Tuesday, March 30, 2004


My state of isolation from other people is giving me the feeling of aimlessness.
I hope this is hormonal.
In addition, i know i have work to do. But i'm blatantly wasting my time away thinking of doing things other than work.
What the dong is wrong with me.

Remember the friend who pissed me off last week?
Well, he actually made the effort to mend things after one week of not speaking.
That is totally respectable.
I should learn that kind of humility.

Have not called Simon yet. I feel a cold shiver of fear run through me everytime i think of calling him.
(just felt it)
(and again)
(even in my fingers and toes)

I have school work and i just remembered that i have driving to take care of. Archery is still a blur.
Too many things on my hands now.
I know where my priorities lie but i am weak.
God, please help.

Think i shall go and occupy myself with some housekeeping. Writing up my schedule especially.

I have met a very interesting person.
Makes my mind go bogus and feelings go a bit haywire.
Not in the good sense.
A contradiction?

I am amused to find that my good friend has changed her status quo in Friendster.
*gasp! where no man has ever gone before!*

I am in love with the compound bow.
There is a feeling of power, control and beauty.

I love the whole set-up.
Clad in an arm guard, wrist sling, release aid.
While the bow is decked with the bowsight and stabilizer. (haven't gotten down to trying with the scope yet)
Love it.

Standing all alone at the shooting line, sizing up the target, with the bow held low.
Shoulders back and level, body erect, head up. Eyes focused.
When the feeling is right, lift the bow above head level in the predraw aim position and then bring it down to anchor.

With the bow drawn, find the target centre with the bowsight and align them both. Wait and feel for the right moment in time then gently pull the lever.
Watch the arrow fly straight and thunk into the yellow region.
Grin inwardly to self.

Like Daniel at DMArchery who came by.
"When you've gotten the accuracy, it's time to play the mental game. It becomes very "zenny". Imagine(visualize) your arrow hitting th bull's eye. It's very zen after that."

Funny the other day while at Kino, i picked up a book on the Zen of archery (something to that effect), at the same section. It wasn't there before.
I flipped through a bit.
Wa, so airy.

I didn't get to go to Borders that day.
No money to splurge on books.

David is a God on the bow!
He said he was approached to make the national team but it was and IS a grand high pity he can't afford the time.
He's a funny, as in humourous, fella.

There was something i noticed.
Usually, i would have a problem when i'm the only girl around a bunch of guys.
I usually have trouble carrying myself.
This is due to my upbringing.
I am unashamed of stating that fact.

Apparently, the archery range was testosterone laden but i hardly felt i was different.
Of course the occasional family came by with girls but after they left, I was the only person there with no friend(s) for company. And even when someone else came alone, it was a guy.

Archery really is an individual sport.

Come to think of it.
To give you an insight into poetry.
If that line "Archery really..." was found in a poem and written just like that. i.e, one line on its own, it is likely to be interpreted as this:

The poet chose to place this line separate from the main body to emphasize the point of individuality.
This illustrates the point that archery is as individual and singular as the line that was placed apart and alone.

Crappy right.

Monday, March 29, 2004


Am aching.

Pissed with myself on saturday, so i went to SAFRA on sunday (yesterday) to practice.
I just felt that i needed to do some brushing up of my form and also to prove something to myself.

For a nice 5 hours.
Hardly felt the time go by.
Could've gone right on but... money constraints.
Was there from... let's see... 4pm to 9pm.

EVERYONE. DMArchery may be small but the rates are good. $8 an hour. The people there are are awful nice too. So, anyone interested in archery, go to SAFRA, 5th floor.

Can't say i actually got much practice on my form. Reason: Too engrossed with results.
That is a problem with me. Too proud.

Ok, shall list my problem areas and consciously work on it the next time.

1. high bow shoulder
2. inconsistent anchor point at chin
3. not using back muscles
4. plucking of bowstring at release

Note: Those are my problems with the recurve bow.

People i met:

Funny. Although i'd like to use first name initials, i can't because everyone i met had his name beginning with 'D'.
The owner of the place is Daniel, his helper whom i suspect is his son, is David.
And another archer i got to know is Danny.

Wot's with the 'D's. Gah. Reminds me of Mr Ex. But bleah. No interference here.

Danny is one very interesting individual. But to respect privacy, shan't talk about him.
He let me try his $2k recurve bow! ( trusting a complete stranger like me to handle his gear???)
It's SO heavy.
But i am SO THANKFUL he pulled some strings and asked David to let me try the Compound Bow.
(to those of you who are new and lost, no, these aren't bow ties. Think Robin Hood.)

David is a God on the bow.
Enough said.

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Yup, so practically spent the next 2 or 3 hours with the compound bow.
I LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It helps to undo my high bow shoulder and fixes a consistent anchor point.
And it's FASTER, making the arrows fly straighter.
Plus... you don't have to worry too much about releasing problems.

The only negative point SO FAR, is that it is a wee bit more sensitive.

I'm hoping Simon wll speak to me about the compound bow... I LOVE IT.

Was hitting mostly yellows, a few strays and a handful of bull's eyes.
Technicalities replace certain skills.

