Friday, February 17, 2006

And so it's back to my old Alma Mater this saturday for that renowned funfair that happens every 2 years. Some say it's a huge money sucking (and successful, at that) pitch, some say it's a tradition, some say it's tradition and enjoy every moment of it, some happily let their money get sucked, some... couldn't possibly care less.

I say "aaai-yai, yes siree!" to all, all 'cept for the last point.

The last Fun-O-Rama happened in 2004, and though i wish i could say that all went well, one of my beloved girls was going through a tough period and it's hard to simply just let loose, ya know? This year, flames of the same nature decided to engulf another. Not in a position to ask why it has to be this way, because i think i know why.

I've said this a billion and one times already:
I don't like the ACJC culture very much. In fact, I didn't even enjoy my time there as much as some other people did. I hated the work, i didn't understand much of it, i didn't work as dilligently as i should have. And even when i did, my brain wasn't functioning. I got hurt, like MADLY INSANELY hurt along the way, I had little meaningful ties with teachers there.
Though i had joined one of the bands considered to be elite in the JC scene, i was a shadow player. You hear her (prolly more mistakes than right notes), but you don't see her. Or you could also say, you can see her, but never hear her with respect to people relationships. A shadow. I was there, but never substantial. In other words, i contributed only the bare minimum. Relationships within the band? Zilch. Unless you count my saxophone. Yes, my beautiful saxophone. That somehow produced flatter and flatter notes the more i practiced my solo. (the horror of the memory) *shudders with mental pain*
(Ah, but if i wasn't in the AC band, i wouldn't have bumped into you so readily, i reckon. 8-D)
And then, you would always have the people who were learning the ropes of being ultra political, there are even elitists, mind you.

But there was a core group of trustworthy people i met and that made all the difference to my stay there. Despite that sad painting of a life joline had at ACJC, if you sit me down and ask me, "Would you pick another JC if you could reverse time?"

I'll look at you in the eye and tell you straight off, "No.". Oh, and add that i would SO get a short hairdo man, if i could. (i've seen how i look with short hair and in the uniform. Shiok lah! Dangit, too late now. >:oI )
For those who know, i looked like the Grand High Queen Ah-Ma, and i have photos to prove it!
I'm debating whether i should respect the sanctity of (your) life by not putting a photo or risk my life getting stoned by people who think that i shouldn't be allowed to procreate due to my substandard genes.

The question of "If i'm here, then i wouldn't be there, so who/what did i miss over there?", is always a common visitor question. (This is only if i don't look at it from God's point of view, that things were just meant to BE this way.)

Imagine if i had tried for NJC Science or RJC Arts. *insert bulging eyeballs* Unthinkable.

When i walk once again on the ground i had trod on for 2 years of my life, i don't doubt the feelings of nostalgia that will come... Come rushing back. You'll see plenty of new faces, the more recent alumnus, you'll see the ones who've passed through the same portals the same time you did. You'll see people you'll want to hide from, you'll see the same faces that may remain the same, some different over the course of 3 years. You'll see and not recognize the ones who passed earlier before. Ah... Everyone, bound together by the common experience of being educated there.
And you'll see and recollect the ghosts of what once was.

I'll remember the stuffy nose and hot tears i cried over the public phone near the canteen when i spoke to xxx and the smile that ensued after but that never really lasted near long enough. I'll remember the tears i cried in my heart from frustration over chemistry and math. Chinese Language was a given - My pet failure subject. I no longer cared much about it. Not to say that i never bothered to try. In fact, i would try, fail and find it easy to pick myself up again.
But there was no passion.

I'll remember how PE lessons on the track were potential collapse-and-die sites, i'll remember how the track was sacred holy ground, not to be stepped on, unless you were in your yellow and blue holy garments. I'll remember how my class cheered on the guys who had to reattempt their 2.4km runs. I'll remember the times when i didn't care how much perfume i sprayed on because it's either that or i kill multitudes of students as i walk by.
Later on as time passed, we chose cleanliness over being early for class. ;-) (ie, we bathed after PE lessons)

I will also remember that silly joke i made to this scone girl in the girl's toilet while waiting in line to change into our holy garments and do our private business before the Mass PE lesson...: "Ah, we're all here to Mass Pee." She was gloriously tickled and so were the other girls (whom i didn't know) who covered their faces and groaned over the corn inspired joke.

