Monday, January 04, 2010

All i did was ask her a simple question: does too high or too low a pillow cause backaches? cos i woke up this morning with a backache.

and then she unleashes a whole barrage of stuff on me, saying that i don't take care of myself, i don't respect my body, it's cumulative, my body is retaliating. Basically, she was throwing back at me the point that i asked for it, that it was MY fault that i hurt, that i am to BLAME. I was so sick and tired of it all that i retorted to her to stop nagging and stop finding fault with me for every little thing.

a part of me, if i heard hard enough, underneath all that blabbering, i would've heard that she was really saying that i should take care of myself.

but by george, it's SO hard to hear the concern under all that acid.

good grief, and then i was so angry that when she brought up another issue within less than 5 minutes, i was utterly rude back to her. i just freaking had enough of her ability to find all sorts of reasons to say something negative.

i left the room in a big huff yelling that her expectations are too high, that no matter how good i am, i'll never be good enough. that I just wasn't good enough.

the same thing happened yesterday when i was driving when she made a totally unnecessary remark that triggered me off and i raised my voice at her, in front of him. i didn't care if i was going to get scolded for being rude because i have had enough of the nonsense. i needed to prove that what she was doing wasn't helpful.

i don't normally react in such a big diva way. it's my patience for her constant nagging over some fault she finds in me that is wearing so thin that i can no longer hold in my bitterness and i lash back out.

a part of me is saying that i'm an adult, so stop acting like an impulsive angsty teenager. another part of me is saying that i will not take unreasonable behaviour lying down. the injustice of being told off when i didn't do anything wrong pisses me off BIG time and if i don't voice it out, it'll eat me inside.

whatever. needed to rant.


zzen said...

why so furious? cool down~

joline said...


family history that i will not talk about.

Zzen said...

u care for her tats why u r furious. so does she care for u. take it easier. dun say anything u may regret later.take a deep breathe~

Anonymous said...

as zzen said... zen lah.

- rude anon.