A post for the girls

*mumble*
What do i get for wearing my really pretty Bysi skirt to work on tuesday? Ruthless mosquito bites on my otherwise scar-free thigh! Cheekopek mosquitoes. >8-(
Pffftt.

***

Sorry ah guys, i've warned you already, this is a post for the girls, so it's going to be either super hilarious to you, or super boring. Hoho. :-)

I don't know why i'm doing this, but man, i wanna share information!

After years and years of searching and spending my meager student's savings on products that REALLY improve the skin and keeps it that way, it has finally culminated and resulted in these 3 bottles.






(1) Cellnique Pro-Sebum Gel: $69.90
The product that really improved the condition of my skin dramatically. Not that my face resembles a baby's butt though. But after using it daily for a week plus, pimple outbreaks are close to zilch, reduced blackheads, skin feels more smooth and supple. Not KIDDING. And no bribery either. Can be used on its own or with (2).

(2) Olay Total Effects Serum: forgot price
I used to use it on its own overnight. Not bad, but i suspect that it would work better if you don't have oily skin like me. Skin became supple but no change for pores. Now, i use it with (1) and it's optimum this way so far.

(3) The Body Shop, Vitamin C Skin Boost: $36+
I'm not sure how great this is yet since skin has already improved from using (1). Because it's a recent addition i haven't used it for very long too, so i can't see obvious differences. But still, i think that skin needs Vit C, so i'll be using this. I like the fact that it's a serum and not a cream. Cream tends to make my face oily, clogs up my pores and causes zits.

Ok, i think the only thing i've missed out here is my face wash, which is the L'Oreal Pure Zone scrub. What i would love now is for the scars to lighten...
So there you have it! Please tell me if my complexion still sucks though, i don't want to be a Happy Deluded. Hur hur.

Had a birthday dinner with my library gang members yesterday! I can no longer say "library gang girls" as a default term because the gang now consists of one husben and one boyflen liao. How times have changed and moved along.

Anyway, my Diva, hope you enjoyed yourself! ;-P (despite the miscomm and my annoyed rumblings...)

Some (limited space and time, i'm sorry) of the photos are up on our yahoo group for viewing!

***

After the relatives left for the land across the straits, peace and quiet is once again restored to the home, and there's more space to move about in. Hur. It was fun while they were here, and i've discovered that i'm not that bad with children after all!

(case in point: when niece was crying from being in an unfamiliar environment and was calling for her granny, i went to her, held and soothed her, and she actually stopped crying. :-) I'm so pleased with myself. But then again, maybe she stopped crying because she wanted me to get away from her asap... Why? Because i was in my post-exercise gear which was reeking of Super Stink of the Century. heh heh.)

That said though, my niece is an intelligent 4 year old girl and is easy to talk to, so it wasn't too hard to get along with her. For now, i'm ok with kids who aren't the maddening frisky types.

After some introspection and reflection, i realize that one of the reasons why i dislike (or disliked? I'm still learning...) children was because i used to hold the perspective that they were innately wicked beings, and from there, it's easy to think horribly of them, get irritated by them and to find fault with them. But if you choose to see them as innocent little humans in need of nurturing, they definitely become more loveable.

Well, i choose to see them in both lights, but most importantly, i'm trying to love them, whoever they may be and however they come packaged as.

Another reason why i've always resented children (and hopefully this will be a thing of the past) stems from my own past of intense feelings of jealousy and neglect when my parents didn't give me the attention i wanted. This was especially so when there was another baby in the room. I grew to hate babies and young children with a vengeance, because all the love and attention was lavished on them, and i was pushed aside because "i was big already, no need to be baby-ed". Whenever the topic of having another sibling came up, i would SCREAM, CRY, and say nasty things to my parents.

I remember clearly how i always complained about not getting the affection i wanted. Yes, i actually used the word "affection" to my parents, even as a young kid.

