I didn't think too much about this recipe by Pioneer Woman because i'm not a corn person. But then when i realized that i had pretty much all the main ingredients in my fridge waiting to be used up (they were leftovers from previous cooking endeavours), i thought: How PERFECT! Onions, bacons, corn, cream, broth/stock... Can't go too wrong.

So i made the corn chowder. OH. It is DELICIOUS. HOHOHO!!! I modified it of course cos i didn't have all the ingredients she stated and i also was simply just using up leftovers. It definitely doesn't look like much though. HA.

I learnt that putting parsley on top of soup ISN'T just about putting it on top!!!!!!!
The soup has to be firm/thick enough to hold the parley leaves. You have to choose the right leaves that look good to balance out the look. Enough leaf, enough stem. The soup can't be too hot, or else the edges of the leaves get cooked/soggy/etc. I'm not sure why the parsley leaves that i have had in restaurants look dry-ish, but freshly rinsed leaves that look healthy and green tend to be heavy...
As you can tell, my parsley deco is a fail. HAHA. I just thought some green would be nice for photography, even though they just look like flat 2D, green patches. HAHA.

***

I love you girls. Though we definitely don't see one another frequently, i thank God for the regular meets... As rightly pointed out by Germ, i quote: "It's like when we can say, 'Didn't i tell you this the other day?', when the 'other day' could have been about 6 months ago or 1 year."
Amen.

My JC mates rank high on my list of important people in my life... I can still see snapshots or even little movies (though soundless) of the times we had walking around school and doing mundane or funny things. They walked closely with me back in the day, and i always get nostalgic remembering the times we spent together.

I remember as clear as day. When we were saying our partial goodbyes nearing the end of our JC journey, Betty came by with polaroid photos stuck to a small card and asked me to sign on it. So i did. And then i blew the whole thing up and stuck it on my room wall. It's been there for like 8 years now. I never regretted being that sentimental mush. :)

I've been wanting to clear my cupboard to free up space for new things to come. New books as references as i begin my profession in the counselling field, new cooking and baking books, etc. My room is fast running out of surfaces for all the new. But how about the old stuff? I remember an old post i wrote in 2007. Dang, i half wish i hadn't remembered...

(old post back in 2007, 2nd April)

"Old Papers"

Taking a break from staring at my lappie screen, i took a nice long stretch against the back rest of my study chair.

And i glanced up at my 3 shelved cupboard that still houses all the school work done in my past academic years, mostly from my junior college days, save for one biology file from my secondary 4 syllabus. Coloured files in yellow, black, blue and red, grey, papers chucked in between them in some order of subjects, thick textbooks that were seldom referred to but were there to give a sense of reassurance that information was within easy reach.

All of them speak silently and daily, reminding me (only when i take the time to look at them) of all the toil, tears (<-- seriously) and frustrations of the old, the failures and triumphs. And i realize that i may very well bring all of them with me till... We'll never really know. Perhaps for as long as i can keep them. It's too difficult to throw them all away, for sentimental reasons.

Though I can't make sense out of whatever i read in them anymore (esp. chemistry) but somehow, these chunks and stacks of papers with my own handwriting scrawled all over in attempts to solve sums and problems, to write logical essays without smoking through them, every dot and scribble - they were a part of my thoughts, and of me, back then.

Mundane as they look sitting high up there above my head as i type my essays to be handed in to tutors from university, these representatives are from one of the hardest periods in my life, emotionally and mentally, will always bring back the nostalgia no matter where i am in life. With each passing year, i grow more attached to these physical "relics", serving as triggers and cues for me to be able to recollect the memories of those days past.

Why is it that i refuse to let go of the memories of hard times and the things that transport me back to it? Is that a seeming rule that applies to people in general, i wonder.

I guess hard times were when you saw yourself put to the test, to see what you were made of, to show yourself and unknowingly others as well, who you were when situations become pressing and hard to bear. It's during those times when you see yourself stumble through weaknesses, grappling for help or just sticking it through, even growing and discovering new strengths and revelations. You get to see who among you are the people you can or cannot depend on, and sometimes our search leads us to become jaded, indifferent or even more hopeful.

Quite obviously, tough times are never a walk in the park and when we eventually emerge from the shadows, we step out with battle wounds that leave a deep impression, and scars to remind us of the tale, to either tell of or hide it. We come out of it knowing that something profound happened inside of us.

Which is probably why we never, or find it hard to forget tough times. They're somewhat useful bittersweet tools, becoming fuel for anger that continues to burn inside, times we laugh or grimace over on hindsight, the experiences that we look back upon to see how far we've come in our personal growth, the basis from where we glean some of our most intimate lessons from.

