Monday, December 29, 2003

I need a swim

AH! *itch itch*

Dang those ticks.

Doggy decided that he had just about enough of pestering me and decided to sleep under the table.

*good doggy*

Hi January!
Haha, you overrate me. I am definitely no pastor material. Looks like we just share the same sentiments. By the way, have you ever tried or maybe imagined yourself giving a full fledged sermon? It's quite a "political" thing. (Is political the right word? Argh, words fail me even for the want of a better word.)
But i guess by political, i mean, that whatever is said up there has to be done ever so tactfully, correctly, truthfully and in a "no pride and preaching" tone.
Plus, sometimes the whole body will be exposed to the whole mass of people and often the person on stage has to be really careful with his body language.
About my blog... i'm wondering what kind of blog it is. *hmmm...* :-)
Haha, thank you for your ever ready kind words.
Many of us are divided into 4 groups.

1. Know grandparent(s) very well.
2. Know grandparent(s) somewhat ok.
3. Know grandparent(s) very little, maybe none at all.
4. Never knew grandparent(s).

WAs in group 3 till only recently, i was thrown into a pretty tough situation. It wasn't the ROTTEN-BAD-BAD-BAD or AH-I'M-SO-GOING-TO-DIE kind of tough, but more, building up of one's independence and responsibilty.

It's more the, "Get me arse moving" than "hot soup".

So, with 2 parents and 1 granny, no helper. My sister and i were thrown into a situation. Sure, we've survived without our dear helper before, but now there's granny.

Not that she's not wanted, don't get me wrong.
As we know, grand parents need the extra care and have different and more specific needs than our own.

I've never actually spoken for long periods of time about anything with my granny before. EVER. (iow, i didn't know her much. She was initially a person in my life i called "poh poh". )
Not till recently, things changed as
1. i had to keep her "entertained", and
2. take care of the meals but of course with her help.
3. In addition, i had to constantly keep an eye on her to ensure that she's all right around the house.

I know this may sound like puh-fooey to some as they've been there, done that.
But truth be told...
I'm almost reaching adult age but have never had this kind of exposure or responsibility.

At first, i was kind of paranoid so i did everything i could to help around. (both parents wld be working)
But then, it turns out that elderly people like to feel independent too and not treated as if they were invalids.

However, they also NEED extra care because there're things which they can't do anymore. (eg. carrying a heavy stack of pots and pans)

To cut it all short.

I'm so glad for this experience.

I'm happy to say that i've moved from group 3 to group 2.

I know my granny a bit more.

What i find interesting during meals when we're alone is that there's this COMFORTABLE SILENCE.
Even from the very start when we've not spoken before over meals.

At that exact point in time while eating, made a note to myself.
How do i put this.

I felt:
She is a fragment of my history in which she played a part to create me.
So although i've never emotionally bonded with her, i know and feel that there's a deeper unseen bond between us.
Apart from genetics.
Then again, maybe it DOES stem from genetics.

Maybe kinda like twins who've never met till some fateful day.

Guess i suprised her with something before she left... *wink*


You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

*itch! itch!*
But it ain't the ticks.

Am all by my lonesome at home due to circumstances, with just my cheeky Jed and his bloodsucking(in both ways) ticks.

This brick dwelling is ALL MINE... MIINE!!!
*throws fist into air*

All my existence, I've known myself to possess one disorganized mind, messy habits, high tolerance for mess and all things(you name it, you've got it) strewn all over the country, sort of person.

*dang... just what is SO itchy around here???*

But only till one day ago, i have realized that i actually like things to be orderly, well kept and clean.

Discovery of self when thrown into a situation.
Just like when you put yourself in a pressure cooker or otherwise, you see yourself behave in a certain way to overcome it or deal with it.

Till Then.
*scratch, scratch.*

Friday, December 26, 2003


Christmas Greetings to all ye bloggers and readers.


No problem girl. Don't remember if i've mentioned this to you, but i think you can expect more to come your way in the next years... Provided you keep me updated on your whereabouts. *hint, hint*
Oh, and thank you lots for the Birthday wishes!

I feel bad about not blogging recently because Aunty Gina's on holiday and Granny's around so sibling and i have become replacement helpers.

Been Shoooo BUSY.

We are in no way seasoned helpers (but we're the season's helpers or seasonal helpers... whatever.) so we take so long just to finish up some housework.

I made lunch today.
A mix of one dish i made, (sweet and sour pork) and other stuff from the fridge.

As expected, the "haam" (means "salty" in Cantonese) girl's dish was SO SUPER haam, even Haam Girl made a face when she tried it herself. (Haam Girl=Joline)

I haven't exercised in a while.

Another Christmas dinner later too. Argh.

I've told this to friends and others and i'll say it again.

Christmas is a time of anticipation(there's something to look forward to, good OR bad) , glee(to some point, there will be some happiness for some people) and depression (some people just can't afford or just aren't at the receiving end of the celebrations or when people don't have relations at all) and commercialism!

With regards to personal feelings towards Christmas...
I think it has some degree of DREAD tied to it.

Stupid commercialism. They doll the malls, telly, adverts, etc... with the Big Ole' Fat St. Nicholas. A fake one too, to boot.
Hello...? Suddenly, all over the friggin' world, Santas are popping up. Surely he can't be at all places at one time, even if his reindeers were a bunch of red-eyed super sonic light speed travellers.
Kids... Please!



Can't help but get annoyed with the perverted way Christmas is carried out today.
Granted though, that could be some lee way given.

I digress.

The dread factor i get comes from the fact that after Christmas day itself, everything clunks back to normality.
As if it didn't mean anything.

Just because the day itself has passed, Christmas was just another day.
It simply was just the day when the decos had played it's peak role. (in the context of commercialism)
Yet of course, they're the others.

But yet we cannot blame everyone, just because.
We can't blame the atmosphere for not continuing the Christmas spirit.
Not everyone shares the same faith or beliefs.
(does the fault lie with us christians for not reaching out hard enough? Very Subjective, won't go there.)

Commercialization has to go on.
To stop it, it would take a radical transformation that most of us can only dream of.
Perhaps it'll happen.

I have SO MANY things in my head that i wanted to say but am at a lost as my brain is going haywire.
Thoughts are running all over without stopping to be compartmentalized and be thought of more deeply.


No, i just need more of God.
In my lovely neighbourhood school,GMSS, my verbal and written expression was exceptional. I could easily put down my feelings clearly, precisely both on paper and in words. And people thoroughly get the picture.

Since i entered ACJC, my engrish went down the long kang.

My thought processes AND thoughts got more messy, disorganized. Now, i had and have reverted to simple expression that's just insufficient to express myself.
I get SO frustrated.
My language structure and vocabulary is too inadequate to draw out the picture i have in my head. The feelings and thoughts feel so trapped within me, and i have nothing but words to express myself with.

In most cases, i should have no problem with expression because words alone CAN bring forth my meaning but it's due to MY OWN LACK! MY OWN INADEQUACY!
I lack the mastery of the gab, or, the gift of the gab.
In another sense.

But looking at it another way.
I think the other root problem is my DISCONNECTION from my deep seated emotions.
Back then, i felt very much in tune with my "inner me" and expression came without struggling.
Mind and emotion worked in parallel and so i was... more fluent?

Now, my inner self is not in sync with my mind which thus brings about this difficulty.
Had the phrase, "Lord of the Rings" playing around in my head when i realized there was another Lord of the Somethings...

Lord of the Flies!

You know. Someone should cleverly superimpose the two NAMES and PLOTS together and create a spoof.

Then call it "Lord of the Flings".

*throws a fist in the air and shakes it with gritted teeth*
Stone me, all ye LOTR Fans!

Having chest pains.
Nope, no stones.

Till Then.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

I caught a shitload of ticks from my dog's bedding.

And I crossed them out.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Grins a little madly into the Camera

Hi folks!
Thanks so much for the birthday wishes! They sure made THEE day and the days after complete. *hugs to all*
I really do appreciate them. They make me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy.

To January:
Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I'm grateful. :-)
About Melb Uni, no problem... Anytime you feel like, ya can leave me a note.

*And Joline feels like the happiest, shiniest (think "Dove" advert. keke.) and most accepted person in the whole wide world*

A little story that hit home, regarding a topic that i feel very strongly about. I could say it is dedicated to a few people out there.
Here goes:

"A class was in session, and the topic laid down by the teacher for the next few lessons was about how the Universe, or the whole of creation, came about.
And so the teacher taught the class that the phenomena responsible for creation was the Big Bang. (yes, the Big Bang Theory)
The teacher then told the class to get into groups to do a project on it.

