Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Off top of head.

My apologies for inaccurate info. After rearranging the arrows, i found that i actually have 21. And i am not sure if these arrows were customized or bought right off. In fact, i am not sure how arrows are bought. Since arrows have to be cut down to suit an archer.
I was also told that the nocks were expensive. Like, $1 a piece. To cut the long story short, the lot are going for $200. Was told it was a good buy.
Oh, i do wear my armguard. I would never go without it unless it slipped my mind.
Somehow, the bow string will find it's way around and give me ucky bruises.
I believe it's my fault it happens. Cos when the bow's heavy, the arm tend to come in to give support but gets in the way so ends up getting hit.

Hello sister. Haven't seen you in a while... I see you've been awful busy too working. What happened to our Malaysia trip huh? hehehe.
I've deleted only one entry which i thought was quite stupid.
Ha, and yes. I couldn't just say my ... was aching so i went to check it up and found it was called the trapezius.
Update your blog when you can hor... :-)

*** ***

Ah yes. So for the first time, my area was affected by one of Singapore's massive widespread blackouts.

I was on my comp when suddenly, all the lights faded off into darkness with a dying power noise.
I thought: ok, power trip. just flip the button.
Then, i looked out my window and realized that all the lights in the next block were out as well.
I could actually hear people making howling noises... FOR FUN.

I must say it was rather funny how people make a joke out of it.

So my family swung into action, taking out the torches,lighting candles (Mostly those stuff to do with aromatherapy sort. heh heh. Came in handy even if it's primary purpose wasn't of use?) and turning on the battery powered radio to listen for any news on the blackout.
And i made sure that Jed the small black dog wouldn't get stepped on.

Even the streetlights were out.

What i really thank God for was, my sister was on the way home, just outside the condo when it happened.
A little earlier, and she might've been caught and stuck in the lift.

Who knows how many people could've been in that predicament around the estate?

The funniest thing was i looked out and saw a person taking advantage of the darkness to play with sparklers!!!

I thought that was an interesting part of the human spirit.
I could link that to some: "Life's Lessons" , but i guess i will give the preachy talk a miss.

The cause apparently was a disruption of natural gas in Indonesia.
It's interesting how some occurance like that can have such an effect on us here.
I must say that the investigators did a real good job at pinning down the problem.

Not too long later, the lights hummed back on again.

That was followed by cheers and shouts from all around the estate.
Sounded much like when someone scores a World Cup goal.
Surround sound coming from all over the estate.

*** ***

Some time ago i lamented that my social circle was pathetic and i was told to go out and and do some activity so i can meet new people.

This is an OBVIOUS truth. Duh. But it never hit me till now.

Since i started archery, i have met so many people. Getting to know the types and learning new things.
Compared to the average Singaporean my age, i must say that i am as naive as naive can get.
There's no doubt why i AM Queen Suaku.

But the thing here is.
In life, we are put in places and we meet the people we do.

And it is interesting that, we can be at a whole lot of OTHER places as well.
It is because of time constraints and many other factors that block us from ever knowing so-and-so.
So imagine. There are actually SO many people out there just waiting to be known to us...
It's just that we aren't there yet.

Ever had the thought:
"I wonder how life/things would be like if i had never met you."

Said in the context that, in knowing people we do, somehow they can change part of ourselves, add or minus something or influence us.
Basically, they make footprints in our lives.

I have often times shared that with primary school friends, back then. Ages ago.
You know how kids then can be very possessive and protective of friends?

Right at THIS very moment, there is someone, some people, you have not met.
And you are living THAT life without THAT someone or that group of people.
And so, you are living a life that has not been partly changed by someone.

That means that there is a potential that your life could be DIFFERENT.
That means you could be missing out on something.

*** ***

Some nights ago, i was looking through some albums from a family trip to Canada.
All i can say is...

I am shocked at myself.
Because as i looked at the places where i obviously was THEN, i had NO RECOLLECTION of it having ever happened to me.
Unaltered photos don't lie.
So you see. I'm pretty freaked about that.

*** ***

There were a few things lingering around my head but i've forgotten.

Till Then.
*Archery AGM tonight. Scared*

Monday, June 28, 2004

Whacked up. But it's all good.

The whole set of arrows. All 21 of them. Posted by Hello

I like the colour of the nock, sorta orangey-yellow. But i think i will need a colour that will stand out against grass if i lose an arrow. Posted by Hello

*** ***

Ah hah. I have FINALLY gotten my set of arrows.
The last of the necessary equipment i need. They are 2nd hand, carbon tech, good training arrows from one of the national team members. He loaned them to me for a bit to get used to them. Will prolly end up buying the bunch anyway.

Yesterday was my "first extended compound bow practice". Meaning, my bow didn't screw up on me, unlike two weeks ago, when the confounded thing croaked.

My arms and especially my trapezius are aching.
And i have once again gotten badly bruised because of the bow string slapping the unprotected bits of arm.
But even then, it slipped under the armguard due to recoil.
My face is sunburnt again and emitting heat.
Am unevenly tanned everywhere. Soon, i'm going to look like that venomous snake that has sections of colour along its length.

Coach: "For the love of archery."
Couldn't have said it better. You know that chinese four worded thing.
"If you love something, you love everything that comes along with it."

I met this lady and her daughter for the first time at the range, though they have seen me shoot before. Was rather flattered by their comments but anyway. I will take it as encouragement. :-)
Apparently, they stay in the same estate as me!

I really Thank God for this:
While coach was fixing my bow, one of the guys in charge of official team matters came by and stopped to chat. And it was so nicely planned that he said:
"Ok, got your arrows? GO OUT and TRAIN!"
Which reminded coach to ask him to give me the forms and other stuff.

What i gather from the conversation that followed, is that my place in the training team is not as at stake as i thought.

I daren't say it's 100% confirmed, because i have not gotten the forms. But i'll say that the situation looks, not too bad.
They are awaiting the AGM to be over first before giving the docs.

Bleh. AGMs remind me of the crap politics that... Never mind.

Whatever it is, i leave it all to God. Nothing i can do at this point.

I did ok at 30m. -THANK GOD-
You know i was SO scared, because it was my first attempt with the compound.
My first shot was a 10 pointer! WOO!
Managed to get 2 'X's as well!!!
Was grinning to self just staring at the target sheet.

But over time, i got tired so most of the shots were like 7,8 and 9s.

There are only 2 other people in the whole range using PSE bows, besides me.
The nice thing is that the two other guys are doing great with the bows. So those fellas who shun PSE... Oh, don't be so bias!

Heh, heh. Despite my shooting kaki and the president getting turned off by the colour of me bow, i have found two people who say they actually like it at first glance!
I will admit i balked inside when i first saw it. But it's growing on me.
Learning to love it and it's not difficult.

Overall, i am happy but apprehensive. But still, happy.
I have work to do.
Essay on the study of Religion and Science.

The ever cutest thing. Always in danger of being my live target. Posted by Hello

Toodles my friends. Love you all.

