Tuesday, July 05, 2005

1. One of those thingies you get through the email. I liked the picture and the words had some truth in it. BUT i DISAGREE with the first line!Posted by Picasa

More than a year ago, i had come to the conclusion that: The minute life begins, i would lose you.
And so, a year ago, i resigned myself to that fact.

I went to the stream with a heavy but resolute heart and released the little flower.
I watched it bob its way down. It was sad to see it go, to accept that the vibrant colours that i could see and study so clearly before when i held it closely in my palm, would get smaller and smaller and finally disappear as the current takes it away from me.

I turned and walked away knowing that i had done the right thing.

A year later, that leads to today, i was walking along the same stream when a flash of bright pink at the corner of my eye caught my attention. A memory sparked in me and I spun around and retraced my steps to confirm what i thought i had seen.

I hurried forward and gasped sharply as I bent down to find the same (same looking or the very same?) flower i had released a year ago. There were no others in sight.

It was floating placidly, gently, in a little shallow rock pool, still as beautiful and vibrant as ever, like it just came into bloom a while ago. Don't ask me how it remained (did it?) the same way it was.
It just, was.

Part of me was glad for the good omen, yet part of me hesitates to pick it up.

"Why?" you might ask.
"It's there, take it! Can't it be any more clear to you?"

Well, the reason is this. I hesitate, because i am not sure if what had returned to me is really something that belongs to me.

Whether it will be temporary, yet again.

*** ***

Can those word be honoured forever?

I remain sceptical and untrusting simply because Humans have proven themselves fallible. Even with the toughest sounding words, words that are suppose to put me at ease, the stoic and honest-to-goodness Lion Heart. Even actions.
They all can fail.

With the turning of events and a change of mind and heart, one can easily crush you with news that you never want to hear.
You can never expect it.

This is NOT to say that we ALWAYS fail, or that the chances of things failing is higher. This is NOT to bring discouragement to you. It's just a fact that we've got to see.

I guess what i am saying is that if things fail, i am, right now, in NO FRAME of mind to get kicked and abused.

But YET.

2. Posted by Picasa

I know.
One aspect of Life IS about letting yourself go. Releasing yourself. Allowing yourself to jump and be saved by some things called Trust, True Love and Faithfulness. (and the rest of the brigade)

And should you get burnt, yes, you HURT like crap and EVERYTHING feels like crap. But you pick youself up after you've taken as much time as you want, to heal and learn to love still. It's part of all the learning you do in this lifetime.

So, as to whether i am going to let myself go...

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