Monday, December 29, 2003

I need a swim

AH! *itch itch*

Dang those ticks.

Doggy decided that he had just about enough of pestering me and decided to sleep under the table.

*good doggy*

Hi January!
Haha, you overrate me. I am definitely no pastor material. Looks like we just share the same sentiments. By the way, have you ever tried or maybe imagined yourself giving a full fledged sermon? It's quite a "political" thing. (Is political the right word? Argh, words fail me even for the want of a better word.)
But i guess by political, i mean, that whatever is said up there has to be done ever so tactfully, correctly, truthfully and in a "no pride and preaching" tone.
Plus, sometimes the whole body will be exposed to the whole mass of people and often the person on stage has to be really careful with his body language.
About my blog... i'm wondering what kind of blog it is. *hmmm...* :-)
Haha, thank you for your ever ready kind words.
Many of us are divided into 4 groups.

1. Know grandparent(s) very well.
2. Know grandparent(s) somewhat ok.
3. Know grandparent(s) very little, maybe none at all.
4. Never knew grandparent(s).

WAs in group 3 till only recently, i was thrown into a pretty tough situation. It wasn't the ROTTEN-BAD-BAD-BAD or AH-I'M-SO-GOING-TO-DIE kind of tough, but more, building up of one's independence and responsibilty.

It's more the, "Get me arse moving" than "hot soup".

So, with 2 parents and 1 granny, no helper. My sister and i were thrown into a situation. Sure, we've survived without our dear helper before, but now there's granny.

Not that she's not wanted, don't get me wrong.
As we know, grand parents need the extra care and have different and more specific needs than our own.

I've never actually spoken for long periods of time about anything with my granny before. EVER. (iow, i didn't know her much. She was initially a person in my life i called "poh poh". )
Not till recently, things changed as
1. i had to keep her "entertained", and
2. take care of the meals but of course with her help.
3. In addition, i had to constantly keep an eye on her to ensure that she's all right around the house.

I know this may sound like puh-fooey to some as they've been there, done that.
But truth be told...
I'm almost reaching adult age but have never had this kind of exposure or responsibility.

At first, i was kind of paranoid so i did everything i could to help around. (both parents wld be working)
But then, it turns out that elderly people like to feel independent too and not treated as if they were invalids.

However, they also NEED extra care because there're things which they can't do anymore. (eg. carrying a heavy stack of pots and pans)

To cut it all short.

I'm so glad for this experience.

I'm happy to say that i've moved from group 3 to group 2.

I know my granny a bit more.

What i find interesting during meals when we're alone is that there's this COMFORTABLE SILENCE.
Even from the very start when we've not spoken before over meals.

At that exact point in time while eating, made a note to myself.
How do i put this.

I felt:
She is a fragment of my history in which she played a part to create me.
So although i've never emotionally bonded with her, i know and feel that there's a deeper unseen bond between us.
Apart from genetics.
Then again, maybe it DOES stem from genetics.

Maybe kinda like twins who've never met till some fateful day.

Guess i suprised her with something before she left... *wink*


You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

*itch! itch!*
But it ain't the ticks.

Am all by my lonesome at home due to circumstances, with just my cheeky Jed and his bloodsucking(in both ways) ticks.

This brick dwelling is ALL MINE... MIINE!!!
*throws fist into air*

All my existence, I've known myself to possess one disorganized mind, messy habits, high tolerance for mess and all things(you name it, you've got it) strewn all over the country, sort of person.

*dang... just what is SO itchy around here???*

But only till one day ago, i have realized that i actually like things to be orderly, well kept and clean.

Discovery of self when thrown into a situation.
Just like when you put yourself in a pressure cooker or otherwise, you see yourself behave in a certain way to overcome it or deal with it.

Till Then.
*scratch, scratch.*

Friday, December 26, 2003


Christmas Greetings to all ye bloggers and readers.


No problem girl. Don't remember if i've mentioned this to you, but i think you can expect more to come your way in the next years... Provided you keep me updated on your whereabouts. *hint, hint*
Oh, and thank you lots for the Birthday wishes!

I feel bad about not blogging recently because Aunty Gina's on holiday and Granny's around so sibling and i have become replacement helpers.

Been Shoooo BUSY.

We are in no way seasoned helpers (but we're the season's helpers or seasonal helpers... whatever.) so we take so long just to finish up some housework.

I made lunch today.
A mix of one dish i made, (sweet and sour pork) and other stuff from the fridge.

