sense of rhythm, pitch and dynamics
- ability to sight read
- ability to improvise
- ability to harmonise and modulate.

I'm all right at most of it, the problem now is getting myself to play properly.

I'll be fine. I think. I hope.
Just need a little tinkling or banging from now till then.

Maybe Later...
Mug Bug Calls.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Buay Tahan

I know some of you would've ALREADY been pelted by photos of Jed, and some of you have also seen these same pictures under "My Slavedriver".

But, because he's so cute i will post his puppy pictures here.

That's the cutest thing i've ever seen! My Darling! Posted by Hello

That's got to be the stupidest face (but SO CUTE!!!). (Courtesy of sister's and camera's timely presence.) Cracks me up all the time. Feel free to break the record. Posted by Hello

No, we didn't do any photo editing or resizing a la Lord of the Rings. Posted by Hello

Hope you ran out of breath because you were chanting that he's the cutest thing to hit the planet.

Till Then.
*having blog diarrhoea*

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Mmm... and Muah hahaaha.

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from NOW, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

Mum: Who was that?
Mom: Why so formal?
Jo: Cos she's so nice! Call me to tell me got Pasar Malam!
Mom: See, you have such a nice sister right?
Jo: Yup...
Mom: You have such a nice sister right?
Jo: Yup...
Mom: You love your sister?
Jo: That goes without saying...

When i reflected on my last statement...

I realized that that's one of the biggest mistakes people do make in their lives.

I didn't realize it until i thought back on it.

When you love someone (and it helps if there's a mutual understanding [not necessarily mutual feelings]) tell them.

Cliche as anything, but that's what cliches are...
Used too often, it's hackneyed.
But why would they be overused?
Because many people have said it.
And why would it generalize?
Because it holds truth.

Ah, that's why, i don't always caste aside (all) cliches.
And neither should you.

*** ***

I woke up awful late this morning, and one reason was because my darling was curled up against me. MY DOG LAH.

I was drifting in and out of consciousness because i really wanted to sleep yet i had to wake up.
I refused to.
But then, i was sharply awoken by a very bad smell. Two wafts of it that passed through my sense of smell department was all it took to jerk me out of sleep.

My darling dang well farted in my face, and yes, his butt was right in front of my face.

Till Then.
*Return of the headache... Help.*

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Pain... but there is also this thing called, Grace.

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from NOW, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

Went for corporate prayer yesterday.
It's like a prayer session, outside the usual church services, concerning social issues in Singapore and beyond. It's open to basically everyone... The more the merrier of course.

I at first felt so odd, and wanted to beat it the moment i could.

But as we begun praying, i felt like... there's so much to pray for, there's so much that we need God's intervention in.
And the reality of God, the Real, just seeped in.

This has brought me a tiny step closer to having a stronger relationship with my Lord.
That is something that i've been craving for inside...

The change that i feel inside, regarding my relationship with God seems to have been kind of... tweaked, so to speak.
It feels different.
In a good sense.

Since joining cell, it feels like a step in the right direction of sorts.
It's been uncomfortable, no doubt, but a necessary "uncomfortableness".
And i'm cautiously happy over the uncomfortableness.

I hope that in time to come, God's plan for me will be revealed and then i can FINALLY really do something that God desires of me so that i can be a good and faithful servant and make Him happy.

*** ***

Was doing a little background work and kinda got the answer i was/was not looking for.
Apart from that, i also found out something i wasn't expecting at this point.
Not expecting at all.

Started out so hard and painful, the knife thrusting deep, deep inside.
The "fact of life" that i have been preparing myself for has finally arrived.

The stabs soon eased off but had inflicted a wound that left me to bleed...
I needed an outlet and God was gracious.
Thanks God and thanks Germ. :-)

I am blessed with good friends... How wretched life would be... without you.
Thanks for listening and thanks for sharing.

The grace of God is the one that pulls me through the pain.

It has been some time already since the day i committed my pain and unresolved feelings to God and told myself to LET GO.
Thanks mom dearest for being there for me. You were my pillar of strength and guiding light when i needed you.

As cruddy as it is, i guess i have to admit that i am glad and thankful that it happened at this point.
"This point" meaning: I have come to a time when i know it is probably an inevitable thing, part of life and would happen at any time.
And feel quite, quite, cool about it too.
(but how come NSFs got so much time to chase girls one? *:-P*)

Yup, so it has happened at a time when i am mostly over it, had time to heal pretty much from the bigger wound, and am closer to God.
What good timing. :-)
Thank you Lord.

I feel such peace to know that i can kneel down to pray and tell God how i feel.
He is everlasting, He is ever present and HE LOVES ME.
Even if the world does not.
And he does not.

Well, i can't say i am clapping with utmost glee and hopping around like a headless but elated chicken, but i can say with certainty that it has been for the best that we aren't together.
And i look forward to the moment when i can feel happy for them... Sincerely.

OK! Enough MELANCHOLY here!

I have a life ahead and a kind of new beginning.

And God, is in the middle of it all.

*** ***

Man, WHAT A SMILE!!! (cannot tell you la, sorry.)
So genuine, so cute, and looks just like J.
How uncanny.
The male version.

*** ***

Till Then.
*may update at a more godly hour... It's 3:27am, saturday.*

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Another quiet night. No, morning.

