Sunday, April 30, 2006

And so my life will take on another sphere: Work.

I've got this tendency to take up more activities and responsibilities than i can handle, but i think that this move to accept this opportunity recently is necessary in so many ways, to achieve both personal and future career ends.

It's not full time work, but i quote "very part time", which has the precise work scheme that i need at this point in time.

And thanks so much, you've been such a great help! You know who you are. :-D

And Lord, though i'm going to be doing everything else except seeing clients, still, please help me to be your salt and light, your prayer warrior, your instrument and servant in providing my best acts of service inspired by your Love, to the people around me who need you.


My wisdom teeth are pushing their way through! I've heard the wisdom teeth horror stories and have seen my sister look miserable after her dental surgery. I'm only a selective pain junkie so in this case, i sure DON'T want to go through the experience of having them extracted out even if it means a diet of ice cream (!) and campbell soup for days.

Sticking my finger in, i think that my new pearly whites are growing out just fine. Yaaayyeee... =D

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

"There, take this one", he said as he pointed to the little representative of Life that sprouted from soil-less ground. It was such a pity that the camera couldn't focus on all the textures of each of the subjects.

A quiet and almost solitary practice, i had. Would like a new thumb trigger release which would set me back something like close to, or over 200 buckeroos. *nervous giggle*


(sms conversation with sister)

J: I've finally seen fashion's most celebrated and beautiful creation... The Jellyfish Berms!
S: Welcome to the club! Now you have to go wash your eyes with dettol.

please note: sarcastic.

Monday, April 24, 2006

approaching the problem

Big, fearsome, teeth gnashing, flesh tearing, people terrifying, junkyard dog, aka Doberman?

Nah... That's how tiny he really is.

Doesn't he look like something from Star Wars with those twinkly bright eyes? You know, those Ewok thingys.

I was once again reminded during cell on Saturday that we need never worry, the simple reason is that the Lord dwells in us, walks beside us. We never need to cry "Where're you Lord?" because he's right here. We only need to humble ourselves, turn to Him and ask, "How Lord, what do you think?"

When we scrutinize our problem(s), they become all consuming, the only subject in our field of vision. But when we choose to trust in God, we then see things using a wider lense, taking the step back and looking at the matter from a macro point of view. You will be struck by the sudden profound difference in your focus. And there is peace in the knowing.

Friday, April 21, 2006

People who jump into relationships one after another as though the previous ones never meant that much, are like quick sand. They swallow up new prey, so viciously, too fast. They don't stop to think very much. But underneath the placid surface, lies a whole collection of death.

Note: the scientific definition of quick sand is nothing like the movie version (which i have adopted) of it. As the scientists say, to drown in quick sand is like "drowning in vegetable soup and the screaming is well, optional".

Friend says she saw an AIA advert and thought i was in it. Hur? Heehoho.

Goodwood Park Hotel is calling me. Ok, not. The durian delicacies are calling out to me. And desperately too. I shall heed them most diligently.

I think my brain wobbles and melts down into blabbery goo when confronted with authority and fear. Not good, this is.

On this day, exactly one year ago, i received a hand written letter (the best way to receive messages, i say!) with the sweetest poem that i've ever set my eyes on. Life changing.

to be continued... maybe.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

there were two group photos of my NTU mates originally posted here. but since i'm like a really anal person, i was afraid of the possibility that some of you might object to your face being splashed on the internet.
If ya'll see this, let me know your preferences on that, k? Thanks!


Not to scare you off, but I often wonder too. Unseen and regular readers and people who have scoured my embarrassing and hair-raising archives... Hello there!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I was going through my drawer today to get rid of the papery mess that sometimes makes looking for documents a pain, and i came across some really disturbing things i wrote back in primary school.

For a kid with a relatively good childhood (i think), with a loving family and er, was the school bully *gulp* rather than the victim (i'm so sorry for what i did back then), i was a kid full of angst. We're talking about primary school here, hello? What on EARTH was eating at me back then? I think i was probably too influenced by the books i was reading then, one of which was "The Outsiders".

