Today didn't start off well.
1. I slept at 2+am because of that Psychology Laboratory Report.
2. So i woke up at about 10:15am.
3. I hate waking up late.
4. I feel the onset of my trademark headache.
Ever since secondary school, i was never one to like people, or more precisely, HUMANS. In fact, i detested them. For many reasons. I haven't really sorted out my thoughts about it because at the moment it's still a disorganised prejudice.
I didn't like the way people ate.
I didn't like the way people talk.
I didn't like the way people thought.
I didn't like the way people behaved.
(AND THIS IS NOT EXHAUSTIVE)
And it definitely didn't help that I live in Singapore where some of these attributes are so pronounced, it is vulgar to me.
In other words, i detested human nature's negative side.
How often have we come across people so impatient and rude, inconsiderate and self-centred? It really irks me. And i belong to this human race.
But i guess in secondary school, i tended to be critical of everyone, everything. Should i say... to the point of lacking in humility?
I used to be depressed. From secondary school to JC. Always listened to sad music and feeling good when the soul soaks in it.
Personally, i think i've mellowed. Getting older, HOPEfully wiser.
Am still critical.
But in moderation.
And with more reason.
The quote below was actually an elaboration of something that i decided to take out from this entry due to its sheer "insultative" element.
"Great Linguist Noam Chomsky said, language provides the 'window into the mind'. Language is an expression of knowledge and therefore reflects the structure of the mind."
-cited from Harberlandt
That quote would be free for you to interpret.
But because i do not wish to quote something out of its context... The above means that the human mind has the fantastic ability to construct grammatically correct sentences. To form a sentence according to a certain rule so that what we say makes sense.
Argh. So i couldn't manipulate it.
But nevertheless. It is only common sense to assume that whatever someone says, reflects what their values, ideals and (whatever else) are.
NEWS: my dad actually found that my hair color was ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOCK.................................... -happiness- :-)
ONto something lighter:
I never had a long term goal, an ambition. I'm not sure if i was ever was like one of those telly kids who say, "I wanna be a doctor." "I wanna be a lawyer". I wanna... I wanna...
Not understanding exactly what their utterances mean.
But there're the exceptional few who can honestly testify that their present job was their childhood dream job. I don't begrudge them that.
I have a goal.
Wot is it?
To be a Police.
How did i come to this conclusion?
One fateful day while mugging for the 'A's at my study table, i was reflecting on what i wanted to do with my life. To cut it short. The occupation that occured most to me was it.
Get ready for the cliched line.
I felt that being a police was a job that centres in the local community. People need you for protection. People generally need you. I saw this as a way to do something for the community. To get involved with it. To see how the streets of Singapore are really like. To those who know me well, i'm Queen Suaku (think: "mountain turtle goes to town"), through and through.
You get to see and experience the after-crime scene. You get to problem solve and take ACTION. You have to keep fit. (i need that sort of motivation man)
Sure, the pay is peanuts. But the police aren't starving and yes, they do get married still, in case you thought they had NO LIFE.
But it's a noble job. I can die knowing i've contributed somehow. Even if it's secularly.
What good is it to me if i were in an office job. I come home and watch TV. Go to work again. I'm contributing to efficiency at work/service and to my boss's wealth. But I don't feel included into the society BESIDES the fact that i'm contributing to the GDP.
Also, I can see it as a way to leak a little (you must be TACTFUL, it's a Government Service thingy so you gotta tread carefully) the Gospel to people. I don't know how that will integrate but i know since it's such a people related job... it just might work pretty well!
Oh yes and by the way. I'm going to be talking to this man from the FBI who is stationed in the American Embassey soon, once i garner all my questions on police work.
I cannot express my excitement.
Well. If it isn't meant to be in the line of being a police.
I'm going to be a teacher.
I love interacting with students and talking to them. Listening to their gripes, help them with work. See them understand their work and enlighten them on issues around them.
Need to go off to clementi to get something.
*ARGHHHHH!!!!!!! BUS UNCLE of BUS NO.7!!!!!!! WAIT FOR ME LEH!!!*