Sunday, November 18, 2007

So my exams are over... And things have gotten a little... busy (most of it is busy-ness in my head) in such a short span of time.
It's 2:30am now, and d'you know how wonderful it is to spend some quiet time alone in my room? I've been so caught up with non recreational stuff lately that having time to deliberately sit still, to hear myself think, is a luxury. Yeah lah. My brain works at pentium 1 speed, so i need more time to process my thoughts. I'm not the most intellectual person around here.

The peace is just... Wow. Having the LEGAL opportunity (when school's in, blogging with reckless abandon feels like a crime) to engage in non academic work in the wee hours of the morning is liberating. In the stillness of the night, in the quietness and privacy of my room, with the door closed to keep noise away from my family, i feel safe and free. I can feel my eyes getting puffy and tired now, but i'm reluctant to hit the sack. :-D

(joline's 5 second blond moment: gah, exam stress gave me big pimples!)

So... Updates.

First things first, i'm preparing to have to retake one of my papers. Nasty stuff, but at times like this, you just need to face reality and plan for the future. It's not about being pessimistic. It's just that, i'm not living in denial. I trust God, yes, but what if He does allow me to fail this paper for reasons that are beyond me? Trusting God isn't always about believing that he WILL give you what you ask for. I trust Him, despite, whatever the outcome is.

Secondly, i thought my knee was getting better, on the road to recovery. After two weeks or so, i'm able to squat again. But i'm still not able to do what i used to do normally, ie, put pressure on my knee, crawl around (while playing with Jed lah! You think for what.), and spring up from a squating position. BUT then, despite the improvements... I came home from a walk with Jun from Holland Village, and discovered... To my horror, that i cannot squat without experiencing the same (now elevated) pain, and the lump now feels enlarged again. I'm quite miserable about this whole injury, really. I love my sports, i love my exercise. And i cannot imagine my life without rigorous sporting activity.
I have NO clue as to what is causing the lump and pain. I've gotten an appointment with a specialist this coming wednesday, and I'm hoping that he'll be able to help me out. :-( And my Standard Chartered half marathon is in TWO WEEKS!!! I am feeling miserable about it, yes.

Thirdly, i am feeling emotional pain. Not my own though. I'm not feeling LADEN with weight, what i mean is, i am feeling the pain that others are feeling. I mean, i had the privilege of being able to listen to some of my friends and though i don't fully comprehend what they are going through, i can sense the struggle and pain. There's only so much one can say and do to solve a problem. We can help the person with or through the negative emotions, but problems don't and can't disappear in an instant. It takes courage on our part to tackle the issues, some time to bear through the process, to tear up the problem and then mend things back again. We get scars, but we come out wiser.

Fourthly. Planning for Bintan and Timor trip. Hm. Hm. Hm. Every person who finds out that Timor is my first mission trip destination go like this: "OH REELEEE????!!!! HOHOHOHOHO!!!!"
I found out the reason for their enigmatic behaviour: It's because in terms of technological advancements, Timor is the most backward in this region.
Ha! I listened to their explanation with a mixture of wonder and... terror. Ah well. But really, i'm game for it. Seriously.

People usually say that the children there are wonderful. Honestly, i'm not a lover of little humans. In fact, i'm afraid of children, and because of past experiences as a child, i don't particular like children. And i'm told that there are LOADS of children and that they will come flocking to your home and you, and talk to you. Ok... Uhm. Uh. Hmm... Well. I guess it's a time for God to mould me, to be a more expressive, fearless and loving person.

Ok, this's all for now. I don't exactly know who reads all my junk other than the usual suspects that i get comments from (heehee, i REALLY appreciate you ok! Without you, this blog would be pretty lifeless). Some of you don't let me know of your presence (hi CHERYL, yes, YOU! MUAH HAHAHA.)!!! But still, thanks for dropping by to read up on my ordinary life (care to share what brings you here?). So i'm not yabbering into a black hole. :-D

(jo's 2nd 5 second blond moment: if i don't sleep soon... worsened eye bags!)

Toodles. joline out~.

16 comments:

Vicki said...

Er try old teabags that have been drunk from.

Gross I know but they do help in flattening eyebags

joline said...

vicki:

actually, i've heard of the benefits and apparently, one of my friends tried it and she ended up with black eyes cos of the pigments from the tea leaves. teehee. but i suppose it's temporary... (for a couple hours? hoho.)

