In Christ alone, my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
What an experience it was at today's service's worship time. First, it's the first time i'm being accompanied by the synthesizer, and second, i've never had my pastor come up to me to tell me to play out...
We were having a time of free worship after the New Doxology song, and she came up on stage to come alongside me. I knew she wanted to tell me something but my hands were busy on the keys. It was quite amusing to me how she had to gingerly lift my long hair away from my right ear to try to speak to me. I took a moment to pause and remove my in-ears and she told me, "play out a Song of Beauty" and she said "play out... you're holding back"
Boy, i was scared. I mean, what? Me? You mean i have free reign over my chords? Wouldn't i be sidelining the rest of the band since i would be launching into my own tune? And then another part of me was saying: C'mon! This is it! You've always wanted to break out from prescribed progressions, now you can break out into anything!
More so though, i was hesitant about something so new and bold, but i heeded my leader's encouragement and went for it. I just played whatever i thought i should. Whatever the Holy Spirit led me to. On hindsight, i WAS SO GLAD it was in a familiar key, Key of G with just one sharp (F#). Haha.
There were moments when a song of beauty was released, and there was another moment when I distinctively felt God asking me to play C and B repeatedly, as a resounding call saying, "Children, Children". Like He was singing out and calling us. And then the other notes was Him saying, "Hear me. I love you, I love you". At one point, our worship leader J also started to sing out God's message to us.
I could hear my heartbeat thumping fast and loudly in my ears (cos the in-ears closed out other noises) because i was so nervous and hesitant... I wasn't sure what the next chord was suppose to be. I know i hit some weird chords when i meant to play something else.
But i tried... Tuning in my "antenna" as best as i could to the Lord and to play accordingly. As i was playing, i remembered L's card that she gave to me almost exactly one year ago at this time... She wrote, "You paint God's heart with sounds" (27th June 2009) Talk about prophetic, huh? :DDD
I don't remember everything i played, but i remember the single notes on my right hand that was expressing what God wanted to say. I remember those moments to be quite intense for me, trying to tune in to God and figuring what notes i was suppose to hit. I remember being at a lost at what to do next and having to fully depend on the Holy Spirit to lead. I guess that's the way it goes, yeah?
During the debrief session, i was thoroughly encouraged by my ministry mates and was also nudged on to be more bold to play out. After the debrief session, YS came up to me to share of a vision he saw during that free worship time. He told me that as I played out, he saw a painting beginning to form, a painting of a picture that depicted all the beautiful things of God. I was so blessed. :) A Song of Beauty indeed! Though he also said that i could afford to be less hesitant.
I feel like i could've done so much more though i don't really know how to (some of you were spot on, that i was hesitant). Whatever it is, whatever that happened tonight, I give all glory to Father God.
There certainly were limitations on my part and I couldn't have played much without His leading. I just did my best, His song tinkling in my spirit to be released into the physical.
Thank You God. More of this, please? Teach me how!