As expected, the "haam" (means "salty" in Cantonese) girl's dish was SO SUPER haam, even Haam Girl made a face when she tried it herself. (Haam Girl=Joline)

I haven't exercised in a while.

Another Christmas dinner later too. Argh.

I've told this to friends and others and i'll say it again.

Christmas is a time of anticipation(there's something to look forward to, good OR bad) , glee(to some point, there will be some happiness for some people) and depression (some people just can't afford or just aren't at the receiving end of the celebrations or when people don't have relations at all) and commercialism!

With regards to personal feelings towards Christmas...
I think it has some degree of DREAD tied to it.

Stupid commercialism. They doll the malls, telly, adverts, etc... with the Big Ole' Fat St. Nicholas. A fake one too, to boot.
Hello...? Suddenly, all over the friggin' world, Santas are popping up. Surely he can't be at all places at one time, even if his reindeers were a bunch of red-eyed super sonic light speed travellers.
Kids... Please!



Can't help but get annoyed with the perverted way Christmas is carried out today.
Granted though, that could be some lee way given.

I digress.

The dread factor i get comes from the fact that after Christmas day itself, everything clunks back to normality.
As if it didn't mean anything.

Just because the day itself has passed, Christmas was just another day.
It simply was just the day when the decos had played it's peak role. (in the context of commercialism)
Yet of course, they're the others.

But yet we cannot blame everyone, just because.
We can't blame the atmosphere for not continuing the Christmas spirit.
Not everyone shares the same faith or beliefs.
(does the fault lie with us christians for not reaching out hard enough? Very Subjective, won't go there.)

Commercialization has to go on.
To stop it, it would take a radical transformation that most of us can only dream of.
Perhaps it'll happen.

I have SO MANY things in my head that i wanted to say but am at a lost as my brain is going haywire.
Thoughts are running all over without stopping to be compartmentalized and be thought of more deeply.


No, i just need more of God.
In my lovely neighbourhood school,GMSS, my verbal and written expression was exceptional. I could easily put down my feelings clearly, precisely both on paper and in words. And people thoroughly get the picture.

Since i entered ACJC, my engrish went down the long kang.

My thought processes AND thoughts got more messy, disorganized. Now, i had and have reverted to simple expression that's just insufficient to express myself.
I get SO frustrated.
My language structure and vocabulary is too inadequate to draw out the picture i have in my head. The feelings and thoughts feel so trapped within me, and i have nothing but words to express myself with.

In most cases, i should have no problem with expression because words alone CAN bring forth my meaning but it's due to MY OWN LACK! MY OWN INADEQUACY!
I lack the mastery of the gab, or, the gift of the gab.
In another sense.

But looking at it another way.
I think the other root problem is my DISCONNECTION from my deep seated emotions.
Back then, i felt very much in tune with my "inner me" and expression came without struggling.
Mind and emotion worked in parallel and so i was... more fluent?

Now, my inner self is not in sync with my mind which thus brings about this difficulty.
Had the phrase, "Lord of the Rings" playing around in my head when i realized there was another Lord of the Somethings...

Lord of the Flies!

You know. Someone should cleverly superimpose the two NAMES and PLOTS together and create a spoof.

Then call it "Lord of the Flings".

*throws a fist in the air and shakes it with gritted teeth*
Stone me, all ye LOTR Fans!

Having chest pains.
Nope, no stones.

Till Then.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

I caught a shitload of ticks from my dog's bedding.

And I crossed them out.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Grins a little madly into the Camera

Hi folks!
Thanks so much for the birthday wishes! They sure made THEE day and the days after complete. *hugs to all*
I really do appreciate them. They make me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy.

To January:
Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I'm grateful. :-)
About Melb Uni, no problem... Anytime you feel like, ya can leave me a note.

*And Joline feels like the happiest, shiniest (think "Dove" advert. keke.) and most accepted person in the whole wide world*

A little story that hit home, regarding a topic that i feel very strongly about. I could say it is dedicated to a few people out there.
Here goes:

"A class was in session, and the topic laid down by the teacher for the next few lessons was about how the Universe, or the whole of creation, came about.
And so the teacher taught the class that the phenomena responsible for creation was the Big Bang. (yes, the Big Bang Theory)
The teacher then told the class to get into groups to do a project on it.

So 1 group got together and by sheer mastery, managed to fashion a remarkable model of the 9 planets revolving around the sun.

