Friday, May 07, 2004

Bouts of doubt

That's just how i am feeling now.
Lots of things running through my head.
Prodding, analysing, hypothesizing, wondering...

*sheepish smile*
Nay, it is not Isreal...
It is one of those places where fights can break out. Not a safe place for Christians either.
And i must thank you again for that gorgeous sunrise photo.
Wish could've been there to take it all in!
So... when's the next mountain climbing stint? :-)

Ho Honey... hahaha, all right, all right. I love Jed.
Btw, he has begun destruction works on another drawer.
My dad went donkers.

I have paid for my bow. It is a PSE Supra compound bow. I do not know the EXACT model.
It's going to be "blind date" ( as a friend has very, very aptly put it) of sorts between my bow and me.
Not that i have not seen how such a model generally looks.
I just have not seen how this PARTICULAR, SPECIFIC bow i am buying, looks like.

Now, the bow and accessories aren't cheap. It adds up to a hefty sum, for a non-working student like me.

So ANYONE who wants to ask me out during the hols, better: 1. treat me or 2. be considerate and bring me to a cheapo place to eat, or 3. er... be grateful if i offer you a chip if i buy my own food.

Just a few days ago while at my study table, i realized that i am officially going to own my very own LEGAL WEAPON.

The most expensive thing to date that i own due to hard work/some form of pain, is my Yamaha flute.

This is something even BIGGER.

While revelling in that bit of... revelation (for lack of a better word) , (oh yes, jo can be so blur, that she doesn't realize things until a few days later...)
As i was saying. What was i saying?

Oh yes.

As i was drinking in the fact, i found myself saying (yes, i DO TALK to MYSELF) "Oh my ****, my ****, come to me... I love you!"
Then in a more serious tone, it just came and i said mentally... "I paid a price for you."

(i am saying the above with a degree of embarrassment. But i'm being honest!)

Then it hit me.

Here i was thinking so fondly of my bow i have not even got to touch or see.
Suddenly, i just felt this strong emotion bubbling within me.

It's like, when you have spent a fortune on something so precious and something that you really want so much that you know you would just LOVE it no matter what.

Ever felt like that before?

So, the bottom line is this:
That is just how GOD feels about us.
He loved and still loves us so much, he died FOR us. Unworthy lot we are.
Not that He never knew us before. He knows all.

But He DIED for us. He paid THAT PRICE FOR US.
He feels so strongly for each of us.
And He wants us to come to him, as his children.

A little insight into how the Father feels.

Not that it is comparable, no, no.
What He did, is FAR GREATER.

Just that i know how the process feels like.
Gives me greater understanding on how God feels for his people.
And it reminds me that there are people out there who seriously need God.

I am open for your work Lord.
Just tell me what you want me to do.

Might drive some females out there mad when i say this.

"Who cares?"
"Shush! Evil twin sister, you will not speak unless spoken to, and no one in his or her right mind would want to speak to you, so don't get mouthy, you hear?"
"Oh? It's my blog too and i can move your fingers."
"... You'll have your way this time."

Forgive her, she needs some speech space.

As i was saying. I think women are SOOO CATTY.
I can't think of a better word to describe us, as the other human counterpart to the males.

CAts can look so evil with their slitted and narrowed eyes, and so do women when they are angry.
We are unpredictable and dangerous.
When it comes to men... some of us really go to lengths to snare him.

Think of a cat stalking that innocuous little birdie that was minding its own business... *shiver*
There is both beauty and ugliness about it.

And then cats have their charm. The way they twirl and twine, cuddle, rub and purr...
Sounds exactly like the women on this season's "Joe Millionaire".

I feel sick just seeing the trailers. Or when it is on (the tv channel just happens to be tuned on it), it is quite offputting.

The whole show is lowdown grot.
Morals, virtues, inner beauty...
Wot? Wot are those?

Maybe the media is just multiplying the money-minded business a million sizes too large.
In case some viewers cannot do their own discerning.

I think, in this "game" of "grabbing the guy"... I'm just no good.

Not to say i am an angel... Gads, NO.
But i can't see myself blatantly going after a fella.
If he doesn't say/do anything, i wouldn't.

As you will already know, i am buying a compound bow.
I've visited the website of the brand i am buying my bow from.
And i am appalled to find that hunting beautiful beasts like the Polar Bear and some other kinds of deer, are permitted.
Or is it? I dunno.
But they sure go hunting with them PSE bows.

But i felt... ARGH! I don't want to be related or associated with anything that kills animals for sport!!!
But it is too late.
As a friend said... Compound bows are for hunting.

I was reading a little on their exploits in the wild, how they look out for gorgeous bucks. (not money)
I mean... Hello??? You pick out the studs to kill.... how about the poor ole does?

Sure, they are probably more out there... But hey, why the need to kill them animals anyways.

Then again, people in other countries have their own way of thought and culture.
And Buck Hunting happens to be one of them.

It is gruesome.

Till Then.
*I am going to name my compound bow..."

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