Friday, March 26, 2010

A long time ago when i was around maybe 5-6 years old i remember being in my church's old sanctuary with my mum and dad one day, before it was renovated. The sanctuary, what it was called back then, was where the adults would go for services.

I remember that incident quite vividly. When the adults were singing with praises and worship to God, i felt a churning in my being. Not the toilet sort of course. For the lack of any better word, my inner being felt "touched" and "inspired", I just felt my insides feeling overwhelmed with emotion. Tears would come and i didn't understand why. But i could draw and write. So i drew an image of something or other, and wrote something with "Jesus" and "Prayer" in it and i remember showing it eagerly to one of my folks.

Looking back, i know now. Being a child, there just wasn't any preconceived ideas, no theology, no debates. Just a clean, untainted slate, open and receptive to God's presence.

And that's how God wants us to be like. To be like little children, coming to Him innocently. With hearts and minds open, clear and totally trusting.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I cannot wait to become a counsellor with a reasonable number of years of experience in the field, to be someone who is more confident, more skilled... Because i really want to help. I realize how much i enjoy the helping process, but the journey to learning to be a better counsellor is certainly painful. And i really mean, painful.

Someone had a word from Father God for me, and that was: Persevere and press on. Your mountain needs to be conquered and you can't conquer it if you don't climb it. You are not alone He is already ahead of you holding the ropes for you and securing it so that you will not fall off the cliff. Only persevere and you will reach the summit.

It's certainly a steep cliff here. And i'm at ground zero. I wish there was an elevator, but it looks like there're no short cuts and i'm going to get some hard knocks climbing up. I just have to trust God that He's got my back in everything that i do and it doesn't matter if i, in my definition, fail and screw up. Because in Him, i've got full insurance and assurance coverage.

Monday, March 22, 2010

weather or not, i believe.

This morning as i look out my window to behold the clear, brilliant blue sky with puffs of white clouds, i'm reminded of God's humour and goodness that i wanted to share...

Yesterday was my dad's birthday and my family was going to spring a BBQ surprise on him with two other families whom we're close to and have known for years. On the surface, i looked fine and even emotionally felt fine. But if you know some thing about me and my family, celebrating his birthday isn't an easy affair deep down inside. But, anyhow...

The weather looked good for the early part of the day, but slowly and surely, the sky started to turn grey... and then the rain came in all its glory the way it has in the recent days in the west side of Singapore. The sky remained dark and grey. It rained for hours. The kind of rain that keeps going on and on and on...

It was quite saddening because firstly, it was our planned surprise (food was prepared by all parties involved), and secondly, we hadn't had a BBQ in a long while. But i decided to just PRAY and TRUST. Truth be told, there were times when i was telling God i trusted him, more to convince myself to trust! As i chopped my garlic and onions and minced up my basil leaves in the kitchen which has a nice big window, i kept praying and asking God for good weather in time for our BBQ.

If you could read my thought bubbles, you'd see things like "God! The plants have already been watered... Enough rain!", "God! PLEASEEEEEE stop the rain!" "Please please please please..." "God, please stop the rain to prove to (X, no names here!) and to me that you are a good and great God!"

Let me tell you, there were times when the rain seemed to lessen and when i got excited, the intensity picked up again. -.-"

So the time came when our friends arrived and i had to collect the BBQ pit keys from the security office. I trudged up with a big ole brolly, slippers slapping into fresh puddles, with thick rain drops drumming down around me. Even the friendly guards were empathetic towards us and gave some advice about how to keep the food sheltered. When i returned to the pit to hand our friends the keys, it was 6pm. They then began to set up the pit with such enthusiasm anyway.

Then the miracle happened.

Between 6 to 6:30pm when i started to squirrel the food downstairs (while sister distracted dad with his new iphone in the room so that he would not know of our disappearances), the rain started to lighten.

I asked God, "God, i'm trusting you for a total stop of the rain!" I cannot explain it, but i just BELIEVED that God would stop the rain though it did not look like it would at all. I felt like a child begging her dad for a toy, but somehow the begging was a happy kind of begging.