On the day of the presentation, the class and the teacher was awestruck and thoroughly impressed by the work of art.
The teacher then called out,
"Who did this?"

No one said a word.

Then out from the silence, the voice of a Christian boy spoke out,
"Nobody. That's what you taught us, didn't you?"

Then, the Dog God, regal and strong, cleared his throat and spoke to all the little squirming puppies who sat as still as they could before him.
They were attending the last training session before they were due the next morning.

"If your owner scolds you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner spanks you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner yells at you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner abuses you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner abandons you: learn, love and obey."

Then Dog God thinks for a moment, silence hanging in the air, then tilted his handsome head slowly to look at the Miniature Pinscher group and said,

"But you guys are exempted."

Uh, ok. That wasn't biblical. Just a generated imaginary picture.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003


Am waiting for my mom to call as i know she'll prolly need my help to carry groceries.

For some strange reason, i'm feeling so low.
Low, low, low, low, low, low, low.

Righty-oh. Forna goh, Bhishy boh, grovel foh.


So, my pals from class SC10 came over to spend the night to celebrate.
The 9th of December.
It's our officially set date for our Annual Sleep Over.

We had such a nice time yakking and bonding. But suprisingly, we didn't yak too far into the night.
The strange thing was that there wasn't really much to say.

Sure, two friends, (dot, dot, dot...) ever since the advent of university life, have been having more colourful and eventful existences.
WE all know why.

I guess the majority didn't have very much going on, hence the lack of juicy tit bits.

So we snoozed till about 10am and went to C. for brunch. Following which, we went to shop at jp.
I didn't know OP had such nice clothes.
Guess i've been avoiding OP because SO many people wear it and i hate looking like a mass manufactured copy.

However, thanks (OR no thanks, too) to my bigger-than-most-girls'-build, i look different even with the same clothes.
But still.

"This Fashion" has FINALLY realised that not every girl is anorexic.

The weather was SUCH a dampener. -tsk-tsk-
Gloomy, Bloomy, Floomy. Gah.

It be strange.

I had a great time with my pals, but SOMEHOW. I feel oddly sad. Melancholic. It's so hard to describe.



Let me try to list the cocktail:
- a sense of loss.
- something tells me some piece is missing.
- odd. Just ODD.
- Lonely.
- Messy mind with a whole barrage of emotions.
- Something seems unresolved.
- The knowledge that serious things are happening.
- Unbalanced.
- Dread.

Maybe i'm just getting hormonal which amplifies all the SAD SAD things.
Maybe it's the impending year end.
Maybe it's the approaching Christmas Day, that has been so commercialized, it's VULGAR.
Maybe it's the weather.
Maybe it's the returning of normality which i fear.
Maybe i'm lonely and wish i had someone to share my life with.

To WEizhen:
THANKS A MILL! Yesh. Happy Hols. Woo hoo...

To Germz:
Yep, i am GLAD that hard work paid off.
But God is gracious...
HAPPY HOLS WOR.....................................
I haven't seen u in such a long time. I've met Betty and the library gang already.
Gone huh?

To Liting:
yoyo woman!!!!!!!!!!! HA! the sleepover was GREAT sister! Moments spent together really made me appreciate every second of it. And seeing each one of us leave was kind of sad. But of course it had to happen anyway.
Oh, thanks for bringing me to the $1 shop. Worh.................. A place i'll never forget.

To Alwyn:
Thanks a lot! *big grin* I hope i will do better when i move over to SIM.
I *HOPE* that the SPF will STILL be wanting Senior Police Officers by the time i graduate. Keeping in mind that i am aiming and psyching myself for a Masters degree, i have a loooong journey ahead.
Wanna go as far as possible. Whee hoo.
As for Coast Guard. Ooo hoo hoo.
A lot of mixed feelings about that.
I'm ok to some extent about the sea sickness thingy. But i know that it's no use feeling sick 35-40% of the time when i'm suppose to be operationally ready for action. I know you managed to get over it, and gosh, wish i could do that. :-)
But yeah, i would prefer something more community (literally) based so doing things on mainland would be better.
But as you've said, just join for 2 or 3 years to get dough for my own Psych clinic.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
Then again, i gave a little thought about being a psychologist and it striked me as something awful scary. (i can be a coward really)
Analysis of a human being's state of mind is such a fragile process. And the human mind, though in its human inadequacy, is still amazing in its own right.
Argh... i wouldn't want to make a mistake and get horribly screwed and sued.
Giving a diagnosis, probing the mind's recesses, and the assortment of other things, carries a lot of responsibility.
It is scary. Aaagh.