Till Then.
*enjoying the feeling of a good workout*

Sunday, June 27, 2004


I'd be enjoying shooting more if that bow didn't pull that stunt on me. *mumble*
Hopefully it'll be fine and dandy by afternoon and hopefully get my carbon arrows.
By the way, i have begun that weight training you suggested. But holding 2kg parallel to the ground for 5 minutes was impossible. I could only reach 50sec at the most.
Have broken it down to 30sec each time, and doing 3 sets. It helps quite a deal.
Ouch. But thanks.
Just to let you know. It was inevitable that those thoughts came to mind (at least to me). Kinda when you know of a time you were once attached to someone. So, when some bits of history come back to you, it's the kind of thoughts that run through your head. Oh, no emotional baggage. :-)

*** ***

It's like 1+am.
Won't be blogging later today (sun) as will be at the range for most part of the day.

So what am i doing up at this time? I rather dislike the fact that i have grown to avoid the sack till it's at least 12+am.
Bad, bad.

But i do feel the sacks around my eyes. Perhaps falling prey to gravity already.
I see them pretty clearly the next morning. Pretty hideous.
I notice it looks worse whenever i am at the pc before i sleep.

Well, have a good weekend people... For you nightbirds still surfing.
Ya gotta tell me how you keep those eyesacks at bay.

Bow, Stabiliser, Quiver, Finger Sling, Armguard, Trigger release, Pass, Sight, Scope, Belt, Stand, Booklet, Pencil.

I should've just picked up sprinting.

Till Then.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Mild surprise and uncertainty.

Went to church today and got a surprise when i was on the way out.

I saw LIONEL POH in the auditorium. With a group of other guys i didn't recognize.
Quite a surprise after 1 and a half years.
Not that we had any history of course.

Seeing him just brings back memories because:

1. He REALLY looks like Mr Ex.
That's not only in my opinion, by the way.
When both he and Mr Ex were in the Under-19 Rugby Team, they kept being mistaken for one another!
Other people in ACJC also held the same opinion.
And they both wear braces.
And they both have about the same physique. Same hair-do.

2. They were both from rugby back in JC. He and Mr Ex are friends.

3. He's also from ACJC.

Of course we didn't acknowledge each other since we never really were acquainted before.

*** ***

Argh. Something is bothering me loads but i am not sure this is the right place to spill.

All i can say is, my place in the training team is at stake.
All thanks to some itchy bitchy people who cannot get their facts straight before making moves.

First, it was the delay in the bow's arrival.
Then it got mildly damaged.
Now this.

When will this be over?

I tell myself anyway. If i cannot get in by recommendation, which is the whole cornerstone reason for getting into the training team, i will work to prove it.

God is teaching me something.
Things always happen for a reason.

*** ***

I can only recognise certain stars/celebrities (female) when they have their "signature" style of make-up done.
If you strip it off, i wouldn't know who the toot they are.
Get it?

Till Then.

Thursday, June 24, 2004


Thanks sister. By the way, hope you had a good time yesterday. *nudge, nudge*
The shirt is a long sleeve one and looking at the heat and humidity these days... Hm.
Th design is kinda old too. Maybe i could try to do something...

*** ***

Ah, i deleted it and i feel better. Certain entries of mine look too irritating and bimbotic to bear.

I know i should keep 'em because after all, they are expressions of the moment, which is like... one of the whole main points.

Hm. Looks like if jo's happy, posts sound exactly the way i'd say it.
Do moody or normal-mode posts sound better?

Am hungry.
Feel like eating onions.

The crummy haze is back. Over here, it just looks cloudy.
Caught the smell of smoke yesterday but it looks none the worse, maybe slightly better today.
I wouldn't be surprised if parents say that by going shooting for hours, i'd clog up my lungs with particles and whatnot.

Heh. Particles... Parkikals.
Private joke, private joke.

*** ***

If i rewound my life back again to the period of the crossroads between poly and jc, would i have still chosen ACJC? Or simply gone on to do a biology related diploma?

On one hand, i think i might've done myself proud had i gone to poly.

The other, after tasting the ACS Spirit and getting to know the people i have, i wouldn't want to give it up for any other choice.

*** ***

I have completed the psych report and am lazing, blogging and playing er..., more Spider Solitaire, although these really are the last things i should be doing.

Have chapters to read up on.
Sex and Gender. Sounds interesting at first glance, but i cannot wait to finish skimming through it.
Consciousness. Abtract business.

Till Then.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Uni gripes, my fashion sense and personal life

Added a new blog link. Vicki!
She's an anime enthusiast. :-)

*** ***

In those years gone by, to have completed your 'A' Levels was a fantastic, bravo, whoop-dee-doo-for-you, high achievement. But what is it today?
Merely a prerequisite for university. Even then, you need sparkling results to be given that coveted place.
What can you do with just 'A' Levels these days?
Unless you are in the civil service and are content with the pay you get.
Or, you can set up your own porridge store and be your own boss.

Today, a university degree is a sort of a whoop-dee-do-for-you also, i guess.
But many people out there are getting degrees too.
What's so special about yours and mine?
These days, you gotta have something higher, better, outrageously outstanding that you will make any gepster wanna skin and gut you.

On the other hand, our local universities (SMU is slightly different) are skinning the top to get the cream. And i think that is sad really.

Ok, this is NUS and NTU slamming.

In the local context here:
Today, to get anywhere and earn reasonably, you pretty much NEED a degree.
(or a diploma, which in my opinion is better than an 'A' Level qualification)
Call me narrow minded and idealistic. But it seems to me that reality demands that of you, whether you like it or not.

So, by having denied someone a university education, are they undermining someone's career and future?
So if they still want to get a degree, they have to search elsewhere for it.
Either do it by distance, go overseas or repeat the 'A' Levels, in hope of improvement.

The thing is:
- distance education is something employers aren't enthusiastic about,
- not everyone has the $$$ to go overseas,
- doing the 'A's again is hell and a very huge gamble, considering the time spent and chances that even with slight improvement, you still may be denied a place. In the last two years, local universities had a very screwed up system for selection. Of late, there have been changes but it seems to be switching over to selecting the cream, so we are back at square one.

So, is that fair for less outstanding students?
Do such students deserve to be denied a local uni education?
And get denied a good placing in society's eyes?

Should all students be given a shot at university education?
(All: meaning those who are interested in one.)

Whether they make it good or not, depends on them. It all weighs on their own shoulders as to whether or not they want to do well and get a nice looking certificate.

Ok, so the unis will be overflowing...
Who gives a fly?
Isn't E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N such a B-I-G thing in Singapore?

If my family had had the reserves, i would be over in Monash doing psychology already.

Maybe that will come after i am done here. One more year of uni overseas to seal the deal. Either an Honours or a Masters.

*** ***

I was thinking of how when i walk next to a particular friend of mine, i feel like the uglier party.