How to clear my cupboard like this?

I don't know why but while cleaning up my sister's weighted barbells, i suddenly remembered someone from a long time ago. It's a weird feeling that rises up. I don't regret having met the person, but yet, i can't help but furiously deliver mental kicks to myself. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING?! And though i said i don't regret it, if i could do things over, i wouldn't even take the first tip-toe in that direction.

Confusing? Yeah, much.

Found a lot of old music and i'm so STOKED!!!!! Dug up an old favourite concert band song...



I used to play this while in junior college and it was one of my favourite pieces because it had that Persian feel like you were running through the city doing awesome adventurous things. It also has some killer solo parts (oboe, flute, horn, drums, saxophone section leading out, the layering of melodies at the end, etc) and the chords i heard when playing as a band really pulled at my heart strings. Oh, it was glorious. I miss playing in a band so bad. If there're two things i want to continue doing in my life till i'm old and grey, it would be archery and playing the alto saxophone in a band.

Man! I wish i had practiced my saxophone parts more!

Oh, and this is, in my opinion, one of the best opening pieces from an old cartoon "Johnny Quest"

This was when i was taking my 'O' Level exams in Ghim Moh Secondary School. We were lining up two by two outside the chemistry lab waiting to go on for our chemistry practical exam when...

Me: *sniffs the air* HEY! I SMELL ONIONS!!!

(this was followed by great flurry of classmates flipping through notes to study onion cell structure, etc)

Outcome: we were tested on osmosis and diffusion, using onions to work with.

Then, while we were lining up outside the physics lab, one of my guy friends Ridzuan (the class joker) suddenly jerked his head up, stiffened, with eyes large like saucers said,

"I smell, i smell... PENDULUM!"

I could've died laughing.

Outcome: we REALLY were tested on some concept (gravity, methinks) using the bouncy metal spring pendulum thingy!

In the past week... I,

... had some daddy-daughter time. Which is rare. But nice and necessary.

... almost got into a road accident. (this one was frekkin' traumatising. i went home and cried and actually crawled into bed to sleep with my mom. not kidding. i felt traumatized, fearful and lousy.)

... rediscovered grace, kindness, and once again felt the old NTU cell spirit when my friends stood by me after the near collision. They assessed the situation and gave objective advice for the future, assured me that i was a safe driver, felt the unhappiness with me about the behaviour of the road bully, made sure that i was ok enough to drive back home on my own. Somehow, they just said all the right things, in the best way. I could not have asked for better passengers, who despite having had gone through the same scary experience, still had the grace, gentleness and mercy to tend to my needs.

... knew that God's protection was upon us through the way things unfolded and how i managed to handle the extremely scary and new situation. Maybe i'll write about what happened in a later post.

... promise i will be a better defensive driver and expect the unexpected.

... was blessed immensely by people around me on my birthday and beyond the day itself.

... learn that butter noodles made by N is BE.AWESOME.
(garlic, onions, mushrooms and salted butter. With linguine. That's ALL. Goodness.)

... met my future cell leader and admitted that i am his phantom cell member. heehee.

... went for my previous cell leader's wedding. It was simple, intimate, beautiful. None of the extra stuff like gate crashing, no table to table photo taking. It was just all about the couple, but without sacrificing on giving the guests the best as far as possible. And i got to sit opposite one of Singapore's retired army Generals! And he's really nice with no airs about him at all.

... have been blessed by my folks.

... sat in for the first time to listen to what my folks' insurance agent was talking about.

... cleaned the car briefly for the first time on my own and found it very therapeutic. Getting the bird poo off, cleaning nooks and crannies, turnin' up the volume of the CD player (WOW Hymns by contemporary artists) while doing so. Yes, it was therapeutic. No one to hurry me or tell me what to do. Just the hot sun on a sunday afternoon, music, and getting some cleanin' done.

... drove to Seng Kang and Bedok with very good and skilled instruction givers at midnight, which was something i otherwise wouldn't have done, especially since i almost could have gotten my friends and myself killed or hospitalized just the night before. Gosh. Being a beginner driver is frightful. As frightful as being a beginning counsellor. All involving the care of lives.

