Just what is it with some men?

They think that it's ok to screw around with their girlfriends before marriage with whatever reason they want to use, but they expect their wives to be virgins or else they would think... differently of her.

?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!

That is one of the most flawed views i've ever heard. I shall save my blog from my rude retorts borne of my wrath. These people need help in getting a major change in mindset.

rambling

Here's wishing all friends A Jolly Lunah Noo Ya, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Wan Shi Ru Yi, Nian Nian You Yu and er... Shen Ti Jian Kang. Uhm. I think that's about all i know. Pathetic as always, my mandarin. For those of you who didn't quite get what that was about, the gist of all that stuff is: May your life be filled with abundance (health, money... of all things good only lah)

I'm not one for Chinese New Year, honestly. The perks are obviously the ang ang packets but it comes with a trade-off: Visiting, cooking, cleaning, plastering smiles on a face that would otherwise be poker faced. I had to preoccupy myself with the mission of stuffing my face with my mom's pineapple tart cookies while at the Gran's place. And not look greedy. :-9 *slurp*

(mom makes them for her every year - CNY cookie supplies 101. And since her PT cookies are the bestest in the entire multiverse, what does a loyal fan do, especially with the license to stuff? Right? Right??)

As the folks get older, and since sis and i are of this age, we're expected to take up more of the responsibilities and quit lying around on our butts waiting to be fed. No doubt that i believe this should be the case of course. And since XXX ran away to a distant country, my sister and i have stepped up a lot more than we did before in the previous years. We've been sheltered and cushioned from work since we were kids, so yeah, this CNY has been a new experience somewhat for us. And IT'S ABOUT TIME ANYWAY, I SAY.

(Though knowing myself, i wouldn't have readily admitted to that if you had asked me last year)

And it's been tiring. OOOOooooooooooooooh Yes Siree bub, it's been tiring. The festivities have been coming wave after wave, kind of back to back, and I'm just longing for the year to settle down into the mundane drone so that i can do my studying in peace without being hauled up and out to perform some culinary execution or some major house cleaning expedition.

Methinks one of the best things to have happened, was for XXX to run off. If not, i'd still be bumbling about not knowing anything about how to take care of my own basic needs (which consists of a quite number of things when you think about it) and... er amongst other things, i wouldn't have otherwise lifted so much as a pinky to clean my toilet and the all important throne.

This might sound quite retarded but really. For the longest time, i've been selectively responsible, marginally organized, living with an odd one roach, in a daze and living in the hazy bubble of just minding my own business, in my own little world. But having had some comforts taken away from me, that bubble burst. Pop.

I stood there for a while in the open. Somewhat lost and shocked. Shaking my head. Then opening my eyes. Seeing.
And so i'm feeling my way around now, for it's been years in that bubble. I can't say that i've morphed instantly into the perfectly self motivated being who's getting her act cleaned up, but I'm learning.

So i'm coerced into doing these things for my own and everyone else's good, both for the present and future. And i'm thankful for that.

Plus there's lots more to listen to and learn from, if i can just humble myself. And i'm thankful for that.

Thanks, God. You know that there's a time for everything and i guess i'm looking foward to whatever else that's in store in your plan. And i'm thankful that i can trust you.

*

During that conversation last night, it seems that i might have a shot at going overseas to further my studies in psychology. I'm not sure if it was all talk in front of the guests with no real committment, or whether it has actually been something that has been on his mind for a while ever since "doing a Masters" came into the picture somewhere in 2004.

Been surfing about looking for a reputable university with a Postgrad in Sports Psych. The more common postgrads are Applied, Clinical and Organizational, and so far i've only garnered one uni that's in Australia with SP. The question now is... Argh, i'm too scared to think about that question now. Just want to get me my As and Bs.

I'm looking at Sports Psych currently cos through all the teaching during archery rara-ing booths, i've learnt a thing or two about a person's frame of mind at the shooting line and i take pleasure in helping them achieve their goals on the target board, and likewise, perhaps for other various sporting endeavours of other athletes in future. Thing is, the pool of sportsmen in Singapore is relatively small. True, there's that Sports School and upcoming young guns who could use all the help and support to bring themselves far, past just the SEA Games.

I'm just not sure if this area of sports in Singapore is a promising beginning for greater things to come, or is it just good writing skills i'm getting from the ST.

I'd love to be positive about all this because after all, i AM all FOR the growth of our sporting youngsters. Tsk, reminds me of the time when... Oh, never mind. That issue has been talked to death already on this blog.

So I've been told that Singapore's never going to achieve if sportsmen and officials, i quote: can't even see eye to eye.
True.
Politics. Pfffffffffffffffffttt!

