Friday, January 11, 2008

thought for the day: purpose

Here i am at home surrounded by not much else except my thoughts. In the past 2 weeks, two people have dropped bombshells on me leaving me quite, quite stunned. It's not a BIG deal compared to some other types of bombshells, but it's significant enough to me and well, it hurts. I wonder if life would be any different, whether things will become pretentious? You can never tell till you test out the situation.

I've sent off my membership application to SPS, while i await my attestation letter to send off to APS. Been pretty much occupied with trying to get my post graduate life in order what with the seeking of masters openings and now, looking for a job.

And amidst all this, i'm feeling a certain depth of despair, of emptiness. It's only the thought of spending time with God that makes me happy, and nothing else. Notice i said "the thought of" and not "spending time with God". Sigh, i've been busy scurrying around that the only moments i have left for God are the times when i am on the go, and before i sleep. Yeah, I am going to remedy this asap.

It's in moments like these, of being left alone when i am left with the essence of my self. All my friends are in school or at work, going about their lives that are structured. My family members are also all blessed with paid work. I was caught in a series of events, but now? I realize, how accustomed i have grown to busy-ness and friends and noise, that when i am left doing nothing, when i have nothing to give me identity or purpose, when i have had enough solitary rest, i begin to feel a seeping in of, dare i say, depression?

On the morning of my 21st birthday, i had experienced that intense feeling of depression and it took days to pass.

Yet, i am determined to get past my emotions. A friend once told me, "emotions are real, but are not truth". I don't entirely agree, but i suppose it should apply here. I know that things are going all right, and i don't have any real crisis to mourn over. I HAVE a purpose, it's just that there is a time lapse between my engagement with it and i need focus, patience and stability of mind, soul and spirit to get through this time.

I've always heard the phrase "purpose in life" so often, but never quite understood it, till i've actually experienced a glimpse of life with the lack of it.

Some say that without purpose, a person's psyche can be quite disturbed.

And now something beckons from the back of my mind...:

Short term purposes versus long term purposes.

Once we fulfill the short term, we make new ones to reach. And each time, we run out of goals when we have conquered the last one. We sense fulfillment and achievement, but when we lay aside the goals we have reached, what truly lies at our core? Were those things the only things that gave life meaning? If we stripped all the acitivites away, the friends, the food, the jobs, the errands, the deeds. What fuels us, inspires us?

There is something quite profound about having a long term goal, a life vision. The deep seated, resonating passion that you KNOW exists in your inner being. It's not the kind of thing that dies when you fail in some endeavours in life. When you fail at some junctures, you know that your long term mission does not change. It just means that you learn something, get energised again, and you pick yourself up and know that life is not over, and that being ALIVE and HAVING life itself simply means that you have simply been granted more time and space to move ahead and progress.

Yet there is another dimension. Might i say that there is a difference between living without God versus with God who works with me and my goals.

From a personal point of view, the person who truly breathes life into my life and long term goal(s) are not my parents, not my friends, not Gem, but Daddy and Best Friend, God. This part may get a little bit hard to understand for some reading this, but i'll try to put it simply:

God is a loving God, and he knows my own desires and wills of my heart. At the same time, i love God and want to fulfill his purposes for me. With a relationship with God, somehow, what i want and what he wants will begin to merge. Because when your heart beats in sync with someone else's, your goals become similar.

And what better way is there to live life when your goals are guarantee chopped approved by a great and almighty God, the creator of everything?

In life, you just cannot please everyone. And so, in pursuing these goals, you may have to take unbeaten tracks, or meet with adversaries, or disapproval, or discouragement, and sometimes, the challenges hurt even more when they come from those who are closest to you.

But when i've faith in the one person who matters most, God will makes things right in the end, even when everything goes or looks wrong. As long as i follow bravely the path he shows me in my heart, nothing can stop me. Hence, now, do i not only have a long term purpose that will inspire me, but i also have an everlasting and loving Father God who watches my back.

So for now, i'll put things into perspective and think rationally. Lay the negative emotions aside, love what i have and who i have in my life whether or not they are near or far, and be secure in my long term purpose and God's purpose for me. Unless God flashes me a huge neon sign to state otherwise, i cannot go wrong from here.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

u know the chinese star Gong Li? she once said she nv has any goals, cos without any goals, she do the best at watever she does. I think it is true to me at tat time. and david gan the hair stylist? he said 'ji hua gen bu liao bian hua' wich translated means wat u plan cant catch up with wat changes there are. tats true. maybe u find it crappy. tats my problem earlier? i told u i have quarter life crisis. i still haven solve it. i cant say i ever will. maybe it will becum my mid life crisis. i m in need of finding my purpose in life too. when will i ever be free from those X number crisis? haiz...neither here nor there.u know wat i mean?

Anonymous said...

Hey Jo. :) thanks fer writing... again. I think I understand what you're saying, and yeah, I really agree. :) for me as well, there's only One person who knows me the best (cos He created me), and He's the only one I'm living for. :) God has been speaking to me about that these few weeks. :) I've resolved to give all of me to Him, for His glory. :) and heyy, that's the best place we can ever be in.

Behind you,
La

joline said...

anon:

i'm thinking... it all depends on what kind of goals they were talking about. i get the sense that they are referring to short to mid term goals.

have you tried to read the book "the purpose driven life"?

La:

La, it's really great to see your comment here, know? i love.... :-D

I'm glad that you've given your life's decisions to God, that's the best thing anyone can do really. And yes, to another year of cell-ing together. You have my love and support!

Anonymous said...

i haven read tat boo, u have? is it inspiring?. well, tats true,but how many pple can say that they have fulfilled their long term goal? many pple dun does nt mean u shud not try to fuifil it.but how to? when some circumstances in life makes one unable to? say i want to get married at 21? now how? somethings some goals are dreams, but who does not need a dream? if one dun have dream, then the moment of dream becuming true will nv hit u.

Anonymous said...

a long term goal is made up of many short term goals..

joline said...

anon:

you have pretty much argued quite well for and against having a long term goal.

yeah, a long term goal can be mde up of many short term goals, while there can be many short term goals that are discrete and do not fulfill a long term goal.

many possibilities!

Anonymous said...

i dun mean to say that long term goals are a waste of time or tat it is silly to have a long term goal. wat i meant was more along the line tat so if a person lived her life, without fuililling her long term goal, noone can say for sure she lived in vain. she may still have left an impact on pple she knew. yesh, there may be regret tat she did not reached her long term goal, but as long as she has made an difference, abeit in other pple lives, who can say she was unproductive?and i dare say, long term goals and dreams are alike. well....i hope u undstn wat i said. however, i do believe for some pple, it is enough not to have goals. a city of possibilites! u r damned right!