There are and will always be times when i will wonder and wish i had the opportunity to see myself from another person's physical eyes and intellectual point of view. How do others see me, versus the person that i think i am? Given, each person probably has a modified version of who joline is, but still, i'd like to know. What is it that comes to their minds when they see me approaching? Do they experience dread? Yuck-ness? Happiness? Oh-it's-her-er..,-ok-just-be-nice-and-civil-to-her?
Do people really like me for who i am?

I look at myself and see so few attractive points that i always wonder why and how i have friends.

I remember that back in secondary school, a friend told me: "XXX says that you're the bitchiest RGPS girl (in Ghim Moh Secondary School)". I didn't understand why XXX would say that of me, because i never did anything to her and if anything, i usually stayed away from her and her gang most of the time because i knew i didn't fit in with that clique.
Perhaps i will never know the full story, whether it was borne of adolescent childishness or was it really the case that i was actually such an (fill in unsavoury noun).

For all i know, she could be right.

My digging unearthed this msn conversation i had with a friend sometime, i think... last year. Here's a little bit of history in some history:

J: I used to see you as the joker...
S: Hah and you were the ice queen?
J: ME? Ice Queen? *chuckle* Really ah. How was i like back then? I remember myself being referred to as the "bitchiest RGPS girl" *chuckle* I do admit i could've been quite a bitch.
S: hmm.. no u werent. if being smarter and more articulate was wat being a bitch meant back then.. then u were..
S: woah i'd have loved to be a bitch back then too.. cos tt's how i saw you.. i mean.. not the bitch part..
S: Although i did remember someone once say that it takes persistence to warm your frozen heart.. i dont remember who..
J: *suddenly sits up*
S: cos you were a softie nevertheless... well that's what he/she said..
S: hah...
J: How was i an ice queen?
S: u came off as well fierce and cold.. but i didnt see that eventually..
S: i mean... once i got to know you, it was totally different..
S: there stood a smart, articulate, sporty person.. and u always knew when to do what.. hah... u were more than able at being a lady.
S: a strong willed lady might i add..
J: Goodness, you put me in such good lighting. Though i don't feel worthy of it.
S: Hah.. i never quite saw anything wrong.. Sometimes i worried that i wasn't smart enough to be in your presence.. hahaha..
J: Goodness.. i never meant to make anyone or you feel that way.

How subjective, all this human experience is.


To my Gem who's been working hard through day and through night, through the harsh sun's heat and the rain's cool showers, through flu and sleepiness and all... I just want to reiterate the fact and truth that you do not labour alone. Going through this time with you, is your bestest friend and Creator Father, Saviour and Counselor. Don't give up! Every hour, minute and second that you've got is precious now.
If anything, let the pressure churn out from you a work that speaks the truth in all its illustrative glory... For His Glory.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

newest additions to the wardrobe

above: "MP(3)" by Matthew Flemingabove: "Heavy Medals" by Nick Mahoney

above: "Death by Music" by Jacob Yoon

*Pleased as punch*
The material of the tee is a bit thinner than i anticipated but that doesn't ruffle my feathers at all.
I is happy customer.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

narcissism, adrenaline and stress rolled into one happy bimbotic lump

My Tees ARE HERRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE all the way from the US of A! And i fit them all! And i look soooo nice. *banana-ear-to-ear beam* YEAY!!!

My sister watched me prance, hop and bounce around my room in each of them with an idiotic grin plastered on my nerdy face. Muah hahahahah!!! I *heart*

*ahem* Back to research report writing.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Something fishy, this way comes. Ok not really, but i sense a common theme that happens to have strung two incidents together, that is.

1. The thought that held my attention at gunpoint till i blogged it down.
"It's sad that when you do a right and moral thing against the flow of the prevailing influences of dishonesty, people look at you as if you were stupid."
It had no reason to pop into my mind but it did. The next day, i looked back upon the devotional reading for that particular previous day which i had not read yet, and it spoke of the same topic that came to me.

2. The meeting of thought and occurence (today)
While doing something totally unrelated to psychology, the thought of a friend who was working in a psychological clinic (plus other related issues) came to my mind. At around the same time, my phone chimed in an sms which happened to be from said friend. As (insert word of providence) would have it, he told me that there was a vacancy at the clinic to work part-time.