So 1 group got together and by sheer mastery, managed to fashion a remarkable model of the 9 planets revolving around the sun.

On the day of the presentation, the class and the teacher was awestruck and thoroughly impressed by the work of art.
The teacher then called out,
"Who did this?"

No one said a word.

Then out from the silence, the voice of a Christian boy spoke out,
"Nobody. That's what you taught us, didn't you?"

Then, the Dog God, regal and strong, cleared his throat and spoke to all the little squirming puppies who sat as still as they could before him.
They were attending the last training session before they were due the next morning.

"If your owner scolds you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner spanks you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner yells at you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner abuses you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner abandons you: learn, love and obey."

Then Dog God thinks for a moment, silence hanging in the air, then tilted his handsome head slowly to look at the Miniature Pinscher group and said,

"But you guys are exempted."

Uh, ok. That wasn't biblical. Just a generated imaginary picture.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003


Am waiting for my mom to call as i know she'll prolly need my help to carry groceries.

For some strange reason, i'm feeling so low.
Low, low, low, low, low, low, low.

Righty-oh. Forna goh, Bhishy boh, grovel foh.


So, my pals from class SC10 came over to spend the night to celebrate.
The 9th of December.
It's our officially set date for our Annual Sleep Over.

We had such a nice time yakking and bonding. But suprisingly, we didn't yak too far into the night.
The strange thing was that there wasn't really much to say.

Sure, two friends, (dot, dot, dot...) ever since the advent of university life, have been having more colourful and eventful existences.
WE all know why.

I guess the majority didn't have very much going on, hence the lack of juicy tit bits.

So we snoozed till about 10am and went to C. for brunch. Following which, we went to shop at jp.
I didn't know OP had such nice clothes.
Guess i've been avoiding OP because SO many people wear it and i hate looking like a mass manufactured copy.

However, thanks (OR no thanks, too) to my bigger-than-most-girls'-build, i look different even with the same clothes.
But still.

"This Fashion" has FINALLY realised that not every girl is anorexic.

The weather was SUCH a dampener. -tsk-tsk-
Gloomy, Bloomy, Floomy. Gah.

It be strange.

I had a great time with my pals, but SOMEHOW. I feel oddly sad. Melancholic. It's so hard to describe.



Let me try to list the cocktail:
- a sense of loss.
- something tells me some piece is missing.
- odd. Just ODD.
- Lonely.
- Messy mind with a whole barrage of emotions.
- Something seems unresolved.
- The knowledge that serious things are happening.
- Unbalanced.
- Dread.

Maybe i'm just getting hormonal which amplifies all the SAD SAD things.
Maybe it's the impending year end.
Maybe it's the approaching Christmas Day, that has been so commercialized, it's VULGAR.
Maybe it's the weather.
Maybe it's the returning of normality which i fear.
Maybe i'm lonely and wish i had someone to share my life with.

To WEizhen:
THANKS A MILL! Yesh. Happy Hols. Woo hoo...

To Germz:
Yep, i am GLAD that hard work paid off.
But God is gracious...
HAPPY HOLS WOR.....................................
I haven't seen u in such a long time. I've met Betty and the library gang already.
Gone huh?

To Liting:
yoyo woman!!!!!!!!!!! HA! the sleepover was GREAT sister! Moments spent together really made me appreciate every second of it. And seeing each one of us leave was kind of sad. But of course it had to happen anyway.
Oh, thanks for bringing me to the $1 shop. Worh.................. A place i'll never forget.

To Alwyn:
Thanks a lot! *big grin* I hope i will do better when i move over to SIM.
I *HOPE* that the SPF will STILL be wanting Senior Police Officers by the time i graduate. Keeping in mind that i am aiming and psyching myself for a Masters degree, i have a loooong journey ahead.
Wanna go as far as possible. Whee hoo.
As for Coast Guard. Ooo hoo hoo.
A lot of mixed feelings about that.
I'm ok to some extent about the sea sickness thingy. But i know that it's no use feeling sick 35-40% of the time when i'm suppose to be operationally ready for action. I know you managed to get over it, and gosh, wish i could do that. :-)
But yeah, i would prefer something more community (literally) based so doing things on mainland would be better.
But as you've said, just join for 2 or 3 years to get dough for my own Psych clinic.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
Then again, i gave a little thought about being a psychologist and it striked me as something awful scary. (i can be a coward really)
Analysis of a human being's state of mind is such a fragile process. And the human mind, though in its human inadequacy, is still amazing in its own right.
Argh... i wouldn't want to make a mistake and get horribly screwed and sued.
Giving a diagnosis, probing the mind's recesses, and the assortment of other things, carries a lot of responsibility.
It is scary. Aaagh.

To Huimin:
THANKS SO MUCH GAL!!! And CONGRATS to you TOO. You dunnit!
WEll, i think that i would have had to score pretty high on my first assignment if i were to get a Dist. I Looking at it, i think i got a credit for my exam so it kinda evened things out. So to get a overall Dist, i would've had to score but anyway... it's all over and i'm glad it payed off. Not forgetting, thanks to God.
Who sustained me.

Wanted to continue with Scribbles' Wait is Over - Part 3, but i need to go... So, ta ta!

Till then.
*hug and a smile!*

Friday, December 05, 2003

And All Seems Well...

I'VE GOTTEN MY RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't have done it without God. Never in my own strength but in His.

Ok, my grades aren't as spectacular as most might expect.

What makes me happy, is that i hit my target and that's all i ask for.
When i put an amount of effort into something, i would expect the results to show it.

I got a...
C (Credit) for Sociology:
Something that is somewhat an achievement for me as i was never really much good at GP essays nor am i that eloquent and expressive with words. I put things very simply, in simple english without trying to sound arty farty, and i don't write "like a (blah)-logist".
In my opinion, reading some references i had to, it seems like blah-logists are merely talking/rambling to themselves as they write. Could hardly grasp their point. I wonder why people are so impressed with that and say "wah, cheem cheem", when they really can write it simply. For the benefit of everyone.
HA, maybe i'm just a sour grape because i don't possess their level of dexterity.

D (Distinction) for Psychology:
Gads... I was pretty upset as most will know, after the paper. It screwed my mood some.
But lookie!!!
Oh, Thank the Lord.
Not sure about you guys, but sometimes, have you ever came to a point when you want to thank God so much that suddenly, you find that words are so meaningless and insufficient to convey how much you want to say?
It doesn't happen only when a good thing happens.
But it happens also when you think and REALIZE how great our God is.
WHO he is. And not just what he has done.
I'm so glad God can see right through me and understand my heart's, souls's and spirit's language.

I do admit that along the way, there had been distractions of all sorts and i was fooling around a little more than i should be.
But when i mugged, i mugged.
But i could have mugged more.

Hi January!!!
Thanks for the bit there about them majors. Got me worrying to no end. Was worrying because i thought that for employers to first even bother to consider me, i'd need a reasonably good looking certificate as i've not much of working experience save the 5 months at The Bodyshop. (ha.)
OH YEAH. i keep forgetting about answering your question on what would a credit, distinction, etc be in Monash.
As far as i know, i think it is like this: (not sure if it applies to both Socio and Psych, but i have a good feeling it does)

High Distinction: 80-100
Distinction: 70-79
Credit: 60-69
N: 0-49

Does Melbourne Uni have something similar?

I finally got to watch The Matrix Revolutions.


Ah ok. I couldn't continue without saying the above's name first. i have loved him since i was born.
I've got a 2 page... erm... picture "gallery"... -cough-

Well, as someone highly used to satisfying movies, Revolutions didn't quite quench my thirst for the "right" kind of end.
But kudos to the Wachowski Brothers who created The Matrix saga, chucking in tons of information, underlying meanings and philosophy without explicitly drawing a picture at the end to create that "right" end, i admit, would've liked.


I recommend this site, for people interested to read more about and hopefully find answers to your questions regarding the movie. It's got suggestions as to what it could have meant here and there. Read slowly.

But man... Keanu was in the movie only 35-40% of the time. That be so odd.

For now, i shall be looking forward to Lord of the Rings.
Considering going for the trilogy marathon, if there's one.

Hey Alwyn!
Ha, thanks for the views on the brighter side of things.
Ah hah, have not bought an Epson or Xerox printer yet... That probably describes the reason why i've not discovered those gems.
Oh, i forgot. Your imitation of dear Mr Khor sure got me laughing though it's a well known fact that he speaks like that.
WEll... i guess for my first job and hopefully, i won't be job hopping or anything.. but yeah, i'm gonna have to somewhat rely on their(employers, aka SPF) acceptance first. Need dough mate!
Oh, i'm not going to Rome... Though that'd be a real special experience! But i think it's so -wow- that studying the amphitheatre of Rome, the Colosseum, could be part of my study in my first module in SIM. We get to do philosophy, music, poetry, art and other stuff i can't remember... WHee hoo!


