Friday, February 23, 2007

drawing near

This sounds rash but i'll still say it. I want to always be in a state of spiritual brokenness. Because that's the only time when every song i sing and hear makes so much more personal sense and is filled with so much more meaning than when i am feeling as if everything is going my way. It's the only time when i feel closest to God, that when i pray, i pray with a sense of welcoming emptiness, a sense that God is calling and wanting me to draw near to Him to feel satisfied in Him alone, to fill that void.

But can one "maintain" spiritual brokenness? What "causes" that brokenness? Is it a willful decision or a consequence of environmental events?

Implications... Implications... Hmmm...

***

I was speaking with a friend, and she has neatly summed up the kaypoh-ness that i have, which i think can be an occupational hazard in the psychological/counselling line, into a nice euphemism: Kaypoh = Concern.

I like. Heehee.

2 comments:

Pope @ David said...

I see Brokeness as: "a circumstances-triggered direct response to events &/or an intentional humbling of oneself in the acknowledgement of one's fallen-nature."

Circumstances under God's sovereignty are opportunities for drawing closer to Him. I think it makes a difference to commune with Him constantly; simply by acknowledgeing His (omni)presence. This shields us against faith-testing lies of the Enemy. (".)

Apart from being in the "broken/empty-state" for songs to make "personal sense", do you feel that being in a state of joyfulness can allow you to commune deeply as well?

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*Feels blessed to be with Dear Doctor Jo* (^.^)

joline said...

pope @ david:

Ok, both sound feasible and like it has happened before. But the implication i am looking for is, "can brokenness be manufactured"? So, can we truly, to the core, feel humbled just by deciding to be so? I'm not saying we can't, i'm just wondering if doing that is as impactful as having something environmental happening to us.

Actually, personally, i find that being in a state of joyfulness can result in a rather shortlived kind of communion.

But then, here are so many jargon-margons that i think i'd prefer to discuss this in length.

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Does it occur to you that you'll forever be monitored and poked at and interrogated?