The school buildings're spiffier now. Unlike the time when wooden planks lay around aplenty and when dusty cement grounds threatened to give asthma attacks. When we had to restructure our mindmaps of the school layout every now and then because of the various phases of construction work being done.

I'll remember the lectures attended, the lectures skipped, that one lecture that made me blurt out a really ridiculous answer in front of a hundred over students. The times of blank staring into the sky while i stood along the corridor, only to be asked if i was thinking about xxx. (which i wasn't)

Every step i take, every portion of ground i invade, will evoke memories. Memories that seem like it was made only last year, and this i don't exaggerate. The friendships i still share with my current buddies that came from ACJC have never failed to make me marvel over the amount of time that has lasped, time has hasn't really resulted in too much uncomfortable change. I'm not sure i'm ready or even want much to change at all. This's one reason why i fear when girl friends get attached. Sorry lah, but i am like a mamasan that way.

So much to say, so much to recollect.

Looking forward to seeing you, my lovely Library Gang! And i'll be sure to be trigger happy. Remind me to charge my camera batteries.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

at first i was shocked that u wrote how much u have a hard time at ac and that u didnt enjoy the time, (am i rite?). but later i realised u do u do enjoy ur time there wat...it is better than my school. loads better. if u ever live a day there, i tell u ur opinion will be sooooo much diff. In my sch, i was the only chinese gal in a class of 21 chin boys, and 17 indian gals. dun get me wrong.... it is not a racist thing. it is that they always spoke a diff lang from me and refused to speak in english. tell me how to communicate? so dun say other things. at least u didn't felt left out to the extend that they dun even bother to speak to u in class. much less bonding.sob sob. i really regret leaving ac but such a miserable change. if u let me change, i wld rather choose ac even though it is elitist, even snobbish, it is so much better than being invisible to ur classmates rite?? lectures are worse. u think u cld speak to other class pple? pls pple here think u r a weirdo if u bother to make small talk.

Invisible sobbing soul

joline said...

Anonymous:

I'm quite appalled at the kind of treatment they gave you. How can they be so mean and discriminating? Refusing to speak in English? Goodness. :-( I really wish that you didn't have to go through such a time, and two years of it too. Hope they've matured a lot more by now.

Perhaps i did not go through that high scale of isolation, but i did go through enough of it to affect my experience in AC. Though i had good times, this sense of isolation was enough to affect the school experience. That said however, i was indeed blessed, like i said in the post, with a core group of trustworthy friends who lessened the outcast-like feeling.

scezzy said...

Acjc... mm.. fun days in a 7 floor classroom with a nice view and weird smelling concrete floors :)

Well.. some days anyways :P

joline said...

scezzy:

*smile* Yes indeed. Wish you were there! Sean, Matthew, Grace, Ivan, Ben, Robin, Rachel and Teng Whye, Lib Gang and i were there. Or at least those are the mates we bumped into.

weirong said...

Vivid memories of your time in AC indeed.. *lols at the part abt "holy garments" and "Mass P"* >.<

I was puzzled abt the "scone girl" for a while.. wondering if there was some specialty-pastry stall in AC. Took a 2nd reading b4 I realised what scone was refering to :P

Thank you again for the Lovely souvenir :D *grin*

joline said...

weirong:

Thanks skew, I so funny right, heh heh. *beam*

Huh? You know what "scone" is referring to? I sure want to know your interpretation, because "scone" actually refers to the class she was from, which was SC1 ("S-C-one", aka "Scone") It's the Bio, Chem, Phy and Math combi class, made mostly out of 6 pointer students.

You're very welcome, don't mention it at all. :-)

weirong said...

yea, at first i wondered what/who "scone girl" was..
Was there going to be baguette-babe, muffin-maid or frenchloaf-female too? :p
Later i figured "s-c-1" :)
Pardon my wierd imagination~

joline said...

weirong:

They sound like rather naughty names if you put them in a certain context.
Actually, they do call themselves "scones". It's easier and faster. One graduating class had their class page on the sch mag and it went something like, "Scones, baked to perfection".