Friday, November 28, 2003

Itty Bitties

I am in worrywort mode.
I am in worrywort mode.
I am in worrywort mode.
I am in worrywort mode.

In a why-am-I-blogging mode but I want to because I want to throw things outta my head...
out out out out out out out out out out out out.
"Out Damned Spot!"

As they say, though i THINK not the exact words, or is it? DOes it constitute "on other pastures"?
"The grass is always greener on the other side"

When I was in TMC, I longed for SIM.
Now I'm at SIM, I feel a twinge of regret.

NOW, the content of the next few paras is enough to make my own eyes roll, so... Watch it.
Then again, don't (watch it). If you get what I mean.
To anyone who's reading: to spare yourself someone else's crap, SKIP.

The regret... Why?
Ok, let's face the fact that the degree I gave up was one from Monash, a well respected and accepted university.
Whereas the Open University is a less "traditional" university.
At Monash, I could major in 2 areas,
while in SIM, I do a large module on Arts and the rest is on Psychology.
Though in SIM I can focus on Psych and read sociology for knowledge with no pressure,
Ultimately, my employers won't know that I have such knowledge because it wasn't tested on thus not on my certificate.

This is so dumb.

It's so totally nonsensical and fickle!

But anyway, I tell myself this.
As long as I do all I can, my best, and GET THE NICE LOOKING GRADES FOR MY MODULES, things in general should not be too negative.
Even if I got my Monash degree but didn't do well, what good would that do me.

Therefore, i shall focus on: Quality and less image.

I'm just going to forget the past, MOVE AHEAD on the path before me, and perform to the best of my ability.

I will obtain my Honours and on to my Masters.

Being plagued by such worrysome worries, i'm beginning to wonder if this is really God's Will, this path.

I was thinking:
Is this just the fruit of my own struggle or is it a path truly opened by God? And was the struggle against God's Will entirely? If so, then i don't think i want to go down my self constructed road.

Or maybe i'm just getting hormonal.

I hope i brought some contentment to the World today.
Or at least more $ into the uncle's pocket.

See, I've been paying the Pasar Malam at Clementi quite a number of visits already in the last few days.
Each time, i definitely buy stuff to eat. Of which were CHICKEN WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ADORE chicken wings...
Give me nice ones and i'll be a happy dong.

Anyway, i went down today on my own and bought me 2 chicken wings.

So, happy Joline sits alone, biting slowly and sensually into each chicken wing as the world goes by in total oblivion...

(at this very point: i think a few households have become gathering places for virile young men to scream at the television set, watching 22 chaps going head over heels over a ball of a few inches in diameter)

Well, mostly it was oblivious, but i did notice people looking at me.

Be Happy. Be contented. Buy a Chicken Wing.

What's the difference between, Miss Earth, Miss World and Miss Universe?
Ok, i guess ONE difference could be the basis for selection.
Eg. Miss Earth cares for the environment while Miss Universe cares for the Universe(iow, EVERYTHING)... So it differs in scope.
-incredulous face-
I am a layman when it comes to such things. So i can't help but wonder what on Earth these pageants are for.
Being the critic of things... Shall poke at the pageants.

1. Why do we need THE EPITOME of so-called beauty and "brains" to be involved in changes in environment, society, etc. We have politicians, specialists and other normal, everyday people who are into it FULL TIME and are more devoted to taking care of such things. Sure, maybe the media NEEDS the Pweety Pweety face for endorsement but that just shows how big time shallow the media is.
2. For voyeuristic purposes
3. Spending of all that money which could have been channelled to more worthy causes....................... LIKE the CHARITIES that they profess to support or WILL support.
4. Sometimes... it just don't do the girls no good. Those who need to study the 10 year series' on "Questions that may come out on Beauty Pageants" join them pageants at their own risks and own demise.
I laugh in their faces. Ha. Ha. Ha.
5. So... Miss Earth consists of a few contestants from the "distinguished" nations? So... Miss World compells ALL nations to send a representative to take part? So... Miss Universe involves aliens from other planets in disguise to take part too? Some can look like aliens, as a matter of fact.
6. Ok, enough suaning.

Colosseum of Rome... Here i come.

Till Then.
*moans at eye bags... looks like no miss singapore pageant for me... Bleah. Heh.*

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Scribbles' Wait is Over-Part 2

True. Least when we've gotten and done all that we need, as adults there's an element of settling down.
Then again, there're uncertainties all over. Just depends on the kind.
Perhaps uncertainties of the young are more abominable?

Ooohhhh.............. I see i see.
Hm, i'd like to see it in action to get a better picture. Wonder if i can catch biking stuff on cable.
Me--->physics idiot. Dropped it within a few weeks of doing trip sci. *sigh*


I just took my first step to doing something i stayed away from since after the 'A's. Really dumb of me because i'd be absolutely free to complete it back then... but fear had gripped me like a vice.

Ok, so i've enrolled into the Bukit Batok Driving Centre a while ago.

*runs around in circles screaming and waving my arms in the air like a ninny*


Why had i been so afraid?

1. All along, i've been having a bad bad bad bad bad impression of the driving centre. (Sleazy and coarse men, and dirty whatever elses...etc)
2. I'd screw up at every second. You know, poor judgement and langah everything within a 3m radius.
3. That hor, the uncle uncle rye... he dunno how to tell me plorperly how to drive then hah, i go: "what? what? Sorry? Again?" and then hor, i crash into the barrier, then i fay-loh like nobordy business.
4. Joline the Famous Blur Sotong Queen strikes again. When it's no one else's fault but her own.

I hope to pass my test real quick and give my grandmama a shock.
Grandmama: HAH? Ah Jo driving?

I've successfully psychoed a lot of people into thinking that i'm going to be screaming at the wheel and covering my eyes like a deranged monkey.

In other words, Joline is a danger to society when behind the wheels.
Roller Coaster rides anyone?
Just make sure you have your insurance, IC at hand and money to pay for my petrol and i'll take you.

Strange, there was something that made an entrance into my grey thingy but it got lost and hopped over to Forgetland over the night. Rats.
And there're no cues available for retrieval.


Not too long ago, there was a newspaper article on this man who is supposedly the first (though i think the world is so big he might not be the first... So the first to get publicity i suppose) person to have a microchip stuck in his grey matter.

(Anyway, i LOVE The Matrix soundtrack. LOUD. Strong Beats. Head Nod Inducing. Suits my mood and the weather)

And if i don't remember wrongly, with this chip, it's going to enable people to do a lot more than just turn on the lights.

I think it was somewhere along the lines of talking to each other using the mind directly. AAGh, can't remember again but it should be there some.

Yeah. And it brought to mind an "invention" i thought of back in secondary school.
Apparently for english (back then in sec sch) we were focusing on issues of science and technology.
So, we were all suppose to come up with something.

I thought up a simple idea of the human being able to slot tapes of sorts into their brains.

Purpose: So that all people, male and female, will be able to understand how the other feels EXACTLY.
How it Works: You just stick a tape into your head and record all emotions, thoughts and ideas. Following which, you stick the tape into the recipients head. And he/she'll process it.

It's kinda crude to use TAPES when you think of it now, but because back then i wasn't too into gadgets. So tapes sufficed.

But with the invention of chips, looks like the idea is within reach...
So, it wasn't all cock and bull was it?

And i got a measly 6 over 10 for my idea.

Do i have the mind of a SCIENTIST??? DO I? DO I?

*grins and rolls eyes all over*

Ape Man's Evolution

I know i like to just think transiently of certain subjects because i'm a self professed lazy bum. (or... owner of a lazy brain)

Absurd but do i care...
One of those wonderings that people with too much time on their hands/people with dreamy heads, think about.

If scientists say that Ape Man changed to adapt to his environment. I'd love to propose this.

1.Ok. Say we have group of very very very DEDICATED scientists in this area.
2. Pick a healthy, suitable ape species.
3. And integrate it into society.
4. WATCH IT reproduce and evolve.

Ok, so i know that's crappish/nutty/ding dong/Joline-r-u-ok? because evolution doesn't just occur within a century or two or three.

Anyway, Dedicated Scientists eh, right?
So, how about signing a contract to dedicate their entire lives and future generations for the next few millenium to this hypothesis?

Perhaps somewhere along the line, and not to entire supposed human transformation, there may be some observable changes, if it is true.