It crossed my mind that other people my age or looking like damsels while i am forever stuck in nerd-cum-sports-look land.

But if i change my hairdo to some girlish do, or cut it into some asymmetrical or some "cutesy" look, it so doesn't suit who i am and my overall... erm, aura.

If i get rid of my glasses, i think i can shed nerd-girl look by 20%?
But according to people, there seems to be an equal number of people on both ends with regards to me in glasses or without.

The whole problem is, I die die cannot wear contacts. Why?
Because i cannot touch or pinch my eyeballs for the life of me.
So, there is no way in ever that i can wear contacts.

That is the sad truth Jo, deal with it.

I like to dress up and dump on face paint sometimes, but the glasses do it in mostly.

Secondly, i am a NO FRILLS kind of fella. Ok, like i said, i like to (read the above line). But KEYWORD: SOMETIMES.

Mostly, you'd catch me in berms/jeans/shorts.
I don't like those heels stuff. Noisy and not suitable for my unladylike gait?
I am ok with skirts, but much rather wear pants. More freedom, more pocket space.
Tight fitting clothes just reduce freedom and chances of revealing things you don't wanna.

I have no qualms about going around town in a polo tee, shorts and track shoes.

I like clothes i can just throw on and not care how slim or fat i look in it.

I am the only one to blame if i feel ugly next to her.
But HEY. It's MY identity and i am proud of it.

Guess it just sucks when she gets all the stares. HAHA. TSK. Stupid Jo.

*** ***

I wish things were different in the personal life scene.

I am meeting people and things seem to go somewhere, but i admit, i don't think the ones who approach me are "special person" material.

It's just that the very first criteria, of being a Christian who shares the same values as me, is not fulfilled.

There haven't been any guys so far with whom i really had a connection with. Obviously the only one who had that with me was Mr Ex.
So far, i've had talks and such with people but never on that level.

Hm. Was thinking about this issue for a bit, and am a bit stuck. Maybe i'll continue some other time.

Talking about the past.

It's kinda weird to see someone you broke off with, but know so well, being everywhere else, except in your arms.
(I AM NOT HUNG UP ON HIM, it's just a feeling/acknowledgement of a thought that you get sometimes)

It's weird that we were once a couple, as one, but now as two separates, leading two different lives.
And when you happen to see him on the streets, a strange twanging happens.

If ever there was a chance to get back... (THERE WOULD NEVER BE, UNLESS IF BY DIVINE INTERVENTION) Would i?
If there was a chance at forgiveness on both family sides, if both of us change some things about ourselves, there might be a chance.
But of course, that is only an ideal and is nothing but an unreality.

Everything happens according to God's timing.
Like my buddy, good gal friend said. Perhaps God is still moulding me for the REAL DEAL and perhaps moulding him, whoever he may be, as well.
We can never tell. But as always...
My life, is in his hands.

Sometimes i wonder if that special person is right under my nose and that in time i will come to accept him as he is. But at this point, i just don't see that kinda feelings coming.

I look at the little scrolling thingy and find that it has strunk a great deal into almost a sqaure.
I have spent far too much time on this in place of what i should have been doing.

Till Then.
*National Team will be back home today with a number of medals!!! Singles and team events in both compound and recurve*

Monday, June 21, 2004

Feeling pinched.

Will you guys believe it.
My beloved compound bow croaked yesterday.
I am not sure if it was due to my dad's mishandling of it.
He wanted to try a couple of shots, WITHOUT the trigger (that didn't fit him).
It wasn't to his draw length and he used his bare hands to release the bowstring.
The improper balance and shock could've did it in. I'm not sure.
But well, don't want to point fingers.

The good thing that came out of the whole situation was, i seem to be back on track on the recurve after weeks of being in a slump.
Having nothing else to do since my bow couldn't be used, had to revert back to the club's recurves.

Strangely after the weight and challenge of the compound, mental frame was different and physical strength was up.
Was hitting 7,8,9 and 10s. (red and yellow)
Used to be hitting EVERYWHERE.
Yesterday wasn't perfect but definitely a huge improvement compared to the last month or so.
Had hit one 'X' as well!!! (the innermost circle with an 'X' situated in the centre)
To help you figure out what on Earth i am rambling about.

The target sheet i printed out. Measurements/dimensions are NOT accurate, does not adhere to FITA standards. For aiming practice only. Posted by Hello

I hope i can keep this up.
But i think doing the weights i have plus practising with the compound for about an hour helped with bow arm stability.

Feeling pretty heartbroken about the bow. All i can do is wait for coach to return and pass it over to him to tinker.

*** ***

I never thought i'd be saying this but yeah.
Possessing a good command of mandarin is SO IMPORTANT.

When people who only know mandarin approach me for help, i feel SO handicapped because my vocabulary is so limited.
That hampers both my own speech as well as understanding what THEY are saying.
Here i am, supposedly educated, having had all the help i needed in school and at home to learn and hopefully be sufficiently fluent in mandarin.
But i still fail to master quite a lot of everyday mandarin.

Tell me.
What went wrong?

- The strokes never really made much sense to me.

- I think i have mandarin-rejecting genes.
Or maybe, language-rejecting genes... I've noticed that my standard of expression in english is going down the hole as well.

- Mandarin wasn't a language often used at home. My dad... Is an ACS boy. Enough said. (haha)
My mom, well, she's better at chinese dialects. Educated across the causeway and in the UK, she never studied mandarin.

- In school, i think we had to learn quite a lot of useless mandarin phrases. Leave those to the ones with the flair for the language. For those who are poor at it, show no interst, etc., the education system should aim to instead empower us with a working command of mandarin and not with flowery expressions we don't need.
In everyday life, we don't exactly have time to exchange such phrases. Unless you're at some place where it's inevitable.

So you see. I mourn the fact that i dislike and don't use the language though its importance is on the uprise.
The truth of the elders' words are coming to past.

*** ***

Pretty much how i feel like now. Curled up into a small ball. And all the usual associations with curling into a small ball. Posted by Hello

*** ***

Good Day.
I have plenty work to do. :-)
A thematic analysis on an interview anyone?

Till Then.
*On return... Forget me*

Friday, June 18, 2004

Noh pizzah cake

I typed a reply twice, and twice i deleted it because i was going to say something that we already know the solution to.
It is all in the faith. The crux of the whole thing.
And then again, faith...
Whoops, there i go again. Think i'll just leave it as it is or i'll never stop typing and deleting, over and over. :-D

*** ***

I took the pains to create my own target sheet on powerpoint, therefore it's kinda small (A4).
I stuck it on the furthest end of my room.
Good for self practice though I know i'm not suppose to draw my bow without an arrow. But then how else can i practice the procedure and get used to the weight?
I am hoping what i printed out is smaller than the FITA standards, so that i am actually pushing my limits.

Anyway seriously.
I can see that the road to success (if i want it bad) in archery is going to be gruelling and definitely no bed of roses.
I can foresee a huge dollop of the effort and pain of tough training for physical and mental strength coming my way.

