Thursday, August 03, 2006

prattle

After a few weeks of struggling with the classical guitar and sifting through the worship songs on my mom's song list collection, i've finally found ONE song which (1) i know the chords of (2) my fingers can move easily from chord to chord (3) is a reasonably long song.

And what's the title you ask? "When the music fades".

WHEN THE MUSIC FADES?! FADES?! Gee thanks...! That is sooo encouraging, huh!

Maybe i'm suppose to stick to the keyboard after all. Teehee.

***

Today has not been a good day. Waking up late from having my fatigue fully made up for, beginning the day late, doing everything else except engaging with my readings and planning for my first assignment for the semester. Procrastinating, dragging my mental feet, and physically dragging on the guitar strings with a hard and tough pick actually meant for the bass guitar.

It's almost like the initial stage of denial, but i guess i'm going to have to, and WILL, force myself to get cracking on research and processing the obscenely superfluous chunks of readings. Wait. Ok, fine, just superfluous.

Permit me to complain some more. I need to just rant all my rubbish out. You know how it is with garbage. If you generate out garbage without disposing them, they begin to rot and smell really bad. So hence.

Yeah. So it is searingly hot, with the bright, blue cheery sky as the clear and pretty backdrop to the otherwise boring blocks of buildings. And I cannot be at the pool enjoying myself. Obviously, i'm still in my fantasy, holiday, Hawaii mode.

It's just past 4pm and i haven't accomplished much, while band practice awaits me this evening. Oh how i feel so guilty about spending more time outside home. The usual, the usual - Simply standing there to watch, listen and learn. Again. That's perfectly all right in itself, but i just feel like i could do with more time at home to make up for my slothfulness right now...

Yes, i've been doing that (watching, listening and learning) faithfully (pretty much) for 2 years now, save the times when i felt i was so detached from the ministry that i even (genuinely) forgot to attend practices.

I suppose you could say that my "patience and persistence" has "paid off" since i've now been scheduled to alternate with the other second keys (synthesizer) musician. But truth be told, my patience had worn quite thin many times before and i had questioned my presence in the music ministry.

Sometimes i really marvel at how things work out to test and break down my pride. From the beginning of time, i've HATED the synthesizer. Yes. I've hated it's very sound, it's very effects it's suppose to add on and atmosphere it supposedly creates. I detested the synthesizer. Because it sounded fake, it was the mother contributor of all cheaply made music, and was basically like nerve grating pond scum, bottom-of-the-barrel muck, to my ears. But now, i find myself gaining a starting place in the band as a synthesizer player.

Imagine my horror when my leader approached me and asked me to begin with the synthesizer when i was gunning for the keyboard instead. But you know what?

I appreciate and SEE clearly now, why this took place. And i THANK GOD for the baby stepping stones that were given to me to take instead of allowing me to plunge head first into something i understood nothing about.

Back to the problem with the picture.

So I certainly did not feel like i HAD to play for services, but what i felt was the problem with the picture was that i didn't think i was serving God the way i had planned to when i joined the ministry in the first place. That might translate once again to "playing for services", but you see, that is not the primary gripe. If i had another channel in the same ministry, but where i am still able to serve, then, yeay-ness.

But never we all mind now, right? Since things have taken one step forward.

Meanwhile, i also need to brush up on and polish my familiarity with the chords in the Key of E and A. The horrors.

Back to work.

2 comments:

Pope @ David said...

I'm so glad for you to be able to hit the keys on a more regular basis now! Rem we're all in His ministry so let us seek His glory above all else :D

******
I sent u some songlist frm me Believer programme too..
Dun forget to practise yr Black n' Whites amidst the current 6-string-streak yea? ;-)

joline said...

pope@david:

Yeah, i hope that through more hands-on with the band, will be able to become a more efficient and experienced player to serve Him better.

***

Heh, of course i won't forget... The keys still come first before the guitar. I just wish it could be just as portable.

Yeah lor, i wonder whether it's just an infatuation. Which is why i keep telling myself to wait it out, and that there's no hurry to get anything.

But you know what was so cool? Last night while strumming with my new *pink!* pick, dad came into my room and the expression that lingered on his face before he said "What song are you playing?", was... priceless. :-) My only hope is that what i thought was outwardly reflected was what i think he was really feeling inside.