To Huimin:
THANKS SO MUCH GAL!!! And CONGRATS to you TOO. You dunnit!
WEll, i think that i would have had to score pretty high on my first assignment if i were to get a Dist. I Looking at it, i think i got a credit for my exam so it kinda evened things out. So to get a overall Dist, i would've had to score but anyway... it's all over and i'm glad it payed off. Not forgetting, thanks to God.
Who sustained me.

Wanted to continue with Scribbles' Wait is Over - Part 3, but i need to go... So, ta ta!

Till then.
*hug and a smile!*

Friday, December 05, 2003

And All Seems Well...

I'VE GOTTEN MY RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't have done it without God. Never in my own strength but in His.

Ok, my grades aren't as spectacular as most might expect.

What makes me happy, is that i hit my target and that's all i ask for.
When i put an amount of effort into something, i would expect the results to show it.

I got a...
C (Credit) for Sociology:
Something that is somewhat an achievement for me as i was never really much good at GP essays nor am i that eloquent and expressive with words. I put things very simply, in simple english without trying to sound arty farty, and i don't write "like a (blah)-logist".
In my opinion, reading some references i had to, it seems like blah-logists are merely talking/rambling to themselves as they write. Could hardly grasp their point. I wonder why people are so impressed with that and say "wah, cheem cheem", when they really can write it simply. For the benefit of everyone.
HA, maybe i'm just a sour grape because i don't possess their level of dexterity.

D (Distinction) for Psychology:
Gads... I was pretty upset as most will know, after the paper. It screwed my mood some.
But lookie!!!
Oh, Thank the Lord.
Not sure about you guys, but sometimes, have you ever came to a point when you want to thank God so much that suddenly, you find that words are so meaningless and insufficient to convey how much you want to say?
It doesn't happen only when a good thing happens.
But it happens also when you think and REALIZE how great our God is.
WHO he is. And not just what he has done.
I'm so glad God can see right through me and understand my heart's, souls's and spirit's language.

I do admit that along the way, there had been distractions of all sorts and i was fooling around a little more than i should be.
But when i mugged, i mugged.
But i could have mugged more.

Hi January!!!
Thanks for the bit there about them majors. Got me worrying to no end. Was worrying because i thought that for employers to first even bother to consider me, i'd need a reasonably good looking certificate as i've not much of working experience save the 5 months at The Bodyshop. (ha.)
OH YEAH. i keep forgetting about answering your question on what would a credit, distinction, etc be in Monash.
As far as i know, i think it is like this: (not sure if it applies to both Socio and Psych, but i have a good feeling it does)

High Distinction: 80-100
Distinction: 70-79
Credit: 60-69
N: 0-49

Does Melbourne Uni have something similar?

I finally got to watch The Matrix Revolutions.


Ah ok. I couldn't continue without saying the above's name first. i have loved him since i was born.
I've got a 2 page... erm... picture "gallery"... -cough-

Well, as someone highly used to satisfying movies, Revolutions didn't quite quench my thirst for the "right" kind of end.
But kudos to the Wachowski Brothers who created The Matrix saga, chucking in tons of information, underlying meanings and philosophy without explicitly drawing a picture at the end to create that "right" end, i admit, would've liked.


I recommend this site, for people interested to read more about and hopefully find answers to your questions regarding the movie. It's got suggestions as to what it could have meant here and there. Read slowly.

But man... Keanu was in the movie only 35-40% of the time. That be so odd.

For now, i shall be looking forward to Lord of the Rings.
Considering going for the trilogy marathon, if there's one.

Hey Alwyn!
Ha, thanks for the views on the brighter side of things.
Ah hah, have not bought an Epson or Xerox printer yet... That probably describes the reason why i've not discovered those gems.
Oh, i forgot. Your imitation of dear Mr Khor sure got me laughing though it's a well known fact that he speaks like that.
WEll... i guess for my first job and hopefully, i won't be job hopping or anything.. but yeah, i'm gonna have to somewhat rely on their(employers, aka SPF) acceptance first. Need dough mate!
Oh, i'm not going to Rome... Though that'd be a real special experience! But i think it's so -wow- that studying the amphitheatre of Rome, the Colosseum, could be part of my study in my first module in SIM. We get to do philosophy, music, poetry, art and other stuff i can't remember... WHee hoo!