Yo woman!!! Took you some time to get here hah?
How're YOU?
hahha, yes, Jed IS CUTE. But he's the naughtiest thing.
He hasn't been stealing underwear or socks anymore because we've learnt how to isolate those items.
However, he's made up for it by destroying shoes (a lot of my mom's) and STEALING VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING.
He's fatter and just slightly bigger now. It's a good thing he's cute or else we would've murdered him much earlier.

Right. I am spending my time unwisely.
Back to academics.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Why Am I ...

Feeling like crud.

Just came back from shooting.

TOday, spent 95% of time at 20m-25m. (it wasn't 18m after all)

My shots have improved since last week.

But why do i feel so crappy?

I shoot just fine alone or with the other archers.
But the minute i hear Simon's voice, or if he's coaching me, or see him approaching, my shot would go wide.

It frustrates me. It's like telling him that there's no improvement when it's that he's freaking me out.

He wanted to shift me to 30m but he didn't in the end.
I can't say exactly why because i ain't him. Though to me it's obvious he wasn't satisfied with my performance.

Apart from that, i had also let other factors get me down.
Which's SO STUPID of me.
Why am i being SOOOO STOOPID?

Feel totally degraded today.
The only consolation is that i was told to call Simon next week. Not sure what he wants to talk to me about.
Only time will tell.


Need to practice SOMEhow. But i only get one chance per week. How is that enough?

I'll pick myself up.
Just need a little time to psych myself with self talk.

I know that at some point in time, everyone will go through some kind of setback.

But it scares me that before i can even go further, i am screwing my chances.

Hey Alwyn:
WHAO. THanks for the info there...
WIll slowly go through them.
Grade HALF? *chuckle* heeheehee. Don't know how to help in finding you a good, patient teacher. I've no recommendations.


*sinks into a stupor*

Friday, March 26, 2004

Today's Liting Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know how to change word size, not sure if that's posible... But Anyway, Happy Birthday, my dear friend!!!

Prior to monday, had been feverishly editing my Arts assignment. Am tempted to just abbrev that as "ass"...
I had to squeeze a 600+ word answer to one that's 300 or below. No thanks to the ambiguous question structure.

After which i had to get down to serious mugging again to catch up with my readings.
Felt SO sluggish.
Guess doing my assignments was so draining that i just didn't have the right attitude towards my work.


Was at KINO the other day and they started playing one of his albums, "Finding Paradise".
Being the kind with sad, melancholic inclinations, i like "Tears for Alice".
I've tried it on the piano yesterday. Pretty easy to plonk it out but it sounds a bit bare.

That's the problem with not having enough experience. I stopped piano at a measly grade of Grade 1 (practical).
But since i enjoy music a lot, and we still have that black upright piano, i'm still playing.
At my own leisure.

To save myself from playing the grade 1 books and the tough grade 3 and above classical stuff, i just listen to music and try to follow.
It's fun!
But sometimes when u don't manage to get the right chords, it just doesn't sound right.

Oh, i bought a skinny archery book from Kino. Gah. Within my budget mah.
CAn't say i've read it cover to cover.
But have read and re-read the important bits. ( important at this point)

Pretty day today. Hope it stays.

I actually have some time to myself today. Will go to Borders and look for more books on archery.

I think i've morphed into a studyholic.
When i'm not at my table doing some form of work , i feel guilty.
Bad, bad.
This started in secondary school.

For example, my sec 2 final year examinations were over, but i still felt guilty even while watching tv.
The weird thing was that i did well for my exams but yet.

It's not so acute anymore but i still do feel guilty when i go out.
Any scientific disorder?

I remember this GP comprehension once, about how people today are so caught up with work that with every free moment, they would find some work to do. On trains and whatnot.

Well... some people are busy on our trains with activities far different. Think: couples.

My room is a war zone.
And so is my face.

I think it's the weather's effect. Everytime a zit heals, a few more are birthed!!!! They are multiplying exponentially.

I notice i'm not bothering with "Scribbles" anymore... Guess it's because i'm happy and safe from depression.
When happy, Jo doesn't muse.
Jo is amused.

Hm, i take it that your new found hobby is editing photos...? Hee. Seriously, i thought that picture you posted was something so fresh. Was captivated.
"Is that real? Looks like it.... But look at the texture! It seems somewhat dreamlike... But then look at the details. It really looks like the hall but yet something seems out..."
Haha. I liked the gun and the gloved hands.
Me like weapons.
I applied for all 3 unis... SMOO included.
THere's quite a few reasons as to why i did.
Here're just a couple:
1. one mental torment would be over.
2. save parents' money.
Thanks for your support! Will be doing a lot of mulling over the potential decision.
I hope it's something God opened up for me... (because he knows some desires)

Helloz. Yur... Hostels. Very happening. *tsk*
Yes... would go for it if i wasn't in this transitional stage. DOn't want to follow a certain national sprinter's steps.
Feeling really torn. I know where my priorities lie.
Yet when it comes to the decision, my resolve might crack.
It is sad when u think about how some people say that you just have to sacrifice some things in life no matter how fantastic.
It's an opportunity here but i'm wondering if it's going to end up being one of "those" sacrifices.
I sound so pessimistic right.