Anonymous said...

oh gosh you're hilarious jo. that's one of the many reasons i read your blog. and also i wanna see how you're doing + your writing is so truthful and beautiful. i'm trying to find all the words to describe it but some are: candid, honest, intellectual and makes-tons-of-sense.

i'm rambling. but anw, what you write always makes me go "yeah yeah, i totally agree with you." :D

sometimes God really does allow unhappy things to happen for reasons we can't think of. but i guess the challenge (He gives) to us is to go through it with joy and anticipation of better things. whatever happens with your results and mine, we can be assured that God loves us and He has the very best for us!

lubchoo gal hehe :)

-cheryl

lychee said...

Hihi Jo, hope your knee heals fast? Update us after you have seen the doc and see what he says. Jo, thanks for the comment at the NTUCELL blog there, I was going to reply you and before I realised, it is in the older post section. Wow... I must be pretty lagging in reading these few days. Just a thank you, dear. No worries too cos I can just leave comment.

joline said...

cheryl:

AWWW!, Thanks Cheryl... It's so nice to hear your feedback (and hear you finally. haha.)! and your feedback is so heartwarming as well. i so happy! teeheehee. (and no, u were not rambling)

and thanks for the encouragement. that is true of God's character, so we just need to trust him, with faith and hope.

lychee:

no probs. yep, i will update you on the health of my knees... tmr's the appointment!

. ivan . said...

(joline's 5 second blond moment: gah, exam stress gave me big pimples!) - HAHAHA! exam stress and lack of sleep is giving me HUGE pimples. i would be the next bae yong jun if i have enough sleep man!! :P

hehe i know the feeling. juz refusing to sleep. but when u finally go to sleep, you'll be like wah my pillows are my best friends now. HAHAHA

yeah.. you retaking one paper..? i'm afraid i'm totally out already.. haha.

i'm totally amused by people who 'reacts', 'say things', 'do things' when someone is in trouble or facing some issues. what? pity? sympathy? why not do it everyday, everytime? why care when something happened? its quite fake, in my opinion..

Anonymous said...

hmmm...how ur knees? u shud see a psychotherapist.

Ambrose said...

ai.. if u're not feeling up to it, we can skip stan chart. i'm not in good shape myself XP (more due to lack of training haha)
but yeah, it's also smack between 2 of my exam papers, so i don't mind skipping it either, but if u go, i'll make sure i'll come along too ^_^
do keep me updated bout your knee yeah?
aiyah.. silly girl. injure still try and push the limits -,-'" patience is always required on the road to recovery. push on too soon, and you'll only hurt yourself more =)
rest well! your exams are over :) *flexes* now it's my turn =p
ttfn!

joline said...

anon:

dear, it is physiotherapist. psychotherapist is very different. teeheehee. and yeah, i'll be seeing one later in the afternoon.

rosey:

*sob* i know, i know bro... but it's so heartbreaking to know that you can't do what you could do before. :-( i couldn't help but try out my knee on just walking........

as for stand chart. i am really upset about it, especially since i've just returned from the visit with the doc. but i figured... if i go, i won't run. i will WALK!
but then for you, i feel that if the overall feeling is tt if skipping will be good for your revision, then u can ignore whether i am going or not... you should focus on studies n since like training hasn't been in the picture lately. for your safety also lah.

Anonymous said...

o i mean physio la...wahahaha,knees ar, in my most humble opinion, they are very impt. i agree with ambrose, dun push urself too much.

Anonymous said...

u know wat? from now onwards i cannt see ur blog at work.so i m not coming here as often as i like. sigh tats a bad thing hor? u and ambrose blog i wont come so often lo, unless i have sth to say

lychee said...

Jo, How's ur leg?

joline said...

anon:

:-( I'll mish you on the blog commentaries!

lychee:

will be updating on that soon... hey, thanks for your concern girl. :-)
my knee is better, but i hope that if i start exercising again, it won't pull another stunt on me.

Anonymous said...

hmmm,knee problems....take care!!

Ambrose said...

it's cool. :) lets walk together ^_^ i'm sure i can walk 21km =p if there's one thing i've been doing, it's walking ALOT haha XP
dun forget to collect the goodies this wkend! i've been lazy.. haven't gone down to get it.. mayb tmw -,-'"
oh n i started reading harry potter -,-'" finished the 1st 2 books in the last 2 days XD doh!

joline said...

anon:

thanks girl. yup, i'm trying my best to fight the tempting thoughts of going jogging (and thus risking recovery). haha.

ambrose:

i hope tt u've finally collected your race pack! woah, u want to walk too?! amazing... guys who want to walk on a competitive run. woah...