While i still get caught in the darkness of my past bitter experiences, i'm on a journey to learn to soften my heart towards children, to appreciate them in totality, in their stages of development, to see them less as perfectly formed and informed monsters and more as little humans who need to be taught. I know for a fact that some behaviours of children are definitely NOT kind, and may even border on intended evil (trust me, i KNOW.) but that's because their actions are uncontrolled and not regulated by the "right/acceptable belief systems".

My dad and his friend drove 12 miles for...

I missed his call on my phone, so when i returned it, i was informed that he was on the way home and had with him an unopened box of "Krispee Krips" (<-- i quote dad). You cannot imagine how happy his two daughters were. I've heard so much about it but never had a taste. But oh man... this is the holy grail of all sinful doughnuts.

(above) "Krispee Krips"! (which dad left unopened for 2 days till he came home) All the way from the States! WOOHOO!
(It's CRAZY sweeet though... but still, who wants to be my good friend now? ;-P)

*Drool*

My dad is such a sweetie! Although on a business trip, he took some time off to drive to Washington to buy these doughnuts that his daughters were blabbering about. When i get older and have the spending power, i shall pamper my dad too. But that aside, i'm sure that as age catches up, the thing that would make him and mom happy is when we choose to spend time with them despite managing our own lives before God takes them home.

Currently, my home is housing representative members from 4 generations. For fear of being branded "the strange daughter" (not that i'm not, but it wouldn't do for everyone to know now, would it?) i have restrained myself from asking everyone to line up in a row to see how genetics has worked. And well, for the simple fun of seeing relatives all standing in one row, and taking a snapshot.

The next best, and perhaps the more socially acceptable method would be to resort to the less obvious: of snapping when everyone is seated down eating together.

Anyways, i am so dead right now. Essay is due next tuesday, i haven't begun writing, i need one week to write a decent essay but my net time available is NOT one week. T_T
I'm so relying on God to sustain my concentration, my writing skills and thought processes.

Wanted to post up the pictures of ACJC, but i couldn't get down to the editing fast enough... and i'm at the clinic working today. Oh well.

Observations of the day (so far):

1. Babies/Children are puke reservoirs that have deadly aim.

2. Baby puke is way better (less destructive to everyone) than adult puke.

3. Baby's father was just AWESOME in handling the situation and his child, despite having to deal with being in a populated bus, the jerky bus ride, baby puke all over his work clothes and cleaning up the mess (even the puke on the FLOOR!).
I salute him big time. He was calm, collected, polite to the people around him and still loving towards his little toddler. His wife (who wasn't there) would be so proud. :-)

4. I couldn't help but feel a sense of identification and endearment (<--weird i know!) when i let my gaze shift slowly from person to person as they were catching their 40 winks on the way to work on the bus this morning. I just felt like we were all in this system of life together, of having to work for a living and trying to make good in each of our lives.

5. My new Bysi skirt that i'm wearing now at work is very pretty. (got it at a sale, 2 skirts at $23!) Thank goodness D and i walked by Bysi that day at IMM. ;-D

6. I hate the feeling of being sleepy at work. Especially when you are the ONLY frontdesk person around. You're the first person clients see when they walk in, and you're the first person your boss sees when he steps out from his office. You can imagine how horrifying it is to be caught sleeping on the job! You feel imprisoned and you can't escape for the next few hours. The only way is to either msn (if you have kind friends) or drink water. The sleepiness hits bad after lunch, and more so when you're attempting to read your textbook.

This's all for now!

My Jed(i) Master

Just a silly picture to bring some cheer to anyone out there who's feeling sad (like myself).

His full name's actually Jedidiah, fyi.

(Many thanks to mom's floor mat and clothes clip, and Jed who miraculously stood stonestill while we guffawed and went positively trigger happy)

I'm amazed at the extent of hurt that i feel right now, and especially so when the hurt is caused by someone i care about.

Imagine having a secret and concealed vulnerable spot about yourself suddenly exposed and blasted down with a bazooka, leaving you... well, with nothing. Not even nakedness.