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from NOW, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

It's 3+am in the morning, and still doing note taking and i am having difficulty remembering everything. Good thing, it is an interesting topic.
Oh, it's psychology exam prep.

Psychoanalytic and humanistic perspectives.

This is the second time i'm staying up so late. BAH.
I hope i can wake tomorrow in time to go to school to mug.

I heard odd noises outside, didn't quite sound like birds yet sounded birdy-ish but in a funny way.

I wonder if some huge, impressive, or scary flying creature might flap down and land on my window sill.

Then it would proceed to tell me that i'm actually a real authentic princess from a far away fantasy land and that they are so happy to have tracked me down and will now bring me back to where i belong.

It is the witching hour.
*cackle, cackle*

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Wonderings about ancient human procreation and another weird thing.

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from NOW, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

I'm not being dirty minded.

But i wonder how the first humans had sex.
(hm, first humans. Seems to me i do not subscribe to evolution although some of it seems to be quite persuasive, anyhoo. To be honest, i was debating with myself over the issue of evolution some time back. Ok, so this is a publc declaration of my rejection of evolution)

You know, if humans first started out as ape like things (so says evolutionists), and since God made Adam and Eve in the image of Himself, then God looks like an Ape?

"LUDICROUS!" you hiss.
"Do you know how God looks like then?"

Whether by choice or hope, or just pure convention, I personally think that God is not an Ape.
Not even a smart Ape.

It's like, you kind of wonder how they managed to figure it out.
Ok, so the first people i believe were Adam and Eve.
Did God have to like, whisper to Adam when he was maybe playing with a parrot and whisper to Eve when she was riding a horse?

Ok, you might say it was just basic instincts. Ok... but i mean, HOW would they have known what was for what?
They came to Earth as adults right? They didn't exactly have time as children and adolescents to explore their bodies. If you read about growing up, you might know a bit about that.

But i guess since we're all here, they got it right.

And then, can you imagine.

Adam and Eve were the first ever highest order living things.
Isn't it amazing that all the people that ever came AFTER them were descendents OF ADAM AND EVE? (before the flooding of the Earth though. Noah's Ark yeah?)

That's a WHOLE LOAD OF PEOPLE coming from just two people and their descendents and blah blah, don't you think?
And can you imagine how long it took for people to procreate till they filled the Earth?

Maybe it wasn't all that difficult...
Back then, people could live up to a few hundred years of age! What was the longest...? 900+?
Hm, i wonder how they looked like by 900.
Maybe at the age of 700 or so, they would look like today's 100?

I wonder how their libidos were like at 600 years of age and i wonder how many children they could still give birth to at the age of 500, 600, 700... Interesting, isn't it.

Imagine the family sizes... WHAOOOO.

I'm NOT TRYING to be disgusting lah! What are you thinking?

*** ***

You know, following from the bible.
About how Adam and Eve had their eyes opened after eating that fruit and how they realized that they were naked soon after and that they were now officially, sinful.

As a child, i used to think that:
Hey, if i continue being a good girl, perfect, faultless and SINLESS... maybe i'll see myself beginning to fade into transparency or maybe instead of flesh and skin, my body will be replaced by bright light.
You know, like, purity and sinlessness.

I'm still very fleshy, so, drop it Jo.

*** ***

I am just scared over the coming exams... I've never felt this unsure before and i sure don't want to repeat this module.

I don't know how to study for it. *wails*

Anyway, i have two bubble teas next to me.
I am getting fat. Really fat.

Till Then.
*A new life in cell(i hope) and in God.*

Monday, September 20, 2004

Wot a day mate... Wot a day.

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from NOW, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

Am i wrong to say that i hardly divulge about my day's happenings?
Ok, ONLY if it is an archery day, then i'll be yabbering about my scores and what not.
I'm hoping to make this post as short as my non-stop shooting mouth would possibly allow allow allow.

Saturday and Sunday was exceptional, for this fat mountain turtle. (goes to town... lalala.)

Saturday went like this:
Got up and rushed through as much exam prep as i could and obviously, it wasn't productive.
Tried to hide my sudden outburst of zits, (this one episode was abnormal ok! Suddenly so many and so painful) and then rushed off to church for cell group meeting.
Thought i would be late because i had a grand total of about 8 minutes to get to the room from the MRT station.
Walked so hard i developed an instant blister on my left sole.
But it was worth it. Got there early and got to meet two other cell group girls. Both awfully nice.
Also found out from cell leader later that our cell actually has a punctuality problem one.

We had such a great time of sharing, more in depth than usual, as i learnt from an old timer later. Was greatly blessed by the care and concern from the rest.
Thank God! :-DDDDDD

After cell, we kind of had to dash down for evening service at the auditorium.

After which, i was ready to go off with family for dinner but was spotted by K who asked me to come along for dinner, so... I at first reluctantly said: I'll go check with my family...

BUT i am SO GLAD i went... Thanks K! :-D

My dad was only TOO happy to say "YEAH! Go! Go!".
(he thinks i should get to know more people my age in church, and i agree)

OKIE! So off i went with a bunch of people i HARDLY knew. It felt weird and God knows i was trying my utmost best to be a friend to them and be as natural as possible.

