Sunday, June 08, 2008

It's sunday, midnight. And i'll be leaving for Malacca for a community service trip in the afternoon. I'm not in the best of states to be going really. Tired (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically) and down with the flu, bordering on having a headache/fever.

Like i told Gem, it's one thing to go on a community service trip and it's quite another to do one with youths in tow. Oh GOD, i REALLY NEED YOU. I need your strength to carry me through. I just don't have it in me right now.

Am doing my packing now, and i must say that the barrage of camps previously in May has made me a much quicker packer! Thanks to Gem for letting me loan his good ole deuter bag.

I know this is going to sound so random, but for some reason, i'm struggling with so much pride inside my heart. Everyday, i hear myself telling myself to "shut up!" every time i think of something prideful or judgmental. I tell you... I get so tired of myself, really. It's a good thing people can't read my mind! I'd be thoroughly despised i think. Sometimes, even the act of doing something loving can turn into something prideful. Sheesh.

It's amazing how God can love me for who i am. I'm thinking of all the reasons why God can't possibly love me. But when i look at examples of people God loved and loves, people who show the same "reasons", i know that i cannot explain God's love away from me.

GOD......................... DADDY............................. I REALLY NEED A MIRACLE FROM YOU. SOMETHING THAT I CANNOT DENY. I NEED SOMETHING SO SUPERNATURAL AND IMPACTFUL. God, i'm so tired.

***

Want to learn jazz and blues piano!
Want to find good orchestral (not classical) music.
Wants it to be july, NOW.
Would love a digital piano.

2 comments:

van said...

-hugs-

what you wrote about sounds familiar to me too! will share more the next time when i see you face to face. haha.

in the meantime, i pray that you will have an awesome time!

xoxo

joline said...

van:

i'm waiting for when i can kope you to myself!!!!!