Thursday, June 03, 2004

Bimbotic Exclamations. But then...

Gee Thanks Alwyn... *grin*
But i still think it is a rather crude looking painting... Talent for art...? Hm..... Not sure about that. I guess i can do some art but i am not very brilliant at it.
Now that i think of it, i think i can't ever do a painting like that again. I've not drawn for about more than a year (used to sketch a lot), due to school. YES... SCHOOL! JC, in fact. *eeps*
I feel as if what creative juices i ever possessed have evaporated. When i try to conjure something nice for someone, like for presents or something, i find it SO hard to come up with anything out of the box or creative. Death of artistic expression. O_O
Did you say... 5/100? I mean no disrespect my friend, but forgive my undisclosed mirth...
But hey. That was then, this is now, for you.
Your form of creative expression has taken on in photography. You don't have to do the work of doing it by hand. What matters now is the eye and mind you have for what you capture. That's important! Because one of the things that matter most is what's WITHIN you. From there, expression is birthed. How it comes out, varies from person to person.
(ok, i am wondering what you did to deserve that mark)

*** ***

I've sworn off chatting online for the rest of this week because i want to complete my more-challenging-than-usual assignment.
About Rousseau's philosophical argument about his "general will" ideals ("huh?" *blinks uncertainly*) in relation to David's painting, "The Oath of the Horatii".

You do get the idea.

Ok, which will... *deep breath* RELATIVELY FREE ME FOR MOST OF NEXT WEEK!!! *high pitch squeaking*

Why? WHY?
Because, it's me, myself and i, joline time. Lots to do. woo-hoo-hoo!

First things:

1. virtually tap coach on his shoulder and clear my throat audibly to let him know he does have something i want.
2. go shopping for, running shoes, shorts and tops (must be suitable for gymming too). May have to source for a suitable bag for archery stuff.
3. go treat myself to TWO MOVIES. TROY and SHREK 2!
4. check out my two new archery places. They are a mystery i intend to solve.
5. buy my personal archery gear. Specifically, armguard, quiver, and maybee.... bow stand.
6. Exercise... Ever since the flu, couldn't go out.

*** ***

On a not-so bimbotic note.

Everytime i look into the mirror, i discover how much i dislike, and maybe bordering on hate, myself.

I am such a bitch.

Why can't that part of me change.
It's not like i've never tried to address it and consciously change myself.

I feel disgusted when i see my face. I almost want to grab a copy of it straight from the mirror, scrunch it up and hurl it against a wall.

I am who i am.
And i have such a abhorrent side to me. The real stuff of a bitch.

Strong words i use.
But that is the truth.
Why mince my own words when it is directed at myself.

I speak the truth and if such words need to be used, then so be it.
After all, it is accurate.
Think Simon Cowell. If he has to say it,he will.
And likewise here.

*** ***

I have recently wondered.

How many people out there who are my friends and acquaintances, actually LIKE me as a person.

Or am i just so scary, overwhelming, overbearing, a character that people are worried that they might offend, and that i will form some eternal personal vendatta against them.

Jo sits in the dark... nothing else can be seen in the room. Except for a dim light that illuminates only one thing pasted on the wall...
A grubby piece of paper, with an eerie looking list of names and an address written next to each.
Then you notice some of the earlier names have been crossed out and you knew, you knew for SURE, that those people were on the obituaries not too long ago...


So i did wonder.
How many people actually genuinely like me as i am, for who i am.

I would say my circle is larger than before. Larger than i thought possible in the past.
(i was a hopeless recluse then. I still am, but i try to come out.)

How many people are nice to me because they like me?
How many people write me testimonials because they really have something nice to say because they like me?

Till Then.
*think i've waited long enough*

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