I spent most of the time at Taka looking for that -murpingpickatootoo- SHOP.
Up and down, up and down the escalator, walkin' left and right, left and right....
Guards standing around those big brand shops were probably radioing each other about a:

*crackle, crackle*
"Aye, got this funny funny char boh with #$% brur brur face, walking hor from one end to udder end... Better watch out, skarly she planting bombs in toilets. Be care-foo hor."

Finally found the equally -murpingpickatootoo- directory and so i reached the shop and got what i wanted.
Think i'll be back there again. Nice stuff.

If that sounds joline-u-no-hope-LAH!... Well.

Went to the atm machine to check balance and the wonderful machine nearly scared the guts out of me!
The machine's keypad had some problem of sorts and it wasn't registering anything i keyed in.
Thought my card would get retained... Horrible, gut-scaring, machine!!!
After a few drawn out seconds that felt like minutes, it spat out my card.

So ok.
Time to head home and decided to have a nice cool drink to make me HAPPY after all that.
Then silly me.
I explicitly said to myself, "This had better not screw up. I want my drink."
Don't know what on Earth i pressed at the drink machine.
Instead of Ice Lemon Tea, a can of Soya Bean dropped out.
*mumble, mumble*

I'm lucky i got home in one piece. Maybe i could've been struck by lightning or something but God decided i should live through more very-joline things.

Ah well.
These things always seem to be happening to me.

Till Then.
*gotten prezzie. hope she likes it.*

Monday, March 22, 2004


Blistering heat.
I like.

I like.

Aching rhomboids and trapezius.
I like.

Sunburnt skin.
I like.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Am standing at a point where a #$%^load of factors are being thrown at or are staring hard at me, as if i wassa bug in a box.
Therefore, once i manage to deal with these factors, i will have to make that determining decision.

Was told that if i agree to begin seriously, i'll have to train FOUR days PER week with the team.
1: Mental training
2: Physical training (weights and running)
3 and 4: Actual shooting

So given the rigorous schedule, the way SIM has structured my lessons will give me almost optimum time management. Enough space to move around between studies and archery.
If i get into a local uni this year, all that might change because of the amount of time i need to spend in school.

So. IF and only IF i get a place, i will have to make a choice between local uni education or national team opportunity.
Unless the association has a way around it.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Both Simon and Clint tell me to go into Compound Bow as that would give me a good chance.

The reason is this:
I'm too OLD for recurve bow!
I don't feel offended but i feel regretful.
Apparently, age matters in archery and this spills into the requirements for recurve, if you want to do well.

My mental condition is no way right for competitive recurve. It is 60% skill, 40% technical.
Compound Bow is 60% technical, 40% skill.

Sounds demeaning? Well, reality check here. After all, i AM a little old to be an ideal beginner.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Spoken to me dad. We both agree it's only sensible to try out the compound bow first.

I mulled over it and doubts began coming in.
"Am i actually good or just marginally better?"
"Does my physiological body/genes have the potential to push me to the level of a professional?"

If the answers are unfavourable, i would rather pull out and forget it.
There's no point in wasting anyone's time, effort and hope.

I think the compound bow can't be assembled the way the recurve can.
As a result, i think they have to carry the whole thing in one piece in the case.

Why oh why, is it that in all my life, i've to carry big things?
First the Tuba, then the fat and cumbersome Alto Saxophone case and maybe this Bow case?
I'm big myself.

Anyway, i've more or less have to wait for the results, and until then, think long and hard plus go for more lessons.
Maybe with that compound bow...

Going to try and gauge how bad i want to take this opportunity...
Suppose i didn't take up the offer and simply chose to go about as usual.

Would i keep thinking back about how "I SHOULD HAVE!!!" about a gazillion times?
Would i be constantly bothered by the "What IFs"?
Would i be suffocating with regret?

Really...Thanks a lot. :-D
I just thought though that most people can do it, just that it's not very common. Oh yes. YOu'd be surprised at how good children are at it. They're so cute when you see them go and the way they chatter and get excited over it makes one smile.
One kid would shout: "FIRE!!!" before he makes his shot.
I don't like kids (honest... but it's not good eh.) but seeing them in their innocence(the good side of innocence) just makes one grin inwardly.

HEYA! Archery's coming along good... Need to brush up though. Not used to the serious practices yet...
YEAH!!!!! It's extremely FUn. To the MAX.
It is a mental thing though, which makes it very unnerving sometimes.
Have you tried it?

Hulloz! Yup, it's fun, fun. Good for recreation really. It has lots of benefits. As for arm power. Yes, that is one issue. Though you need a strong upper body too.
Where did you go for it? I think the one at Marina is gone...

Read an article in the Sunday Times with sadness.
Varsity students in dorms are having this sexual orgy going on.
Some students have NO QUALMS about making it obvious! Note the extent!
It is so sick.

Maybe we should build a big, huge dorm, put those sex crazy students in there, lock the whole place up for a few decades. Let them have it.

Then when we all feel happy, we'll open the doors and see what kind of species emerge.