We adjourned to the convenient hawker centre nearby and had quite an interesting time of talking utmost crappology.
Ya, you know, we had this short session of nonsense bible jokes.
(eg. who was the first man in the bible to wear a bra, OR, who was the first man in the bible to break ALL the 10 commandments at one shot)
Wanna know the answer? Ha, try guessing... If you dunno, then ask me, i tell you.

It felt so odd:
- was with a bunch of 7 people including myself. And there were only 2 girls. Me and K.
- the rest of the guys were people i met for the first or second time only.
- was trying to be who i was without being TOO myself, cos i'd scare them all that way.
- hello? Jo with a group of guys? Go and buy 4D lah! Sure strike BIG TIME.

Overall calculation and impressions:
(I mean what i say, and i tell the truth. So if you think it's mean, you meet the fella youself and tell me what you think.)

Guy 1 : complete, big time, mean, jerk face that i hope isn't as bad as he portrays himself to be.
Guy 2 : never-say-one-single-word so i dunno.
Guy 3 : talks like a lot, sometimes he talks until we don't know what on Earth he's saying. I thought he resembled a secondary school friend of mine.
Guy 4: Rather -, sometimes humourous.
Guy 5: Rather - too. Quiet and can be quite farni...

Went to Heeren to buy HMV voucher as a birthday present.
I felt a pang of: Darn... Wish i could be famous too... Uh? Anyway.
Then went to meet two good friends from JC.
Then off to friend's place for birthday celebration.

Was suppose to stay home to do work before meeting JC mates. But i had no choice but to go down to orchard at the last minute...
So, Ger, I'M SO SORRY. I wanted to tell you that i was going to be in town after all but i figured it was better i didn't change the plans anymore.

Sunday was non-stop action man...

Went shopping around for the belt i need for my quiver but to no avail. In the end, it seems i will be getting the belt through a friend in the army? But i don't know how serious he is about helping me.

Don't people wear belts these days?!?!??!?!

OH. And i decided to do something i usually wouldn't do.

I was browsing through a boutique and came across this super-short-to-the-max looking skirt and i thought: OK! I'm going to try this on for the heck of it! LALALLALA! I've never tried something like this before... Wonder how i'd look like in it. Gonna try man, oh so fun!

It fitted pretty swell ok! But first.
Back and side views were forgiving...
But when you see me from the front, you will puke your guts.
Won't tell you why lah.

There is this little rhyme on Singaporean women:

From the back, I desire...
From the side, I perspire...
From the front, I retire...

HAHHAHAHHAA. okok. It just means that we're suppose to have generally ugly faces.

ANYWAY... I discovered that actually, it only looks short because it's a hipster skirt.
It IS short, but not as short as i expected. SO... Looks like i might get one... If i can get over my pukey physical feature...

Oh, one of the best parts was Cody the Dog! (the birthday girl's pet) It's my first time meeting Cody and he's quite the rascal. WA. Jack Russells are insane.
Rocket fuel powered, intelligent, hyper, rubber bodied, stocky things.

The fella slurped my face over and over, helping me clean off grime from the day i guess.
He's crazy, he is. Cannot sit still for more than 15 seconds.

But i love dogs... And they love me ok. I am one with dogs...

Short post, my foot.

Ok, i'm growing eye bags big enough to carry chickens in them.
Good Night.

Tlll then.
*be well... till the next verbal diarrhoea!*

Saturday, September 18, 2004


Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from NOW, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

I'm not sure if this is anything special, but i find it amazing, from time to time, to find myself looking through my own eyes.

Do we sometimes take it for granted that we are given a body, a living life, figure.
We have control over our little toes, fingers... Twiddle them, come on!
We have control over who we want to be, who we are. (oh, be gone you biological perspective, reductionist view!)

Do you feel the life in yourself? You're alive. You're living. You're someone. You've your own being. You ARE your own being.

As i people watch, i find it so fundamentally fascinating that i am one soul, looking through these particular eyes.
No one looks through my eyes, nor i, theirs.
I am ME.
I am experiencing what i am right now, through my own body.

And everyone else is doing the same.
But they are not me, and i am not them.

Each soul given to each body.

I was never too bothered about human interaction, before studying psychology.

But it has opened a new door inside me to see some things in its reality.
I begin to see the importance and profound effect that human interactions and the environment can have on an individual.

But the most intruiging part of human interaction is between babies/children and parents.

Man... I could potentially turn the fella into a monster.

Now, when i see parents and children, i'm thinking: Whatever and however you teach them, whatever you talk to them about, how you treat them, is going to mould them.

Cannot help but beam inside when i see young children make sense of the world, their little perceptions of it...

I cannot see myself having kids and bringing them up the right way. Sigh, i'm too impatient to treat children right, even when they are naughty.
I tend to treat them as i would an adult... But you just can't.

For example, if you are pissed with someone your age, you might show it in whatever way you do and/or show some bitchy attitude.

But you can't do that to kids. At least preferably not.

You have to teach them, correct them. And explain to them why it has to and/or cannot be that way. You can't get angry to the extent you yell at them, be bitchy, shrug them off, be curt.
Because ultimately, they are going to learn it and perhaps even get affected by it.

Just rambling inspired by a little psychology.

