Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Bitter taste. Sad guts.

I never had someone tell me i was lacking, right to my face but put in a different way.
Till yesterday.

Ok, i need to type it out to see for myself why he should be justified in saying what he did.

- it was at 10m.
- was using the compound bow, with scope.

- my first time
- VERY heavy.
- no target sheet. only shooting at a totally black surface.
- using aluminium arrows. (heavier than carbon, not my draw length)

Ok, so it looks rigged so that it is AGAINST his remark.
But that is all i can think of, FOR his remark.

But if i can come up with more FOR the remark, i would put it down in a flash.

So you're thinking: What did he say?
He said that "... expected to be splitting arrows..."

And i was thinking: ...

Yes, i was using the compound at a MEASLY 10m.

My arrows clustered, but i didn't split any.
He thinks that i should have split arrows and he thinks that coach was expecting me to as well.

Well, he definitely succeeded in making me feel like crap.

I asked coach: Ok, so i have all my stuff, except my arrows. So, what happens now?

Coach: If you want to join the national training team, you will be training... (goes on about the schedule). Um, after we come back from Malaysia, i will ask Boon Chun to give you the forms. You sign and then, that's all.

There are 4 ways of looking at it.
1. The opportunity is there and open, so all i have to do is, accept. OR,
2. He is doubtful hence the absence of a definite sounding answer. OR,
3. I'm overeacting and what was said, had nothing underneath. OR,
4. The politics going on.

Nevertheless, that alone made me feel uneasy.
I feel as though i'm being brought on a high, then plunged again into the depths.

One minute they are impatient to train me, next, they are not sure what they're suppose to do with me.
It's pissy.

I was feeling down all the way home after that and i felt so broken, and lacking.

But after thinking it over and looking at it again...
That was merely HIS assumption and it may not be true.
But if it was true, i think it is unfounded.

Anyone can think badly about me to their heart's content.
But that's not going to stop me from practising and one day, prove to them that i can do it.

Ok, whatever.
I still feel like crap and i feel like crap more because i got my "wish" for the installation of the kisser button.

What the.

Since compound bows are "artificial", (Robin hood would turn in his grave), might as well as go artificial all the way.
Screw it.

I've had it.

Am just going to do my utmost best, concentrate on getting the results i want, prove a point, and quit feeling upset over unfounded things.

*** ***

If i wasn't feeling so lousy, i would be jumping up and down yelling about how i love my bow.
It is sweet. :-)
So sweet.
The bow in yesterday's pictures was not fully assembled as it was missing the arrow rest.

All i need now, are my arrows. And that fella who's suppose to sell them to me yesterday didn't turn up.

Till Then.
*Sticks and stones can break my bones. But words... probably cause the most damage. But i won't let it.*

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