Till Then.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

A few things learnt.

Today, i was humbled by 18metres of grass ahead of me.

1. My shots were going all over the place.
2. My stance kept being picked upon.

I'm not sure if my stance was wrong from the start because it's never been picked upon till today.
One: maybe it went wonkers today because i was doing 24 pounds (tension of the bow) from the start.
Two: maybe it was wonkers all along but they've now begun to teach me the serious nitty gritty stuff.

I could feel that it was hard for me to obtain a full draw because somehow, my arms and shoulders were tired out.
Whatever it is, i'm going to practice my stance at home in front of the mirror.

Prior to today, i had been mentally doing my "release" and it seems to have worked cos it could feel the "follow through" today.

I've learnt that rest is good. Continuous shooting is a bit too much sometimes.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Had a talk with Simon and Clint today after shooting.

Apparently in Korea, where some of the best archers hail from, the training is remarkably tough. "Tough" is an understatement.
It's bogus but it seems to work.

1. They use canes( i'm not sure exactly WHAT but its definitely something to whack you with!) to slap the training archer to get the posture right.
2. They make archers sleep next to tombstones overnight.
3. They have archers standing at the edge of a cliff and look DOWN.

Simon was talking as though i had already decided to pick it up seriously and signed the papers.

Well, the next all important step is to talk to the elders...

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

I'm really annoyed with a friend of mine.

Without even knowing the FACTS, he makes some impression in his head and tells me point blank.

Strikes me as totally IMMATURE.

Grow up, please.
I know that everyone has their own opinions.
But i suggest you make EDUCATED and INFORMED ones, for your own sake.

I have not explicitly told any of my close girl friends about these recent happenings.
No one really knows about these, unless they have read my blog.

So here i am, with the bad luck of sharing it with him.

Ok, i have to respect he feels that way. But as i've said, please give it a bit more thought.
And be careful with the kind of things you say.

Because right now, i think i want to push you off Bukit Timah Hill.
Or maybe leave you to the monkeys.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Thanks a lot girl. Yes, it is good advice to get involved with life.
One step at a time i guess.
I am trying to get involved... I wouldn't say i really am but... step by step!

GOt major assignment editing to do.

Till then.
*Sigh... Forgive Him.*

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Off top of head

1. I didn't know writing about arty farty stuff was so stressful. You have to be so in touch with your right brain...
I think i'm not actually using my right brain. I'm using my left brain. Why. Because i'm don't think my answers are coming out the way they're are "suppose" to.
Instead, i'm using logic to smoke my way through. No wonder it's so BORING.

2. Got me a pair of new glasses. They're red this time round. My blue glasses faded to a grey in JC. Hope this one doesn't follow suite. My dad says look so studious. -pteh?-

3. I realize i haven't been writing things i've thought over. Reason being, when Jo's happy, her brain can't be bothered much to think but goes on auto-pilot.

4. I've passed my Basic THeory. (driving) Now to get down to serious driving... Round the circuit.

5. I hate poetry. I hate poetry. Honest to hilly billy loo.

6. I think the song "Strange Fruit" sung by Billie Holiday is morbidly amazing. Me like.

"Southern trees bear strange fruit.
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root.
Black bodies swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant South,
The bulging eyes and twisted mouth,
The scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is the fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop.
Here is a strange and bitter crop."

by 'Lewis Allen' (Abel Meeropol)

7. Replies.

Thanks a lot! That made my day... *imagines...*
The thought of ever going for the SEA Games is a bit too fantastic to comprehend at the moment.
BUT, i sure do hope that i'll be given the opportunity...
Then you can point me out!!!
(haha, thick skinned right)
I wonder if it will really come to pass one day.
I know (not personally) this girl who's from my JC and same lecture group who has taken part and won medal(s) in the SEA Games. Her name is Christel Bouvron. Think you would've heard of her before.
Amazing how these people can balance their tough training with their studies.

It IS FUN!!!
I get this notion that actually everyone out there does have some archery skill. It boils down to eyesight, technique, concentration, instinct, and well... strength.
I'm not experienced, so i could be wrong, but i think its not often that someone would suck really bad at it.
UNLESS. The person is unable to pull the string at all and hold it there.
There's this petite girl in my group and she can do it.
I'm ending my lessons in 2 weeks so i'm not sure u can join me at the same time. Plus... I'm not sure if you need a pass to even be there.
We had to get a pass initially.

Hi there woman! I totally welcome your tags. Feel free to tag anytime!

8. If i can get to go for the SEA Games even if it's just for the experience of being there, it'll be a DREAM coming to past.
The experience is going to be a bit like erm... William hung's.

He shot to fame just by showing his face for a few minutes.
For me, it's happening all too quick as well.
Not in terms of fame la...
Not long ago, i was a nobody who didn't know nuts about the sport. But it's a little different now.

I'm no big shot, DUH...
If i were to take that all important step towards shooting competitively, my schedule and lifestyle will change pretty much.
Can't say that's a bad thing.
Never expected to see myself in this position.
Makes life oh so exciting.