*Oooooo...* >--<*o*>--<
my little alien

Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The

"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."

The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Element of truth be spoken.
But the Goddess? Nay.

Man, i need to exercise.
Am just expanding and expanding.

I love the wind.

Don't know if i should continue.
My running shoes are beckoning.


Sunday, November 23, 2003

Scribbles' Wait is Over

Working Life

To think that i am a mere 4 years (i take it to be as such because i am psychoing meself to get my honours) away from working life is something that i am both raring to get at as well as chewing my nails over.

To date, i think i'm still very much the kid and i have lots more to learn about. Many people my age have grown to be very independent and self reliant whereas i feel as i'm choking on my mom's apron strings.

For one, i need to be more confident and street smart. Life with too much protection made me too much of an obedient kid to the point of being detrimental.
Basically, i'm scared of the big bad world.
Yeah, so it's strange that this fella wants a go at being a cop. <*-*>
But i'm seeing it as a way for me to be forced out of thy comfort zone and bite the bullet.

Then again, i may be more than 4 years away. Hm, yes. Actually, am aiming for Masters.

ANYWAY. Yes, as i was saying.

I can't really imagine myself being an ADULT, so to speak.
With working life and adulthood comes a whole barrage and array of responsibilities.
One thing that i feel that features a lot in adulthood is the Finances bit.

GADS, and that's the one thing i hate to sit through to know about though it is of paramount importance.

1. Investments
2. Savings for future things like housing, family and children and education, old age...etc
3. Convenience stuff like a car.
4. Insurance
5. Helping to pay loans
List pretty much goes on.


I long for the taste of adulthood and the knowledge that my life is but one.
That the only PERSON who is responsible for me--is me.
The thought seems a lonely one come to think of it.
Sooner of later, bloodkin will fade.
And you'll be alone.

On the other hand, i can't fathom the ceasing of being the kid.
You know, everything comes easy and i'm sufficiently supported.
Just mug.

Our "Multi-National" Home

This came as a thought while studying for the exams.
As usual, any thoughts other then mugging-worth would come.

Our house has seen:
1. China Nurses
2. A Chinese lady and her 3 Chinese-Afro-American sons (her husband is Afro-American)
3. Two pastors--> One Mongolian and one Korean
4. Filipinos

Can't remember if we've had more.
But it is really cool having people from different parts of the world come to our home.
It's not everyday that people like me meet others who're from so far away!

The 2 pastors came to our home to stay a while, for some reason or other. They were nice to have around although i personally hardly spoke to them.

Brought them out for dinner and such and introduced them to seafood.
Apparently, the Mongolian pastor, whose name is pronounced as "Mai-de", has never seen prawns before because if not wrong, i think Mongolia is way way way inland.

Gave them Durians to try too. HAHHAA.......
Mai-de didn't SEEM to have problems while Pastor Huang (the Korean) made an awful face.
(Ngah hahahhaha!!!!!!!!!!!!)

How pleasant.
Fun for us, because we kids get to go out and eat, eat, eat!

So nonsensical that i can stay away from blogging on free and normal days, while i can't during the exams.
Such is me.

Just added a new friend! Dayana.
Aye girl, add photos or put up a tagboard or commentary???

Yum, Aussie made chocolate is Yummaliciously Gurrumelifiously Smackapacka.

Season = Autumn
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...

You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.

Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)

?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Rear suspension spring...
Hm, i wonder how it works?
Heh, yeah, Betty has many waiting suitors. (",)
She's so down to Earth and has no airs about her even though she's got great genes!
Me good friend. Whhee!

My eyes are tired, meknows. The screen is hopping up and down and i keep wishing it was because someone dropped me an sms.

Till then.
*smiles broadly, salutes and fizzles away*

Wednesday, November 19, 2003


Ok, am feeling listless, bored and sianified.
Brain definitely not working today.

Oh! Ok, i've added 2 new links, January and Jenna.

Hey, Jenna:
Itz ok lah. Am just joking about the "you make blog for me" thing. I think it better that i learn and not use you as a scapegoat. Heh.

Had a nice day out with Betty, mua ACJC classmate. I tell u, this girl is really nice. We really relate well and have matching opinions and preferences in many areas... (gads, is that scary or what. heh.)

She's just as mad, as loud, as wonky, as childlike and ... ... blah, as me. Which's why i think we really clique!
Ok, DUUUHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-nudge nudge-

Sat IN the rich red plush one sitter comfort chairs at Coffee Bean and yakked a bit before we went off cos she needed to meet her boyfriend.
Did mundane stuff but it was the talking i liked particularly.

Thinking back, i really miss the days in uniform and conformity.
When we were all strictly "still students/young kids" and not older, supposedly more independent UNI students on the way to "full" adulthood and working life.

All the cheeky stuff.
And the usual school nonsense and rubbish talk.
All the stressed faces and ramblings about how we failed so badly.

But i wouldn't ever redo my As even if u paid me.

Your Sango! When your not on the field training or
doing sports you are shy and quiet, you do your
homework and always turn it in on time, yet you
are always looking for a bit more from life.

What Inuyasha Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Till then.
*grins and waves frantically*

Monday, November 17, 2003

It feels like...

HI EVERYONE!!! I LURVE INFLUXES OF MSGES! Okie, shall slowly work through 'em.

Hullo January!
Link me? WHEE! Sure, sure. :-0! Yup, check back, will be glad for drop-ins.
keke, bent on the bell curve yeah? Sounds mighty familiar... Totally understand. Did everyone else think the exam was a killer too?
Uhm, i've not been in (slaving in) the Monash system long enough to know the system or maybe because the proximity of me and Monash is a few thousand kilometres so i really have no idea.
Unless i think u mean grading as in the percentages for assignments and exam?
I've had 4 assignments and the exam that's 50% percent of the total grade.
SIM doesn't have it's own Psych degree. The degree comes from the Open University, UK.
AND yeah!!!!!!!! Will be leaving TMC. I mean, the people are awfully nice and all, but i think the environment is not for me and the course isn't precisely what i wanted.
Though i think doing sociology is a mighty good subject to study, BUT NOT TO BE TESTED ON.
Btw, hope u don't mind if i link you too.

Yes..I'll be going to SIM so once you've completed yOur DIp.... we shall be reunited... But only if i get to do my Honours then i'll be staying for the 4th year and so i'll see u guys then.
It'll be so fun. But then my classes wil be at entirely different times maybe.
But who cares.. we'd be trudging around the same territory.
Hahaha... You know, i can FEEL the EXCESS weight can. Grimey.

My lovely gurl!
Yes... i am so happy about the SIM. So enough about that..
Hari Raya prep??? Why would your butt hurt? Oh okay... the making of stuff is it?
Hee.... all the best in whatever you're doing... Have a great Hari Raya dear pal!

Salutations Alwyn...
Okie, my email address is, pony(underscore)curtis(at)hotmail(dot)com
Did that because i recall you mentioning about computers picking up on emails... Hm...
When you mentioned purple shoes, i was mentally frantically trying to find the "demented" person with purple shoes... The only person who could come close to coloured shoes is this girl, but i won't mention her name. not nice, not nice. But man... her shoes were wonky!
Hm, hm.
Guess i can't really judge much about the level of demetia because i didn't know you personally then in acjc. But ya sure sound steadfast about that fact!
Talking about oddball. You know i wanted to run for council? (-guffaw-) but i knew that people in acjc probably don't accept weirdos like Yours Truly. The culture.... Mm.
Thanks, AND YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whoopee. :-0!
I entirely agree with you about the drunken stupor and cool mumbo jumbo. They probably think that the prospect of the capacity to hold alcohol is cool, hip and adultish. But then the drinking goes overboard and slips into drunkeness.
It's a consumerist society.
Ultimately, the body gets damaged and there goes the "cool" kid... Down down down...

I miss ya TOO! Well, at LEAST you've SET up a site where to some degree we can still assess whether you are still alive. You know you have very concerned friends?
Didn't know u were SO talented at html... Maybe you can help me. Ha, this blogskin is UGLY as slosh but i have to make do till i can do something about it.
Are u going to work there for life or...?
Oh, i will reply your email soon.

Ho Liangcai!
Whee heehee.
Thanks for the congrats... Wuh, u know me well enough huh? Yurh, am a worrywort. Shoot. Why did i have to take after my mom?
Well, to date... i've not begun a new worry cycle YET.
Hey, if no one else appreciates The Matrix and my sister is too tied down, think i could drag u out to watch it with me...?

