Mentally, i'm tired. Tired of doing assignments that come at me non stop, tired of having to always be worried about when i can finish an essay, whether i'll have time to engage the next one and do well for it. I'm so tired that i've gone into a premature holiday frame of mind. Please God, fish me out from this, because if i'm going to continue wallowing happily in my cool mud patch under the bright cheery sun, i'm doing to die a very horrible sunstroke death.
What i would give, short of paying someone to do my report for me, to begin studying for my exam paper. Yes, i'm begging to be allowed to study.
For once to be able to be free from sitting in front of my computer screen, having my mind split into two, with one side pleading with the other to get down to business while the other side (the slacker side) of my brain makes monkey faces at the serious side.
I've already decided to sacrifice my band jamming session tomorrow just so that i can buy more time for this lab report that's equivalent to a module examination.
On a brighter note, for the first time i actually got to play the first keys (not my usual synthesizer, a.k.a the second keys) during a congregational (overnight: 11+pm to 6am) prayer meeting. Well, of course i didn't play for the whole slot (2am to 4:50am) during which my band was on. I only took over when the first keys player went to take a break.
But in that short span of time when i got my go, i had the experience of having to play the musical backdrop while the congregation mass prayed, and also had the experience of playing while a lone person went up to the front to lead the congregation in prayer. And get this: On my own, without any guitar backup, synthesizer or anyone! I was like: HUH?! WAH?! Er... Ok, i'll JUST DO IT.
1. Being thrown cold into a situation like that really made me face the "musician's stage fright". The only experience i've ever got playing in front of people/public is:
Either playing the synthesizer during service OR, leisurely playing the acoustic piano at home.
FUN! I'm actually new to the synthesizer (but i play it because it's the role my worship leader assigned me to), so to finally play the first keys, something i'm more trained to do, was just so liberating and scary all at the same time.
FUN! To learn to listen to the voice tone, volume and even words used by the speaker to determine what exactly would be suitable to play as well as how loud or soft. Not forgetting to be sensitive to the moment(s) and play accordingly.
3. Didn't think i did bad. But i've got more to learn if i ever want to be a permanent first keys player. For now, the synthesizer is all my current level of brain-fingers dexterity can handle. Sadly. Boo.
Note: It's not that i think that the synthesizer is any less of an instrument (though i used to think that way... Honest!) but it's just that for all my life i've been playing the piano and figured that it's only useful that i make good use of the skills learnt over the years and the money spent on getting the training. That said, i believe that playing the synthesizer is what i should be doing at this point in time.
Still, i was grateful to be given that small window of time, and i made sure that my pastor knew how i felt. Because in those moments, i was blessed with the opportunity to have some sort of summary of what playing the first keys is like. Furthermore, i felt encouraged by my band mates and pastor who gave me their approval. I'm not saying that i really did well, but personally it meant something to me that they noticed and approached me with such kind and sincere words. :-)
I'd love to have a studio in my home, like a cell mate of mine. Gah! Her home is so musician-friendly, it's unreal... Wouldn't it be gorgeous if i could own a sound proof studio equipped with amps, cables, keyboards, guitars (acoustic, electric and bass) and mics and drums. *drool*