9. I'm SO BORED. Even blogging can't seem to tease out my boredom.
It's these cursed assignments, i tell you. Been staring at the laptop screen the entire day.
I'm going blind.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Read at Own Risk. Real Long. Topic: ARCHERY.

Well now.

Time has never passed this slowly in such a loong time...

Usually i have too many things to do and time seems to be this little red rat scuttling at top speed away from me.

I'm up this sunday morning.
Earlier than i usually would be, which means i've got so much time on my hands before...


There goes JOline again.

ANd there's this constant threat of the weather taking a turn for the WORST and splish splashing rainwater all over my bimbotic head.

Don't you just hate it when a thought escapes you?

The reason why i wanted to blog was because i had this fragment of a thought.
It just HAD to ditch me.

Oh, couldn't sleep again last night.
I hope this isn't going to be a learned habit.

Archery=can't sleep.

I woke up several times throughout the night, only to find it hard to drop off again.
It'll be so silly if it i had to go to some sleep shrink and say, " i can't sleep because... i have archery lessons the next day."

I'd probably be told to just chuck the lessons.
As if i would.

Almost got up to study.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***


I'm back!

Left the house at 1:30pm and was out till about 7pm++ i think.

Today was something like, Flatter Day or something.
I'm going to just say everything as it is, and in hope i don't sound too arrogant or anything.

Along with my basic archery mates, we went over to the beginners' plot.
While my coach, (let's call him Simon from now on, shall we?) was zero-ing me, i shot some good ones.
Actually, all my arrows scored in the yellow region. (the innermost region)

By the way, zero-ing (or so i thought i heard, but it makes good sense) is when you adjust the "sighter"(or was it "sight"?) or aiming device to the right level so that your arrows go where it should.

After a few more rounds, dialogue:-

Simon: JOline, is the bow too light for you?
Me: Er... It's, comfortable.

Well, he went and got me another one anyway.
And it was definitely heavier!
Tension is... 24 pounds, right about, methinks.

Subsequently, he moved me away from the other 2 girls and gave me a target for myself!
(initally, 3 of us were shooting at one target)

I guess i did good, cos at each round, most of my arrows were in the yellow, with a handful in the red.

Usually once everyone in the row is done, someone would shout "Clear?" and the others should reply "clear!". Then everyone would go forward to collect the arrows.

While waiting to collect, i heard the other coach say to Simon behind me,
"Which lesson?"
Simon: Second.

With that, i was whisked off to join 3 other guys at the 18m target.
(those guys were having their 4th lesson and i was just some raw beginner!)

The feeling of moving up so fast was awesome.

It was there when i began getting a lot of attention from the new coach.
Attention meaning:
Correcting of my posture, bringing up of the bow, release, holding of the bow, and more i can't remember.

Everything i had learnt as a raw beginner from earlier lessons was either thrown out the window (gone with the wind, it was windy) or had been built upon with more professional advice.

At 5pm, my two girl mates left while i was still shooting with the 3 guys and the coach.
This freed Simon to come over to our side.
And scarily... the national coach was there too.

When Simon came over he said to my coach: Wa, you whacking her already ah? So fierce!
My coach: Ya lah... Must train fast now. So that can use as standby team.
(i started laughing, i couldn't hold me bow)

My shots weren't that great. Managed to hit within the target mostly, but the best was a red.
The other shots were within the white, black and blue.

Two even sailed way past the target board onto the grass beyond!!!

I never knew 18m was THAT far.

By then, Simon the President, Clint the National Coach and i think another seasoned archer(s) were sitting watching us.
Pressure cooker situation.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

As i left, Simon caught up with me and begun to tell me stuff that kinda took me by surprise.
I mean, i really didn't expect him to tell me these things when i'm so new, a totally raw archer and only into second basic lesson.
He told me:
- if you are serious, interested, it'll be good to get own gear. But can use their bows as for now.
- told me about the talent scouting thing going on with kids and the people around shooting.
- shooting competitively.
- other stuff i totally can't remember.

Even better.

As i was walking to the MRt station, Clint came up from behind.
So, we talked all the way to the station and till he left the train.
He explicitly said that i should do compound bow shooting plus he almost let me in on some... stuff. Heh.
Maybe i might get it next week? -chuckle-

Oh. The "ranking" is like this.
Bare Bow: for VERY VERY basic beginners
Recurve Bow: for beginners also. The max range is 70m.
Compound Bow: the bow with the furthest range. More gadgets surrounding it. Very technical.

All in all, from my conversations with Simon and CLint, i am getting the vibe that they want me to consider taking it up seriously and "aim high".
The conversations were littered with "SEA Games" (Next year)

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

I am mostly very happy about these recent developments.
This is something big, related to doing something for the love of the sport and representing the country.

(though many may have differing views about doing ANYTHING for the republic)

I've never experienced anything at this level.
Feel so honoured and actually valued.

Imagine one day...
I'll be sitting with (and rubbing shoulders, maybe literally) a bus load of sports celebrities like Christel (forgive me, i cant remember how to spell her name), Jocelyn Yeo, Li Jia Wei...

Wishful thinking.