Funny hor?

God? What is going on? I'm gunning for a career related to psychology, not to be a psychic. But then again......... Having a psychic ability would be really good in psychology now wouldn't it.
The term "Psychic" makes me think of gypsies and crystal balls. Or in our Asian culture, i'd think of old folks sitting against a wall in the heartlands with a small table adorned with idols, joss sticks, candles, yellow paper with chinese characters inscribed on them. The works.

At this point in time, I'm sitting here, stalling. What do i write as a next follow up paragraph? I've got ideas flying and circling my head but as i'm reviewing them, i also shoot them down after that with, "No, imagine what opposition i'm going to get if i say that!"
I realise this is an author afraid to say something controversial out of the sheer subjectivity of the matter.
How silly.

Was about to continue when i realize i have better things to do than manage and conduct a furious debating session in my mind. So, toodles!

PS: I saw this guy at Bras Basah wearing a tee called "Death by Music". I bought that one too!!! And i'm still waiting for it. Hmmph. I wonder if he saw a flash of appreciation and recognition in my eyes for the design as i fixed my gaze upon the tee for the 2-3 seconds that i had as we passed each other on the escalator.

Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm going at breakneck speed through my ton of readings which i imposed upon myself (courtesy of my Gold Mine aka The National Library). Not a bad thing really, but it probably means that i won't enjoy the bliss of unconsciousness on fabric and springs under me tonight. Pffft. I always say that, but i end up unconscious anyway and it doesn't seem to matter where i concuss when the moment arrives.

Yes, if i don't continue stepping on it, i'll end up pretty dead.

Friday, April 07, 2006

perfect time for a lesson


Woah. See that statement below that i made yesterday, about doing the right thing and being thought of as stupid?

I opened today's devotional and was greeted by a related topic: That the world does not mind the Moral Man of this world, but hates the moral Christian. The reason is that because the former relies on his own strength while the Christian relies on God's strength.

The basis for this difference is: The holding onto and the releasing of the Human Pride. When one gives up one's reliance on the self effort, one gives up that pride. To illustrate that: Remember how you had to acknowledge that you didn't understand a concept, decided to humble yourself and asked someone how to solve that math, physics, chemistry, etc, question?

And that's not all the "coincidence" there is. I was doing some research yesterday when that statement from yesterday just bore its way into my mind and grabbed my attention till i had it blogged down.

I didn't read yesterday's devotional but today i flipped back to it and saw the topic for the day: "Hated by the world", the message being, 'the world did not hate Jesus because he pursued opposition or antagonism just so that he could be persecuted, but rather the world hated him because of his absolute purity and holiness'.

What a perfect match in timing!

Which brings to mind that most recent entry that Eugene (see my comrade links) made about being in Mindef also...


Thursday, April 06, 2006

It's sad that when you do a right and moral thing against the flow of the prevailing influences of dishonesty, people look at you as if you were stupid.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Golly! I stayed in this miniscule container for weeks (ok but still within the confines of a sphere too) and the first thing i was expected to do when mommy removed the cover was to pose for the lenses. She trusted that i wouldn't scat so i obliged her. But I'm so HUNGREEEEE! Mommy came home only after i emerged and i've only had oxygen to digest. Sad. :-( But now i'm going to see the big fat world!

I'm sooooooooo gorgeous. I love my big eyes, so perfectly formed. I love myself.

Mommy brought me downstairs to the base of the stairwell to set me free. She took off the container cover and stared hard at me through those strange lenses again and again. I was getting nervous from the weird lighting and a feeling of some impending life changing moment. I scuttled as fast as i could into a nook in the soft tissue bedding, curled into a tight ball and hid there.
Apart from the experience of being squashed in an egg, i've never felt so small... I was so afraid, that i thought maybe if i mimicked that in-egg-squished position, i might regain that feeling of security. My pretty tail was getting in the way though. *mmmfffff*
Mommy sure wasn't placing the cover back and she even began to tug the whole tissue lump out! MOOMMEEEE!!! I kept my newly discovered strong lizardy grip onto the tissue despite her incessent gentle shakes. When i didn't budge, she decided to place tissue, me and all back into the container to let me be.
I guess i knew it in my skinny baby bones that the whole atmosphere had changed... I felt freedom beckoning, i smelt freedom, and i responded in kind. In one fluid movement, i zipped to the corner of the container to poke my head above the rim, paused for a split second to say "bye Mommy!" and i scurried off.
Hello strange world.