Not that i didn't know that was going to be it, but I think before i got my bow, things were still surreal-ish and dreamlike to me.
The reality of it struck me today.

As you aim, there are SO many things to check.
Posture, alignment, target, kisser button, tension.

By the time you make sure everything is right, your arm is trembling.
As a result, the target centre isn't in focus anymore.

My bow... is HEAVY!

The scope does 2 things:
1. make the target bigger.
2. make it harder to aim. why? Every slight movement puts the target centre out of focus.

The test will come on sunday. At least the team, president and coach wouldn't be around and i will have the range to the other regulars and myself.

And i'll show _____ that i am not to be looked down upon.

Sure, i may not be delivering now.
But just wait.

Till Then.
*Grim... determination*

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Questioning. Rambling.

What more can i say... *hug* I am always appreciative of your spot-on encouragement.
Your knack! I know it must be boring to read that over and over... haha, but just have to say it because it's TRUE! (therefore, more to come...)
It was my shooting kaki who made that comment/assumption.
AS for the coach, i couldn't tell whether he had really expected more from me, as kaki said. All i could see was that he (coach) was pretty quiet. For reasons, i am not sure of.
Disparaging but i shall steer away from the clutches of negativity and look ahead!!!
Whatever it is... Thanks gal, i will try my best to crawl back up and do what i need to. Getting a bad mental frame is not the way.
Please kick me in the arse if you see that i am wallowing.

Weizhen and Yali:
Yes, it IS huge.
And it IS heavy.
Sister(s)... You should really try to carry it. It's exhausting.
But amazing.
The bow weight is NOT 15kg. It's heavy and i do not know the weight of the BOW, but the tension that is to be pulled is now at 30 pounds (about 13kg). Coach tuned it down yesterday.
Honestly, not much of a difference.

Thanks for the tip there. Time to pick up those weights sitting lethargically in my toilet.
Wa... you and your alien civilization theory! But it would look that way i guess, if ya don't usually see this kinda stuff.
There was this person who saw a DISMANTLED recurve bow and thought it was a crossbow. (???) Talking about looking strange. When i put my bow in its soft case, it looks like some chinese dumpling or some curry puff. I feel almost embarrassed about it.

*** ***

Recently, i watched a video on religion and the arguments that follow.
This is not a new issue but it still struck me.
This professor guy said something to the effect of:
"The mind is a very powerful thing, and it is not surprising that people form simulations about having a relationship with God, with a divine being. And i am not impressed."

On tuesday, i watched "Incredible Tales". There's this uncle-uncle who's a caretaker of this "highly-suspected-to-be-haunted-place". He carries out his prayers at an alter situated at the premises. He said:
"After i pray, i also feel very peaceful."

Then there's this evolutionary psychological stand that:
Over the course of life,humans have found that believing in a God has benefits. So, in the course of evolution, parts of the brain have developed a section to accomodate the religious or supernatural. Such that we can actually "experience" such things of the spiritual.

Before i comment, i will make it clear that i still believe in God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Here goes:
As a 2nd generation Christian, i find myself questioning the existence of this one God, at times.
Sometimes i think, look at the other possibilities. Are we merely fabricating it all?
I never had a "serious", "real", spiritual encounter with God. I never had anything explicit happen to me.
If anything, sometimes i wonder if the little things i have gone through were mere happenings of natural law and my own mind's act of conjuring.
The feelings i had, were they just what i WANTED to feel, were they just my own emotions coming together to give me the illusion/simulation of something divine?

If the caretaker can feel at peace just by praying to a false deity (let's just assume that for now), then what more can i say about about my own beliefs?

The argument about the mind being a powerful tool cannot be ignored either.

How about the evolutionary stand? But then again, did we evolve in the first place?
If we did evolve, what did we evolve from? How far/much did we evolve?
From apes? Or were we human all along? If we were human all along, did we evolve in other ways?

Then i wondered.
"This is scary. Down here on Earth, we live our lives. But when we die, what happens? how can we be assured that we will not suffer after death? What must we do so that we can be assured a "good life" after death? Heaven and Hell? Is there such? What must i believe in in order to go to Heaven?
how can i be sure that this God will assure me life in Heaven? Cause when i die, that is it. There's no turning back.
What i did on Earth, what i believed in... Will it help me at all.
Who is the truth?"

These sound really self-centred and secular.
I don't know. Suddenly, i feel the urge to blurt these things out.

The fact that i believe in my God, should keep me safe from such questions.
But at times, they do pop up. Why? Because i am a baby Christian even though i was born and raised in a Christian home.

To end it off, this is all i can say.

It is by blind faith i hold on.

But i am also guilty of leaning on other people's encounters that i believe.
Shouldn't we believe by faith always?
Blessed are those who believe without seeing.
Was that directed at Thomas? hm, can't remember.

I will always continue to believe and seek.
God Help Me.

Everything in this world in not substantial.
Glory, money, fame, recognition, contributions.

When you die, you are remembered but what good will that do for you when you are no longer on Earth.
It's not like where you go is proportionate to how many people remember nice things about you.

There is only one thing that stands above everything else.
And that is being firmly grounded and knowing something that is worth EVERYTHING, whether on Earth or in another dimension.

But sometimes, my mind thinks: The prospect of God is so intangible.
Who is He? What form does he take? What does he look like? Is he just light? or a force? a spirit?
Who made God?

There is something out there? Wow.
how did we come into existence?
Who made us? Why?

Watching documentaries on space and the philosophies never fail to unearth all my questions.

My belief in the Trinity and the Bible is my foundation.

I will probably be strangled by my pastor for saying this.
But sometimes i think: I sure hope i am believing in the right thing.

Maybe i am just being a #%$^% today for saying all this.
But i rather let it out, then let it fester.
Ramble, ramble, ramble.

Some questions are age old, long debated. Why come out now.

Dunno, maybe my brain is just slow.

The weird thing is, when other people come up with these questions, my answers to them are ever ready. And biblically based.
When i think about it, it seems that i already know the answers, and i dont have to ask them.

So... why this?
A temporary lapse of faith? NO!!!
Gads, no. Please, don't let it be that.

Till Then.
*What came over me?*

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Bitter taste. Sad guts.

I never had someone tell me i was lacking, right to my face but put in a different way.
Till yesterday.

Ok, i need to type it out to see for myself why he should be justified in saying what he did.

- it was at 10m.
- was using the compound bow, with scope.

- my first time
- VERY heavy.
- no target sheet. only shooting at a totally black surface.
- using aluminium arrows. (heavier than carbon, not my draw length)

Ok, so it looks rigged so that it is AGAINST his remark.
But that is all i can think of, FOR his remark.

But if i can come up with more FOR the remark, i would put it down in a flash.

So you're thinking: What did he say?
He said that "... expected to be splitting arrows..."

And i was thinking: ...

Yes, i was using the compound at a MEASLY 10m.