On the other hand.
I kind of think too that surely, there must be other promising archers. And they are just basically trying to rope in as many of the better ones as possible.
So, i shouldn't feel too exclusive. Haha.

For all i know, they're just taking their chances. Maybe once i get into it seriously and they see that i'm mediocal, they'll shove me away.

All i'm thinking is that i've to tread carefully here.
Going to watch myself and don't "gullibly" believe everything said about me doing this and that.

I mean, yes, i think i should aim high. Maybe i can make it.
But i just don't want to become an unwitting victim in whatever it is.

I'm not trying to be overly suspicious.
Am just trying to open my eyes a bit more, think for myself, be sure i'm not going to get played out.
It's a dog-eat-dog world.

But it sure is expensive.

I also have to consider my studies.
The most important thing. My parents didn't pay so much just to see me run off with a bow and arrow.
If i can just balance it out, it'll be superb.

Neither do i want to let this get to my head as well. This's something i've been asking God to guard me against.

I've made a vow that should anything big happen, i will attribute everything to God first.
He is the One who created me and given me whatever gifts i possess.
He is the One who allowed.

Each time i catch myself being a snoot, i mentally shoot myself and ask God to guard my mind and heart.

I think i've said enough.
I doubt anyone read this till the end.

For my own personal use, man, this sure beats writing it out by hand.

Till Then.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Collective Annoyance

A relationship broken and a new one made within a short span of time.
One is hurting some, while the other is having it good.

That's what's happening around me.

Can't help but feel a mixture of glee as well as envy.
I try to squash the envy because i only need to trust in the Lord for my future.

My JC mates are just the best so far.
I have many friends i keep in contact with but they are the ones who've kept in contact regularly on intimate terms even 1 year after we've graduated.
For a few, even if we only contact each other after a long while, the closeness is still there like we've never been apart.

I thank God for them.
They are so important and precious to me, know how crushed i'd feel if we do drift apart.
They're my (on Earth) source of acceptance, solace, encouragement.
There's so much that we have shared.

Seeing one now attached is so exciting but yet there's a tinge of sadness.
I know that her life has just expanded to accomodate a significant (more so than us) other.
It is how one handles the situation. Striking a balance between the old and new.
Nevertheless, her new devotion will take up time.
It feels as if a part of her is gone and lost.

It is kind of ridiculous though because anyway, i hardly see her so how can i feel this way since i should hardly feel that lost?
Because when we DO meet, there's the new element.
So in addition to not meeting, more attention is taken even during the meet.

Now that i think of it. It's not so much an issue of time, but more an issue of attention.
Yes, that's more to the point.

People have to move on.
I can't complain.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Thanks, heh.
Actually, now that you did ask that question, it has reminded me to write an entry about making the team.
How's school so far?
Have you had a change in tutors?

Yes, been having loads and oodles of fun! Thanks there.
Oh, i was coached by the president actually.
The team coach came to watch now and then and gave bits of advice here and there.
But i suspect one of the reasons why he comes over because my new found friend is a Filipino, like him.
So it's kind of nice having someone from the same country to converse with in their own language.
In addition, she is a pretty lass. So... more incentive.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

The weather's gone wonky donky.
One cycle: Bright and dry then rainy and dreary.
Ya can git a few sah-kerls within a dah isself.
I sure hope it ain't gonna be this way this sunday.

Am about to finish that psychology essay on evolution.
I'm confused about it.
The question implies loads of info to be included, while i can't find much to say.
My 1000 word limit is way too generous and i'm trying to type floridly to fatten up the thing.
How, how, how.

Referencing and citation is such a pain.
Been staring at my essay and can't even write a decent conclusion. My mind is far... far... away.

1 2 sleep.
Gads, did i just type that?

I think one day, i shall type a normal entry but i shan't bother with editing it at all.
It'll probably be as painful to read as my "academic" essay.


Been doing free weights daily recently.
I miss the ACJC gym.
Spacious, wide range of machines for parts of the body, air-conditioned with music, has FUNCTIONING treadmills... Good gym machine brand.

Oh, i found out that MUSIC and PHILOSOPHY are STILL IN the syllabus.

ANYWAY, this is THEE thing that eating at me.
I just got back my first assignment, the POETRY ANALYSIS one.

Apparently, i got a C. (NOT Credit.)

It's the C as we all know it.

I am annoyed not because i think my tutor is a turd for giving me that grade but because i knew something like this would happen.

I put all my effort into writing out what i thought was right and should get me a decent mark.

I analyse the poem as I understand it.
And according to what i think the question is asking for.

D'you know HOW ANNOYING it is to be DIFFERENT from everyone?!??!?!?!?
APPARENTLY, people don't see the way I do!

he comments i received totally took me by suprise because it didn't occur to me that the question was asking me "that"!

!@##$$#@^%$# !@#$$#@%%&^%* @#$#@%$# !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My thought processes and understanding of some things just doesn't go with everyone else's.

Its is not because i misread the question, Gads NO!, I read it over and over to make sure i was answering it.


The major thing is this.
The things that are deemed important to me, hence i talk about, is not of significant importance to THEM.
What THEY deem as important, is not important to me.