Okie, down to blogging the stuff that happened:

1. I just got news that a friend got hospitalized for viral pneumonia (NOT SARS) and muscle spasms... Gads. I feel so bad for him. Inflicted with 2 health problems at a time? Not good.
However, it's good to hear though that he's recovering but that lung thingy doesn't sound too good to me.
For those who know i'd hate to drown, guess u may have deduced that i take breathing very seriously.

2. I've had a hair cut and i like it. Wondering if i should keep it short for EVER.

3. Wish i had more $.

Pirates of the Caribbean!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

5. I love Star Wars. I used to watch "Return of the Jedi" OVer and Over in Primary School.
Oh, and did i mention that i loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
And erm... my long time fav is erm...
Don't LAUGH, is My Little Pony. -hides face behind keyboard-

6. I remember i had so much to say!
I do admit though i'm not all that enthu about taking out that piece of paper with scribbles...
OK. I promise that the next time i am sufficiently mentally active, then i shall delve into the scribbles.

7. Thirsty.

8. There's justice in the world.
Went to holland village today and entered the pet shop.
I noticed a couple there. Ok, i'm going to be speaking honestly.
The girl... well, she isn't ugly, in fact she has the sort of face that guys like. But she's bigger than me, (thats says quite a lot you know) and is... quite the robust (not precisely busty, you do understand) lady, and her boyfriend is.... Oh man. Her boyfriend.
Was trying not to stare.
If i did, i'd be getting HER stare.
He's nicely tanned and rather on the leaner/skinnier side. But he's SO good looking? And has this awfully CUTE smile........................!!! His cheek bones and tan highlight his well chiselled face when he smiles.
Maybe i still have hope.
But i guess, the above is one of my rantings laced with self pity.

9. I've decided some time ago never to make the mistake of liking sweet talkers. (never... never again)
I also made another decision some time ago, but i shan't mention it as people read this blog and may misunderstand me.

10. When i'm happy, i usually talk nonsense. But when i'm sad... I tend to think and think and blog things that mean something to me. But i can't be sad all my life. Duh. :-P
But then... no interesting thoughts to ponder about.
Whoopee, am rambling again. Joline's had enough.

I love you all.

