It's kinda sad for me to learn that while i might think that someone is my good friend, the other person may not think i am theirs. It's not because i do bad things... The Reason: Because i don't share much about myself, while they tell me a lot of stuff.
Two people (and maybe more people out there) have told me this recently and it made me think about the way i handle conversations. I tend to be the question asker, the one who listens and never talks much about the self. Most of the time, people open up and pour out stuff and i listen and offer some words or some advice.
I think there are a couple of salient reasons why i don't talk about myself.
Firstly, have you ever been in the presence of people who talk non-stop about themselves? You know those types, like whenever you tell them something you did, or something you thought about, or just anything about yourself, they go something like, "Yeah, yeah... *half interested look* i know what you mean, you know ah, i also.....".
And they launch into this whole long story about themselves and their issues/problems. It's ok when they validate your info and talk about their experiences in relation to what you said. But there are types who never fail to make you feel like they weren't even listening to you, don't care about what you're thinking or feeling, but more interested in talking all about themselves and their woeful/trigger happy life. It's like being totally preoccupied with themselves, in their own little world. When you begin to utter something about yourself, their facial expression suddenly slackens, their eyes wander, and they don't look like they're processing what you say.
I guess having been at the brunt of such experiences often, i learnt to shut up and just listen.
Secondly, i guess it's been a long time since i felt that i've really been listened to. I often feel that perhaps people don't want to listen and that i am not worthy to be listened to. I always feel a sense of guilt when i share something with someone during a conversation. It's as if, by talking about myself, i'm being narcisistic, being a person who talks unnecessarily. I feel like if i am talking about problems, i am a woeful human being. Mostly, i just feel that my issues aren't worth people's attention.
It's only when i am REALLY bothered, do i blurt. When i blurt, i ramble for a long long time. I think JL, V and Joy will know of such times of late. Gem... well, he hears me ramble pretty much ALL the time, because i know he listens.
Ok so now you know.