With that, doesn't it screw it almost everything?
Because i'll be writing things that DON'T want to hear!

I was given examples of what i should have included.
And when i thought about it, i just COULDN'T figure what it is that's important and should be analyzed.

Man, i am so annoyed.
It's not my tutor.

It's ME.
I JUST DON'T get it.
Why do i have to think differently?
Am i just pure SHALLOW?

If anyone thinks it's good to be different, well, not in this context!

Poetry is JUST NOT my thing.

I need to get this out of my system before i screw up my next archery session on sunday.

Why is it that each time i start school, my first assignment always comes back to me with darn sucky grades.
Ok, i admit they do improve later on.
But it is subjective after all.

That was sociology.
This is POETRY.

Till then.
* "#$%^&*#$%" --Joline Lim *

Saturday, March 06, 2004

IF you'd like to hear it ...

I couldn't sleep last night.

Got into bed and i felt as if i had a springs between both my eye lids.
Couldn't keep 'em closed.

Turned to some Class 95 and left it on timer.
The hi-fi turned off before i could sleep.
And yes, there was tossing and turning.

I managed to doze off and when i came to, i checked my clock.

4:50a.m ONLY?!??!?!

More tossing and turning.

Double springs in both eyes.
I forced myself to lie in bed as long as i could.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Thinks to self: " Very 'SMART' JO... Came ALL by yourself."

I looked onto the field and saw people walking in leisurely, in pairs and groups.

Thinks to self; "Least you got the guts to come by self!"

And so the day begins.

While waiting for my "coach" to show up, i met a big guy named Eugene.
He has all the size and ears of a certain, usually gold coloured deity that sits upon an altar smiling...

He sits in the shade to "guard", i suppose, the book for regulars to book in.
When my "coach" came, I got my temporary card to show that i was there on LEGAL terms.

Then this other guy, named Clint came by. Thought he was just some club coach,

After they had our bows and arrows sorted out, 3 girls (incl. me) were called over to the beginners'grounds.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

It seems that I have been taught two different methods for indoor and outdoor shooting.

At SAFRA, I was taught to pull the "string" till my hand reaches my cheek.

But today, i was taught to pull it till my hand was touching my chin.
Plus, the string had to be pressing vertically against my lips and nose.

The permutations of the position of where your hand is pulled to and the angle at which you hold the bow will lead to very different results.

So, with some mental and technical adjustments, things got better.
I started to hit the yellow region and red region.
But of course with some shots going WAaayyy off!

By the way, it's like this.

There're 5 rings and each has a different colour.

Outermost: white (not counted)
Second: Black
Third: Blue
Fourth: Red
Innermost, fifth: Yellow.

So after a few rounds of shooting, we had a break under one of the brollies.

Lo and Behold.

My "coach" was the President of the Archery Association of Singapore.

The "some club coach" named Clint... is the NATIONAL TEAM COACH.

But, the BEST part is...
The National Team Coach pointed at me and said to the President, whose name is Simon Wee,
"She has potential".

And before we left, both Clint and Simon said (Simon says! SO, i should obey right?) that in fact, I should go into archery.
But Simon said to just follow through the lessons and see how it goes.

I agree.

I couldn't believe my EARS.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

I had SO much fun.

I couldn't stop shooting.
Only when my arms started hurting did i cease for a bit.

I am now slightly but definitely unevenly sunburnt.
I have white "sleeves" now, because i wore a t-shirt.

Not only that.
My left lower arm has this funny pattern because the parts uncovered by the hand guard has been tanned.

So, my left arm looks like a cow's leg.

Well, having next lesson, next sunday.

I can't WAIT.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** **** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Came home and blabbered everything to my dad.
About the day and the stuff below.

Here's what Simon told us:

- Archery is like Golf. Expensive.
- Size doesn't matter.
- People who come for trials for the entire day, go home radiating heat and sleep with the air con on.
- The arrows that the more pro people use are worth $60. EACH.
- With about $400 to $600, you can own a Recurve Bow and 12 arrows.
- The other pro-er bows cost at least $1500.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

I dread the doing-of my upcoming psychology essay.

Till then.
*Dream, Aim, Focus, Want it, Be Sure, Go For It.*

Thursday, March 04, 2004

No suitable title. (edited)


Does the weather really have to act up NOW??!?!
I mean, it was bright, hot and non-rainy till just recently. (in terms of weeks)

Especially when i'm going to have my first basic archery lesson this saturday.

All i can hope for is that the bloomin' weather rains itself all out before saturday morning.

Or that wherever i'll be going to will be so ulu that rain has never seen that part of Singapore.
(though it is IMPOSSIBLE anyway. It IS Singapore, you know)

Here i am grumbling away when some people would be dancing around a fire with jingly jangly ornaments and facial paint screaming bloody murder for rain to pour.

Speaking of such.

I thank God that i am where i am.

Take for example:

I stare at my pencil box and all its contents and realize that there're loads of people in another part of the world who don't even own half(or less) of what's in my pencil box.

