A word of thanks to every single one of you who showered your concern through your comments and smses.
Words cannot fully convey how grateful i am towards all of you. All i can say is... Thank you.
You have been my beacon of light.
Sat at the piano today initially feeling that itch for the white and black keys. Started out wanting to churn around some creative juices but in the end, things ended on quite a different note. (pun... intended)
I was flipping quite randomly through the file of songs for something i knew the tune of well enough so i could experiment.
And then, i came across this fateful song... titled "I want to Sing."
The second i started, i knew something specific was happening... :
I want to sing (yes, i was singing as i was playing. It helps me focus on the words)
Until i am lost on your love. (at this point, dwelling in God's love, was the only thing that i have been craving for in the last few days. and this struck a chord. ok, another pun intended)
Till i am found in your presence (when i was worshipping God, i wanted to dwell where He was. I wanted HIM.)
Worshipping before your throne. (i wanted to be just where He was.)
Filled with Your Spirit
Entering into your flow (Yes... i wanted to to fill that angry and empty void in me with His love and Holy Spirit.)
How precious these moments
Lord i want you to know. (Enough said)
It's You, You who have won my heart. (Out of all the people in the world, NONE can compare to what you did and can do in my heart. My Lord, you are exclusive.)
Taken me into your arms
Comforted me like a friend. (this touched me deeply because, in all my strivings and whenever my inner being hits a wall... my Lord is always there for me. He's there to hold me, to love me. When no one else does.)
Your love surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart
From you ever again. (I felt so far off BECAUSE I walked so far off. It was my own doing. And i never want to be alone and away from Him.)
The whole song, EVERY LINE OF IT, held such personal significance and specificity.
Every line spoke out of what my heart was feeling and what i wanted to tell my Lord.
Because of the situation i am going through, everything made perfect sense.
The whole experience was so deep. I found myself crying at the keyboard but playing the song as tenderly as i could, meaning every word i said, to the Lord.
So, i refuse to remain in my darkness.
I am a new creation in my Lord. In Him, there is Light.
In Him, i am set free.