Tuesday, January 31, 2006

rambling

Here's wishing all friends A Jolly Lunah Noo Ya, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Wan Shi Ru Yi, Nian Nian You Yu and er... Shen Ti Jian Kang. Uhm. I think that's about all i know. Pathetic as always, my mandarin. For those of you who didn't quite get what that was about, the gist of all that stuff is: May your life be filled with abundance (health, money... of all things good only lah)

I'm not one for Chinese New Year, honestly. The perks are obviously the ang ang packets but it comes with a trade-off: Visiting, cooking, cleaning, plastering smiles on a face that would otherwise be poker faced. I had to preoccupy myself with the mission of stuffing my face with my mom's pineapple tart cookies while at the Gran's place. And not look greedy. :-9 *slurp*

(mom makes them for her every year - CNY cookie supplies 101. And since her PT cookies are the bestest in the entire multiverse, what does a loyal fan do, especially with the license to stuff? Right? Right??)

As the folks get older, and since sis and i are of this age, we're expected to take up more of the responsibilities and quit lying around on our butts waiting to be fed. No doubt that i believe this should be the case of course. And since XXX ran away to a distant country, my sister and i have stepped up a lot more than we did before in the previous years. We've been sheltered and cushioned from work since we were kids, so yeah, this CNY has been a new experience somewhat for us. And IT'S ABOUT TIME ANYWAY, I SAY.

(Though knowing myself, i wouldn't have readily admitted to that if you had asked me last year)

And it's been tiring. OOOOooooooooooooooh Yes Siree bub, it's been tiring. The festivities have been coming wave after wave, kind of back to back, and I'm just longing for the year to settle down into the mundane drone so that i can do my studying in peace without being hauled up and out to perform some culinary execution or some major house cleaning expedition.

Methinks one of the best things to have happened, was for XXX to run off. If not, i'd still be bumbling about not knowing anything about how to take care of my own basic needs (which consists of a quite number of things when you think about it) and... er amongst other things, i wouldn't have otherwise lifted so much as a pinky to clean my toilet and the all important throne.

This might sound quite retarded but really. For the longest time, i've been selectively responsible, marginally organized, living with an odd one roach, in a daze and living in the hazy bubble of just minding my own business, in my own little world. But having had some comforts taken away from me, that bubble burst. Pop.

I stood there for a while in the open. Somewhat lost and shocked. Shaking my head. Then opening my eyes. Seeing.
And so i'm feeling my way around now, for it's been years in that bubble. I can't say that i've morphed instantly into the perfectly self motivated being who's getting her act cleaned up, but I'm learning.

So i'm coerced into doing these things for my own and everyone else's good, both for the present and future. And i'm thankful for that.

Plus there's lots more to listen to and learn from, if i can just humble myself. And i'm thankful for that.

Thanks, God. You know that there's a time for everything and i guess i'm looking foward to whatever else that's in store in your plan. And i'm thankful that i can trust you.

*

During that conversation last night, it seems that i might have a shot at going overseas to further my studies in psychology. I'm not sure if it was all talk in front of the guests with no real committment, or whether it has actually been something that has been on his mind for a while ever since "doing a Masters" came into the picture somewhere in 2004.

Been surfing about looking for a reputable university with a Postgrad in Sports Psych. The more common postgrads are Applied, Clinical and Organizational, and so far i've only garnered one uni that's in Australia with SP. The question now is... Argh, i'm too scared to think about that question now. Just want to get me my As and Bs.

I'm looking at Sports Psych currently cos through all the teaching during archery rara-ing booths, i've learnt a thing or two about a person's frame of mind at the shooting line and i take pleasure in helping them achieve their goals on the target board, and likewise, perhaps for other various sporting endeavours of other athletes in future. Thing is, the pool of sportsmen in Singapore is relatively small. True, there's that Sports School and upcoming young guns who could use all the help and support to bring themselves far, past just the SEA Games.

I'm just not sure if this area of sports in Singapore is a promising beginning for greater things to come, or is it just good writing skills i'm getting from the ST.

I'd love to be positive about all this because after all, i AM all FOR the growth of our sporting youngsters. Tsk, reminds me of the time when... Oh, never mind. That issue has been talked to death already on this blog.

So I've been told that Singapore's never going to achieve if sportsmen and officials, i quote: can't even see eye to eye.
True.
Politics. Pfffffffffffffffffttt!

But i do, honestly, want to help others. I'm lost with respect to what i wish to do in life. My initial goal was thrown off course by the negative shakes of his head. I felt awful. He expects more of me, perhaps even wants to keep me from stagnating in such a career? But all i wanted to do was to help others and give something back to society. Mayhap my view on the police force was too idealistic.

Lost or not, i'm going to make the best of what i've got now. Proceed to complete it and complete it the best that i possibly can. I wouldn't say that it's going to be a "gamble" to pick a certain specialization in psychology in future, if it is something that God wants me to pursue. Yet, psychology is underdeveloped in Singapore no doubt, but we should see it as a green light for us new blood to work hard to a position where we can develop it.

The engine won't start and we won't go nowhere if there ain't no driver in the seat.

Before that, i've got to pray hard about this. There's no better way.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

wah sounds not bad. sports psych is good considering the fact that we now have a sports sch...imagine u can go work there armed with this degree.

weirong said...

Hey Dear, I must say that you've taken on your household-responsibilities in a most positive way. It's great that you've chosen to view XXX's departure as a rite of passage, a process of growing into adulthood and making time to contribute to your family as well :)

***

The future looks promising with what you have in mind to study~ I believe so long as you have the passion to go all the way, your parents would support you in your Master's(and later, Doctorate! too) :o)

joline said...

anonymous:

Yeap! Though i worry still because there's only one sports school around. Ah well, time will tell.
:-D

weirong:

*grin* Thanks. Yeap, i have learnt to love having ownership of my own home as opposed to being clueless all the time about the most basic of things.

I do question my passion for psychology because i hardly search for anything outside my academic life that would enrich my knowledge in this area. Hm. But yeah, so far of all the majors in university, this is what i enjoy most. Or at least, this is wot i think i do, since i've not tried my hand at anything else. Happy to stay away from engineering though.. Heh, no talent there, that's for sure.