Ok, i had better go...

Cell group later and i have work to accomplish.

Till then.
*5 zits and counting... Humbug*

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Happy Memories from Secondary School! Yes, Jo's trying to be happy.

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you've been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from today/tomorrow, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D
Yeah, so no replies here because they're in the same commentary box where you left yours.

*** ***

Been wanting to go to school to mug where i can use the gorgeous library study cubicles. Oh so many of them...
But, each time i want to go, i realize it's too late anyway. Need to be back for meals with family and the like.

It's been pouring everyday of late.

I love rain.
The only gripes i have about rain is,

1. It completely foils a day out on the range for shooting. I don't care about getting wet. It's my precious darling bow that i cannot bear to destroy. Besides, kinda hard to aim also with the wind blowing my bow and i back and forth, side to side.

2. When mugging, i cannot open my window to enjoy the cold cold wind and rain. Why?
My entire study table and its contents will be having an unpleasant swimming experience.
It happened once. Rather hilarious but troublesome.


When i used to go on camping trips in secondary school back then, i remember that fateful day when we were caught on the beach down below from the dorms.
Then again, "caught" is subjective.

Was enjoying every second of the watery element.

Just sat at the bench, letting the streams of water flow down my face as i stared out to sea. Was as drenched as a dead and drowned rat.
It didn't matter how cold and wet i got because, it was precisely why i loved it.

And i didn't get sick at all.

I miss those camping trips. I remember one Prefect's Retreat we had to Sisters' Island.
I've always been wanting to go back there for another trip for a couple of days.

I remember how as i lay in between two coconut tress through the night, (seriously! So surreal right?) on a very holey hammock (the net kind, not cloth) the feeling was just indescribable.

The sea was just two metres or so away at high tide, the wind blew in cold gusts, the moon was high up in the open sky.
It was so perfect for weirdo, animal-philic me.
I felt so free, so close to nature, my insides ached.

I didn't want the night to end. I wanted the experience to last forever.

Camping trip anyone?

*** ***

Here're a few pictures from the days gone by... Secondary School, that is.
They're actually digital photos of developed photos, so they might not look as good as i'd hoped.

Try to find me... Where's Joline?

1. Sunset taken from Sister's Island. Alwyn's photos reminded me of these pictures i had stashed in my drawer. Thanks for jogging me memory! Posted by Hello

2. Another Sister's Island sunset. String you see on tree is from our hammocks. Posted by Hello

3. Presenting you... My Band Mates! You guys are the best. Probably one of those photos after a school function. Posted by Hello

4. Meet our drum major. He came from playing soccer and switched back to our band uniform. Tell me if that's not gross. Posted by Hello

5. The Band and Drum Major photo with the few extras in it. No lah, you guys complete the picture. heh heh. Aiya, but i spoilt the photo... Posted by Hello

6. Ghim Moh Secondary School Military Band. Small but we all love each other... Brudder, brudder. Conductor Mr Tan on the extreme left and Mr Sim on the extreme right. Yes... wearing a soccer jersey top. Posted by Hello

7. Kill the Drum Majors! Er wait, did i just say we all loved each other? Posted by Hello

8. The leaders and teachers from one of the many St John's Island camps we had back then. Posted by Hello

9. A happy bunch of campers! Teachers not included. St. John's Island as well. Posted by Hello

10. And here's signing off... From Yours Truly and Friends. See, i'm the only civilized one in the photo. :-P Nay, fingers aside, you guys ROCK! Posted by Hello

Did you see me? heehehe, i doubt so.

JC photos next, maybe.

For now,

Till Then.
*Love, me!*

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

A mixture.

Hello peeps! Many thanks for the comments that you have been leaving behind, and i want ya'll to know that they are very much appreciated! With effect from today/tomorrow, i will be replying to your comments via the comment box itself. This way, i can reply faster and blog posts will be shortened. Thanks. :-D

Sibling's friend's site. I love her style of writing.

Hee hee, ok... Thanks and no problem!
Hi, nice of you to come by though i don't know if you still will anymore. Nevertheless, i do write replies so if you read this then... Yay! :-D

Wah really? You actually go out with sunscreen? *clap, clap* Amazing... I'd pop out with zits in no time...
Oh Xiaxue (Wendy is her real name) was just a blogger but over time, i think she slowly got more and more readers, till she hit like the thousands and THEN, was discovered. So, the rags to riches kinda thing, haha, only not quite that way, but you get what i mean. Yep, so she's where she is now because of her own achievements, if you would call it that.
Oh, she has opened two other blogs. *gasp* Hah. Well, people say to her: "Oh no, do you have so much time?" But that's silly because almost her whole life apart from her other writing job, revolves around blogging. So she HAS to blog. Do or die.
Coincidentally, i know a few of her friends... One of them, is the one she calls "Wong the Lawyer" who was my primary school mate. heehee.
Can understand the dying sardonic self praise thing. I think she does it to... Annoy certain people, because she believes in it, attract attention to herself, get more readers, an excuse to put nice pictures of herself... etc. Whatever.
She is merely entertainment. *evil laughter*

hehe, variety in my posts? sounds funny.

