Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Dilemma. And don't expect it to be coherent.

I am suppose to head down to the gym as usual to meet up with the team for the weekly workout. I know that there's some, if not, just teeny tiny bit of expectation and such over yonder.

I haven't been shooting for a month, neither have i joined the team for gym workouts, though i do gym by myself, following coach's instructions.

But i am thinking. Is it really worth it anymore? There was a time that i would go all ahead with it, no matter what it took.

And i have come to a point where i am considering dropping the idea of joining the
archery team entirely.

The SEA Games is at the end of this year. Coach had plans, hence, me.

But all that had come to naught because of a whole series of events last year.
If not for all that nonsense, i think i would be happily training already for the Games. (IF and only IF the compound bow event is restored again)


First up, i have my academic committment, which is number one, or you could say, on par with God, or serving in church (music ministry).

I know that there ARE people who can handle doing a whole array of activities, but knowing my own capabilities, i have to humble myself and agree that i am not one of those super achievers.

As much as i wish to tell myself otherwise.

I am going to apply for a transfer of program to do my straight honours in SIM. I've decided that i am just going to chiong all the way, whether or not i just get a merit(or whatever you call it, for the life of me i can't remember), third, second lower/upper or first class honours, it doesn't matter anymore.

But naturally, i aim to do all i can to achieve what i can, whatever that is within my capability, with God in the picture, of course.
That means that i am so going to have to put in that extra amount to see myself get those grades i want, and that coveted classification.

Then again, i am also going to apply into NTU this year to see if i can get a place in the new psychology course they'll be offering. I know i've a very slim chance but a chance not taken, is a 100% lost. Versus, if you try anyway.
So, why worry? Just do it.

Doesn't really matter, at this juncture, whether i get a place or not. I am trying not to hope too much or visualize myself there.

Because, it is God's decision, His Will that i abide by. Where He puts me, will be for the best.

However, if i do get in, that means more time invested into school, and less time for extra stuff, like comepetitive archery.
Though, recreational archer, i will remain.

Secondly, I have also made a committment to serve in church as a musician. Not a full fledged one, as i'm going to start off training first, going for lessons, learning from existing bands.

It's not just about making or playing music, but it's a ministry in itself. THere is a level of committment with my time as well.
We will be meeting up for prayer and things, growing in the spirit together.
Very much like a cell group setting.

There's also my family, my friends.

But you see, i can't have everything. I have to make sacrifices. If i really want to join the team, i have to train, show my face, give up some of the things i want, for a dream, just for the dream, to really happen.

Am i willing to make those sacrifices? What do i need to carve off? What CAN i carve off?
What DO I HAVE that is all right to shed?

It has always been my dream to represent my country in something. OBVIOUSLY, i cannot do anything that requires super brain power like some certain Physics King we ACJC people from my batch would know of.

No, no. I am not the academically inclined sort.

So, when i was given the opportunity, doing the sport i love, no less, i jumped at it, only to be stopped by some internal problems.

So, weigh, weigh, weigh, the situation, i must.

For now, i just have to decide whether... i should be down at Bishan.

Till Then.
*chin cupped in palms. think think.*

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