Monday, January 24, 2011

i don't know why. i'm beginning this year with very strange negative vibes and feelings. it's as if, i'm angry at something, angry with a group of people, just plain angry at everything. it's making me just want to retreat to a very faraway place, to just communicate at the minimum level with people. although i know that that would make me feel lonely after a while. but still.

i also get this feeling of intense dissatisfaction. i don't know if this is because i've been away and i've seen another side to life. i wonder if other travellers feel the same way too.

it's feelings that come from knowing that there is so much more to life out there than here in Sg. The market here is so small, our daily occurrences are so small in comparison to what's happening out there. Basically, perspectives are so limited here.

You have to FIGHT for what you want to do. It seems like such a tough and unforgiving kind of society. Or, seems so. Life here seems to be about neverending striving, pace of life keeps you stressed and wanting to keep up to par with everyone and with expectations of society, of yourself and others. It's all about the doing, doing, doing, doing.

I know how Jonah from the bible feels. Knowing God's calling but wanting to run away from it. Running in the opposite direction, far far away. While Jonah knew God was calling, I have simply forgotten. I find myself wondering: did God really call me into this field of work? I can't remember.

Where has my heart gone, Lord? I feel it hiding underneath so much disappointment, angst and dissatisfaction. Can you revive it Lord, like, genuinely revive my heart? I feel so dead.

7 comments:

zzen said...

jo, u r nt dead.u are just wondering is there more to life than wat u have now? jo,everybody feels the same too, they want a peaceful fulfiling life. they want love, they want good career, they want friends,good food , a future they work for to turn out great.but reality is happiness include the ability to tolerate uncertainity.u can do better by improving ur life, but truth is things happened, pple changed, u change, life is a rose but with thorns

Anonymous said...

he will light a way, when there seems to be no way. *singsong*

weizhen said...

For life to be great, your faith must be stronger than your fear.

Life is beautiful, if only i realised it earlier.

Have faith that everything will be alright in the end.If it is not alright, it is not the end.

The most important questions in life are unanswerable.

I loved boldly, fiercely, I have not lived in vain

Life is not about reaching the destination, but smelling the roses along the way

joline said...

zen:

thanks girl, i'm really comforted because you really get what i mean. thanks so much, truly.

anon:

i'm praying for that, thanks.

zen chan said...

thanks for saying my words are comforting. so are ur advice for so many problems of mine over the years.Maybe i dun meet up that often with u, maybe in the past we disagreed.Maybe we are those frends who despite not physically ard, but we are emotionally aware.Thank you god!

Lucille♥Love said...

There's always a purpose in God's plan for our lives...although right now (for a season) it's like fighting a war in the desert place,you could also see it as a training ground to forge your character...and equip you with skills for the road ahead. Sometimes God's pruning can be miserable and painful thing...to which he will reply with : "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you"

Lucille♥Love said...

maybe you just need to walk away from everything for a while Jo...even Jesus needed his own "me-time"