Saturday, May 31, 2008

in short...

It's been a week since i've last updated and this is definitely NOT my style!

I'm mentally exhausted. As for physically... lets say that if i sat still for a while, i would be in lala land soon after.

I've declined the Monash offer. But i've still not decided between NIE or Queensland (that has a really pretty set of modules. i've only been offered an interview, no full offer yet.).

I feel like running away from people. And the thought of running away from them is painful yet i have grown so cynical about things that i wish i could survive alone, though i know i cannot.

When you are with youths, you tend to eat a whole lot of junk food man...

Brain's too stuck with things that i can't unstuck it for now. Toodles.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Hey everyone.... :-)

I'm back from camp with a class of students from KSS and dinner with my Library Gang girlies. I'm not feeling as dead as a few days ago because i was like... the only or one of the only people who actually slept early during the chalet. HA. The YGOS staff and volunteers mocked me for sleeping so early and said that they'll make me sleep at 3am next time. ARGH! NO!!! Shucks, i found out that i pretty much lose out even to the older adults at YGOS. Woah seh, how do they do it lor. Weeks of camps, work, family life, late nights, school work... Always smiling, always friendly, always pursuing what is good and noble. I take my hat off to them.

The class of students were as interesting a bunch as students go, though i can't mentioned too much here. I just pray that seeds of life, purpose and hope have been sown into their lives.

Going through all this with YGOS is definitely ripping me out from my comfort zone though i've been blessed with the best colleagues that i can possibly have. Which is a saving grace. I stumble and grab around as i navigate my way through my journey, but i feel like this is really just the process of growth. You know. How you will grow best when you are put through new things, when you experience challenges and tackle opportunities to exercise your skills, and test your limits and make new ones.

I'm still learning to be comfortable with who i am, how i work, how to handle myself under stress (this one is HARD), to show love and not dwell in selfish pride, carrying myself with confidence and sharing the gospel. Amongst other things, i'm sure.

I've got a live-in temporary brother! :-DDD
My cousin from M'sia is here to stay for a while till he can get accomodation near the uni of nanyang. ;-p He's here to do a masters program too and he informed me about the status of the accomodation waiting list for graduate hostel living. 200 names on the waiting list! I have no chance sia.

I'll be off to JB tomorrow. Wedding photoshoot! (ain't mine)

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Suay Day

Got a lift from my colleague to Dover, got off the van.
Started walking towards bus stop in relief that can finally rest after a 2 day school camp.
Fumbled for phone pouch, realized it was missing.
Retraced steps to see if i dropped it.
Found nothing on the path, so concluded that i left it on van.

Started to panic.

With no phone pouch, i had no: ez-link card, no home access card, no phone, no house keys.
Implies: need coins for bus fare, cannot enter home, cannot call anyone for help, and also cannot remember anyone's handphone number offhand, except for Gem's and Library Gang's.
Went to bus stop, opened wallet.
Not enough coins. Had to pay bus fare with whole $2 note.

Went to holland village and managed to find a payphone. THANK GOD for PAYPHONES.
I ALMOST missed the only person who could help me, Gem, who was just about to step out of the house to gym. THANK GOD!
Managed to get my colleague, through Gem and Joy, who found my phone pouch. PHEW! THANK YOU, YOU GUYS!

Later that night at 4plus AM, i realized that i had only 2 hours to sleep before having to awake at 6:30-7am for a school program, i was already freaking tired for the day, and i was so scared that i would not be able to wake up in time.
Reached for my "phone" which also doubles as my alarm clock and realized that duh, it was not there.
Reached for alarm clock and found it had stopped.
Changed the battery.
Still did not work. -.-"

Hopped around mad for a few moments before kopping my mom's alarm clock.

So, i managed to awake on time and got to my destination on time.
Had to borrow sister's wrist watch to keep track of the time. Being without the phone meant being without a watch as well. ARGH.

But i was really shacked, terrible so, and from the way i was moving around and getting things done, i was fumbling out, missing out plenty of details, careless and generally just really OUT of IT.
Told myself that i better be extra careful, think slowly and carefully or i might end up getting into an accident.

Managed to fit in breakfast, but...
I had the worst mix rice meal i have ever had. Good thing it wasn't too expensive, but it was a waste of good money.

End of Suay Day.
Need to sleep badly.
Why is the phone so much a part of my life?!

Going for family chalet. In the last 2 weeks, i have been to 2 chalets already. This will be the third one, i'll be at another one next week. That's 4 altogether. Privileged! All part of the job for now. :-D

Speaking in point form. Tired. Ha. Ok, joline, out.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Hey folks!

I've only got a short while to throw in a post. Would just like to say that i'm really thankful for all the comments that you guys drop in, into this vacuum. :-D It really brings me cheer to read something that you have decided to add in and to me, it means a lot that you bothered to come by and contribute to the discussion.

