Sunday, March 18, 2007

I'm amazed at the extent of hurt that i feel right now, and especially so when the hurt is caused by someone i care about.

Imagine having a secret and concealed vulnerable spot about yourself suddenly exposed and blasted down with a bazooka, leaving you... well, with nothing. Not even nakedness.

You might think that it's trivial. But such "trivial" things have much deeper roots, and you have just discovered it. And possibly at a price.

Because of what you have done, you've succeeded in giving me back my fuel and substantiated one of the reasons why i will always detest men. Some have spoken earlier to me about letting go and forgiving, and i almost thought i could. BUT WOW, congratulations, you have ignited again and fanned my hatred.

But when i awoke today, i knew that i couldn't possibly care any less about consciously changing myself for you. I really don't care, and i won't even try to. Even in wanting to reach my goals? I do so but only for myself, not you. I refuse to give you the pleasure of getting what you thought about. Because you don't deserve it.

Despite my resolve, i know that deep down inside, you have already destroyed what little strength and confidence that i've built over the years in dealing with my weakness. You have snuffed it out entirely. I cannot even accept myself right now for who i am. I cannot even stop the echoing of your condemning voice in my head.

If this's not a crime for coming close to killing a part of someone's spirit, i don't know what else is.

8 comments:

lakeside girl said...

Feelin better?

If not, here's a joke:

Joke of the Day

Hehe! Cheers! <3

joline said...

lakeside girl:

Think i'll take some time to recover from this one, and I rarely ever feel like this... and thanks for the cheeky joke to cheer me up lah girl. hahaha... :-p

Jem said...

Hmm... Don't have a clear idea of what's the problem. BUT, rest assured that you can always boil some durian seeds and throw them at that big tree that's home to all the birds that make walking under it a disaster...

joline said...

jem:

wa seh, that was totally random lah, but i tell you it made me laugh out loud at like some loony. HAHAHA. durian seeds, i like the idea.

Anonymous said...

i hope u r feeling better now

joline said...

anon:

thanks. :-) in some ways i am, but in some ways i'm not... as much as i'm upset, for now i've to shove everything into a corner because i've got schoolwork to deal with first.

Liangcai said...

cheer up! just for randomness, the word verification thing made me type "icptuid" before I could drop a comment. Made me feel like I was writing "Istupid" in a really stupid way. Haha ;)

joline said...

liangcai:

Hey thanks my friend... Am glad for your comment! haha... ufunny la.

anyway, i hope your mini army's building up nicely!