Friday, August 13, 2004

Redemption and archery politics.

I don't think it's the weather though... It's lessened now but till there. Odd.
About your piece of advice. Point noted, thanks. I guess it's true that conforming to an ever changing standard is futile anyway and all one could ask for is to do our best. But ironically, i think i have not done my best to be what and who i can. Haha, ok, it's beginning to sound like the chicken or the egg kind of thing. And no... i didn't quite figure that one out myself, so it is good to hear it from someone. Thanks a lot, you always make me feel better. :-D
Oh EAah! Love taking pictures and putting them up although it is a little troublesome. I'm just not a very good photographer.

Aw, thanks... :-D! By the way, i couldn't help noticing that you know Liangcai, Alwyn has linked you and that you were from ACJC but I don't recall seeing you around in school though. Pardon me please. Which batch were you from?

Thanks girl. :-)

HAHHA, oh my goodness.... the thought of vampire doing anything is quite gross!!! *gag, gag*
But seriously, i would love to go back for the crispy noodles again. I've mentally listed it down for the next trip already. WOOhOO!
The lady in the polka dots? hoohohohoh... Skarly, she's some rich rich lady who retired early because she earned big bucks with a PhD in something or other previously??? Can buy a bike and afford to wear, erm... such flashy clothes.

But first up, i have to remember what i wrote...

*** ***

Ok, i decided to scrap, temporarily, the post i really wanted to type and put this one up instead.

Reason: while i was trying very hard to do my, blood pressure rising, one of the module final grade determinants, very challenging 1960s serious -h-- essay, this irritating thought was sitting on my shoulder screeching itself to me.

I cringe each time and decided i had to redeem myself. If i ever could.

*** ***

Apparently in JC2, we had one of our annual ACJC band concerts, held at the Victoria Concert Hall.

You know, in those days, the Esplanade wasn't around for ole ACJC to look good.

And it so happened that i was to play two minor solo parts from two songs.
The first, "... song without words" and the second, "L'Apprenti Sorcier", yes, that's right, the Sorceror's Apprentice.

I pray no one reading this went for that concert because you'd be nodding your head or shaking your head thinking: "OHHHhhh.... so YOU'RE the one who sounded SO bad!"

It was my FIRST EVER time playing a solo of any sort, for the band. (oh yeah, it's the Alto Saxophone)
I had no formal training at all (oh good grief, did i just sound like William Hung? But it's true!), not even as a previous band major in secondary school.

Problem with:
First solo - airy sound when lacking confidence
Second solo - pitch problems. Eg. flat or sharp

Initially during our pratices, first solo was so-so.
Second solo's pitching was right on the dot, perfect, in tune.
Just right on target and i was pretty happy with myself.

But strangely, with more practice and more attempts at perfecting the note, my pitch got WORSE and WORSE. The notes got flatter and flatter, it sounded SO AWFUL.

And for some reason, especially so on the silver saxophone. Extra flat on silver.
So, i switched to the gold one, which only helped a small bit.

On the day of the concert, my solo for the first song came out sounding SO AIRY and THIN. That happens when i play without confidence.

The solo bit actually comes out from almost-close-to-silence from the rest of the band, like a voice rising and speaking out from the quietening surroundings.

And so unprofessionally, i shook my head after that bad solo.
Imagine HOW many people saw that poor showmanship?!??!
TSK! I cringe even till this day.

The one that takes the cake for MAXIMUM EMBARRASSMENT was the second solo.
*cringes so bad*

The Sorceror's Apprentice begins with soft, high pitch, mystical sounds from a few of the percussion instruments(s).
Then the saxophone solo comes in, playing a trademark melody. Can't possibly explain in words.

But here are the notes: (1) D A A (the As are one octave apart) B C# D, followed by,
(2) F C C (the Cs are also one octave apart) D E F.

(1) Came out sounding SO SUPER DUPER ULTRA MONDO FFLLLAAATTT! It was SO EMBARRASSING. Imagine all the musically savvy people in the crowd must've been cursing me for auditory assault then.
And any RJC band people present most probably would've been sniggering away and feeling 100% sure of a next SYF Gold Medal.

(2) came out slightly sharp, as i was trying to salvage the previous 6 flat notes.

This time when i finished, one of my band mates hissed to me, "DON'T shake your head!"

I felt SOOOO unjustified. I knew i could do better, but for some reason, with more practice, came a performance less than perfect.
Whoever said "practice makes perfect" hasn't met me.

It was my first time ever that i did something out of the ordinary. Most of my life in ACJC was monotonous, not much camaraderie with the so-called "in" students and teachers, mugged till no end, never went to an AC party before, never felt included in the band as frequencies run diametrically opposite to each other.

So you see, the opportunity to do something different was blown to bits. I think of how i let my conductor down, and i feel so awful.

It's all in the past already, yeah, yeah.
No point feeling bashed up by it, yeah, yeah.
BUT still.
But anyway.
I'm done with this.
*in a dramatic voice*: Now... you know my story.

*** ***

Friday the 13th indeed.

1. I can say with almost 100% certainty that i will no longer be training in the national training team.

2. The trunk keeping my bow has been emptied and my bow is with someone i hardly know.

3. The range warden, whom we have taken a fond liking to, is now no longer working at the range.

4. There's more but i cannot mention those.

Of course friday the 13th never meant anything to me. But this time, i'm getting quite a shelling.


*At this moment, imagine joline saying and doing the unmentionables all in one long sequence.*


Time for me to play the game as well? I cannot imagine myself getting involved. I don't WANT to get involved!

It's just done all in the name of their OWN SELFISH desires.


*shakes fist*

May judgement fall upon you one day. Take your chances, do what you wish but may Justice be served to right the wrong you have committed!

What's the purpose of this management committee?
To function for the good of all archers...? YEAHHH RIIGGHHHTT...!!!

*** ***

I seem to have lost some physical resilience. Previously, i could sleep real late but still wake up feeling pretty fine.
But since the spate of headaches, (which is still around) i am affected the next morning when i sleep late the night before.
Like now.


The essay! Oh no, ok, gotta run.

Till then.

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