"jacket nonsense ... to prevent shirt lines..." *wahahahhahahha!!!!!!!!!!*
What is it about fair skin that guys like? Oops, not appropriate to discuss here right? Ha, ok, never mind.
But by all means do so, if you don't mind.
Hm, i suppose you would know better. :-) I guess i just get this impression that if a nicely tanned girl walks by, most eyes will follow her... So, most guys still think that tanned girls are more attractive/eye catching.

*** ***

it was about 1+am when i stuck my head out the window as far as i could with my dog watching me with a question mark on his little brow.

there were so many stars that night.

they strike me as odd little things, when you look at them hard enough.
ok, even if you know what they scientifically are.

little pin pricks, burning gases, alien dots, shiny dust...
it's like, out of nowhere, you get these little bright specks in the dark night sky.

they were so pretty.

i miss seeing stars the way i did that night.

*** ***

"How do I Live" was a song i loved so much since secondary school.
But history has made it bittersweet.
And as to why i keep hearing this song of late, is a mystery to me.

It's not just this song...
There're others like, the one from "My Best Friend's wedding". It goes like:

Some day
When i'm awful low,
When the nights are cold,
I will feel a glow,
Just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

I get a little uneasy inside, but once it ends, back comes composure.

Sharing favourite songs is romantic but aren't always the best things sometimes, i guess.

*** ***

These were the MOST expensive LITTLE things i have ever ordered! Not because they were expensive in themselves, but because i was a giant DOOFUS MOOFUS.
Oh weeelll, i have learnt my lesson and will no more be paying more then i should.

Oh, and this is my first ever time to order ANYthing from overseas via the internet.

They are some archery stuff from Alternative Services in the UK.

My first online order from England! Posted by Hello

Contents of my FIRST EVER ONLINE ORDER from England! Archery equipment catalogue, fletching tape, 5 pins, and a free Alternative Services iron-on. Posted by Hello

*** ***

I'm scared and why?
Because i DON'T know HOW to study for my psychology exam.
Think i'll go post something on our student forum and see what everyone says.

ARGH. I hate this feeling of not knowing if i can handle the exam!
What if i prepare so much but everything gets foiled?
Bummer Dummer.

I am getting fat from all this "sedentariness", aside from my weight training.
I probably look a lot better either in pitch darkness or if you've had 10 bottles of whisky with another 10 bottles of vodka.

Oh, and dang... I caught a cold from dad.

Seriously have to go.

Till Then.
*God, please help me...*

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Hanging in there.

Thanks. No, it's not my club i'm pissed with. It is the whole archery association that has gotten messed up. I am hoping my club wouldn't be so cruddy especially since we've given theam another chance at bettering our club life. Xiaxue's blog is in english lah... then how would i be able to read it right? :-P

THAT bad ah. Ok, so no chance of going there for help either.
Oh well. Haha, you sounded more pissed than i did. :-P

*** ***

Feeling frustrated and typed out something but i guess i'll leave that for another day to let myself get a grip on things.
Then i'll see if the post needs to be published.

I've noticed the unhappy trend in recent posts and i think it's kind of unhealthy.
However, ironically, i feel that this IS my space to let loose.
Anyway, i'll take a break from that and talk about other things.
Maybe it's the hormones talking.


I'm sitting here, and thinking: *tap, tap* okay.... what do i have that is positive to write? hmm... *thinks hard*

OH! Yes.

Had church service yesterday and was sitting with my cell group in the second row from the very front of the stage.

We had this evangelical speaker from the U.S. talking about the movement and power of the Holy Spirit. Towards the end of his sermon, he started getting prophetic. He walked down the stairs to get closer to the congregation and started asking for people with specific health problems to come forward to be healed.

He went up again on stage and came down for the second time round and this is the freaky part.

He said:
"When i walked down the stairs here, i felt this very strong feeling that some young person or people here have been telling the Lord, that you want Him to take control, you want to give Him everything in you life. And your life is His."

At that point, he was less than a metre from me.
My heart was beating so hard and fast, like it was thumping against the wall of my chest and my eyes grew really wide as i almost gawked.

That is precisely because, the words he spoke were the exact words that i have been telling God for some time already but have not felt God's leading hand in my life.
Well, i leave the rest of the event for you to finish. :-D

*** ***

I have given up my sunday archery 5hr session to stay home to mug.
Methinks i may forgo this whole month to mug. If anything, maybe once or twice only.
I can go all i friggin' want after the exams.

Bah, i think by the time i get back to the range, my 33 pound draw will be too hard for me and i will need to tune down the poundage of my bow again.

*** ***

You know, i saw a former band mate yesterday evening. She was like, sunburnt but also tanned and needless to say, she is still as stunning.
(see, i don't stinge on praise do i? and I AM NOT LESBO!)

But i realize there is something she and other girls like her should know.

Beautifully bronzed skin from tanning is only short lived. Yeah, it makes one look exotic, sporty... generally, just gorgeous with the sun kissed tone.

But look. All you are taking in, are damaging UV rays. DAMAGING. D-A-M-A-G-I-N-G.
Clear enough?
So, gorgeous you may look now as your skin is young, full of collagen, and heals fast.

Ultimately, you are going to age prematurely. You are destroying your cells and setting yourself up to look like a draggy old hag way before your time.

I've seen sun loving caucasians having wrinkly and tanned skin when they really shouldn't.