I've just returned from a 2 day camp with a class of youths from Kranji Secondary. I've learnt and experienced so much by being with the staff of YGOS and the students. It would take me a while to reconcile everything that's in my head right now! Argh.

There's going to be another camp next week and i'll be "chairing" the games with another friend. Oh boy.

It's going to be another crazy week starting from tomorrow onwards. Work tomorrow (archery with some youths!!!!), family chalet, cell activity on monday (?), camp on tue and wed, to JB for friend's wedding photoshoot, staying over at friend's place, church. It's no wonder that i am not fucntioning at my optimum. But God's been sustaining me throughout. :-)

Got to go off for now, i'll check back with you guys soon. Have got games to plan!

Friday, May 09, 2008

So much drama has happened over the past one week that i don't even know where to begin and how much i can really share over the internet. Anyway, here goes:

1. Close shave with Death
A few seconds made the difference between life and death in my family on saturday. I could have been made an orphan or i could have lost one parent in an accident. Apparently some totally reckless and selfish driver beat the red light at a junction, and almost CRASHED into the right side of the car that my folks were in. If my dad had not seen the car coming on his right at the corner of his eye and jam braked, a horrible tragedy could have occurred. When i think about what my folks went through, no words can express how angry i am at that inconsiderate driver. I can only say that GOD PROTECTED MY PARENTS and perhaps it was not their time to leave the Earth yet.
This incident REALLY woke me up from my complacent attitude towards loving and caring for my folks and family. I realized that i have not loved them enough and showed enough care and gentleness towards them in their lives so far. I know that i have not given them what they deserve as well meaning, loving and long suffering parents. If they had died, i would feel intense regret at my actions and behaviour towards them.
I now don't take it for granted that they will be home every day. I used to just believe that they will be home everyday as per normal, and it was so mundane that it became unimportant. But now, cold water has been thrown in my face as i am shown that death CAN happen within my family. There's no such thing as, "It will never happen to me." It CAN happen to you. I now thank God every time i see my parents at home. It's a miracle and a blessing to see them alive and healthy everyday. I will never forget that, and neither should you. Take me seriously. Don't EVER take your loved ones for granted.

2. Lovely Friends
Had dinner and ice cream with a small group of cell mates who were still around after service... And then had good, honest girly chats and chill out session (actually, sunday was darn hot!) from saturday to sunday. Enough said. :-)

3. Official "Internship" at YGOS
I have joined Youth Guidance Outreach Services (YGOS) as a "intern" on a program called Project Servant. Will be serving there for 2 months. Oh man. I don't know where to begin to tell you guys about it. Got so many thoughts swirling around in my head and sometimes i lose them just when i want to pen them down. Argh. The gist is that i will be coming into contact with youths-at-risk, doing stuff like: befriending, going for camps, counselling, facilitating... I'll tell you guys more about what i've been doing and what my thoughts are.
I had a staff retreat from monday to wednesday, and i thank God that i joined them at such a good time. People had time to see who i was, and i had time to get to know others more. I learnt more about what YGOS does and it was enriching.

But not everything was great, and it's not anyone's fault really. Like i said, i'll talk more about that later, IF i can.

4. YGOS - Day 1
Today i had my first day at work and well... time passes really quickly at YGOS! :-) Can't wait to see how i will be interacting with the youths. I haven't officially met any one of them yet.

5. My application got...
While i was sitting at my dining table downstairs, my dad came back from work and stood at the top of the staircase, clinching a stack of letters in the crook of his arm. I spotted an A4 size brown envelope and wondered if it was for me. He stood there longer than usual and said to me: "I think this is your offer letter" with a smile. So i walked up to him and took the envelope and realized that it was from NIE. I wasn't sure if it was really an offer letter since i could not see anything through the transparent plastic window on the envelope that was vaguely related to being accepted. All i saw was: "FULL TIME MASTER..."
While ripping the letter flap, i told my dad, "Skarly it's just a letter to say that i've been (cleanly and promptly) rejected without even a second round of interview...". He just smiled at me, and we both waited in anticipation to see what the document was about.

LO and BEHOLD. I pulled the sheet out and it said...:
"We are pleased to inform you that your application for admission as a full-time candidate for the degree of Master of Arts (Counselling and Guidance) has been successful."

I read that line several times before it hit me that i WAS OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED. I mean... I've been so accustomed to receiving rejection letters from local universities that i was expecting to see something like: "I am pleased to inform you that while you made the first round, we regret that we cannot offer you...."

The idea blows my mind!

I want to stay in hostel leh, for at least one semester. But i heard that only undergrads get guaranteed a place to stay. I admit that i don't actually need a place to stay at all since i don't stay that far away from NIE. But STILL! I want some campus life!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been CRAVING some kind of authentic campus life since forever.

Then again, i have to think about whether i'm really going to take up the offer. Wouldn't it be great though, to do my practicum at YGOS? Hmm, yeah......... ;-D