If i expand the scope and just look at the rest of what i own.
A stapler, a cup (with milo in it), a laptop, a bag, speakers, a dictionary, textbooks, my own toilet, bed,... (yada, yada)

I come to realize that i never knew i owned so many things. These things are all mine.
I have education.
I have family.
I have a home.
I have friends.
I have food and shelter.
I have clothes.
I have choice.

And there're people out there who don't have anything.

The stark reality stares at me daily and i've taken it all for granted.


In the nothingness, they might have some things i don't.
I'd do an injustice if i even try to list those things because i will hardly ever know.

How little is my mind!
How little it is that i know!

The brain. A complex little blob of fat.
Ever networking, ever pulsing, ever ugly.

The mind. A busy little bunch of cog wheels.
Ever learning, ever fantasizing, ever wondering, ever remembering, ever stimulating, ever interesting, ever distracted, ever dreaming.

Joline... will you just.
*looks up innocently*

No...! *Psycho's OST playing in the background*
Wa serious... You've got to let me in on some Sonnet ripping technique because i am so not poetry material. ('cept for Haikus i hope)
Think i blabbered a lot about it in past entries.
HAven't gotten to Sonnets by Shakespeare yet, perhaps i will take a peek later.
Oh YES! But if anything, there's actually one rather morbid sounding one i like.
It's called "Marked with D" by Tony Harrison.
The problem is that Sonnets are so enjoyable when one can GET it by oneself.
Having it explained to me makes me feel so dumb and unsatisfied.

Yep... the score was real close last year. I was there screaming along with my junior.
But i was on the wrong side of the field when it came to that last kick. I think it was a conversion right.
I do hope it's not going to be a trend for RJC to creep up slowly on us like this.


That leaves me about less than 40 hours to ARCHERY!

WHoop DEE dOO!

Till Then.
* "Everything that is done in the world, is done by hope." --Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. *

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

It's all in the Music

I'm DONE with those Sonnets as for now and i've moved on to Music! It's a pity that the Open Uni has removed music from the humanities syllabus.

I suppose i can understand the stand that not everyone can grasp music by reading a single chapter, listen to some music and turn into Debussy overnight.
As someone who's been making (with the best intentions and "attempts") music for most of my life so far, i can understand music a little more than the layperson out there.

*closes eyes and recollects*
Why... The big ole Tuba in Primary school, and the Alto Saxophone in Secondary School and JC.
The piano and flute at own leisure.

I'd say about 9 years in band playing, right about.
The piano and flute is ongoing.

So instead of making it a music analysis thing like they did to us for Poetry, they put more emphasis on appreciation.

So much for music.

The other thing they had axed is Philosophy. Once again, it's going to be as transiently done.
I can't say if i'm pleased by that or not.

Nevertheless, we're doing both but only paper deep.

Music's the one that is such a shame... Oh well. The world doesn't revolve around my wishes.

I've got a thing about guys and music.
I am DRAWN to them like flies to rubbish, Jed( see: "My Slavedriver" under Bare Essentials ) to food, males to PS2/FHM...

A chap who is proficient in a musical instrument would have given himself a good place in my books like someone say... who looks like Elijah Wood... (whoops)
If he's not proficient, proficient, he could at least understand (not merely appreciate) music and maybe be able to play a little on something.

Music and guys are a great combination. I like.

In terms of no books, no scores kind of music making:-
(an exception would be if the paper music has been internalized and transformed in a personal way)

Music involves expression, skill, thought, articulation, sensitivity.
Just some of the things that really score.
When i watch someone play, it is heaven to see him transform in an instant into a being one with the tool.

Suddenly, the person whom you thought you KNEW, displays a totally new side of himself.

What comes from the mind, heart and soul spills out, to the listener.

But of course this is all very well for girls too.

Read your comment with interest, and i think the last part stands in this case.
Which explains my confusion. Heh.
Maybe the next thing would just be how much am i of each.
Hm... Robert Browning sounded familiar.
"Our Aspirations are our Possibilities" (methinks he also said)

Yesterday was ACS's 118th Founder's Day.
I remember my first ACS Founder's Day i think. Was it in the indoor stadium? That would be... Year 2001.

The Combined Band [ACS (BR), ACS (I) and ACJC] were seated on one end of the vast ground. So, we pretty much had a great view of all the schools present.
ACJC had the poorest turn out.

What stayed with me most was that Rugby Warrior thing that the team(s) did.
Absolutely marvellous stuff, though i'm not sure it was entirely original.
Anyway, it's that Thundering Spirit that counts.
Amazing stuff.

ACJC had better kick Ghim Moh Institute's butt this year. (NOT Ghim Moh Sec, i LOVE my alma matar ok)
As much as i think we shouldn't be arrogant about our achievements year after year, I think ACJC should remain KING of the RUGBY FIELD.
It is one of our niche sports and one that holds many of the Alumni's tender hearts.
Very precarious.
Rugby as well as the wins are ACS's long standing tradition and pride and if anything were to break it and, WORSE, cause a yearly losing streak, i'll be devastated.
So will many other pro ACS people.

Now, i just need a good information source to update me with that important date annually.

All Righty. Gotta Go.

Till Then.
*ACS Forever!*