Monday, October 13, 2008

Father God has a lot of work to do in my heart...

I feel so ugly inside. Though others tell me otherwise, i know my faults better than anyone else and being human, i do what i do to look nice: Hide the faults. Cover it up by doing the exact opposite to repress them.

But the more i hide my faults, the uglier i know i am inside.

There is no point in making sure i look good on the outside week after week, when really, i have little substance to back up what i do on the outside. In that sense, i am nothing but a liar.

4 comments:

zn said...

everyone has faults and flaws. instead of hiding them, u shud discover wat they are and try to amend it. humans are never perfect, dun need to be demoralised abt ur flaws. every second u dwell on ur flaws, u steal tat second from discovering ur merits~

Ambrose said...

I understand what you mean. Heck, I bet everyone reading does, coz we ALL have our ugly little selves. There's many ways to approach it, of which yours, I believe to be the most common. There is no wrong in hiding though, the only wrong lies in your perception and approach to the issues. If you choose to hide it to look beautiful, you sin, for you're superficial, attached to this world, place heavier weight for others perception of you than for your Heavenly Father's thoughts of you, and like you've said, you're a liar. If you choose to hide AND do the exact opposite to repress them, as you've said, that may be different under special assumptions. 1) the exact opposite is not a perceived wrong either. 2) you're doin them as an act of change, or an attempt to distance yourself from the ugliness that you see in yourself.
I feel, if you're doing the above two, then you shouldn't be too critical of yourself, for we all need time to change. Just remember that when you've reached the limits of your strength, you're not alone in your fight.
In fact, applaud! And have a pat on the back, for coming forth truthfully about your faults, you've taken the first step towards change: admitting your faults. it is something everyone knows, but few would do, for it takes great humility to bring down thy pride and admit thy faults. The greatest barrier to progress is pride.
Amen and God bless.

zen said...

i agree. at least u are introspective enough to know how to reflect. some pple dun even think they are wrong and they nv think of changing themselves at all

joline said...

zen:

thanks. :-) Yeah, i'm well aware of my flaws... i'm just hoping that what i am doing now isn't about hidiing them but about changing them. Hm...

ambrose:

Hey bro... i feel SO heartened after reading your comment. :-)
I thought about it, and you know. It's a mix of all 3! I try to change but doing the opposite, but sometimes my brain also acts so quickly that the thought of wanting to please man instead of God creeps in so subtly!
But i agree, thanks for your input. :-)