... have more or less decided to graduate later. I will take 6 more months to complete my program because i cannot handle practicum, a module and thesis all at the same time.

a huge part of my schooling life involved around playing in concert/military bands... as i'm listening to persis overture, and gloriosa, i am hit by such a longing to be part of a band once again, playing the alto saxophone as part of a contributing sound to the overall band sound.

gosh.

i miss, like crazy, those days. where can i look for a good and established adult band that won't be THAT particular about whether you'd be a liability in terms of technique and skill, but will just be a group of people who play well and also just want to play because, MUSIC is BEAUTIFUL. Period.

Wow. I just realized how much i miss The Lion King... I just caught the first one, the 1 1/2 one and The Lion King 2 on YouTube. OK! I know, i ought to be shot for spending my time doing that.

But oh... my gosh. It's so wonderful watching it again. Apart from the kiddy Disney songs (actually, the lyrics are quite funny too), the jokes are still worthy of genuine laughter and the animators and artists REALLY did such a good job depicting the emotions of the characters. Every twitch, every slight movement on the faces and bodies of the characters are so precise and intentional and accurate. Such a work of art in a movie made in the 1990s (but i'm thinking... i believe that the conception of ideas and artwork would've begun somewhere in the 1980s?).

I wanna buy the whole DVD set if possible! It's like treasure to me. :-)

It's me! I'm BACK! I SURVIVED!

Interestingly, i feel more refreshed than when i left. Of course, i need a good break in general, but mentally, i am feeling better.

2 weeks more before Joline's out of YGOS. I am looking forward to my 1 month break before school begins in August. But i'll definitely be occupied with a major project, like my friends' wedding video. I hope the NTU people start school only in end july, so that i'll be able to spend some quality time with them before school begins as well. The more i think about even going down to NIE to just register in july, the more brain chills i get! I'm dreaming of the lunch meetings, the rendezvous, the studying together, my counselling course, being on campus, restarting my archery again, jogging with JL (and whoever else that is game) around NTU/track, working out in the gym. Whoo-ooo-ooo. *brain chill*

In all honesty, i doubt that i will be able to fulfill all that i am dreaming of. Ah, but one can hope, right.

My Library Gang Bintan trip has also been CONFIRMED! OH MY GWASH. FINALLY! We've been fantasizing about going for a holiday together since we all graduated and started working... It's been a ripe 3 years or so (or is it more than that?) and now it is HAPPENING. We had plans to travel to somewhere further actually but i guess because some people aren't exactly loaded, *ahem*yourstruly*cough* travelling further was an issue.

Much has been going on in my head regarding my future. I've been asking God: God, what is it you want me to do in my life? I'm totally "at your disposable" you know? All you need to do is just tell me, just say so, and i will do it.
(but i never really hear him clearly about this.)

I'm also questioning and answering myself. I'm thinking:-

Q: If handling, being and dealing with people is so hard for me personally, that it is a struggle, than why in the WORLD am i bothering to train myself to take on a job that requires me to "take care" of people? WHY in the WORLD am i going headlong into something that arouses so much FEAR and STRESS in me?

A: I think it's strange that i'm choosing to do something completely opposite to what i am comfortable with. If i had things my way, i'd just settle for something easier, or less conventional. You know, like maybe be a zookeeper, or an archery coach, or travel the world making documentaries about animals or our planet. But if you were to ask me WHY i choose to do counselling, i'd tell you that i believe the people of our society today, really need something. There is a need for social, mental, emotional well being. Spiritual well being even. And i want to do my part to help. There is so much pain and twisted values these days and it's being passed down to our younger generation and it breaks my heart to hear about what it does to them. So i'm thinking... Is my desire to do what i want to do driven only just by wanting to make the world a better place? Or is it possibly driven by love? And whose love? My love? God's love? Even that can be a struggle to answer at times. But i know that if there is love involved, it is not my own, but Father God's love for his people (which is actually everyone on this planet!). And this is probably it, that i believe this is why i choose what i choose to do... To carry out my duties inspired by His love inspite of all the fears.

So i'm thinking. Is this therefore the "thing" that God wants me to do in my life? I'm going against my human nature for a cause, so.... that's good, right? Right? But of course, there are times when God makes use of our strongest assets to do his work in places where we may be most comfortable in. But i guess there are times when He also wants to teach some of us something, or to stretch some of us that need stretching.

For now, he has so obviously opened the door for me to enter the counselling field. I feel as if his favour is on me to pursue this. First it was when YGOS willingly took me in for just 2 months (which is generally not entertained) and then NIE which offered me the counselling course despite me being a young 'un, a graduate from UniSIM (which some people tend to have certain pre (and mis?) conceptions about), someone with no relevant working experience (at the point of my interview, all the working experience i ever had was of selling Body Shop products back in 2003 while waiting for uni to begin and printing invoices and collecting $ since 2006 at my other workplace), i'm far from scholar material, and i also could only hand in 2 referee reports out of the required 3 (i typed out and clipped a very earnest sounding letter to NIE, together with my application, to apologize for not meeting the requirements). Not forgetting the highly embarrassing fumble i made during my interview when i blabbered something and ended my blabber with "erm, er, never mind. *giggle*"
Oh goodness, so retarded!