*** ***

This is the human talking now.

The next morning, i made a grisly find that was stuck on one of the cloths that draps over our freezer in our home: a dead baby lizard, or rather, a wizard (*was* a lizard, so, w-izard).

All, but a head and spine, was stripped off by some unknown cause. I hope it wasn't you, Barney. I don't know what caused it but i do know that Jed can maul you lizards easy as pie when he can get his predator paws on the likes of things he considers vermins. I set you free for other reasons apart from so that you'll not eat our food in the kitchen and shit everywhere as you please. You know that right?

Assuming it wasn't you, please don't come back.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Yesterday, the sister and i went to pick up dinner at this Fish & Chip shop located around the Greenleaf area. The little shop was tucked in a corner of some rectangular shaped plot of land that someone decided to call a "park": all of one or two grass patches, a coupla italian restuarants and a few defunct looking shops with the metal shutters drawn down. Schweeet.

While waiting for the food after making our take-away order, we decided to gravitate towards and amuse ourselves at one little er, "aquarium", the one that could jolly well be containing the dinner plate subjects: Lobsters, clams, mussels, and oysters.
The signal for the corny jokes to begin was when i asked her, "Why are the oysters all tied up in a bunch like that?" (groups of oysters were tied up into clusters with a green netting with wide holes, but not big enough for an oyster to slip out)

"Well... For company, i guess." she says.

"Oh... Er. Ok." *then jo begins to do a jiggy from imagining how lovely it must for an oyster to be to be able to commune with other oysters even while in captivity* "So! Everybody say "Oei!" (as in, "Oy"-ster, as opposed to "Yo! Yo!") (yes, superbly lame, i know) >.<"

"I could just kill you right now..." sister grimaces in between helpless surrender to my brilliance. *ahemmmmm*

Attention drifts over to the mussels, and we giggle over how one of them was kind of free bobbing, looking rather upside-down, near the surface of the water. (the rest were clumped at the bottom of the tank with the lobsters and clams)
But then the sister noticed how one of them seemed to be caught in the area where bubbles were jetting out from an outlet. It was being pummeled by the jet from the bottom up and it didn't look like it could escape from the "bubble vortex" unless it had legs or paddles to help propel it anywhere else.

"Oh! I know... It's in a jacuzzi!"
"OHH! And it's having its muscles ("mussels") massaged!"

(sister is now drowning in the foam coming out from her mouth)

*turns to sister*
"Eh, don't you want to ask me to clam up?"

*with one last cerebral convulsion, sister fainted*

*** ***

In other news, i'm pleased to say once again that i got a nice number for my social psych essay. I think that my content can be so much better to get that higher grade, but i thank God anyway. :-)

And... Barney has HATCHED! I will post pictures, once this "Error on page" thingy resolves.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Glorious Gloriosa! This CD contains, with a few other japanese songs played by yes, the highly acclaimed Tokyo Kosei WO, the 3 movements of one of my moooost favourite band music. Back in the good ole days in the AC band, our conductor had the connections to get us the music scores before it was officially released. Lurrrvely.

It was my Gem who took all the trouble to buy this for me for my 21st birthday. *appreciative grin* See, the "shop" isn't exactly a shop like what we're used to. You need to call the people up and they will open this apartment in AMK that is stocked with CDs. Uhm, something like that. They've mostly got CDs that mainstream music shops don't bring in and/or sell. Thankeewww... :-)

You know you're very fortunate when you don't have a significant other who turns to you and says "Huh?", when you exclaim in his face: "Men don't LISTEN!!!"

Looking through the IKEA catalogue one day in 2005, i spotted this uber pretty rainbow bed thingy. (Some of you will know that i have a deadly fetish for rainbow coloured things.) And as with all things joline, she blabbers about how pretty the bed thing is to significant other. (note: she was noooottttt dropping hints ok?)