But i do, honestly, want to help others. I'm lost with respect to what i wish to do in life. My initial goal was thrown off course by the negative shakes of his head. I felt awful. He expects more of me, perhaps even wants to keep me from stagnating in such a career? But all i wanted to do was to help others and give something back to society. Mayhap my view on the police force was too idealistic.

Lost or not, i'm going to make the best of what i've got now. Proceed to complete it and complete it the best that i possibly can. I wouldn't say that it's going to be a "gamble" to pick a certain specialization in psychology in future, if it is something that God wants me to pursue. Yet, psychology is underdeveloped in Singapore no doubt, but we should see it as a green light for us new blood to work hard to a position where we can develop it.

The engine won't start and we won't go nowhere if there ain't no driver in the seat.

Before that, i've got to pray hard about this. There's no better way.

While walking around one of the levels of Bukit Timah Plaza (or was it shopping centre?) i got slapped in the brain by a flashback when i saw this. It was as though at that moment, i shrank half a metre down in a split second and was staring at this through the eyes of a child (erm, but without the specs because of perfect eyesight i had then). The surroundings didn't need to change much to become some scene from the 1990s because it already looked quite "old Singapore".

Was pleasantly surprised when i opened one of the oranges. The normal coloured orange is the one you see upfront, but the one behind looks like an opened grapefruit. Ah hah, but both are oranges pure and simple and they do not taste too far different.

Fletching jig for my compound bow arrows. I just like the way how the surface looks so sleek.

One of those candle-in-a-glass thingy.

Jed loves associating with warm clothes that come fresh out of the dryer. Argh, now you know why my clothes are covered in fur and why i might smell like... dog.

A tree shot taken from my room window. The angle just reminds me of the type of tree that you would expect to see a person sitting beneath with a book in hand and head bowed in concentration. Though a tree of that sort would stereotypically appear to be shorter and thicker in bark, with branches that spread out wide their rich autumn colour themed leaves.

I've got me books, and i've started reading 'em. It's easy to get distracted and bored what with the endless black print with no colour illustrations even. But i tell myself: "Don't look at the short term goal of simply finishing a chapter, but look to the exams. You want to do well, don't you? You want to walk out of that exam hall knowing that you were well prepared and did your best with everything that you could muster, don't you?"
And my motivation returns preceded with a more positive attitude to face my books of endless black print with no colour illustrations even.

Don't really know what to blog about these days, but rest assured, i'm not going to close this blog down. It holds too many memories for me, though i've contemplated printing out close to everything i've ever bothered to deposit here.
Don't quite like not having stuff to update about and seeing the same old posts over again.

I'm doing a Social Psych mod this sem, yummilicious. It already looks set to beat cognitive psych. I'm telling myself: READ WITH UNDERSTANDING! READ IT PROPER!

I've always thought that i'm lagging in the intellectual and maturity department. Things come to me slower. Later. Grasping most stuff comes at a snail's pace in comparison with most people my age. At least that's what it feels like.

Gem lent me his LOTR - Return of the King, Extended Version DVD. No kidding. It got my nose glued to the lappie for a good 4+ hours or so. Amazing stuff. I wonder when the next epic kind of movie with like 3 or 4 or 6 parts to it will come. Every now and then, you get preciousssss creations like Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. The Chronicles of Narnia does't look very promising to me personally, though. Mayhap i'm too used to action, blood and loads of hightech CGI.

*blinks tired eyes* Glad to say that my biological clock has been pretty much adjusted to a healthy sleeping and waking time, plus, i'm keeping to my NY's resolutions. Greaaaat.

I miss LOTR xboxing. No wait. I need hack and slash games.

Apparently in our temporary possession, we've got The Prince of Persia - Warrior Within, and may i add, that it's a really great game. A pity though. Just because of one, ONE, wall-to-wall jump stunt that i've tried about 20 odd times and cannot seem to get through with, i've abandoned the game. Because i can go no further if i can't execute that and get on with the scene.

Boo.

It was 2+am in the morning, and my eyes were still glued to the lappie screen, reason: Watching LOTR - Fellowship of the Ring.

I like watching movies on my lappie because i get to be really upclose to the moving images. To keep watch on every detail, from the cuts and bruises, creases and wrinkles, the smoothness of one's skin, oily hair, almond shaped eyes... To the lush greenery and beautiful expanse of actual, outdoor scenery of New Zealand (unlike The Chronicles of Nar...). I also get to press my nose, or close to, the characters' faces and see the unspoken but not masked emotion from their eyes. Sure, i don't get superb hair-gets-blown-to-one-side kind of sound system from the lappie and speakers but what compensates for that, is the privacy i have when i watch my movie alone, and when i can control the flow or disruption of the movie: The rewind button is my slave.