Till Then.
*Bursts into song and dances away*

Friday, November 14, 2003

~~~i!GOD POWER!i~~~

There's only one word for the day.

"UNSPEAKABLY" - ______________________ (fill in the blank)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THANK GOD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wasn't sure I was going to SIM-OUC. This was due to the fact that I couldn't be assured of membership into the Singapore Psychological Society. That bothered me and my dad endlessly.

But all's well, all's swell.

And I have no one else to thank but GOD.
I thank him from the very deepest recesses of my being, my soul, my mind, my computer, my ALL.

I won't prattle about the details.
All i'll say is that everything suited me PERFECTLY, except that I needed to know if the Singapore Psychological Society would accept me for membership.
What's the point of doing a degree that would waste my finances and time if it was not recognized in the first place?

So i had set about emailing just about the whole world. (ok, an overstatement but it sure felt that way)
Was entirely sick of the word "accreditation".
I emailed the layman at SIM, who couldn't help me much for lack of knowledge, THREE to FOUR times? (can't remember) But whatever the case, she didn't reply to my last one. I must've pissed her off some.
But hey, if you really want something, you have to GAN GAN go and ask and FIND OUT.

It was so tiring to wait for emails from people from over the world and hang in limbo as to where my destination lies.
I was under so much stress. Like a churning, messy, noisy, turmoil in my head that doesn't go away.
Nags at me every few hours, every day.

For the last month or so.

I prayed so hard for the place at SIM. I got it. It's perfect for me. Except for the SPS's acceptance. And I thank GOD.
After all the stress and disappointments, it all paid off and I thank GOD for not letting me give up. And for not letting me down...

Oh, anyway. The whole point of the above is that, FINALLY...

I have to keep reading the email from Psych Dr Graeme Cane, from SIM, OVER and OVER just to convince myself that it's finally over and I can go ahead with my aspirations.


You are Neo
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Did i cheat?

My concentration span is pathetic.

Last night, i decided to watch a little telly at night by meself.
Did it feel weird or something.
I've not done something like that for ages!
And i just couldn't watch sit down and watch a show mid-way.
I thought about it and found that unless i know its interesting or if i know what its about, then i'll skip it.
Ended up channel surfing until i reached "Mind Your Language".
At that point, my mom had already came by and told me not to change the channel.
Old Show, it is, mate.

Hum hum.
All i have to hope for now is whether i can be shortlisted for the scholarship.
If i do, i have to go for the interview.
Wonder what kind of things they will be asking... -curious wide eyed gawp-
If they begin asking me anything to do with current affairs (that's just a potshot), i'll be stumped for sure.
Not been having enough newspaper reading due to terrible time management.
And because of poor attention and concentration, politics is something like a transient topic in my head.
Sociology has quite some politics. Glad for the experience of doing sociology for one semester.

This is awful.
I've stopped my free weights for a while.
The rest can be left unsaid.

Wanted to go to Holland Village... But its drizzling and the downpour has yet to begin.
Then again.... i love RAIN!
But not when i'm trying to explore Holland V.
Have not trudged around that place for so long that the last time i "visited" for a few minutes i saw nice holes-in-walls i intend to explore and poke my head around in.

Want to go to library to get bound processed dead trees too.
To keep me occupied.
When the idiot box miraculously can't.

Hullo! Thanks girl.
Yeah, i ain't gonna go mopin'. Anyway, at least i have had a taste of what its like and do better the next time round.
Gosh, you know, i'm gonna miss you guys a lot!
Went out with Hemma and we talked so long, the sun was getting hot on us through the glass ceiling at Starbucks.

Right you are.
Heh, but that doesn't explain the rest of my oddball behaviour...
Haha.. partying in the "conventional" way is not really in joline's capabilities.
Will probably do some quiet partying.
In my head...
Yeah man, ACJC... messed up days. I remember that chemistry ranking list on the notice board.

Uh. Tired. Zonked.

-may be continued-

Thursday, November 13, 2003

It's Over.

My Exams, that is.

Soaking in a sullen stupor, feeling subdued.

Feeling lost-like. Appetiteless.

An examination unwell done is the cause.

My favourite subject too.

It was really bad. I won't go into details.
But it was so bad, i was tearing at my hair.
I almost popped. I was blowing hot and cold.
My physical system was also malfunctioning a bit.

All i can say is that i'm not sure if i'll pass or fail.

Wanted to go retail therapying but went for lunch and coffee(something i've actually not really done properly before) with good friend Hemma instead.

Talked and talked.
Time really flew.

Not sure if i'll be seeing all my friends again once i leave for SIM-OUC.
I'll miss them.
Forgot to write them postcards.

Mind was going overtime and brain going round in circles and circles.
Feeling sucky.

Well, like i've said.

Jo will sit and brood.
Think. Think. Think.
Grumble and Ramble.
Sigh and stomp.
Scream and hiss mentally.

But eventually, all that should come to cease and jo'll give herself a good kick in the ass.

She should be up and running after that.


kiss my ass2
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I remember this quizilla thing i stuck up in one entry about my smile being a "SMIRK".
It's so TRUE.
Was talking to Hemma and my smile, i actually consciously noticed, WAS a hybrid of a smile and a frown.

I remember i said i wanted to discuss some issues after the exams.
I don't think they're really issues now.
There're just thoughts that i wanted to yak about.

When i think about it.
What's a blog?
It depends very much on the blogger him/herself.
A blog serves the blogger's purpose.
A blog is for free expression.
About the day, about the gripes. It's a journal.
About thoughts.
About detailed arguments about issues.
Selfish or not.

Why do i have to discuss "issues"?
I shall be free.
And I don't care.

-look at bunny-


Anyway, i will get down to my 'issues' soon.

The person here needs a break.

I feel as if i don't deserve a break.
It's as if my break is deserved only i i do well for an exam.
Of course that's monkey crap.

I did what i could.
Yet again, i think i could've done more.
Then again.
Then again.
My head is spinning.

My eye bags are so huge, i can fit the turkey i've been eyeing at Coldstorage in them, and it'll still be fine and dandy.

I don't feel like sleeping.
I've become a nocturnal creature.
I feel as if my day is unfulfilled if i don't sleep at about 1am.

Unfulfilled in the sense that, i've not done enough in the day to deserve and be "awarded" a good rest.

And it's not just the exam that did it. This applies to everyday existence.

Maybe it's a psychological problem.
Maybe i'm suffering from a very mild case of depression.
The feelings of unworthiness and hopelessness.

Hopelessness theory.

Jo'll be up and running soon.
But she'll still be the same weird, melancholic soul.

Till Then.

Monday, November 10, 2003


Feel awful, feel awful, feel awwwwwwful.

The human body is wondrous. But when it decides to come down...
Getting goosebumps, cold sweat and the like and whatnot.

Been trying to study, but it didn't quite work out.
I need a jog but the sky is as grey as feathery ashes.

Rain threatens to pour. Maybe it might actually be for the best that i go jogging in the rain. Makes me feel like jogging more.

BLogging doesn't require too much effort when the things are mundane. A better alternative to studying.

Took a few really cute pictures of my poochie, Jed. Jed=Jedi=Jedidiah
That is his real name. Of course we can't go around screaming Jed-dee-die-ah! Jeed-dee-die-ah!
If he got lost.

WE would sound blardy stupid.

I mean, he would have run 30m by the time we pronounce his full name.

When we discovered what a thief he is, a more appropriate name would be Bandit, courtesy of my sister.

The sky is awesome. It looks as if a massive blanket of smoke has descended upon Singapore. But it is the grey clouds that give it that illusion.

I love our digital cam. 4 mega pixels. Could be better but u gonna have to pay a few more hundreds?

Got a few pictures of myself whoring for the cam. Wa.! ha.ha.ha.!

I intend to put them up on a site n friendster but how do u transfer pictures? No idea.
Will need to sponge off the expertise of dad or sister.

Feel tingly sensations running through body.
Someone do something.

Music to my ears.
Intoxicating caress upon my skin.
That which spreads across my being.
Flashes of brilliance our eyes behold.

Let us put our heads down and be gloomy around you.
You are one morbid, perhaps depressing
character. Your dark mind causes you to talk
about things of the same subject. Others
may not mind your talk and
find it interesting to talk to you since death
is just a natural thing. Yes, death fascinates
you, but there is no need to keep bringing it
upon people about their own demise. You may see
life as just a phase we go through before we
die. You may even think of what your funeral
will be like. You are not a depressed person,
although that's a possibility. But yeah, you
could be an outsider and have your own strange
friends. Happy Halloween though, Bleak One.

What Halloween Figure Are You? (Fun Quiz! MANY RESULTS!)
brought to you by Quizilla

The above came as no suprise.
Kind of like the affirmation of my love affair with Death.

Just got my Psych Lab Report back.
Just a notch below that distinction.

The cold is not good for sick person.
My goosebumps are standing a metre high.

Actually, that's quite a funny picture.

Saturday, November 08, 2003




This is what happened. It kinda made my day but spoilt it at the same time.

See. My cousins' god brother came back to Singapore after like 7 years so he can do his National Service or National Slavery, if you like.

Let's call him ,"B".

Yeah so anyway. I RARELY EVER EVER see him let alone talk to him.

But history first. B is my childhood friend from primary school since P5 or P6, maybe younger. Known each other since then from church and because of my cousins.
So, now and then B would come back to Singapore for whatever whatnot.

The last time i caught a glimpse of him was... some few YEARS back.

So you're thinking, why are you raving anyway?

Well, put very simply, we had something between us but nothing really happened. (@$%$^&^*)

Uh huh.

So i was at church just now and it so happens that he's back for NS. Walked by him once and he didn't notice me and i didn't dare to say hi.

Uh yuh... I mentally brutally kicked myself.

But , THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

He walked out again from church and so i told myself: You're going to regret this forever if you don't say HI!

So i walked up to him and yelled: (BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!) <-- his name

And so i say: Hey, do u remember me...?

And so the conversation goes.

Gads... i never realized i missed him this much!
Ha, he apologized for not being around for Monkey years.

Guess i don't know how i feel about him anymore since time changes people or rather, people can change with time. He seems different, and somewhat slightly more distant...?


B.... What happened to you mate...


This so made my day but also spoilt it, because i know he won't be around much longer and i also hardly see him. I really missed him!

I am so hoping that something miraculous will happen.
Ok, maybe i sound desperate.

But who cares... A girl's gotta have some hope.

As i walked home just now in the darkness of the night, I looked up to find that the moon is in her full glory and i mean FULL.

She's bright as ever. The outline of the circular moon cuts so clearly against the sky that seems a little sparse after the downpour.