My arrows clustered, but i didn't split any.
He thinks that i should have split arrows and he thinks that coach was expecting me to as well.

Well, he definitely succeeded in making me feel like crap.

I asked coach: Ok, so i have all my stuff, except my arrows. So, what happens now?

Coach: If you want to join the national training team, you will be training... (goes on about the schedule). Um, after we come back from Malaysia, i will ask Boon Chun to give you the forms. You sign and then, that's all.

There are 4 ways of looking at it.
1. The opportunity is there and open, so all i have to do is, accept. OR,
2. He is doubtful hence the absence of a definite sounding answer. OR,
3. I'm overeacting and what was said, had nothing underneath. OR,
4. The politics going on.

Nevertheless, that alone made me feel uneasy.
I feel as though i'm being brought on a high, then plunged again into the depths.

One minute they are impatient to train me, next, they are not sure what they're suppose to do with me.
It's pissy.

I was feeling down all the way home after that and i felt so broken, and lacking.

But after thinking it over and looking at it again...
That was merely HIS assumption and it may not be true.
But if it was true, i think it is unfounded.

Anyone can think badly about me to their heart's content.
But that's not going to stop me from practising and one day, prove to them that i can do it.

Ok, whatever.
I still feel like crap and i feel like crap more because i got my "wish" for the installation of the kisser button.

What the.

Since compound bows are "artificial", (Robin hood would turn in his grave), might as well as go artificial all the way.
Screw it.

I've had it.

Am just going to do my utmost best, concentrate on getting the results i want, prove a point, and quit feeling upset over unfounded things.

*** ***

If i wasn't feeling so lousy, i would be jumping up and down yelling about how i love my bow.
It is sweet. :-)
So sweet.
The bow in yesterday's pictures was not fully assembled as it was missing the arrow rest.

All i need now, are my arrows. And that fella who's suppose to sell them to me yesterday didn't turn up.

Till Then.
*Sticks and stones can break my bones. But words... probably cause the most damage. But i won't let it.*

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

AH! It is Done.

And YES! The computer problem solved itself overnight!

Thank God...
Ok, so here are the pictures. Couldn't help but snap some of Jed too.

I tried the pre-draw and then drawing it.
Man... It's not easy.
The whole weight was being dumped on my left arm.
It has been set at 33 pounds. I think that's about 15kg? Not sure. I think it's a bit much for now. Might have to tune it down.
At times like this, i thank God that i am bigger built then most girls.

So there we are. I am wondering if i should name it Gary.

Bow with bow sight attached Posted by Hello

Bow with: sight, scope and stabilizer Posted by Hello

*sheepish* Posted by Hello

Not that you can see his face... But that's his favourite perch. Where he contemplates... Posted by Hello

Another picture. The scope is visible now.  Posted by Hello

Plan view. Was standing on bed to take this one, trying to fit the stabilizer in. Posted by Hello

As promised.


Monday, June 14, 2004

Generally feeling mellow.

1. Having some sort of throat problem. Been having this flu for 3 weeks or so now and have not recovered completely. Apparently, i am having an additional tonsil problem. Ow. Grr... Maybe i'm just being a stubborn old mule.
When i should be staying home, i go out for hours on end with the murderous intent of shredding coloured paper. Especially yellow.

2. This is what's dissing me most. I have been having a month of BAD shooting. (recurve) Prior to recently, hitting 8, 9, and 10 was not a problem at 18m. But now, i'm struggling to hit 8 and 7.
Do you know how frustrating that IS???!!!!??! It's like, you don't even know what on EARTH is wrong.
Everything is as normal but just WHAT is causing the misses?
It's so friggin' pissy. I hate it. I know my mental focus is there. Form was the same as before.
So why??? Has something so unnoticeable, even to me, taken place???
My heart aches.
What i am glad for is how each time, i am able to pick myself up mentally.
That is most important.
Form got problem, neh mind. That one can correct.
Mental strength is paramount.

3. Gotten almost all me stuff. All i need now to get my arrows.
Then i am ALL SET.
Am happy as i got a good arrow rest, stabilizer, quiver. Have come to accept my PSE bow and sight after clarification with coach.
I will do my best with all i have.
The only slight regret i have now... is... that i think i should've gotten a hard case.
That, will come later i guess. A hard case now is too expensive.
I now have to concentrate on saving up for my range fees!
Jo has to lead a frugal, monk-like lifestyle after this.

4. The nationals will be heading to Malaysia this wed. All the Best! Ha. Good. Can practice in peace. Maybe... too much peace.
Oh, and just because NUS is going to have their competition, the boards will be taken away. So, the field will be... picked clean.
Except for the warming and 18m, i think.
Sigh, i suck.

5. I have come to realize the not so nice side of the archery culture here. Blah. To think that i am going to be a part of it.
Not good.

I'm gone.

Till Then.
*going to the range later. WOO! Set up my bow.*

Back. And Sane.

Haha, dear sister. Archery is a sport that trains almost your whole body. But in particular, it trains your back muscles, arms, etc. Basically, the upperbody is the one taking the bulk of it. Well, you won't know whether it is suitable for you until you try it. Some people don't like it, some people do. Erm, as far as i know. Nope, it does not train your palms in particular but your hands are of paramount importance of course. Everything just comes into play. The whole body works. But the upper body is the key.

*beams* Yup. My Preh-ciiousss...........
*eyes fix on bow and longing fills the heart*
LOTR parallel.

*** ***

Righty. I deleted the previous two posts because i thought it was such a waste of... space.
Practicality overruled sentimentality.

So the summary of what happened over the weekend was just:

Saturday: Awoke from a nap because of coach's call on the assembled bow. Couldn't sleep much that same night. About 3 hours of sleep.
Sunday: Went down to practice and collect my bow.

*** ***

Ok, so you might ask. Where are those pictures you promised?





Never mind. I am hoping it's just some temporary error thing that will fix itself.
*i HOPE*

Am going to get the rest of my equipment with coach later. I dread the outing.
But it's going to be interesting.... For reasons i can't say.

Annoyed with computer. I really am.

I know other people aren't as fortunate as i already am, but i cannot help but gripe since i am surrounded by very advanced technology which i can't get my hands on!

Am using a P3, Win Me.
My laptop is slow, zaps me when i am not careful, hangs and freezes when it can't take the load, restarts at will...
It is also a hand-me-down.
Let me add, a spoilt hand-me-down that was resurrected by my super engineer: Dad.

I always get hand-me-downs. So everytime something messes up, it's as if i caused the problem and computers hate me.
(which i wouldn't be surprised about anyway. But i am always nice to my printer...
I do pat it and say "thank you", sometimes.)
Ok, so i'm loony. Like i didn't know.

I do stupid things like,
I go to the library TO RETURN BOOKS. And then, i forget to bring the books. Good thing it wasn't too late.

Done a number of other stupid things...
TOo many to remember.
I think next time, people might be saying to their kids,

"Don't be a Joline!"

You know, like being likened to a descriptive noun like, "Idiot" or something.