I am fully aware of the fact that i'm just a tiny little speck of a human child in the whole of Singapore, let alone the universe, and that asking God for him to stop the rain just for me and my family and friends seems like an arrogant, smartass, self indulgent favour to ask of such a gigantic and all knowing, powerful God. But even so, it was His heart that i trusted.

And at scheduled 6:30-6:40pm when it was time to bring dad down for his surprise, the rain had stopped. Totally.

Not just that. The sky had cleared, the clouds had broken and parted. Once more, blue was back and there was a brillant, orange sunset that was just beginning to spill its orange glow all over. As far as i know, such rich orange sunsets happen only on hot, rainless days.

I felt like God was saying, "Just wait for it... Trust me. I know when's the best time. It will be amusing!"

From just a moment ago when the rain didn't seem like it was going to stop, within a short 30 minutes, it did. And we even had a beautiful sunset. All of us who were there were praising God for the good weather, just in time!

Yes, i may be a small speck asking for weather to stop just for me, for my dad, his friends and for his birthday. From a God.

A huge, unseen, maybe seemingly distant God.
An all intelligent, all powerful, all mighty, all just and righteous Warrior God.
Yet He is also an all loving, all kind, all merciful, Creator God.

Yes, i may still be a speck to many, but my dad and I are not specks to Him. To Him, we are Children. Precious. Loved. Remembered. Cherished.

And it is precisely because God is all that, and more, that makes Him the God I believe in and worth doing so.

I do wonder what yesterday did for X, but i hope that this little episode ministered in a simple and profound way.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

While thinking of what to do for my group counselling session today, i fell asleep. And i dreamt that a peacock flew into my home via the kitchen window and it was a VERY friendly peacock that behaved like a devoted little dog! HAHA.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Hi folks, just saying, well, hi. It's the busy assignment period at the moment when everything is due all at one go. I thank God that i've got a 2 week break from practicum so that gives me time to get my stuff done as well.

IBS has been acting up again, with the feeling of bloatedness after meals. Classmate advised me to avoid citrus fruits in particular, and to drink apple cider with water as a supplement to aid digestion. He suspects that i might not be able to breakdown fructose and/or lactose, as well as starch, efficiently. Lately i've also not been watching my diet as strictly as i used to, so i guess i've been suffering the consequences. Been giving in to whatever my brain says it wants to taste and been eating more than my stomach can take. Ah well.

Oh, and i discovered the brand Aesop recently! Ok, i know it's been around already but i've always thought it to sell their products at high and unaffordable prices. But one day while at Taka, i decided to step into the shop and, well, i was transported. The scent of aromatic botanicals gently enveloped my being and the rich, full notes and beats of the music playing overhead just brought me to a different plane altogether.

Fell in love with the stuff there because of its focus on using the goodness of nature, without too much of all that chemical stuff. And best of all... i found a GERANIUM body cleanser AND body balm! HAPPINESS. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the scent of geranium. It makes me high, i tell you. I've got a facial moisturiser (into my 2nd bottle already) from Nuxe Paris (this brand can be found at John Little/Guardian pharmacy/Sasa) that contains geranium oil and every time i apply it on my face, i always take a moment to savour the scent with my fullest attention. I put my fingers to my nose, close my eyes, and take a deep, long breath. The fresh, rosy and slightly citrus-sy fragrance fills my consciousness and it's undescribable.

One website describes it as "uplifting and gently inspiring -- or evoking a sense of calm and tranquility."

Ah... :)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

This was when i was taking my 'O' Level exams in Ghim Moh Secondary School. We were lining up two by two outside the chemistry lab waiting to go on for our chemistry practical exam when...

Me: *sniffs the air* HEY! I SMELL ONIONS!!!

(this was followed by great flurry of classmates flipping through notes to study onion cell structure, etc)

Outcome: we were tested on osmosis and diffusion, using onions to work with.

Then, while we were lining up outside the physics lab, one of my guy friends Ridzuan (the class joker) suddenly jerked his head up, stiffened, with eyes large like saucers said,

"I smell, i smell... PENDULUM!"

I could've died laughing.

Outcome: we REALLY were tested on some concept (gravity, methinks) using the bouncy metal spring pendulum thingy!

Sunday, March 07, 2010

I wonder how my students did for their A Levels. Hm...