You might think that it's trivial. But such "trivial" things have much deeper roots, and you have just discovered it. And possibly at a price.

Because of what you have done, you've succeeded in giving me back my fuel and substantiated one of the reasons why i will always detest men. Some have spoken earlier to me about letting go and forgiving, and i almost thought i could. BUT WOW, congratulations, you have ignited again and fanned my hatred.

But when i awoke today, i knew that i couldn't possibly care any less about consciously changing myself for you. I really don't care, and i won't even try to. Even in wanting to reach my goals? I do so but only for myself, not you. I refuse to give you the pleasure of getting what you thought about. Because you don't deserve it.

Despite my resolve, i know that deep down inside, you have already destroyed what little strength and confidence that i've built over the years in dealing with my weakness. You have snuffed it out entirely. I cannot even accept myself right now for who i am. I cannot even stop the echoing of your condemning voice in my head.

If this's not a crime for coming close to killing a part of someone's spirit, i don't know what else is.

Daddy God has done it again.. Muah haha. He surprises me even in the little things, and i love it.

A while ago, i realized that i had TOTALLY forgotten where my 512MB SD card was. I was looking high and low for it, and it wasn't in the place where i had last seen it. I sat down and tried to picture the likeliest place that it could be in, but i had NO recollection at all. NONE.

I'm alone at home, so i said out loud: "God... Where IS my SD card? I have NO recollection of it whatsoever..."

And guess what... in about 1-2 seconds, a clear picture of the Canon's camera pouch popped into my mind. I was like: "Oh YEA HOR! It might be in there cos i placed it in there for the ROM photo taking." So i grabbed it and excitedly rummaged through it and tadah! Found my SD card!

Heehee, Daddy God, you're the bestest lah. *hug*

***

Total field day man... I was wiped out by 9:30pm (and thus missed HALF of Prison Break! Rahh). Thank God it was a nice hot day, and rain didn't get in the way of my photo and video taking plans.

I found out that Mr P Cheong has since moved to teach at the land of white and green. Shocking, i know. But he apparently felt so strongly about things that were going on (or not going on) in ACJC that he left. :-(
That says a lot for someone who's been teaching there for years and is an old ACS boy himself.

Pictures up perhaps next week. Most aren't too interesting for general viewing but they hold personal significance for old school mates and myself.

***

Are there any better ways to burn fat than by running? I'm getting bored of running! I've tried mild versions of aerobics and kick boxing only to slink away from ever doing it again because i look like a complete freaking elephant trying to co-ordinate her flappy ears, swingy trunk and stompy legs. That is, my limbs are ungracefully all over the place.

I like doing strength training, and would love for the, ahem, side benefits to show up. But there'll be no muscles seen if the stubborn layers of fat refuse to budge!

Tomorrow, or technically today, i'll be returning to ACJC (Anglo-Chinese Junior College). To do some video-ing.

Anyway, while i was er, pulling off stray eyebrow hairs, memories of those days when i was student there kept replaying in my mind. I remember how on the very first day of school after the real 'O' levels were out and classes were finalised, i received a badly needed hug from a new friend from my newly allocated class 1SC10 (Germ! Heehee, now a life-long friend) at the entrance of the girl's toilet at the canteen because i was feeling so darn lousy about the day.

Apparently, i was mourning over changes to the norm and i felt very unsettled, generally upset about having new people, new surroundings and having the stress of school and just every THING, lumped altogether. During recess i was honestly close to tears as i sat at the brightly coloured table, and i remember having L (a new friend at the time too, freshly imported from SAJC, but now life-long friend) at my table and she said something like: "Ok, we better stop talking now... or else Joline will burst into tears...". *chuckle*

Just a few (actually a lot) of the things i remember:

- The mad PE lessons,
- the "sacred" 400m running track,
- my first relationship (that taught me a gabillion things) and the late nights, screaming and crying! (lots of it!)
- the kooky teachers,
- the nicknames of class cliques (mine was dubbed the "Library Gang" for obvious reasons),
- the silent disliking of some people (which i hope is now considered childish and non-existent),
- pontanging of classes during exam season,
- failing chemistry and chinese AO over and over,
- chapel (i distinctly remember praying one specific prayer one fine chapel day and guess what, today that prayer stands ANSWERED. Amen!)
- playing the hall's grand! piano! that was temporarily relegated to LT 3 during free periods,
- band practices that i both loved and hated (loved the music, hated the superficial relationships with some band mates)
- the cheapest food ever: yong tau foo
- lousiest and total rip-off food ever: western stall
- staple food: beef hor fun, mixed veg/meat + rice, ovaltine/milo biscuits, yong tau foo, chicken rice, small snack stall
- never tried before food: the "makan bagus" stall (muslim food)
- the highly sought after chicken chop from the cafe at the Sports Complex (that later declined in quality)
- swimming lessons when guys and girls alike felt awkward in their bare minimums (unless you were a swimmer or water polo-er)
- Base Class: 7.12 (dang, or was it 7.14?)
- lots of good looking and ungettable guys
- lots of pretty and (OBVIOUSLY) ungettable girls
- giggling and howling (with laughter) over silly things (which one? too many to remember lah.)

Ok, enough, enough. At least this is a sign that i can still remember my school days which is a relief to me. *phew*

Oh, and then i also realized that....... I was thinking of one particular teacher, who is rich, kind of cute, kooky, eh... probably still unmarried. And it dawned on me that a student of his has already beaten him to the signing on the dotted line. Woah. I think it'll knock his socks off if he ever finds out. If i see him tomorrow, i'll be sure to spill the beans to him. *snortchuckle*

Tra lala, now to ensure that i'm really going tomorrow morning... I need to hit the sack now! *whistle*

7th December 2006

Dear God,

I worked hard, many a hour sitting and dealing with mundane and sometimes challenging tasks.
So when the day came that i looked upon that cream coloured slip with a more-than-usual-amount, i beamed with satisfaction over my due for a week's worth of hard work.

Then i remembered what was due to you, my tithes from my toil and time.
I was however, calculative and dreaded taking out that sum from my hard earned money as a sacrifice and act of worship,
But i did it anyway in obedience.

When saturday arrived, i made sure i had the notes in my pocket, ready to give it out of rightful duty.

But as i counted it and clutched it in my hands awaiting for the bag to come by, i caught myself experiencing a small, and involuntary bubbling sense of joy within my being, as if a shy but gleeful child was looking up, smiling and saying in a soft, sweet voice:
"Father God, i'm so pleased to give this to you. It isn't easy to do this, but as your child, i really want to offer this up to you."

It's so obvious really, but it was only then when i realized and experienced the difference between acting out of duty and acting out of love and reverence, despite the same action arising from the need to obey a commandment.

Thank you for teaching me life's lessons Daddy.

From Your Daughter,
Joline

random jed picks

There was a time when Jed looked silly as a pup when he stood over his water bowl... (one of my favourite shots of him)












But this time, he really DID something silly. He threw his rawhide bone into this waterbowl and couldn't get it out despite repeated attempts of batting at it with his paw. He only succeeded in spilling his water onto the floor.















His water bowl evolution.
From left to right, the first bowl: too lightweight and he began kicking his water over to spill it all over the place. Second bowl: it has got a weighted bottom, but it still didn't stop him from sticking his paw into the bowl and dragging it so that water spills out. Third bowl: You might recognise this one...... It's the "tombok" thingy (you know, the uber heavy stone bowl that probably your grandma or mom uses to mash spices together in) with a plastic bowl sitting inside it. This one proved to be a success and Jed couldn't upset his water bowl anymore. Fourth bowl: his current one, bought cheaply from IKEA, and i think it's prolly cos mom wanted the tombok back.


