Monday, August 17, 2009

Today i came face to face again with something that i wish i did not have to face anymore. But life never says that things are forbidden to go on repeat.

This brings me once again to the often said, corny statements: "Lift it up to God, He'll take care of it.", and, "Don't focus on your problems, focus on God".

Maybe it was easier to do that in the past when some of the problems were "smaller", or more temporary.

But some problems are just... you know. Pervasive. It eats into your personal space. It has slid into and invaded your emotional, physical, spiritual, psychological life. Your EVERYTHING. It LIVES with you. It EATS with you. It WALKS with you. It SLEEPS with you. It's a LONG TERM issue. Not something that would resolve in a few days, with a few prayers here and there, or a few months and then people stop asking how you're doing. No.

We're talking about years.

It's like if a loved one has a terminal disease. If a loved one is living an alternative lifestyle, or a life on the edge. If a husband/wife abuses, or has cheated. If a loved one went missing overseas and there is no news of his or her existence. The future of a loved one with special needs. Suffering the pain of having BEEN abused, abandoned, rejected. There are many other issues that people face. You get the drift.

Because of the problem that just chose to lift its ugly head, though I know all the "good Christian" theories, I am now finding it to be of utmost difficulty to separate the act of focusing on God and lifting it to Him, from, denial. That is, choosing to not look at the problem. Trying to push the worry and pain away. Believing it will somehow. Just. All. Go. Away.

I still tag this as Walking with Jesus, and not Walking away from Jesus, because this IS the process of walking through difficult life lessons with Jesus even when I DON'T KNOW HOW. I can't run away from Jesus just because shit happens.

Like what Jess said on sat which i believe with my heart was a fantastic and true comeback to her friend's statement:

Friend: I'm not a Christian anymore because shit happens.
Jess: Shit happens, that's why, I am a Christian.

This is life and this is starkly real. I don't know how to live like i should. So I learn. I cry. I crawl. I get abrasions along the way. I am stunned, feeling weary, stuck in my thoughts and feelings. And I don't know how to continue this post anymore because i am at a loss for words.

I just know that there is only one way up... I sigh as I say this because i am so human... The one way up is, to pray.

Praying is but merely an action. Anyone can pray. The problems may remain for a while to come, but knowing who i talk to is what brings me to a better state of mind and heart.

7 comments:

zzen said...

have some faith tat tings will become better. there is always light at the end of the tunnel.u may nt be able to accept tings now, but as time pass, hopefully u will slowly come to accept and deal with life challenges.to every problem, there is a solution. to every difficulty, there is a way to handle it......

Zzen said...

it shud at a loss for words. nt at a lost for words.WAHAHA

joline said...

zzen:

haha, ok changed!

Romanesque said...

sometimes, besides prayer, we all need to watch an episode of Spongebob Squarepants...

joline said...

romanesque:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT made me laugh!

Mimosa said...

Recently, in my life, I'm beginning to accept my past. I have made peace with things/people where I can, and those that I cannot (because person is still angry, situation still no change etc), I accept it as part of the landscape of my life. I'm not saying that I am just let myself be the victim of all these things. Some of these things are consequences.. meaning they will never go away. What I try to do is ask for strength to deal with them when they revisit me. Easier said then done lah. :)

joline said...

mimosa:

That's good, those road bumps don't feel so acute i guess once that perspective is taken.