Think long term. You could prolong your beauty if you would just stop and think about the way you treat your body.
Optimum beauty and youth is fleeting as it is. Don't cause it to further deteriorate faster than you realise.
Vanity makes people do stupid things...
So don't be too vain.

And i don't need to mention Skin Cancer, do i?

Yeah, i was into heavy duty tanning once. But i don't do that anymore. I only do that if i'm out in the sun to shoot. I don't mind getting a proper tan then, since i will be, anyway.

Just don't do something because of the tan.

If you don't believe me, then too bad. I am sorry.
You'll see the consequences in time to come.

Till Then.
*now for some heavy duty mugging*

Friday, September 10, 2004

Cheesed off. But useless anyway. (updated)

Hey... I've only just got wind of my new cell... It's the NTU cell from my church. I've just spoken to my cell leader last night. Pretty nice, he seems so far. I haven't met the rest of the group. Probably will, this saturday. Hope can click loh... Scared, but i know i have to break out of this shell.
Thanks a lot!!! Letting go of the past is hard but by some, i suspect, a helpful schoolmate cum churchmate, the pastor in charge called me up. That helped the situation a lot.

Oh, as in, a physical letter from the bank containing something more than account details was opened by someone. And it was already opened when found in the mailbox... So, whodunnit? The mailman? Someone before the mailman? I have no idea...
Oh hohohoh... Xiaxue used to be this by-word-of-mouth famous blogger who gets something like, 3k+ to 4k+ hits on her blog DAILY. And lately, she has been spotted by journalists and appeared in newspaper articles. And yesterday, she was on tv, Channel i. (hah, i was too busy getting hyped over Sg Idol to remember her)
Her writing is entertaining, sardonic, can be rude, bitchy, narcissistic in sometimes a sardonic way and maybe even meaning it too and it's in your face. It's also very HONEST. And yes... actually funny too!

*** ***

For the uninitiated:
SSC - Singapore Sports Council
AAS - Archery Association of Singapore.
TBS - The Body Shop

*** ***
Ya know what sucks?

When you cannot or find no way to make changes for the better to some lousy association.
Because they'll most probably just shoot you back in your butt.

Talk to SSC? I dunno man... Even MORE politics maybe.
Prolly maybe even tell me to go solve the problem myself and it isn't any of their responsibilty.

If your parents suck, you can talk to them about it. You can talk all you want, argue all you want. But they are your parents, and USUALLY want what's best.

If your boss sucks, i dunno how lah. But can stage a revolt?

But if your association heads, that equal almost politicians in their field, SUCK BIG TIME, then who on Earth do you go to for help to change them?
Another 1960s?

(kind of like, if your own country's politicians suck... who do you complain to? Your politician's politicians? WHERE??!??!?!)

We archers can only talk and talk, complain and complain, speculate and speculate. But what good is that?

And if we speak up for what we believe is the best for all, do you think those filthy political fiends will honestly change for the good of all archers?

Needless to say, will they take action, with regards to the promises they have made?

Ok, so maybe bringing in a dang container for the storage of bows takes time.
But don't tell me you can't even update the freaking AAS website.

YOU are a useless golden mouth, selfish, unscrupulous, ruthless, unprofessional, SLOW-what-the-heck-are-you-doing-at-home, WICKED being.

And to the rest of the committee:

You especially, during the Dark Ages, you reigned. In MY EYES, you are GUILTY until proven OTHERWISE.

*** ***

Missed the chance for a TBS makeover. They are having some TBS Gal thing this weekend but i got to the email late.

All you do is, register for an appointment, take photos, and see if you win. If so, you'll be featured in the magazine, "Style".

I figured: oooo! FUN! Let's GO!
Then realized: Ah well, too late.
If i had gotten to it earlier, i think i might've decided to be a bullheaded vainpot and gone for it for fun.

Why not right? They didn't seem to care if you're fat or thin... it's just your dang face anyway.

Not that i think i am so drop dead gorgeous, but Aiya... give the girl some exposure to doing things out of the ordinary right?

Till Then.
*enough for today*

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Feeling: Honest and don't stop me.

HELLO!!! Ah hah... so you have delivered your "promise"! nice to see ya left a message for poor lonely me. (ah, choke, choke)
Thanks, i've completed my editing and revamping already. Thank God for that. :-) And i have finally managed to get down to QT this morning. It felt nice coming back to prayer although have to admit... I'll tell you some other time.
Thanks for your encouragement. :-D!!!
Oh, and looks like i have joined a cell.

Heya... Yes, been wondering where ya were all this time. Though i still get a kick out of reading, "Kitty *heart* you" to a pair of shoes. SERIOUS... Nearly flipped off my chair. hahhaa. So Cute la you.
Booking into a quiet hotel?
Yeah, it's been raining and all. Actually then again, rather erratic weather we've been having. And i have to agree with the sleeping... and the internet lure... ah dang.
Hope that you'll be able to pull through, unscathed as possible, the essay and books... Argh, know how that feels.

*** ***
From the INBOX!

Saying 'I Love You' your own special way.

This guy, a Shanghai university student, wanted to express his unfathomable love to his sweetheart. So, what did he do........?