So one fine day, they take a stroll through IKEA itself, but joline, alas! did not buy the rainbow thing. But unknown to her, he bought it later on and to her utmost delight, found the bed thingy spread across her mattress on the eve of her 21st birthday (it's a long sweet story, that involves her library gang and family too. I am shoooo loved. *dances*).
He's so sweet right? Ah lalalalalallala............................
(I keep saying "bed thingy" because it's not actually a bed sheet, but it's a comforter cover. But still, i lub.)
Dad said: "Eh, you bought target sheet to put on her bed ah?"

(the colours are a bit, er very, the mismatched i realize. Oh well, they didn't have a second pillow case and bolster cover. But i donch particularly care. Tralala.)

Presents from FSH. Hardly see this dear friend of mine whom i was real close to back in JC. Gosh, all the nonsense jokes we cracked, and rolling eyes at each other. She was the one who's always so hardworking (still is!) that she was always the "well of knowledge". Heh heh. And mind you, it was precisely because of her that we've been forever dubbed "The Library Gang".

But i'm glad that she's already on her way to TIE THE KNOT. TIE THE KNOT OK?! Already only a couple of teeny tiny steps closer to the altar leh! I will only be close to the altar because i already guaranteed a place as bridesmaid. You know, she used to tell me that she would be a nun and she would be like, Head Nun. But LOOK! Muahahahahaha! Back to the matrimony talk. Oh, shooo fun! *mad grin* Must think of how to.... torture her Beau when he comes knocking on her door. *cackle, cackle* It'll be my first wedding of which a peer of mine will be getting married. Amaazzinggg.

And presents from Y. I'm using both of them now! The time has come when i prefer practical gifts a whole bunch more to ornamental presents. Thanks Y! I love them. :-D I'm pleased for Y because before she's even graduated, she's already secured a job in one of the Big 4 accountancy firms. It's going to be tough being a fresh grad in there, but you know where to run gal, if you need to spill your woes or if you'd like a nice pot of tea to talk things over!
Proposal out and emailed. To my horror (but i just really cannot care less at the moment), I discovered while re-reading the course materials that my research topic had already been mentioned to be a current trend in society. In other words, it's not really new in the realms of research. Bah. And i thought i was so smart. >.o" Hur hur. But if the tutor does make a pip over that, i've already got a backup plan. So... Thank God, but i hope i don't need to rethink and retune my whole research scope.
Ahh.... And so Jo's taking a break from all that hair mangling and nervous eye darting (from clock to lappie screen). So i guess it's onto jittery nail biting over the tutor's feedback. Yum.

I'm trying my best not to repeat that "sleep in day, work at night" repetitive system of working again. Nothing but detrimental, it is. So while i'm letting the seconds tick on leisurely by, enjoying the bliss of the sudden slow down of time (or so i think) here're some random pictures.

I wasn't exactly there though it would've been awesome, don't you think? This photo was a salvage attempt to give this inspirational poster a new lease of life. Perhaps even 7-8 years of age or so, the poster was gone dusty and gritty and well, was naturally ripe for the bin. Below on the right bottom corner (not visible here) it reads: "Early I will seek Thee".

Ooooo! This one was an unexpectedly nice macro shot (i didn't think that the Baby Casio was anything to yodel about when it comes to the macro function) of Y's tiramisu cake from Bakerzin. She says that she's now found her favourite or next favourite tiramisu. Hee.

TwentyOne, yes, 21 presents frm Liting on my birthday last year. I don't know how she managed to do it but i do know one thing for sure, is that friends who care will really bother to inject meaning into their gifts. And she, despite all her school committments, did her RESEARCH, both online and from the past years that we've spent together just to purchase (without a budget even! Goodness gracious) these items for me.
Furthermore, she numbered each and every one and wrote down the significance of each. It really did bring me back down to walk through and smell the roses of memory lane again, all the way back to our ACJC days, some... 4-5 years ago. It hardly even feels that long ago, come to think of it. I felt so touched by her effort and time spent, i was just pretty much speechless.
(oh, er... Adele, my laptop was NOT one of the presents.)