(experimenting with the cropping borders. i picked this one because it's kinda like the red cross sign) This was taken when Jed went to see the vet for his itchy skin. Hence the Elizabethen collar to keep him from licking the areas of skin with medicine rubbed into it.
I can't get enough of those ears. Teehee.














One of those pictures that make me want to snorgle my face against his and make silly baby cooing noises.















A trip to the dog run where he met one of the many Jack Russells. No, i do not know the guy in pink. Isn't Jed a handsome little munchkin...? He's my handsome little munchkin.

Pweentsop Fun!

I just bought this new software called "The Printshop Deluxe ProPublisher". For some of you who hail from around my, *ahem* generation, you may have had some experience with the earlier versions of The Printshop. I had a nice daddy who bought my sister and i such arty farty stuff to kickstart our creativity and... well, computer geekdom.

(honestly, i'm disappointed that it wouldn't allow me to save a photo with an edited-in border... so i had to do it manually as you can see. And it's no where as nice as the pre-made ones though. *sigh*)

As the years have passed and since kids get older... we buy mostly our own stuff now. So while i was shopping for a nice software thingy to edit photos (the original Adobe Photoshop software is maliciously priced. It's no wonder that people turn to piracy) i came across the now much more advanced version of Printshop! Lala!

And so as i'm glancing through the pre-made cards, familiarising myself with the functions and putting two and two together, i discover: "OH!!! So THAT'S HOW I CAN USE THE APPLICATIONS!" It's quite mind boggling as i sift through the designs and realize how creativity is so unique such that whether or not you get an idea for something is an "all or nothing" concept. The things that you can do seems so infinite (at the moment, to my googly eyes and drooly tongue) as long as you can think of an ingenius design on your own.

I feel as if my ideas-for-xxx are broadening, but yet i also feel like my mind is so boxed in by convention and past experience that it seems hard to not "steal" bits and pieces of already existing ideas.

I awoke today with the knowledge that i've got loads of things to do: Things to research and accomplish for others and myself. It's all good and it's going to keep me busy i guess. Even as i'm thinking of the backlog right now, i can feel the tingle of anticipation running throughout my body to my toes.

Sometimes i inevitably cause myself to panic when i sit down and really count the number of things i'm expected to do, the roles that i'm expected to fulfill and the duties and jobs that i'm suppose to accomplish. It's fun and to some extent i'm enjoying the notion that i've got stuff to engage myself with, but yet i cannot help but wish that i could complete everything instantly with one press of a button.

But it's quite a peaceful day for me so far, in the quiet of the house with Jed sleeping soundly on my bed. Somehow i feel like time is moving at a lovely easy pace. Yet at the back of my mind, a lot of things are poking at me to get my booty moving, but somehow i know it's all under control.
Goal setting and planning is in order for the next few weeks, a month or so.

Guess i'm going to need to get cracking or else this sense of control isn't going to last much longer. Daddy God, thank you for being here with me. :-)

Typing an essay out on a cold and rainy thursday afternoon is a pleasure only if you've got your beloved pet dog nestled in your lap like a hot (and furry) water bottle. Him lying here also helps me stay put in my seat to complete my essay, because i cannot bear to move him and i really needed to finish this essay by today.

Somehow his smelly doggy scent that wafts up my nose is lovely to my "K9 parental senses" and it makes me bend over to koochee him every now and then, which rouses him from his sleep.

This is the longest that he's ever stayed on my lap for a snooze... He's bigger and heavier now and perhaps he doesn't fit as well as before, but times like these bring me back to the days 4 years ago when he was a much smaller little black grub, no bigger than a small cat, who also spent some of his sleeping time curled up on my lap cosily wrapped in cloth as i did my school work at my study table.

***

My dad's who's an old ACS boy got Founder's Day dinner tonight leh. He said that the whole cohort for his year successfully filled two dinner tables. Not bad, i say. How come my SCRUM Network group leader not working one?