Thursday, June 17, 2004

Questioning. Rambling.

Huimin:
What more can i say... *hug* I am always appreciative of your spot-on encouragement.
Your knack! I know it must be boring to read that over and over... haha, but just have to say it because it's TRUE! (therefore, more to come...)
It was my shooting kaki who made that comment/assumption.
AS for the coach, i couldn't tell whether he had really expected more from me, as kaki said. All i could see was that he (coach) was pretty quiet. For reasons, i am not sure of.
Disparaging but i shall steer away from the clutches of negativity and look ahead!!!
Whatever it is... Thanks gal, i will try my best to crawl back up and do what i need to. Getting a bad mental frame is not the way.
Please kick me in the arse if you see that i am wallowing.

Weizhen and Yali:
Yes, it IS huge.
And it IS heavy.
Sister(s)... You should really try to carry it. It's exhausting.
But amazing.
Correction:
The bow weight is NOT 15kg. It's heavy and i do not know the weight of the BOW, but the tension that is to be pulled is now at 30 pounds (about 13kg). Coach tuned it down yesterday.
Honestly, not much of a difference.

Alwyn:
Thanks for the tip there. Time to pick up those weights sitting lethargically in my toilet.
Wa... you and your alien civilization theory! But it would look that way i guess, if ya don't usually see this kinda stuff.
There was this person who saw a DISMANTLED recurve bow and thought it was a crossbow. (???) Talking about looking strange. When i put my bow in its soft case, it looks like some chinese dumpling or some curry puff. I feel almost embarrassed about it.

*** ***

Recently, i watched a video on religion and the arguments that follow.
This is not a new issue but it still struck me.
This professor guy said something to the effect of:
"The mind is a very powerful thing, and it is not surprising that people form simulations about having a relationship with God, with a divine being. And i am not impressed."

On tuesday, i watched "Incredible Tales". There's this uncle-uncle who's a caretaker of this "highly-suspected-to-be-haunted-place". He carries out his prayers at an alter situated at the premises. He said:
"After i pray, i also feel very peaceful."

Then there's this evolutionary psychological stand that:
Over the course of life,humans have found that believing in a God has benefits. So, in the course of evolution, parts of the brain have developed a section to accomodate the religious or supernatural. Such that we can actually "experience" such things of the spiritual.

Before i comment, i will make it clear that i still believe in God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Here goes:
As a 2nd generation Christian, i find myself questioning the existence of this one God, at times.
Sometimes i think, look at the other possibilities. Are we merely fabricating it all?
I never had a "serious", "real", spiritual encounter with God. I never had anything explicit happen to me.
If anything, sometimes i wonder if the little things i have gone through were mere happenings of natural law and my own mind's act of conjuring.
The feelings i had, were they just what i WANTED to feel, were they just my own emotions coming together to give me the illusion/simulation of something divine?

If the caretaker can feel at peace just by praying to a false deity (let's just assume that for now), then what more can i say about about my own beliefs?

The argument about the mind being a powerful tool cannot be ignored either.

How about the evolutionary stand? But then again, did we evolve in the first place?
If we did evolve, what did we evolve from? How far/much did we evolve?
From apes? Or were we human all along? If we were human all along, did we evolve in other ways?

Then i wondered.
"This is scary. Down here on Earth, we live our lives. But when we die, what happens? how can we be assured that we will not suffer after death? What must we do so that we can be assured a "good life" after death? Heaven and Hell? Is there such? What must i believe in in order to go to Heaven?
how can i be sure that this God will assure me life in Heaven? Cause when i die, that is it. There's no turning back.
What i did on Earth, what i believed in... Will it help me at all.
Who is the truth?"

These sound really self-centred and secular.
I don't know. Suddenly, i feel the urge to blurt these things out.

The fact that i believe in my God, should keep me safe from such questions.
But at times, they do pop up. Why? Because i am a baby Christian even though i was born and raised in a Christian home.

To end it off, this is all i can say.

It is by blind faith i hold on.

But i am also guilty of leaning on other people's encounters that i believe.
Shouldn't we believe by faith always?
Blessed are those who believe without seeing.
Was that directed at Thomas? hm, can't remember.

I will always continue to believe and seek.
God Help Me.

Everything in this world in not substantial.
Glory, money, fame, recognition, contributions.

When you die, you are remembered but what good will that do for you when you are no longer on Earth.
It's not like where you go is proportionate to how many people remember nice things about you.

There is only one thing that stands above everything else.
And that is being firmly grounded and knowing something that is worth EVERYTHING, whether on Earth or in another dimension.

But sometimes, my mind thinks: The prospect of God is so intangible.
Who is He? What form does he take? What does he look like? Is he just light? or a force? a spirit?
Who made God?

There is something out there? Wow.
how did we come into existence?
Who made us? Why?

Watching documentaries on space and the philosophies never fail to unearth all my questions.

My belief in the Trinity and the Bible is my foundation.

I will probably be strangled by my pastor for saying this.
But sometimes i think: I sure hope i am believing in the right thing.

Maybe i am just being a #%$^% today for saying all this.
But i rather let it out, then let it fester.
Ramble, ramble, ramble.

Some questions are age old, long debated. Why come out now.

Dunno, maybe my brain is just slow.

The weird thing is, when other people come up with these questions, my answers to them are ever ready. And biblically based.
When i think about it, it seems that i already know the answers, and i dont have to ask them.

So... why this?
A temporary lapse of faith? NO!!!
Gads, no. Please, don't let it be that.

Till Then.
*What came over me?*

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