Ok, i can feel my post going off into the wilderness of rambling nonsense so i shall cease.

Till Then.
*Peers at computer in hope that it'll work*

Friday, June 11, 2004


Lead thy Way Posted by Hello

*** ***

I suggest... WATCH HARRY POTTER!!!
And Antonio Banderas WAS the voice of Puss in Boots. Oh, it wasn't just the dilated pupils that were nice. It was also how it expands and contracts in sync with the surroundings and feelings. It's so pretty. (picture of shoes below)

New shoes. Posted by Hello

All i can say is... "THANK YOU!!!" *hug, hug, hug* HEE.
You have this knack of understanding the feelings of others right to the T. That's why i will say it again... you're a real good person to confide in!
YES. Feel so cheated. All that money. Oh well.
And yup. Not short of enthusiasm just yet! Still excited. Will not get myself down before anything even begins.

*** ***

Brain pretty much empty and void, of things to say.
All that occupies my mind is, "MY BOW!, DANG IT! WHEN YOU GONNA CALL ME?!"
*dashes as fast as a diarrhoea afflicted cow to handphone everytime it beeps or rings*
Honestly, that's almost how it is.

My patience is still intact... but wearing thinner.
Much thinner.

I know it's coming, but i don't know what exactly is happening.
Has it been sent?
Is it on its way?
Has it reached customs?
What? WHAT?!

Grrr... Call me impatient.

But I've been waiting for -THE MOMENT- for more than one month.
That's just for the bow itself.

But i've been waiting to train for ages...
I'm looking forward to the challenge, the sweat, the grit, the competition between team mates, the test of the minds and skill, the pleasures of satisfaction and the experience of sporting failure and picking up self again.

*shudders in excitement*

It's not just this bothersome thing thats plaguing me.

FOr absolutely no reason at all, i feel another intangible turmoil going on inside.
My school readings and work are all done well in advance, my assignments done and sent.
Family is all right, friends are fine.
Things with God are stable too.

Perhaps it's just the innate and ever present anxiety that decided to flare up for a bit.

*** ***

Relatives are coming tonight. My grandpa will be dwelling my room.
I, will be residing in parents' room.


Till Then.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Mundania 2

A tribute to Mr Lenn Wei Ling who left behind a legacy. (No, he's still around, in case you were wondering) I hope you do see the pun. Posted by Hello

To date, we have this road sign and "Wan Way". Ah yes, another pun.
I love ACJC.

*** ***

The shoes were originally $109, but because of a discount, they were $80+.
Hm... when i saw it, i knew i liked it and if i were to get anything, THAT was what it was going to be. It's gray in colour... Nothing much else to describe it. Might post a picture the next time, maybe.
My sister says it looks very ordinary. True... I don't have exquisite or extraordinary taste but yeah... It looks just fine and dandy to me.

*** ***

Sieved through some old entries to find that comments left in my boxes have mysteriously disappeared... Is it something i missed in the terms and conditions or did i hit a wrong button some time in history. HM...

*** ***

I happily finished off my work load yesterday and bounded off to watch Shrek 2.

1. I think the graphics and animation were good. Of course the "calafare" characters were a little less animated but overall, it was real pretty.

2. There was SO much intricate detail in the features of the characters and background that it was a blow by blow assault on the senses. Funny how i pay little attention to details of REAL people but pay so much attention to details of animations. Kinda odd right. Perhaps i am taking real details for granted. But seeing it reflected in an "unreal" situation makes one appreciate it more.

3. There were SO many funny bits but i can't remember! Saturation. Too much of it to assimilate. The only one i distinctly remember was the part: when Pinocchio became a real boy while soaring across the screen in mid air and then being zapped back again.
That was hilarious.

4. I found the show actually a bit on the adultish side.

5. There were so many #@$%%%^^& kids in the theatre. And for those of you who know me... Kids... are just not my thing.
There was this instance during the show when normal dialogue was being carried out (no jokes whatsoever, so no reason why there should be much noise) but the kids were making so much noise, i couldn't hear, so in my intolerance, i unleashed a loud "SHHHHHHH!!!"
I never ever do this kind of thing but, really. Yesterday just did it for me.
Kids should be taught how to behave in public, and especially so when in places where silence is preferred. And so, if them parents don't tell 'em, i will.

6. While watching the end bit when Shrek fights for Fiona with all his life... Man... i began to wish i had someone...

7. I loved Puss's accent (GO ANTONIO!) and his expressive cat eyes.

*** ***

Decided that since i was out, i went to SAFRA to get some archery equipment. Like, FINALLY.
- quiver
- peepsight
- kisser button
- armguard
- bow stand

Cost me $139.

After talking to Mr DM, i feel even more depressed about my bow and sight purchase.
He strongly believes in Mathews bows and the Sure-Loc Supreme (top end stuff). He was the one who set up the equipment for the national team.
Which is why NONE of them use a PSE.
Some consider PSEs as inferior.

While i on the other hand, bought a PSE and Sure-Loc Challenger. He had this awfully disappointed face.
Almost SAD for me.
(by the way, he's NOT the one i was talking about yesterday. Mr DM is MUCH nicer)

I trusted my coach and well... A difference in opinion resulted. And i just happen to be the first one, or first few, caught in between the old and new "paradigm".
Coach only entered the Singapore archery scene in Feb.
So you see. While everyone else was under another influence, i happen to fall under the new coach. Hence.

Well, it's true that not-so-good bows hinder progress. But i think that is pretty much true only when the bow REALLY sucks.
I have yet to meet my bow so i don't have anything to say.

But what i can say is, i'll show them what i CAN do, with WHATEVER i have.

*** ***

My relatives from across the causeway are coming over on friday till sunday.
Guess i won't get any or much chance to blog then.

Till Then.
*My quiver sits, awaiting sunday*

Wednesday, June 09, 2004



Just spoke to someone, (cannot reveal who, as the person is well known in that area) and goodness...
I don't know what to think of it!

Very frank person and once he found out some info from me, he sure took a stab at someone using that info.

Helpful he is, only within HIS point of view, but i think he's NOT objective.

*** ***

Nothing on my mind really.
The Vacuum, so it says.

Mundane--the way to go for a while.

*** ***

My little MONSTER is gettin bolder by the day.
He is only a few inches high from floor to shoulder. (Mini Pinscher)
But apparently the little rat hopped onto the dining table chair, tore a hole in the Gardenia breadbag that was placed alone on the dining table and was feasting on a few pieces of bread at one go.


He deserved the spanking.


*** ***

I am pleased about waking early today and so i can do my work. Then hopefully catch a movie or two.
Maybe even pop by the archery place to buy my stuff.
Which I SHOULD be doing this week.
Weather don't look so good though. Who cares.

Coach suggested going to archery place together but i feel awkward about it so i shan't arrange with him.
I have much to learn about adulthood and maturity in social relations.

*** ***

I know i had some things i wanted to touch on transiently, but i guess that will be taking a backseat.