And so i finally got to watch the first show to its completion without being disturbed, following the story clearly and understanding all the implications of what's what.

The movie is absolutely enthralling, captivating. I find myself gawking at the screen, pulled into the story, living their journey, feeling their pain and anguish when they lose a friend. I realized that my face was contorted with horror as i watched Boromir fight even after 3 arrow shafts were protruding from his chest. And who could forget Gandalf? Kindly, intelligent, learned. Powerful yet is still vulnerable and fragile at the same time.

Of course, there is much more to be said. It's LOTR, yeah?

But.

Now. For The Two Towers. Which, unfortunately consists of VCDs, which my, ironically "too advanced lappie" cannot play.

:-<

Good Morning Buangkok. I'm seeing you at 7:30am now. *yawn* After 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

A and G take the opportunity to shoot while there's still time before the crowd builds up.

Soon, a whole barrage of students came and decided to give archery a try. Hope your interest in archery has been sparked!

Apart from the two very short but vicious showers, we had an ok time. S, whom i met for the first time, scouted around for Helium filled balloons and yep, you can guess what happened. Suddenly, we had a chipmunk in our midst, singing songs and swaying from side to side. And S, is NOT chipmunk proportioned. It was SO HILARIOUS, i laughed till my cheeks burned with pain.

And finally, my books shall be coming in this friday. WOOOOOOOOOOOT! I am just about the happiest person about it and my sister thinks i'm siao. I know this sounds insane, but i've decided that exam prep begins the minute i get my course materials. I want to get me Bs. I want.

Guess there'll be no xboxing for tonight.

I've got to be at our controversial mrt station first thing tomorrow morning for the opening carnival. Heh, and this time, we get to do demos with our bows, hence the need to lug my equipment along. The VIP is MP Teo Chee Hean ok?

Like i said, no xboxing tonight. Hmmmm.

For those of you who've always suspected that something is wrong and offbeat, that there was something not quite normal with joline... You're right and here's your confirmation...

You scored as Smeagel. You like fish and have split personalities you smeagel. Smeagel 67% Legolas Greenleaf 58% Frodo 58% Bormir 58% Pipin 58% Sam 50% Formir 50% Aragorn 42% Gandalf 42% Gimli 42% Mary 17% Which LOTR Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

I almost died laughing, can? And for the record, i do not have a love affair with fish. I also love beef and chicken, a lot, thankyouverymuch.

But i am so pek chek, i COULD'VE BEEN LEGOLAS YOU KNOW?! Dang.

*does best impersonation of Smeagal's ugliest smile*

(courtesy of K's blog)

I feel quite retarded leh, and i'll tell you why. As of (earlier) yesterday, i bore the artwork of my sister, which were the highlights in my hair. And then... in an attempt to soften the stark blondness of some parts just a wee bit *sob*, i "erased" most of the highlights (dyeing it a darker brown) and now it looks... like it wasn't dyed ever at all.

*Alamak* It's not so much of how i look now, but more of... I feel so bad that i wasted my sister's hard work and about 5 hours of her life. :~-( So, like i said, i feel quite retarded. Now i just need to hope that history would repeat itself, i.e., the dye would fade a bit after washing.

But i love the smell of the conditioner that comes with the hair dye. Fruity. Yum!

*** ***

The Archery Club of Singapore will be at Hougang to bring archery to the public once again. And yeappp, it's for the opening of our infamous White Elephant aka Buangkok MRT Station. Happening on the 15th of Jan, sunday, from 9am to 12pm.

Oh yeah, and Coach Joline doth strike again.

*** ***

I've got lobang! Got Lobang!!!

To all ACSians, (Anglo-Chinese School, not Archery Club of Singapore) Past, Present and To-Be AND to Every other interested party: The long awaited school funfair that happens every 2 years, Fun-O-Rama, is coming up, on the 18th of Feb, 9:30am to 6pm. Tickets at $10 each. Happening at Anglo-Chinese Junior College, as always. For info on tickets, you can email me at pony_curtis@hotmail.com

I'm really nice, see? So, don't scared!

If you're not there for the food, go there for the fun and games.
If you're not there for the fun and games, then go there to visit your teachers.
If you're not there for the teachers, then go look at the newly erected blocks and plasma TV.
If you're not there to appreciate the newly erected blocks and plasma TV, then go there to step on the track-that-Mr-Lenn-protects-with-monetary-threats.
If you're not there to step on the track and feign ignorance, then go and pretend that you're enjoying yourself.
If you're not there to pretend that you're enjoying yourself, then go and soak in the "AC Spirit". *cough**cough*
If you're not there to soak in the... Spirit, then go and make it an excuse to meet up with old friends!
If you're not there to rekindle friendships, then er.. go and parade yourself.
If you're not there to parade yourself, then go and see the parade... Trust me, got loads of eye candy one. *wink* To be fair, girls and guys also lah, ok!