He gave chocolates to all the girls living in the University student apartments and asked them to turn their lights on or off at 8pm that night.

See the pic for the rest.............Truly Breathtaking ! You don't need to guess his sweetheart's reaction.

Hundreds of students came over later to witness this great piece of Art driven by the Greatest Emotion known to Man - 'Love'.
(See attached file: I Love U.jpg)

Lookie! Posted by Hello

So gorgeous right???

Er, no reference given so cannot give credit where credit is due though.

*To those attached... :Something to think about eh? Hee.*

*** ***

I am sick of all the soccer that's been going on on tv.
There're leagues after leagues, cup after cup... Spoons and forks and knifes!
It's SO boring seeing these jersey clad bundles of muscle running around on a large green patch.
Yeah, yeah, i know it's just me. While there are thousands of fans who think otherwise.
Honesty, is the BEST POLICY. SO there.

*** ***

I am not a fan of Xiaxue's, but neither do i wish to slam her because i think she does have some talent, in one way or another.

But each time i land on her site, i get assaulted by a huge photo of her, right in my face.

She's really purty, she is, but after a while... the whole feeling just becomes...
Rotten. I didn't say she looks rotten, i said, the whole feeling of seeing that picture of herself gets annoying.
Maybe even a little painful.

But i still read her stuff anyway. Call it entertainment if you will.

Speaking of blogs and strange attractions to some.

It seems the blogs that are considered worthy of some top crap, have one thing in common. That is, it is SO SECULAR.
Take Xiaxue's stuff, and Belle de Jour's stuff.
Ok, maybe Belle has some interesting way of writing, can be deep, or so i read from a report.

But what these blogs all seem to have in common are just, worldly indulgences.

Perhaps, that's just the way the world likes it.
Sex, heart thumping exploits other than sex, and other gossip.

Feel free to tell me if i am missing something.

Anyway, if you want a good case of IRONY and if you kinda... don't like Xiaxue very much, go read her recent post on models in Sg and one of the comments that she got.

I say: WELL DONE for noticing that. I didn't myself.

Aw, i don't hate Xiaxue... i think she just needs a taste of some of her own reflection now and then.

Perhaps her cyber image gets in the way of true judgement. Well, i just hope she's less than half of her cyber image.

*** ***

Just watched a Johnny Depp movie, "Secret Window". Interesting, but could've improved the ending some more...

And finally...

Till Then.
*feel like creaming something*

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Feeling: detached and stressed

My contemplative doggy woggy Posted by Hello

*** ***

Ah so, ah so. Yes, SUPPORT!!! I don't know the full story of U.K Shyam, but from the papers, it looked like NUS couldn't even grant him a later date to do his examinations. Thought that was pretty disgusting. I faintly remember NUS having some reply to that but... ah, slipped my mind already.
WOOHOO! Another 96.3fm supporter!!! Yep, like that station too... Ok, the only bit i like is the stipulated time for the music interludes. Sometimes, air time for good music is entirely marred by certain things they play. But otherwise, it is my first choice on the radio for music. Seriously grateful for the station, apart from Solo Piano Radio.

Heh, yup, that's the station... YAY! DIscovering more people who actually listen to it...! Do you seriously listen to the foreign languages bit? *0.0*
Oh, the committee thingy... Thanks. ;-P I just hope that i won't mess anything up and not get anymore involved then i already am. I just want archery to be clean... but oh well. Not till some people get a serious conscience prick, we won't be having clean archery any time soon.
But that is just a distant hope.
Very weird, haloscan sometimes registers your comment, sometimes, it is omitted.
Yeah, i think the talent we've seen so far on Singapore Idol.... a bit far and wide lah. I mean, these are the best we have?
Ok, i do appreciate their efforts, pluck and guts and everything. But the fact still remains. The David de Cruz guy was a complete joke.
Well, at least there's one so far that has some substance. Jessea (sorry, i've forgotten the spelling) has the stage presence, the solid voice quality, the looks. Let's just see how far her talent takes her with other genres of music.

*** ***

Haven't seen blue skies in a while and it scares me because i am thinking:
WHAT! Holidays coming already and the wet season is approaching...

DAng it.


Isn't it interesting how two completely different living species can bond so well?
No, not men and women.
I mean, animals and humans.
Ok, some animals.
I'm not sure about insects. Think: my pet mosquito. guarantee won't bite even if she's almost shrivelled from...

Ok, i so have nothing else to say.
Except that i am so screwed if i don't finish up my essay revamp and editing.

Sigh... But i have been missing quiet time sessions.

I am so sorry Lord.
Please forgive me.
Need you so badly.

Till Then.
*need to cut off internet connection!*

Sunday, September 05, 2004

just grin and bear it.