Oh, and i wanted to post a picture of my bruise and give the dimensions.

It's so ugly that i had someone tell me it looks as if a monster is going to erupt from my arm.

I personally thought that was worth an 'A' for imagination and worth a morbid chuckle.

Till Then.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Life actually feels normal.

Thanks for the insight! :-) i am really no photographer, i just snap what i like and fiddle around with the buttons.
My tutor, this other classmate of mine and i got into this short discussion on cameras. In your opinion, how would you pronounce "Nikon"? Do you say "Nee-con" OR "Nai-con"? Curious.
I think i have another photo of ACJC somewhere, but it's about the same thing anyway.
By the way, your eye is ok now?

Why are you puzzled? And yes, that IS Jed yawning... It's not an ornament. Does it look like one?
He could never be an ornament. Never stays in one place for long, the little monster.
My sister caught that picture. She's the photographer in the house.

*** ***


I never thought it could be this way again, but i feel normality creeping back again!
Oh, i love it.

But i am not sure it'll stay this way for long.

*** ***

Oh, i got quite a shock on sunday while watching the telly.

There's this new Canon advert:
"Girl dives (to save the ball?) and her bikini top flies off and the camera catches the embarrassing moment. After which she grins and laughs about it while in a convertible with two other guys."

That "girl" was my band cum saxophone senior back in secondary school.

She is very attractive. Like, the "WOOOOW-WHEEE" kind.
As for who she is... she is the kind you either love or hate.

Sigh, she has great genes.

*** ***

About the talk with coach on sunday.

It's so odd.
Firstly, i don't even know what exact model of bow i am buying except that it is a PSE Supra...(something or other)
Secondly, i don't even know what colour it is and NEITHER does coach!
The dealer said it is, some colour model referred to as "Lightning".
WAS it EVEN Lightning?
I don't remember. But something related to a probably very colourful and messy design, maybe.

It's some super blind date.
I'm excited.

Simon poked at me and asked in mock anger and impatience, "JO! Where's your bow? When is it coming?"

Actually, i found out that it wasn't ALL mock.
Apparently they want to put me in to train as soon as possible.
Simon made it clear that i have to get cracking for competitions.

Coach dropped a tease about this coming september's 1st SEA Indoor Archery Championship.

He seems to be very sure that i will do fine in a few months time.

I thought it over and i think there's more to the things he says than it seems.
Methinks it's all to do with the athlete-and-coach psychology.

Talking to my dad (who was once a representative gymnast for ACS) about it, it confirms it a little.

Lame but nice anyway. I'm no longer a present ACSian, school-wise, but i am now in the ACS (Archery Club of Singapore).

It just reminds me of my alma matar and it feels good. Of course there's no association whatsoever.

I've gotten my membership/affiliation card!!!
It looks so nice, i wanna hang it around my neck 24/7.

*** ***

Went shopping yesterday.

Got me my new running shoes. My first New Balance shoes ever.
I've only ever used Converse, Nike and Reebok.
And of couse those china-china brand type when i was a kid. heh.

Got another pair of running shorts as well.

Shopping by myself reveals certain things about myself to myself.

It is TOO COMPLEX to explain.
The bottom line is simply: JO is a STRANGE and ECCENTRIC and SELF-CONSCIOUS person.

Am done.

Till Then.
*i'm quite tired of saying i'm waiting for my bow but... what to do.*

Sunday, June 06, 2004

*boing, boing* Happy!

Your Guess. Posted by Hello

*** ***

Yes, i'm TIRED.

After church ended at 10:30am, i ate my usual favourite chicken rice for lunch and made a BEELINE for the range.



NO joke.

I missed out on one week and THAT was driving me nuts.

Had a good long practice today and a nice short chat with coach before he had to run off.

Today was just REALLY WEIRD.
The mental bit got me stumped.

For the past few weeks, i could pinpoint my problem.
1. Mind present, bad form.
2. Mind not here, bad form.
3. Mind not here, good form.

Today was,
Ok-good form (i *think*) and mind present but with continuous doubting.
Despite the above, i was hitting yellows.
VERY odd, today.

**** ***

TOday i learnt about the power of concentration and visualization.

I decided to pull myself together after having so many bad weeks.

The Keys: Patience. Visualization. Concentration. Confidence.


I've got a big bruise on my left arm from the bow string hitting me throughout 5+hours.
It looks like a war torn area, or either that, i've been abused or something.
Had it been higher and in my inner elbow, it would look like i've been abusing drugs.

But as always, i love whatever that comes with the sport.
What was that chinese four worded thingy?

*** ***

I'm glad you like the photo... and the painting... :-)
But just one thing.
*sob* I honestly thought it looked so pretty.
Was using a Canon Powershot G2, just in case u want to know.
I am using that photo of ACJC as my desktop wall paper.
About your art piece... Ah, was hoping that somewhere, u had a little history stashed in a drawer...

Allo Sister! I'd like it very much if you could use the commentary box like you did for the previous one. I think i might kill the tag board... Maybe.
I can bring u the flute if u want.
I know u can handle you club stuff. Busy but hey, the experience is the thing. And this was an opportunity for you to really show your stuff and be a leader. So, keep it up.

*** ***


Saturday, June 05, 2004

:-) Mostly all Good.

The view of as much of ACJC as i could catch. Taken during Fun-O-Rama Feb 2004.  Posted by Hello

I love the ray of sunlight that got caught in the midst of it. Kinda like a natural, divine limelight.

*** ***

Nothing much on my mind, except that i am still slaving away at my essay.
To my own surprise, i have too much to say about Rousseau and David.
Have gone way too far off the word limit.


Yup, i am getting a brand new bow. The second hand ones i saw weren't suitable or were too expensive.
This option was coach's idea. This bow, i must say, is not as fancy looking as the Mathews or Hoyt bows (pictures of them on the respective websites).
But after garnering information from here and there, i've come to the conclusion that a bow is as good as the archer behind it.
Unless it is really really THAT awful.
Cannot wait to post pictures of the assembled bow!
I even dreamt last night that the postman came, while i was taking a shower, with my bow all packaged in a box. With a note inside saying that coach will inspect it at 12 noon on sunday.
A dream is a soul's yearning indeed. *muah haha*
Hoyt bows are gorgeous.

TSK... not another alien civilization creation lah... ahahhahaa.
As if i go about with business dealings with them. Then AGAIN, that would be cool.
Unless of course you suspect i am an alien.
Which i honestly wouldn't blame you for...
Okok, am rambling absolute nonsense.
Yez, i WAS from the band back in ACJC.
I think i told you i played the alto saxophone too.
The flute was something i picked up for fun in secondary school and liked it.
One of my goals if i ever get the money, is to own a soprano sax and/or an alto sax.
I also want a digital piano.
And... i want a husband who plays the oboe...
(ARGH!) *Earth to Joline*
Do ya still have any of your old art pieces? *grin*

Muthu was the name of someone's trombone... Guess i couldn't steal that name.
Mm. I think i'm not getting any more mature. Just more nonsensical. :-D

*** ***

Enjoy the weekend people.