Disclaimer: Err..., for that last sentence, it was my Year-2004-Self talking. My eyes very tame now one hor.

Oh wait, this is suppose to be a family friendly blog. Ok, tata!

P.S.: Library Gang girls, WE ARE GOING. WOOT!

Rainy, rainy, cold and shivery, wet, wet... Er. I want to go to IKEA and eat chicken wings. *skips around but frowns at the sight of the scene outside*

Nevertheless, it's purdy nice in a sense. Yesterday, i had fun slapping my slipper clad feet in puddles along Orchard Road. The feeling of the chilly, sloshy water flowing in and out again between my toes was refreshing, plus, i loved the way the water sprung up a few centimetres from the ground in a little sprinkly wave. (but point to note, do not attempt childhood rain fun behind richly dressed stranger.)

After a while, i got tired of opening and closing the brolly, and so i began to walk in the rain, not caring that i could hide under my sis's. The rain drops were big ole fat ones, heavy and shrieky-cold, but i enjoyed getting drenched. It's so liberating.

My memories of december was always that of rain, while january and february have always been that of clear, blue and sunny skies with sparse white clouds that bear no message of rain. That, and gusty winds that make me raise my face to stare into the beauty of the stereotypical high place we all call The Heavens.
Hmph. The climate's going wonky, if you ask me.

It's the kind of weather that encourages depressed people in their certain grim purposes, the kind of weather that, in the Northern Hemispheric context, causes a rise in deaths.

I've always had a penchant for talking about things that somehow find its way to Death.

***

After my 1st year in Uni during which i slogged and mugged for a good 8 months or so, i totally collapsed from exhaustion during the 4 months of break that led into 2005. And my engine of motivation never found its way to resume its momentum. I attribute that to the insane length of the academic year without a strategic June break and the long holiday which put me in a most inefficient frame of mind. And sadly, i stayed in that mentality for the whole of 2005, which gave me my cat and dog grades, although i still praise the Lord, because i really didn't deserve to pass.

This year, it's different. The engine's running, i feel focused, i am motivated. My lousy grades from the last two modules did nothing to give me discouragement, but instead has fueled my desire to do better, or at least, to correct the wrong areas in my life, get into shape to try harder. I don't have much time left in school and i need that nice looking cert if i am going to further my studies elsewhere.

Singapore's list of majors in local universities is Miserable.

The changes made to the marking system as well as the academic calendar gives me hope that i might stop hitting Cs. Having an "Elitist" (so i was told) as one of the new Heads in the school isn't too shabby either since they'll want to improve the university. So yeah, by all means, please rub shoulders with the high and mighty, if it means that we'll be recognized beyond our shores.

I have not lost ALL my cynicism, but i think i may have gotten too trusting. In which case, i'm not quite sure if that's a 100% good thing, but then again, why do i need to find something to be nitty gritty about?

I've grown accustomed to my high walls that i had carefully built over the years, though occasionally peeping through a slight opening that i sometimes allow, as i lower the drawbridge. People come, seeking. I speak to them and find something wanting.

This might sound a little offbeat, but as i was cutting onions the other day (and hopping up and down and flapping my arms wildly whenever the stinging of my eyes and tearing begins), i wondered if i was guilty of being one.
Er, yeah. An Onion.

The outermost layers are thin, superficial, dry, discoloured: That is the me i put on the outside. But as someone proceeds to probe deeper, finding out more about me, the layers get harder (and juicier? You find out more about me mah.) and i may sting you with the things that i say or hurt you because of the walls that i purposefully run to hide behind, separating you and me. It might hurt, it may even make you resent me. And finally, i will hurt you most when you take a knife to me, when you cut me, hurt me. That's when i will let loose my defensive mechanisms and in my fury, seek to attempt to make sure that you pay the price of my wrath.

(if you haven't seen that bitter side of me, you either do not know me very well, you haven't cheesed me off that much, or, i have managed to, er, tone my temper down.)

But then the walls finally came down, and i find myself standing liberated, in the open, on vast immense freedom. In a kind of freedom that i have never experienced before.

And so the onion, at the end of the day, had been cut, chopped and cooked up. And most onion dishes don't taste too far bad. :-)

Nay, i am in no rotten mood. And I shall stop right here.

Before i come up with a longer version of a New and Old Year post, let me first say to all friends (all inclusive, as long as you drop by this blog):

A Blessed New Year to You.

Let the old and bad fall away, to reveal a new and fresh spirit to take on what this new year of 2006 will bring. A clean slate, a whole new 364 days ahead of you to use to start something you've decided on to do, or to finish something that you've begun.