My conclusion is: I will continue to pursue this as long as the coast is clear and until God decides to say ENOUGH, closes the doors and places me somewhere else.

So anyway. I've got ONE more day of break at home to do my YGOS reflections and then it'll be back to work on tuesday. Hm, i look forward to my Breadtalk breakfasts almost every morning before hitting the workplace. Teehee. *beam* I'm wondering if i should begin using my lunch hour to go running. I usually feel like a squishy and pudgy pao after lunch and it makes me feel uncomfortable! A surefire way to put on weight sia... I think i've been doing well in keeping my weight in check at the moment, and i don't wanna mess it up!

All righty, good night folks. It's 4 in the morning. A long post after a long time. Talking in long rambly posts often is more my thing!

PS: KUNGFU PANDA IS DARN FUNNY. I LAUGHED THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SHOW SIA!

Daddy God has done it again.. Muah haha. He surprises me even in the little things, and i love it.

A while ago, i realized that i had TOTALLY forgotten where my 512MB SD card was. I was looking high and low for it, and it wasn't in the place where i had last seen it. I sat down and tried to picture the likeliest place that it could be in, but i had NO recollection at all. NONE.

I'm alone at home, so i said out loud: "God... Where IS my SD card? I have NO recollection of it whatsoever..."

And guess what... in about 1-2 seconds, a clear picture of the Canon's camera pouch popped into my mind. I was like: "Oh YEA HOR! It might be in there cos i placed it in there for the ROM photo taking." So i grabbed it and excitedly rummaged through it and tadah! Found my SD card!

Heehee, Daddy God, you're the bestest lah. *hug*

***

Total field day man... I was wiped out by 9:30pm (and thus missed HALF of Prison Break! Rahh). Thank God it was a nice hot day, and rain didn't get in the way of my photo and video taking plans.

I found out that Mr P Cheong has since moved to teach at the land of white and green. Shocking, i know. But he apparently felt so strongly about things that were going on (or not going on) in ACJC that he left. :-(
That says a lot for someone who's been teaching there for years and is an old ACS boy himself.

Pictures up perhaps next week. Most aren't too interesting for general viewing but they hold personal significance for old school mates and myself.

***

Are there any better ways to burn fat than by running? I'm getting bored of running! I've tried mild versions of aerobics and kick boxing only to slink away from ever doing it again because i look like a complete freaking elephant trying to co-ordinate her flappy ears, swingy trunk and stompy legs. That is, my limbs are ungracefully all over the place.

I like doing strength training, and would love for the, ahem, side benefits to show up. But there'll be no muscles seen if the stubborn layers of fat refuse to budge!

Tomorrow, or technically today, i'll be returning to ACJC (Anglo-Chinese Junior College). To do some video-ing.

Anyway, while i was er, pulling off stray eyebrow hairs, memories of those days when i was student there kept replaying in my mind. I remember how on the very first day of school after the real 'O' levels were out and classes were finalised, i received a badly needed hug from a new friend from my newly allocated class 1SC10 (Germ! Heehee, now a life-long friend) at the entrance of the girl's toilet at the canteen because i was feeling so darn lousy about the day.

Apparently, i was mourning over changes to the norm and i felt very unsettled, generally upset about having new people, new surroundings and having the stress of school and just every THING, lumped altogether. During recess i was honestly close to tears as i sat at the brightly coloured table, and i remember having L (a new friend at the time too, freshly imported from SAJC, but now life-long friend) at my table and she said something like: "Ok, we better stop talking now... or else Joline will burst into tears...". *chuckle*

Just a few (actually a lot) of the things i remember:

- The mad PE lessons,
- the "sacred" 400m running track,
- my first relationship (that taught me a gabillion things) and the late nights, screaming and crying! (lots of it!)
- the kooky teachers,
- the nicknames of class cliques (mine was dubbed the "Library Gang" for obvious reasons),
- the silent disliking of some people (which i hope is now considered childish and non-existent),
- pontanging of classes during exam season,
- failing chemistry and chinese AO over and over,
- chapel (i distinctly remember praying one specific prayer one fine chapel day and guess what, today that prayer stands ANSWERED. Amen!)
- playing the hall's grand! piano! that was temporarily relegated to LT 3 during free periods,
- band practices that i both loved and hated (loved the music, hated the superficial relationships with some band mates)
- the cheapest food ever: yong tau foo
- lousiest and total rip-off food ever: western stall
- staple food: beef hor fun, mixed veg/meat + rice, ovaltine/milo biscuits, yong tau foo, chicken rice, small snack stall
- never tried before food: the "makan bagus" stall (muslim food)
- the highly sought after chicken chop from the cafe at the Sports Complex (that later declined in quality)
- swimming lessons when guys and girls alike felt awkward in their bare minimums (unless you were a swimmer or water polo-er)
- Base Class: 7.12 (dang, or was it 7.14?)
- lots of good looking and ungettable guys
- lots of pretty and (OBVIOUSLY) ungettable girls
- giggling and howling (with laughter) over silly things (which one? too many to remember lah.)

Ok, enough, enough. At least this is a sign that i can still remember my school days which is a relief to me. *phew*

Oh, and then i also realized that....... I was thinking of one particular teacher, who is rich, kind of cute, kooky, eh... probably still unmarried. And it dawned on me that a student of his has already beaten him to the signing on the dotted line. Woah. I think it'll knock his socks off if he ever finds out. If i see him tomorrow, i'll be sure to spill the beans to him. *snortchuckle*

Tra lala, now to ensure that i'm really going tomorrow morning... I need to hit the sack now! *whistle*

Typing an essay out on a cold and rainy thursday afternoon is a pleasure only if you've got your beloved pet dog nestled in your lap like a hot (and furry) water bottle. Him lying here also helps me stay put in my seat to complete my essay, because i cannot bear to move him and i really needed to finish this essay by today.

Somehow his smelly doggy scent that wafts up my nose is lovely to my "K9 parental senses" and it makes me bend over to koochee him every now and then, which rouses him from his sleep.

This is the longest that he's ever stayed on my lap for a snooze... He's bigger and heavier now and perhaps he doesn't fit as well as before, but times like these bring me back to the days 4 years ago when he was a much smaller little black grub, no bigger than a small cat, who also spent some of his sleeping time curled up on my lap cosily wrapped in cloth as i did my school work at my study table.

***

My dad's who's an old ACS boy got Founder's Day dinner tonight leh. He said that the whole cohort for his year successfully filled two dinner tables. Not bad, i say. How come my SCRUM Network group leader not working one?

I love and speak fondly of this school as much as i make mean jokes about it.
(HAHAHA, ok, weird comment but the honest truth nonetheless.) With a final video sweep that i made of the compound, i bid thee farewell. GMSS will be merging with Jin Tai Secondary and the new building will be located at West Coast.

You cannot imagine the amount of memories i have from spending 4 years of my early teenage life in this school. At every turn and corner, there will be a story to tell, a cue for a multitude of memories of what was done and felt in the past.

One of the saddest bits was not being able to access the band room, but i guess seeing my seniors and taking pictures with whoever we could "collect" was worth it.

People with whom i barely spoke with when i was still schooling there suddenly turned into buddies, as we smiled and greeted one another and caught up with the current ongoings. I noticed quite a lot of people from my batch as well as the ones who are at least 3 to 4 years my senior. And there were the hardcore ones, those who were students during the, 1970s and 1980s!

I kid you not.

Anyway, i just got back home from GMSS after an eventful morning and it's pouring, i'm hungry, and i've got to get ready for church now. Man, i owe lotsa people photos. Teehee. Don't worry guys! I've gotten everything downloaded and they'll be coming your way soon. ;-D

P.S.: Thanks Azlan, Jennifer, Daryl and Sijin for spending some time to yak with me, and much thanks to the other guys as well for just being that smiley, friendly enveloping bunch of friends that you are. You guys have a place in my heart even though we hardly see one another. I'm awfully proud of you ok!

Life in ACJC would've been awful without you guys. Cheers to our friendship!

In the last 5 years, i've been a most faithful supporter of the ACJC rugby team, trudging down, rain or shine, mostly solo after leaving JC, to the Police Academy to lend my screaming mouth to cheer my team on and to snap pictures of the event.
In the last 5 years, the finals always saw THE clash of the titans: ACJC and RJC.

But not this year.

Well, it's not too bad... since... RJC was the team that (still) got booted. Muah hahaha. Go SAJC! (even though you beat my team too. :-< )

Disclaimer: me no vendetta against RJC lah. Just some plain and simplistic old school rivalry.