I am heading down to the outdoor range tomorrow.
Rain or shine,
Phlegm-filled or no,
Flu gone or not,
Tired or not.

Till Then.
*"My preciiioussss..." -Smegal*

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Bow Update!

My series 3 intermediate Yahama flute Posted by Hello

To date, this is my most, valuable piece of "recreational belonging". (aside from the piano)
Got it in december 2000. Still looking almost as good as new!
I named it Samy at first but i think it sounds bad now! (Weizhen, you do remember right? heehee)
I still love it of course, but looks like once again, i am going to be very blessed with another "recreational belonging"...

For two days, i prayed that coach would call me by the end of this week.
(been waiting for the longest time already)

This morning, i prayed and asked again for his call either at the end of this week or... today? "please, please, God?" *timid squeak*


He JUST messaged me to tell me that my bow has arrived in Manila!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I have accepted the offer although the price has gone up.


Bimbotic Exclamations. But then...

Gee Thanks Alwyn... *grin*
But i still think it is a rather crude looking painting... Talent for art...? Hm..... Not sure about that. I guess i can do some art but i am not very brilliant at it.
Now that i think of it, i think i can't ever do a painting like that again. I've not drawn for about more than a year (used to sketch a lot), due to school. YES... SCHOOL! JC, in fact. *eeps*
I feel as if what creative juices i ever possessed have evaporated. When i try to conjure something nice for someone, like for presents or something, i find it SO hard to come up with anything out of the box or creative. Death of artistic expression. O_O
Did you say... 5/100? I mean no disrespect my friend, but forgive my undisclosed mirth...
But hey. That was then, this is now, for you.
Your form of creative expression has taken on in photography. You don't have to do the work of doing it by hand. What matters now is the eye and mind you have for what you capture. That's important! Because one of the things that matter most is what's WITHIN you. From there, expression is birthed. How it comes out, varies from person to person.
(ok, i am wondering what you did to deserve that mark)

*** ***

I've sworn off chatting online for the rest of this week because i want to complete my more-challenging-than-usual assignment.
About Rousseau's philosophical argument about his "general will" ideals ("huh?" *blinks uncertainly*) in relation to David's painting, "The Oath of the Horatii".

You do get the idea.

Ok, which will... *deep breath* RELATIVELY FREE ME FOR MOST OF NEXT WEEK!!! *high pitch squeaking*

Why? WHY?
Because, it's me, myself and i, joline time. Lots to do. woo-hoo-hoo!

First things:

1. virtually tap coach on his shoulder and clear my throat audibly to let him know he does have something i want.
2. go shopping for, running shoes, shorts and tops (must be suitable for gymming too). May have to source for a suitable bag for archery stuff.
3. go treat myself to TWO MOVIES. TROY and SHREK 2!
4. check out my two new archery places. They are a mystery i intend to solve.
5. buy my personal archery gear. Specifically, armguard, quiver, and maybee.... bow stand.
6. Exercise... Ever since the flu, couldn't go out.

*** ***

On a not-so bimbotic note.

Everytime i look into the mirror, i discover how much i dislike, and maybe bordering on hate, myself.

I am such a bitch.

Why can't that part of me change.
It's not like i've never tried to address it and consciously change myself.

I feel disgusted when i see my face. I almost want to grab a copy of it straight from the mirror, scrunch it up and hurl it against a wall.

I am who i am.
And i have such a abhorrent side to me. The real stuff of a bitch.

Strong words i use.
But that is the truth.
Why mince my own words when it is directed at myself.

I speak the truth and if such words need to be used, then so be it.
After all, it is accurate.
Think Simon Cowell. If he has to say it,he will.
And likewise here.

*** ***

I have recently wondered.

How many people out there who are my friends and acquaintances, actually LIKE me as a person.

Or am i just so scary, overwhelming, overbearing, a character that people are worried that they might offend, and that i will form some eternal personal vendatta against them.

Jo sits in the dark... nothing else can be seen in the room. Except for a dim light that illuminates only one thing pasted on the wall...
A grubby piece of paper, with an eerie looking list of names and an address written next to each.
Then you notice some of the earlier names have been crossed out and you knew, you knew for SURE, that those people were on the obituaries not too long ago...


So i did wonder.
How many people actually genuinely like me as i am, for who i am.

I would say my circle is larger than before. Larger than i thought possible in the past.
(i was a hopeless recluse then. I still am, but i try to come out.)

How many people are nice to me because they like me?
How many people write me testimonials because they really have something nice to say because they like me?

Till Then.
*think i've waited long enough*

Tuesday, June 01, 2004


Thanks so much sister...
Well, yes, i guess i am feeling better than i did yesterday.
Flu's still around but am reaching the end stages. The crazy coughing bit.
Ah, you can see it in Jed too. The Rascal, he is. He's SOOO CUTE RIGHT??? Ha, sorry. So thick skin but man... he's crazy. Just like me. His cuteness has saved him countless times.
Hope to post more pictures of him. He is my baby(living).
Coach still hasn't called! *hmm....*

Yes, it is a part of my bow. Just that it doesn't come with the bow. Part of the accessories. But i think it's quite dumb to call it an accessory since it is an essential. (Unless u shoot bare bow compound... If so, GOOD LUCK!) Haha, anyway. Sorry, i am spouting nonsense.
Jed is 1+ years old. Time really flies, doesn't it?
Well, he's not big actually. If u look at him and my bed, you can see that he only takes up part of the corner.

A painting i did in either secondary 3 or 4. Very crude, kinda toothless (if u notice).  Posted by Hello

Couldn't get a sharp focus on the eye..  Posted by Hello

Kinda how i feel inside.
A red kind of emotion within.
You know how sometimes you can think in colour?

But am trying to give it up to God.

Till Then.
*Rousseau and David*

ROOAOARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (edited)

The second entry of such a title.


I AM SOOOO ANGGRRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't remember being this angry in ages!!!

GADS! How can anyone provoke me THIS MUCH!!!!?!??!?!!



(to innocent bystanders, not you. If it's you, you'll KNOW)







*** ***

I thought about it and felt that it was my fault things became awry.
(although the question still remains unanswered.)

So, i guess i just did what was necessary. That is, apologize.

If you don't take it, then that's up to you.

I have done what is right on my part.
My conscience is clear as far as i am concerned.

*** ***

Right after one assignment, i've to begin on another one. And this one isn't an easy task to complete.
Rousseau and David?

I guess i just have to dedicate about 4 days of concentrated assignment-ing and, it'll be all good then.

Back to work.
These coming weeks will be great.

1. Shopping for training gear.
2. Buying my archery equipment.
I thought of getting my own armguard first.

I cannot wait for training to begin.
To throw myself into this new lifestyle of competitive archery.

Till Then.
*toodles. my weeks ahead will be good.*