Sunday, January 27, 2008

Right now as i'm typing, i'm stopping every now and then to press a warmed spoon (warmed by the hot water that the spoon sits in, in a mug) against my eyes. No, it isn't some beauty regime. It's just that my eyes are puffy and tired from crying this morning for like, 2 hours and a bit? It's now 10pm and the uncomfortable feeling in my eyes has not passed. Hence the warm spoon. I took a panadol extra for my headache and i slept all through the afternoon, but it hasn't worked. Anyways.

What's the problem you ask?

Well, after this morning's talk, my parents now know how i struggle with being with people and meeting people. They also now know my opinion about parenting styles and their styles of motivation. And all this came out all because my dad asked me how my university and job applications were going. To cut everything short, he asked me the question in a way i found provokative (to which he said it was not meant to be) and i reacted and everything that needed to come out, came out.

Seriously, i count myself lucky that i have parents who will bother to sit and talk to me about my issues instead of beating me up wham-bam-sorry-ma'am style. Yes, maybe taking in and appreciating my point of view may be a bit tricky for them at first, but when i stated repeatedly that we (as in, me and the folks) should really just listen, understand and respect that we are all unique people with our individual struggles stemming from our different upbringings and backgrounds, they listened and respected where i was coming from when i shared with them my problems.

I think they saw and probably heard for the first time from their daughter's mouth what their daughter was going through. Maybe they have seen it all as i was growing up, but they've never heard it from me explicitly. I think that really needed to know the reality of what's going on behind the scenes.

This is why i always strongly believe in communication. Without it, how can you ever hear others or allow yourself to be heard? Even when you know it's going to be tough and painful, things are different when issues are explicitly trashed out. But then, it's sad when communication cannot be carried out, when the people concerned just do not have the capacity to communicate, for their various valid/or invalid-but-rationalized-to-become-valid reasons.

PS: I can't fully remember what i was dreaming about when i was sleeping, but i know that there was a lot of screaming. The effort to scream and the desire to scream was so consuming that it's contributed to my current headache. Wow, this is a first.


cookie monster said...

gosh, i dont know if i believe in communication w my parents much anymore :/ good for you tho, i think its great that you were able to talk about it, despite the tears :P yay! i love you!

joline said...

cookie monster:

hey, cookie, i know you don't have legs, but you have a mouth to communicate! (other than to eat cookies)

but seriously. i hear you... and you're doing a fine job dear despite whatever little you think you have in you. love you too. :-)