She's absolutely gorgeous. I can even see the gray patches on her. The thought about seeing something on the moon with my naked eye from Earth is nice.

Awh yeah...

If people would only look up and appreciate the world.

OH YES. Speaking about that.

CAn't remember if i've said this. But as i was walking to school, I looked to the sky to gaze at her beauty.
And then what did i see?

I saw this huge bird (i know it's huge because it was flying WAY up in the sky and it still looked monstrous) soaring and circling.

And i walked across the road while still gazing at it.

I took peeks at people around me to see if anyone else noticed it. Far as i saw, no one did.

If only people would just stop hurrying and slow down.
If only people would just stop and enjoy the beauty of the world even though they're in the middle of the city.
If only people would just stop and smell the roses... Only that this rose was soaring above us all.

It was like finding peace right where i was.
On a road, in the middle of a busy district, surrounded by people who are busy caring about crossing the road even though the green man was on.

Ok, maybe i'm more careless with my life then other people.

But it was like seeing God's creation, that represented sich beauty and peace that one can find comfort in.
It was astounding.

But i guess i'm glad.
But i'm being very selfish.
Selfish selfish selfish.
But it felt so good.
It was like it was all mine to enjoy alone.

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Till Then
*Sigh, B, hope we can meet up soon*

38- I

That thingy up there is suppose to be a glum face. It has a fringe, by the way, if you can't figure out what the "3" was for.


GLum yeah. Basically because not feeling too on top of the world. -wuh-

You are Storm!

You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bonjour January!
hur hur hur... Thanks for the nice compliment. I try my best to be humourous (*snort, ah hah hah... cough*) Even if i have to end up laughing by myself.......
The case sometimes ends up like:
1. everyone laughs
2. only Joline laughs
3. everyone but Joline laughs
4. Joline lies dead with a head wound while everyone stands around fuming because of a corny joke.
Yarh, Stats. Takes getting used to and kinda have to picture where everything lies, here and there. Aiya, zhen ma fan, troublesome but important plus interesting nonetheless.
Keke. CAn't help but think about Death. He's my unseen companion that jumps into my neural system when it begins to wander. It's a gloomy and morbid subject but many other interesting thoughts sprout from there. Whee hee.hee.hee.

Hulloz Alwyn: Wur hur hur... Yurp, those are pretty much the correlation stuff 'cept for the Spearman's thingy. i don't know about that one, but i do know the Pearson's r. Utter Rubbish meaning......?

Feeling a bit Urrgh-iish today.

Church later. Smile.

If i could shrink the entire world into a basketball size sphere, goodness knows what i shall do with it.

Shake it up and down, and maybe i'll see people literally falling off the globe?
I'm imagining something like that happening now. Will we feel the Earth shaking?

It'll be quite interesting to put it under the microscope and see all that man is doing.
Little puffs of smoke (*bpoofff!*) coming out in the mushroom shape when a bomb hits the
ground of another sorry country.

Maybe if i put my ear close enough, i can hear people talking.

I'd love to know where the dinosaurs fit in, in the Earth's history. Read or heard somewhere that humans didn't exist when the dinosaurs did. So... does that mean that dinosaurs came BEFORE Adam and Eve?

Or was the theory about the absence of Man during the Dino period a fallacy?
So, let's say the Dinos were part of the Animal Kingdom when Adam and Eve were around, did they fit in Noah's Ark later in history? (speaking of which, NOAH?!?!? Why did you pack the MOZZIES into thy ARK!?!?!?)
Or maybe they died BECAUSE of the flood... i don't know.

Mind's way too jumbled today.

And so i guess if they did fit after all, were they ever mentioned in the bible...? Giant lizards of sorts?

But then, as we know it tentatively, the Dinos were wiped out because of a huge event that is still leaving us speculating. If the Dinos were all wiped out, shouldn't the humans be wiped out too if they did coexist?

Maybe i am a bit the outdated. So am kinda interested to know.


Right. My body thinks it feels like malfunctioning today.

Till Then.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003


(Cher, if you're reading, i left ya something. take a peek at previous entry)


Check out the weather.

I'm a very weather person.

I'm into rain and shine.. whatever. Gimme HAIL!

The sky looks threatening ("hey! who ja think you're lookin' at???") and the wind is blowing in cold cold gusts through my open window.

Very apt that "Riverdance" is blasting from my radio. (for a moment there, i forgot how to spell "radio")

"Riverdance" is a very spirited piece. Powerful, Driving, Forceful, and i don't understand how my dog can lie on my bed right in front of the radio and fall asleep with the music blasting away.

(the adorable thing... my heart melts for thee)

Hm. Just a random thought.
Remember not long ago, David Beckham had this funky hairdo called the "Beckham Fin"?
Yeah, and it was the rage. Guys who could afford some form of hair holding gunk and weren't too shy to try new things, tried it.
Well done or not.

Well. Lately, Beckham has been seen sporting this new hairdo. What looks like "Two Ponytails that Don't Meet"
And i am amused that no guy i've seen so far has it proudly adorned this on his head.

DUh. I don't have to ask why it is so, that the trend isn't picking up. -lol-

Also to my amusement, i'm sporting his new hairdo at the moment.
Nay, i ain't no fan.
Just trying to keep my hair outta mua face. It's too short for a ponytail.

Hello Alwyn!
Heh. You're right.
That's awful true. I can vouch that she was repeating that over and over in her head. In fact, i think she did tell me:
1. Aiya, stop thinking so much lah. Why must you think so complicated?
2. Aiya, don't ask so many questions

How does one learn without asking? Well. I got my As for both maths so she should learn... What's a teacher if she doesn't teach to make her students understand?
Why then should she be called a teacher? A teacher that doesn't teach.
That's nice. :-P

Hello Huimin...
I'll miss you guys too. Really. I wasn't sure i'd find people i could yak with but i did. You guys made life bearable there.
A tribute to you guys.


Uhm... about the "not liking people..." bit. Since a long time ago, (mentioned in a previous entries)
I didn't particularly quite appreciate people. From there, i sort of shrunk inside myself and became somewhat introverted. This was because of certain experiences and my sensitive self.

But i guess the person you see now, (mad, loud, wonky) is someone who's trying to get out from the shell and heal from past wounds.

We're going to pick my mom from the Airport later tonight. She was having a ball of a time at Perth with her sisters.
HM. Because she missed her birthday with us, we're gonna suprise her with later with the cake.

I walked home with the cake, a red red rose and my own stuff. Not an easy feat. Especially when the cake is a good one from "Secret Recipe". Chocolate banana!!!

When i bought the rose....

First Thoughts: "My pweetty, Pweettyyy Rooosssseee........."
IN SMEEGAL'S (the ugly but cool fella, or ex-hobbit, from Lord of the Rings) VOice.

The rose wadn't no dead lookin' trash. It was blood red, and on the verge of opening up. SO pretty.

Maybe i should buy myself roses.
Single roses.

They look so sweet and gazing at it made me smile. :-)

It reminds me of the song about how Jesus was Thee Beautiful Rose that nobody wanted around.

Above all power
Above of Kings
Above all Nature
And all created Things
Above all wealth
And Treasures of thee Earth
Laid behind the stone.
You lived, to Die
Rejected and Alone
Like a Rose,
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above All.

Something like that. Can't really remember the words exactly.

Whao. This's enough.

Till Then.
*gingerly opens Stats book to read about correlation"


Mundane is the way to go.

AM escaping from STATS at the moment. Psychology is nothing without stats.

I lost me last post due to either,
1. my comps's usual stunts,
2. Blogger, you...$##^%&(*.

Anyway. Escapism. For the time being...

Hello Cher! Salutations...
Thanks for the compliments. :-) It's not often that i get people dropping by to read and leaving messages too. (i delight in messages)


Interesting? Perhaps a good summary would that these are insights into a messy mind.
I dropped by your site. Very pretty place!
Thought of doing something of the like.
Problem: I'm a self-professed technophobe of sorts. If the pressing technical problem demands attention, i'll face it. Should it not... i prefer not to tamper with the nitty gritty computer mumbo jumbo.
Unless............... Unless.................. I feel an urge just a little too strong for me to ignore.
You DONCH like Psychology???
I'd gladly do it for the World...
By the way, because of the study of social psych, i've learnt quite a few of thee salesman tactics!

Water Goddess
Water Goddess. You like peace and serenity and are
usually content with life.

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah good. This time it works.
I'd sooner blog all you heads.

-heaves a lot of air- aka, -SIGH-
I'm hungry.
Noisy stomach.

Thank God for JC Stats!
If not for it, i don't know how i would cope with the huge influx of statistical info for Psych.
I assimilate concepts somewhat slower because i tend to question too much about the whys and wherefors/wherefores(?).

Which can sometimes be nonsensical.

My secondary math teacher always faced a barrage of questions after and during her lesson because i just don't accept the facts until i can picture and totally understand the concept.

Something new i learnt are the t-tests. Never done it in JC before. It's challenge to learn it in a rush.

I love using the formulas. But i detest reading ABOUT stats.
Such is the life.

Should i die.

I don't want to drown.

As i sit at my study table, the thought of Death just came.

Death is a very frequent visitor in my mind.

He hops in to give me cookies to think about.
Waves and disappears.

No, i don't contemplate suicide.

AS of previous entries, i did mention Death intrigues me.

When i die, i don't want to drown. Give me lead to my heart anyday.

I was picturing drowning, feeling like i was drowning.

I fight to survive. And so I live.
As I live, I still exist to feel pain.
As i continue to struggle, i feel the pain of not breathing the air my murderers breathe.
The Pain.
Struggle more.
Soon, I take in water into my lungs.
More Pain.
And so my systems fails from lack of oxygen.
And then,
I die.

It's a vicious cycle at the beginning.

You struggle to survive. So you do and so continue to feel pain.
It's like fighting to feel pain.
Because i still exist, i feel.
Struggle for Life. Pain. Struggle for Life. Pain.

Let Go?

Imagine the water filling your system. And the choking. No air. No choice.

May blog later. Hm.

Till Then.
*slinks back to Statistics textbook*

Friday, October 31, 2003


RE-EDITED (at the end)

For the next few days of bloggin, will not be discussing issues but just talking about mundane things. Exam period so... mundane thoughts are nice for a change.

To all,

RE: I got into SIM!!!

2. I bypassed two important criteria, WITHOUT FULFILLING them.

WEird huh.

The criteria was,
1. 21 years and above, and
2. you gotta have 2 years worth of working experience.

I had no qualification problems which was good.

After i had applied, i was praying all the way home.

Believe it? I was actually telling God all the pros if i go there. Exactly like how a desperate daughter would sound like when cajoling her daddy to buy her a handphone.

I decided to be ever so thick-skinned today.
I went down to the HQ and applied for the SIM scholarship.

What do i have to lose anyway?
That Chance.
If i hadn't tried.
Something untried, is a 100% loss.

Think i wouldn't have gotten the psych major in NUS. Hello? It's as hot as (me!!! ha, right...)soldering iron!

