Tuesday, August 21, 2007

about dads: in heaven and earth

I'm baacckk. After a week of hiatus. I didn't quite have anything interesting to say, and for obvious reasons, i didn't think i could move on with a clear state of mind what with some issues bugging me. While i'm ok now, i know that my heart and mind need to heal slowly. But nothing too tragic that i cannot handle... With God of course. God has been revealing a lot of things to me about myself recently, good thing i wrote them all down. I strongly believe that as i clear the obstacles, i'll be able to better live out the "abundant life" that Christ really means for us to enjoy in Him. :-)

Ok, i've not been running as intensely and as often as i like these days despite having a run coming up this sunday. I'll be running with my brot.... er, i mean, sister, Ambrose! Time for a cliche: we'll be "running this race together" just as we will run the race of life as siblings in Christ.

Singapore Bay Run, here we come!


The other day, i had a bad bout of bloating because of this IBS thingy (that's "irritable bowel syndrome" for you) and i was so visibly upset that when my mom asked me what was wrong, i cried as i told her how frustrated i was since i thought i was getting much better already. And i was (still am) taking such expensive medicines.

And so it is within a family that news passes around as quickly as Jed eats food. Mom asked if i wanted someone to pray for me, and i said yes... So she told my dad about it and as i was lying on my bed, feeling bloated and all, dishevelled-after-shower-wet-hair, tear stained face plastered to and half hiding behind my thick bolster, my dad walked into my room to talk to me.

He said that sometimes, we get afflicted with problems in life. Not everyone can be in perfect health... And being a christian, we are not exempted from it either. It just teaches us to rely and trust in God. We can pray and ask for healing, and if God heals us, great!, but if he doesn't, praise and thank him anyway. Believing in God is not about the good times only, but also in the bad.

We don't stop praising or thanking him when we go through tough times (God is God, and he alone is worthy of praise, so it's not how we feel, what he does for us, or what we go through that is an indicator of how intensely we should be worshipping him).These are the very words that i tell myself and other people all the time. It's as if the test for me to believe in these very words is here. Dad spoke to me in a logical, kind of disciplining, yet very gentle way. I wonder what he thought about his daughter at that point in time as he looked at me in that rather pathetic looking predicament.

I could only nod my head slightly every time i agreed with him, sniff, blink my swollen eyes and utter "Mm." at intervals.

So after he spoke to me, we closed our eyes and he prayed for me. It was simple, sincere, love-and-wisdom filled. I felt like crying some more, not because of what was being said in his prayer, but because my daddy had placed his hand gently on my belly and that he was praying for me! My daddy was praying for me!

It's not that my dad would not do something like this for me if i had asked at other times. But it was just how he doesn't always show his love in such a tender and loving way, and how he is always the critical man he is during conversations and has always something to say for everything that i do. I was just touched that here i am, having some personal time with my dad (or dads? you know, the one in heaven) when i was feeling vulnerable and in need.

So yeah, i don't quite know how to end this post except to tell you that i am in tears now again just thinking about that experience and that there's nothing like knowing that there ARE people who care for and love you.

PS: The other night, over dinner, dad said: "Don't eat too much chilli ah, it'll give you gas." In my usual stubborness, i just nodded and smiled slightly (i like chilli ok!) and didn't really say "yes ok". But i took heed of his advice, and though i usually hear warnings as irritating nagging, in my heart i heard very loudly the "I love you" that my dad had just said to me.

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