Whao, whao, whao... That's quite a statement ya got there! "Sports School will never succeed, with guarantee chop from Alwyn"? And i thought that i was missing out on something i wish i had... The opportunity of coupling sports with studies as a young kid with dreams.
Hm, i wasn't aware of that Jocelyn Yeo tussle, don't recall having read about it.
Hold on a second. The Singapore Idol judges are jokes? Ok, it's true that i find them somewhat... whatever. But i think they are quite mostly right about the standard of singing and are honest, give or take a few mistakes(at least in my opinion) here and there. They aren't perfect but so far, i have no complaints...
CAre to share though?
Sports and Politics... Not sure if you caught this bit, but there was a news bit devoted to an interview with Ang Peng Siong (APS). The thing that i really didn't expect APS to OPENLY say was, "Yes, it's easier because there's less politics" This was with reference to coaching Theresa Goh (i think) our para-olympic (i'm sorry, is that how you spell it?)national swimmer. So... it's clear that politics surrounds and abounds the other body of swimmers and officials. AND, even APS thinks it causes problems... BLEAH. If a coach like him, with a pretty big name in sports, cannot do much to change the situation, what can peanuts like us do.
Heh, yep. Besides the usual font, courier is the other one i prefer to use.

DONCH WORRY!!! You can pass me my CDs AFTER the exams... THanks for letting me know that you are here... Always nice to know that. And i haven't forgotten you. :-)
Life in JC and after would be indeed different and less full without you.
Me? Philosophical? HAHHAHAHA, that's a high compliment though i think maybe it's because i ramble... hahaha.
Yeah, life is getting busier i guess, only because the exams are coming and i have much to accomplish.
I just simply LONG for the exams to be OVER OVER OVER!!!
I am so burnt out from studying and completing assignments non-stop since school started.
After this, i should be having a 3 to 4 month break into next year.
Wonder if i should work... But who'd hire me for such a short time.
Take care, do come visit me... on this blog that is. HAHA.
I see you've abandoned yours. :-P

*** ***

Feel like an empty being.

I wonder... If life feels like crud without God, as a Christian, how do non-Christians feel without this God i know?

Some might say they aren't lacking anything, or, don't feel the need to draw close to this God, or, have found another belief or way to fill that void inside themselves and it satisfies.
Feel free to share more from your own experience.

*** ***


Had the ACS AGM yesterday. It was... a new experience.
Not that it was very grand or awe inspiring or anything.

Just that i've never been involved in any serious ADULT AGM better.
(only ones i've ever been to were prefectorial board AGMs)

And i felt a bit cheated because i thought the voting would be done discreetly, like, written on paper anonymously.
WHAT NONSENSE. We just raise hands only!!! FOR ALL TO SEE!

I'm not sure if there were any of X's hidden confederates doing his bidding.
Though i might have my suspicions...

For reasons pertaining to politics, i will not elaborate much except that i hope our club can move forward progressively but SURELY.

Sheesh and it seems that "that silly fella" told me some cock and bull story.

BAH. Not only did i get involved in the AGM, i am now... SADLY, SADLY, SADLY involved as a committee member...


I DIDN'T ask for this!!! But the president nominated me and no one had a problem with that, EXCEPT ME! I didn't vote for myself, though you can, but unfortunately, the votes declared me included as well.


BUT BUT BUT!!! There is a silver lining.
AT LEAST, i no longer have to suck my thumb and now i have an avenue to voice out anything that i feel needs to be changed to improve the club.

Oh, and i was told of a forum for local archers.

Well, you've got to sieve through the nonsense to see the points made, cos our dear archers can be quite crappy (crappy meaning, they say a lot of FARNI, sometimes bo liao but farni anyway, stuff.).

Then again, to really understand their gripes, you have to know all about the dirt that runs deep and foul.
Otherwise, it'll not make sense.

Yep. Anyway, this mundane, i-feel-like-typing post is over and is going up.

Till then.
*May the archers see the light at the end of the tunnel in 2 years time*

Friday, September 03, 2004

Tsk. People.

Indeed. Though i tend to think that at some point, the personality thing will settle at a certain age... A point when we have more or less filled our shoes. Ha, guess theory hasn't worked here yet.
Yeah, if only i could zhao the AGM, but unfortunately, i doubt it. Honestly, it's been a back and forth tug of war. If i could vote and then make a run for it, that would be nice. BUt oh well. The worst thing that could happen is if i am cornered by one of the presidential candidates and cajoled into revealing my vote, which is very unprofessional.
I can just imagine that happening. Aaagh, ok, overeacting already.

*** ***

Oooooo... Judgemental aren't you, Little One?
Tsk, and you think that you're too smart for your own shoes?

SO you think you are a class above the rest?
You want to be a person worthy to be proud of?

Then ditch the snobby attitude.
We've got enough of that in this life.

Think before you say, analyse before you judge.
Have your opinion but at least make it an informed one you little squirt.

AS IF you knew what the entire world was up to.
AS IF you understood.
AS IF everything was so one dimentional.

You should never generalize. You'd do very poorly for English Language, sweetheart.

Sigh, why get hot and bothered over these sweet little darlings?
In time they should figure it out, perhaps their overworked little neurons will serve some (good) purpose after all.

*shakes head*

*** ***

You know what i think? I think that X made a tactical move to find out who would and wouldn't vote for his kaki/confederate.
Call this "overthinking" but you never know... with this guy, you never know...
If he didn't pick up political etiquette, he sure picked up political strategies.

*** ***

If it's successful, i will be free to order merchandise ONLINE! WOO!!! I am SO HAPPY. Finally, open to the wide world of online shopping!
Here come David Lanz CDs... Archery books, Archery accessories/apparel/equipment...

Too good to be TRUE.
Someone, shoot me down!
*thrusts fist into air*