This weekend was sweet, because i knew my heavenly daddy has been speaking to me, assuring me of his promises despite some personal issues, through some people over the last two days during cell group and service.
And what he's been saying is gently probing me in my current state of inertia and lukewarmness. Not that i feel disconnected or disappointed in God, but rather it's me who's decided to not call him as often and so it's a bit like:
"Hi dad, yes, good morning, thanks for the new day! I love it, thanks for the food, i know you're here with me..." And that's it. No communion time.
So yes, because of this "distance" i created, i recently have felt as though it's obvious that God wouldn't want to care too much about me or assure me anymore of his love and forgiveness, especially when i have faltered here and there.
But of course that is rubbersquash because he lives for this very reason: To give hope, love, life and acceptance to all sinners who come to him.
As you can see, it's quite nonsensical to think that he wouldn't accept me (or anyone else for that matter) anymore, because it's his very perfect nature to receive and love the broken.
(Excuse me while i laugh at my silliness and enjoy my epiphany. Teehee.)
Very briefly, during cell group worship time, a word was released that God is there to and will forgive those of us who have sinned and all we needed to do is just lay them down and let him do the rest. It was as though it was the most important word for the night. And well, it was the only one that night during worship.
Just before that word was given, right where i was, i was reminded of some things, and that i was sinner... And deep down inside my heart and mind, i needed to know that God will forgive and has forgiven me. Yeah, so i felt really blessed and i smiled to myself, thinking "Thank You Lord". :-)
Topic for cell that night was on "Love".
Lo and behold, very much of what was stressed during worship time during service and before the communion took place was "Love". O.O
We were told to pair up with someone and think about the first thing/ask God for something that represents Love. (which very coincidentally was not similar but pretty much close to what we did during cell the previus night)
A few things and objects ran through my mind. Pretty cliche stuff, but then i recalled a friend telling me how the "home cooked meal" that she gets to eat is like an expression of love by the person who prepared the food. Somehow, this concept stuck quite strongly and i thought, "Ok, this will be it."
I shared this with my impromptu partner, P.
(Note: P is someone i know by name, but not very well.)
Why did you pick "Home cooked meal?" P inquired of me. I thought she was asking because it sounded quite absurd. (it did, to me at least)
"Well, because... The food that's prepared is like someone preparing it out of love and care... And the meal brings people together so that they can come together to fellowship and bond."
("Family that eats together stays together".)
To tell you the truth, i was close to bursting into tears. I felt my throat tighten, my voice crack and waver and felt tears welling up in my eyes. Good thing i was done before the niagara falls opened shop.
Usually when that happens (overwhelming urge to cry, not just tearing, while talking), i surprise even myself. It's as if i can't even anticipate how i'm going to react and that the way i react is way out of my control. I mean, usually you would be able to acknowledge that you feel a certain emotion before reacting. Eg. Anger before losing your temper, Sadness and Hurt before crying.
When i was done, P said, "Very strange that you said 'home cooked meal', because... (then she tells me about a certain family member.)"
Wow. I'm blown away. :-) Like, what seemed like a random thought (though it did stick once i thought of it) was applicable to her personally. Not so random after all. *knowing smile*
Her image for me was of a ring, adorned with a ruby that signified "precious" and a diamond that meant "committment". In God's eyes, i'm precious and his love is unconditional and everlasting. :-)