So now i can SPECIALIZE in Psychology and get my honours also. I was thinking of applying into NUS's post grad program for a Masters in Psychology once i'm done with my honours.

I promise, i could feel my double chin jingling as i walked to SIM.



I can't believe i got myself into that, i quote Liangcai, "Buaya Network" aka, Friendster.

Guys and girls go around and pick their choice meat.

I thought it would be fun cos then i can look for friends i never talked much to or haven't seen for ages. But the bit about digging for all them friends don't appeal somewhat.

I'll be candid and say that i don't think all of them mean enough to me to be kept in contact with.

Of course it is nice to know that you've found that long lost mate. The knowledge that you have their contacts with you and that at any one time, you can just talk to them.

Nice, nice. But some people just somehow... don't give the drive.

The traffic is congested thus slowing down the system.
When i could be blogging...

Hi Hartono,
haha. For a while there, you freaked me out. STALKER! Hawh ahawhhah... I mean, when was the last time we ever saw or HEARD from each other?

Helooo Huimin!
Nice to hear from you babe! Haha, thanks for he congrats on the socio essay. I hope u did well too. But i definitely don't doubt that you did! Oh, yeah. Thanks also for thee well wishes for the psych paper. And likewise, i hope you would do well for both your papers. Esp Comms...

You Are Beauty
You are Beauty.

You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you.

What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

"mei" is part of my chinese name. What a nice coincidence. But man, I don't think i did it much justice.


Came back from church today.

Our Youth Pastor went on stage to tell us about the FEVER 100 thing.

It's the sending of 100 teams of Youths out into the South East Asia region for misson... The GREAT COMMISSION!!!

For some strange reason, i felt very compelled to go.
Usually these things never appeal to me.

Sigh. For reasons like, i don't really like people as much as i wish i did.

But somehow, it was pulling at the stringS of my heart that:


My dad seems eager to send me.
Too bad my sister may not go... gotta take care of the pooch while Aunty Gina is away in The Philippines.

Part of me is really getting excited!!!

But part of me is feeling shy and i feel this part of me beginning to shrink away into the denial zone where my mind chooses to say NO and just shove everything new and scary away.

God willing, he will make my way clear and i can go through with this in His Strength.

Till Then.
*flings arms around my dear dear dear psychology textbook and gives it a wet smoochie slobbery kisss*

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Something to Share

Two Boxes

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.

He said, "Put all your sorrows in the
black box,
And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words,
and in the two boxes,

Both my joys and sorrows I stored,

But though the gold became heavier each

The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box,

A hole.

Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
I wonder where my sorrows could be!"

He smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child, they're all here with me."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?

My child, the gold is for you to count
your blessings,

The black is for you to let go."

(courtesy of an email sent by an ex-classmate)

See what Care Bear you are.

OMGoodness. I beg to differ...
But one bit is true... so far.

Anyway. I'm going to entirely forget about studying for now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just finished my sociology exam. My very first exam of the year and very first in my University life.

You know i entirely DIDN'T BATH YESTERDAY??? Haha, don't know why i'm saying this. Yeah so anyway, i didn't bath and wash my hair man. Wuhk...
But of course i bathed this morning before going for my exam. Bet you're thinking why this goondu didn't bath.
Well... because... uh. Was mugging for my paper. Pai seh.

Oh, i'm so happy.

For those who don't know... i began having this mild phobia of getting results. This was a because of: almost flunking my VERY FIRST assignment in uni.

To think that i put so much effort and thought into it only to have it stuffed back to me with some unsightly mark, was so discouraging.
Depression for 3 days.
Then i got my ass back on track and did my next assignment.

And so on monday, i went to collect my assignment.
Could feel my face flushing, and my body and neck was heating up under my polo t-shirt's collar.
When the guy on duty gave it to me, i walked a little distance away.

Thumbed away all the top right hand corners of my work to reveal the last page which contains the mark and grade and evaluation.


I got a D!!!!!!!

Haha, no lah. D means Distinction.

And let me say that i am, by no means very arty, expressive, original, articulate and whatnot.
Been doing science all me life and never did any kind of writing like this.

This is truly by God's Grace.
No words to express my gratitude except for a "Thank You LORD" that was muttered after i got my work.

Well, i sure do hope that i pass my exam. I'm not asking for much... I just don't want to repeat the module. If i have to... i'll just break down and...

mumble and mumble and mumble....

Oh yeah, and the best part about my exam?

The 2 essay questions that i studied out of the 3 given b4 the exam itself,- CAME OUT!!!-
Will you believe it?
Right on the dot.
Thank God.

Actually, after reading about how God does wonders for those who really rely on Him, and do everything not in our own strength, but in his, i was very inspired.
Was also inspired to keep the relationship with God going on... I know my faith kinda lagged in JC and all. It had quite an effect on my life. Negatively of course. Those times, i even doubted that God was listening when i pray. I felt as if i was talking to myself.

Thank You to all the people out there who have written your testimonies for me and others in need of spiritual refreshing to read!

Oh. While sitting around with my friends today, a long lost friend called me up!!! haha... Hartono are you reading this?

I honestly thought he was some stalker or some person who got my number from somewhere and decided to terrorise me. (sorry to suan u until like this...)

Haha, turned out to be Hartono, my senior from secondary school. Well? The wonders of Friendster man. I don't use Friendster cos i screwed up my registration thing. So i don't bother. Maybe next time.

ER... more stuff to blog?
I know i have a long list of stuff to discuss. Just not now. I still have to mug for my psychology paper.
Now, studying for psychology is something that i ACTUALLY ENJOY.

YES. Can sleep early tonight. A rare opportunity to do so.

Oh yeah...

I went to "Barang Barang", the nice furniture shop, at Tanglin Mall to check out the stuff and also to check out the "Aesthetics" corner.

The "Aesthetics" corner, is a new division and concept that sells woven bags, hair and other accesories and make-up.
So yeah, Betty (my good friend) and I were the models for it.

Apparently Germaine's (another good friend) sister works in the marketing department for Barang Barang so she wanted us to do it.
It was fun. We took the photos at Botanic Gardens.

I stood at the corner for some time looking at them.

Interesting. It feels so weird seeing Betty's and my face on the advertisements.

Good thing no one seemed to recognise me.
So much for the cameraman's comment on, "Next time when you go there, you must wear sunglasses already..."

Enough blogging.

Till then.
*mugging psych*

Sunday, October 26, 2003

The Battle Heads On.

This is a moment thing which can't wait for later.

-Groan- Don't Laugh...

THE HOUSE IS BEING INVADED BY HUUUGGGGEEEE SIX LEGGED FLYING-ANT, CROSS BEE-LIKE LOOKING THINGYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've killed something like 12 of them.

This was how.

1. Took insecticide.
2. Closed the room door.
(them things were buzzin' all over my ceilin' light)
3. Take spray, aim at the group of 'em.
4. *PppphhhhhhhhhIIIiiiiiissssssssshhhhhhhhhhh*
5. Watch them go a bit woozy and drunk and fall to the floor.
6. I run and hide in my bathroom and close the door!
7. Wait for a moment.
8. Come back out.
9. Watch 'em die.
10. And watch 'em die.
11. And watch 'em die.
12. And watch 'em die.
13. And watch 'em die.
(n). And watch 'em die.

And this doesn't help because i'm trying to do my SOCIOLOGY EXAM PREP! And my room is where my PC is.


There are now like FIVE caught in their death trap in my ceiling light cover. You know, the space between the half spherical ceiling light cover and the round gas bulb.


My room smells of the spray. Not as bad as my sister's who was trigger happily spraying the buggers.
Hope they stop buggin' us.
I must say i'm a pretty good slayer. hahaha.

Half way through, my dad came out to aid in the Battle of the Flying Bugs. So Aunty Gina and i were runnin' around the house screaming and laughing just for the heck of it.
Ah, but the slayer(of at the moment 12) needs some fun, does she not?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another TWO!?!??!


Gonna get you, you nasty little bugger.

I am the Slayer. Of 14. Nasty Buggers.

(this is reporting LIVE from Joline's bedroom)

Crudddy Fuddy MUDDY WuddY!

The thing is buzzing to its death on my Sociology TextBook!
Ok, just put it outta its misery.

I just don't know how they get in. They are buzzing outside my window. But my windows are securely closed. How they get in, is beyond me.

My dog, being the bred hunter he was meant to be, mangled and mauled two or three others.
Quite well done, i must say.

-Mutter- Ok, really have to get my work done.

With or Without them things.

Till Then
*Be afraid. Be very afraid*

Friday, October 24, 2003

I know. Again.

Am back in my sane frame of mind.

I've added a new blog link.Huimin's blog.

I'll address everyone's comments and whatnot (my scribbles on paper that I promised) after the dreaded, worksheet-that-one-must-do-alone-sitting-on-a-seat-all-by-yourself-in-a-big-place-a-claustrophobic-would-be-proud-of.

Hi Nicole!!! That's if you're reading this of course. You can check out other blog entries by going to the Archives. Have a nice day okie. -schmile...-

Once again, can't resist the urge to give my fingers a work-out but I'm not saying anything more.

Exam Hiatus.

Till then.
*salutes all ye fellow beings*

Wednesday, October 22, 2003


On a high, on a high, ona high

Am bouncing off the walls at home. Running back and forth the corridor and shrieking, screechin'

I'm squeaking at a higher than soprano pitch scream. And going round the house irritating everyone. What wrong, what's wrong.
I don't know. Loony loony.

Am blogging not for the reason of typing out a coherent argument but rather to let off steam!!!

Athink i'm not even going to correct my spelling for this one. to #%&#$^ to today's english!!!!!1 So? so ?so? so? so? so? So?? so ?

on a high hon gha hihg.... bouncging off the walls.

Had too much sugar i think?? I think./
Was too thsirsty, yeah, i was. Too thristy, too thirsty. yeah.

Been mugging been mugging and thoughts kept going around around in my head. I have a whole collection scribbled down on aperp, wait till u se, wait wait.

After exams.

Loony loony.

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And i'ma psych student. what the.

who's crasy? who's crasy? Whoever said they were carzy? And then ? Were they ever this crazy??????? HAve they ever thought this way? What ISSSS CRAZY?? What is?THISS is crazy.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If u ever thought you can coherent speech, have some formsane mind. Not me not me not me notm.e..

Music. Music. yeah good for the soul
Listen. Do u hear it? dO you??

Ouside. Hear the sky, the trees. , birds. the piano .Do u hear the chordds????????????
Thw world. The world

Glory, the world. thw orld. Sick na d tired old place, stupid, cruel, crazy..
Why do i feel this way. Why. why. why.

On a hihgh on ahihg.. high high high high