Tuesday, April 29, 2008

1. i got accepted into monash to do the grad cert in counselling (a prereq to do the masters). while i think that it's good to start off with the grad cert since i don't have any background in counselling, i don't know what are the chances of me progressing on to the masters program which is my ultimate goal. hence, i am not accepting the offer just yet.

2. my fear of people, being alone one on one with people, even GIRL FRIENDS, has robbed me of building close relationships with them. i tend to shut people away. i hate being so fearful. i hate it. i feel as if everyone has at least one close girl friend to spend exclusive time with. i get angry and jealous, because i have no one like that. and i have only myself to blame.

3. might be starting on my voluntary work soon. the whole of may and june will be taken up, working hours even! i will be thrust out, OUTSIDE of my comfort zone. not only mixing with people who lead hard lives, but also sharing with them about God. i am shaking in my shoes, and i am wondering what the $#%$@#% am i doing, my mind is running amok! but somehow... i know that there is a bigger picture to all this. i feel like an ugly catepillar who is struggling very hard to burst out from its cocoon, either as STILL an ugly catepillar (untried, deformed, untested, unsure, not ready for the life outside) or as the butterfly about to test out its wings and taste freedom.

4. i was thinking and i sense something isn't right with you. you know, if you have an issue with me, tell me. don't sulk and expect me to read your mind. if you've got a problem, say so. don't brew in your own poison. if you want to keep silent, then fine. you can brew while i continue to live my life oblivious to your issues. as if being silently angry with someone solves anything.

12 comments:

Rose in Bloom said...

3) that's what life is all about isn't it, swimming in the sea and doing something about it...sometimes when i do certain things i wonder why i was in it in the first place, but since i'm in it just keep on going...so keep on going! it's scary cos we've never experienced something we never had before...just remember there's always God to hold on to and mentors to guide u along...

van said...

now i know why on 2.

joline said...

rose in bloom:

Thanks girl, that makes a lot of sense. Boy, does it take a lot of courage and pluck to keep going on!

van:

em? what is it about 2 that you now know about?

anon 121 said...

today was funny. i went to orchard. on my way home, i stepped on someone's pants. the worst thing is the seam came off!!and everyone saw the thread from my heels to her pants...oh my god!!
then, at somerset stn, i thot surely alot of pple will get down, so i stepped out. then, noone step out, and everyone stared at me. i blushed as usual then stepped back into the train. oh my god de!!can things get worst than this??alamak, trust me to be sotong queen!

anon121 said...

u know after i decided to study in SIM for a business degree, i m having 2nd thoughts agn. i fear i cant cope with the work. i mean i didnt do well in alevels. i wasnt tat fantastic in poly either. so by the looks of it, i will think i will seriously struggle in uni. as in struggling to pass. how? is there any aptitude test one can take to see if she is good enuff for a degree? it is easy to say, it depends on how hard u work at uni. but u cant deny the fact that some pple just arent brains enuff to cope with uni, if not EVERYONE on earth can go to uni liao lor. Haiz, at crossroads agn, i really want to go but i fear i wont like it and i cant make it. then i will waste my money and time agn. i m not young anymore to quit studying this and study sth else. if i do this, i will be studying for the rest of my life. I really need to find some answers.who can supply me the answers? who can help me? i wish someone can make the decision for me. isnt it strange? when u guys are gg to work, i m returning to studies. haiz.pls feel free to comment. i need to hear sum wise advice.at least if i want to take a risk, it must be a calculated risk.

Dominic. said...

yeay!

the fact that u're really to take on new challenges and intentionally step out of ur comfort zone really encourages and challenges me.

way to go, sis!

and...hang in there. a persistent journey away from one's comfort zones will reap an increase in faith and patience. with God all things are possible!

i'm also gonna embark on a faith-stretching and out-of-comfort journey too. will share more with ya soon.

cheers and God bless!

van said...

you told me that you hardly spend time one to one the other day when we were at haato. =)

joline said...

van:

yes, i remember mentioning that. oops, but i did not mention why!
but it's something i am determined to overcome.

joline said...

anon121:

ask yourself these questions... do you need this degree? do u actually like it? how do u intend to make it useful in future after u complete it?

you see, if u are not certain about what u want, u will always be moving from place to place trying out things and running the risk of finding out that it's not something u enjoy or find useful, and therefore not do well, and then u will be tempted to quit.

when u are sure about what u REALLY want to do, u will go for it wholeheartedly and work hard even when it gets tough. When you have no passion for something, the drive to achieve completion fizzles out very easily.

Joline said...

dominic:

hey bro, EXAMS ARE OVER FOR YOU EH! YEAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks for your kind words and encouragement. i agree with you that we need to step out and when we do, we'll see things we've never seen before.

yeah man, i wanna hear about your new misshh-shon! will catch you over this weekend!

teardrop5 said...

i do want a degree, i feel like it will complete my life. but problem is although i want it, i somehow feels well...how... to put it...insecure tat i can achieve this goal without burning out. u see, everytime i am having exams, i will so so stressed, tat i m not myself anymore. it tears me apart to know tat how ever hard i try, i may not do well. i dun want to place a burden on my emotional aspect just so to achieve my dream. it is a dream, but issnt reach-able? issit beyond my reach, beyond my capabilities? i feel like saying some dreams are only dreams, after u wake up, u cant help but realise, reality is different. it may be harsh, compared to the beautiful but surreal dream u have.isnt it? now is not a problem of do i want a degree. it is a problem of am i good enuff to realise my dream?just like my dream of getting married young, wasnt it just a dream now? i didnt find anyone. i didnt get married in the end. so it is a past. a dream i think back to, a cherished memory now. it doesnt matter now. some things remain as dreams cos circumstances are unkind.well, we will see how. i will make a decision soon.

van said...

exams. ahhhhhh. nong nong nong way to go for me. sigh.