Friday, December 26, 2003


Christmas Greetings to all ye bloggers and readers.


No problem girl. Don't remember if i've mentioned this to you, but i think you can expect more to come your way in the next years... Provided you keep me updated on your whereabouts. *hint, hint*
Oh, and thank you lots for the Birthday wishes!

I feel bad about not blogging recently because Aunty Gina's on holiday and Granny's around so sibling and i have become replacement helpers.

Been Shoooo BUSY.

We are in no way seasoned helpers (but we're the season's helpers or seasonal helpers... whatever.) so we take so long just to finish up some housework.

I made lunch today.
A mix of one dish i made, (sweet and sour pork) and other stuff from the fridge.

As expected, the "haam" (means "salty" in Cantonese) girl's dish was SO SUPER haam, even Haam Girl made a face when she tried it herself. (Haam Girl=Joline)

I haven't exercised in a while.

Another Christmas dinner later too. Argh.

I've told this to friends and others and i'll say it again.

Christmas is a time of anticipation(there's something to look forward to, good OR bad) , glee(to some point, there will be some happiness for some people) and depression (some people just can't afford or just aren't at the receiving end of the celebrations or when people don't have relations at all) and commercialism!

With regards to personal feelings towards Christmas...
I think it has some degree of DREAD tied to it.

Stupid commercialism. They doll the malls, telly, adverts, etc... with the Big Ole' Fat St. Nicholas. A fake one too, to boot.
Hello...? Suddenly, all over the friggin' world, Santas are popping up. Surely he can't be at all places at one time, even if his reindeers were a bunch of red-eyed super sonic light speed travellers.
Kids... Please!



Can't help but get annoyed with the perverted way Christmas is carried out today.
Granted though, that could be some lee way given.

I digress.

The dread factor i get comes from the fact that after Christmas day itself, everything clunks back to normality.
As if it didn't mean anything.

Just because the day itself has passed, Christmas was just another day.
It simply was just the day when the decos had played it's peak role. (in the context of commercialism)
Yet of course, they're the others.

But yet we cannot blame everyone, just because.
We can't blame the atmosphere for not continuing the Christmas spirit.
Not everyone shares the same faith or beliefs.
(does the fault lie with us christians for not reaching out hard enough? Very Subjective, won't go there.)

Commercialization has to go on.
To stop it, it would take a radical transformation that most of us can only dream of.
Perhaps it'll happen.

I have SO MANY things in my head that i wanted to say but am at a lost as my brain is going haywire.
Thoughts are running all over without stopping to be compartmentalized and be thought of more deeply.


No, i just need more of God.
In my lovely neighbourhood school,GMSS, my verbal and written expression was exceptional. I could easily put down my feelings clearly, precisely both on paper and in words. And people thoroughly get the picture.

Since i entered ACJC, my engrish went down the long kang.

My thought processes AND thoughts got more messy, disorganized. Now, i had and have reverted to simple expression that's just insufficient to express myself.
I get SO frustrated.
My language structure and vocabulary is too inadequate to draw out the picture i have in my head. The feelings and thoughts feel so trapped within me, and i have nothing but words to express myself with.

In most cases, i should have no problem with expression because words alone CAN bring forth my meaning but it's due to MY OWN LACK! MY OWN INADEQUACY!
I lack the mastery of the gab, or, the gift of the gab.
In another sense.

But looking at it another way.
I think the other root problem is my DISCONNECTION from my deep seated emotions.
Back then, i felt very much in tune with my "inner me" and expression came without struggling.
Mind and emotion worked in parallel and so i was... more fluent?

Now, my inner self is not in sync with my mind which thus brings about this difficulty.
Had the phrase, "Lord of the Rings" playing around in my head when i realized there was another Lord of the Somethings...

Lord of the Flies!

You know. Someone should cleverly superimpose the two NAMES and PLOTS together and create a spoof.

Then call it "Lord of the Flings".

*throws a fist in the air and shakes it with gritted teeth*
Stone me, all ye LOTR Fans!

Having chest pains.
Nope, no stones.

Till Then.

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