They call it a "concert", but i call it "combined worship".

That's what i experienced yesterday night at Faith Methodist Church which held workshops for various musicians (keys, guitar, etc) and the worship session which was led by Paul Baloche and his band. All i can say is that they are one down to Earth group of guys (note: NOT a boy band) , writing and playing music as an offering to please and worship the Lord who deserves all praise, however imperfect it is.

Despite them wanting to make everything perfect from the sound checks to the actual playing, they were candid and good humoured about their glitches that popped up here and there. No airs about them.

I thought that it was a wonderfully unifying experience worshipping with a team from halfway around the world together with a few hundred musicians and vocalists around Singapore. The bandspeak that was being used, i thought was a sweet reminder of how we all understand and share in the same goals and struggles for our worship ministry in our own churches.

Given the kind of person i am, I really had to step out from my comfort zone to attend this event but i must conclude that don't regret spending my evening there one bit. Perhaps i'll be more open in future about such events, and i'll consider taking the plunge again.

***

All THANKS TO GOD! Grades for last semester... An A- and a B+

The B+ missed out on being an A- by just a few marks though... Gah. But i guess i'm thankful for the results as a reflection of the dependence upon God in those times when i was physically and mentally burning out but instead continued to burn strong from within fueled by His strength to persistently work hard. I'm going to continue giving my best and throw in even more effort into my last three semesters because i'm bent on making up for the last two years that were enslaved to the bad British marking system!

The sweetest words to my ears this night was hearing my parents give their affirmation and belief of confidence in me that i'll be doing them proud. It's been such a long time since they've expressed their thoughts on that and their simple words have touched that existing sensitive chord in me that desires not to let them down after all their selfless sacrifices and providences.

***

Threadless tees have touched my shore! Pictures will be up soon. ;-) I hope.

Holidays seem to train me in the ways of bimbotism.

Ok, so i wasn't pulling that sissy of a poundage after all, well er... In my books only. Some women can pull a mean 40+ pounds on the compound bow. The max my bow can be adjusted to is 40 pounds, and right now it's cranked up to 36 pounds, which was done earlier today. Whee, and all along i thought i was doing only 30.

I'm not very sure about competing in this year's Pesta Sukan (Archery) in August, but i figured, ah well, no harm giving it a shot (no pun intended). But it's been a while since i've been competition fit, with the particular muscles groups in condition for rigorous drawing and steadily sustaining the weight of the bow. Feeling like i'm beginning from scratch again, feeling the old(-new) aches returning in the same places on my back and arms. Gotta say i like it though. He calls me a Sadist, i agree to some extent.

***

Finally, a week where i don't have to dedicate days in a row to anything. I really hope i can keep this week more relaxed because school's going to start somewhere in mid july and it's about time to wind down, have some time for myself and significant other (yes, we haven't pak-tored since the hols began ok.)

***

Keeping Track:

Palawan beach
Adam Road Food Centre (Prawn noodles and Fruit Juice special)
The Esplanade
BBQ with G & others
Cell event in July
Time with D (have yet to ask her)

(above) Just some of the things that've been floating on my mind and have been wanting to do.

Shape Run on the 16th of July
Archery Pesta Sukan in August
Mizuno Wave Run on the 23rd of July? (shall i? but i dont feel like torturing myself in the space of 1 week by increasing my distance by 200%)

(above) Just some of the sporting events on my schedule.

***

Eyes are right about shutting, so it's off to bed with me while the new day creeps up in about 20 minutes or so.

The next time someone makes a "smart joke" that people would usually exclaimed "SO CORNY!!!" after, please refrain from saying "SO CORNY", instead say "SO PUNNY!" (you do know that "p" can also be pronounced the way "f" is pronounced too, right). This is because "corny" means "dated, dull and tiresome". Which is hardly what you meant to say in the first place. I really don't know how and why "corny" got so misplaced in our vocabulary.

***

I realize that in subtle ways, the places that i've been immersing myself in challenges my fears and weakpoints. Like how in SIM, all my classmates are adults, 90% of whom are 30+ and above, and where i work part time, i deal with lots of expatriates, i pick up calls from strangers, i have to be nice and smiley all the time even when i make mistakes or have been told things in a less than kind way.

I haven't grown up, really. Kind of like, a child stuck in a body that doesn't stop aging. It changes, the numbers go one up every year, but there's something in me that hasn't quite changed profoundly. I don't need a kick in my tush for something to happen right?

***

My race draws nearer... The training has resulted in my improved endurance, and my timing has also improved. Not to say that it's wonderful by most standards, but it's definitely better than what it used to be. The only problem with it is that it's improving too slowly for my liking! Never mind, we'll see what happens on the day itself. *grins to self*

***

The church varsity camp that we spent about a month on with planning is finally over, and rats, i didn't even spend half the time at the camp! (because of work) Still, I'd have to say that it's been a great pleasure working with everyone. You guys are a fun, witty, garang and driven bunch... and i will always have a soft spot for my games comms people. GROUP HUG! *bimbotic giggling* But seriously, they're so easy to work with because they're always spilling with creative ideas, bubbly like Pepsi, smart and quick as whips, cooperative, selfless and most importantly... like minded in the ways of SABOTAGE. Muah hahahahahaha!

M and B, much thanks to the both of you!

A snippet before we embarked upon our marathon. Er, movie marathon. ;-)

Love you guys.

It's a constant struggle to not be disappointed with my Christian walk. I expect too much and so i fall flat on my face, turning cynical and sceptical all over again. The emptiness returns and i know that that happens because i run off to do my own thing leaving my Daddy behind, breaking free from his coaching and guidance.

I'm trying to learn what it means to yearn but not to be conditional about how i see my relationship with the Lord. I'm trying to be expectant but not demanding. I see it basically as "patiently desiring more".

It sure isn't easy.

I'm tired of my ups and downs with Him. All i want is to know Him, much more and deeper. I'm tired of searching and guessing, and wondering. How can i walk closely with someone i don't understand well? I hate to put words into God's mouth about what He's trying to do in my life (i never believe in making assumptions and believing in it unless i know for sure), but at this point i wonder if all these heartbreaks in my journey with Him is to teach me the quality of perseverence, a trait i do actually lack in my character.

I've fallen many times, crawled for a bit, and then dusted myself to stand up again. I hurt but i try to walk again. Each time there will always be someone there to tell me to keep pressing in and to keep seeking. But the pain sometimes gets to me and i cry out all the "Why" questions.

I'm waiting for the day when the wall is finally chipped away, when that wretched locked door finally swings open when the key is found.

***

Went through the stock chart on Threadless, and boy am i glad i made a move, and fast. Apparently out of 4 tees i placed my order for, 3 are already out of stock.

Gem and I both got "Prehistoric Freak" and "Biblical Disaster", while i got another two, called "Zombie Donkey" and "Procrastinators: Leaders of Tomorrow".

*rubs hands with glee*

To Mari: The first order is in the process of being packaged and sent off, the second one has only just been received and will be packaged soon.

I really should stop taking photos that are simply look-at-camera-and-smile types. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Remembering that i had a memory triggering aid in the form of a CD with a sizeable number of photos of my JC mates, i sifted through my pile of CDs, found it and popped it into the drive.

I'm smiling as i click through and view them one by one. The ones that especially trigger those feelings of nostalgia and that fuzzy warmth are those that capture in a sweet frame our madcap antics, smiles that were caught in a split second without the purposeful bunching of certain muscles for that practiced smile some of us have tried to perfect.

The best pictures are those that allow you to see more than a smile plastered on a face, the kind that reveals to the viewer the reflection of the sentiment(s) of that moment through the body language of the photo's subjects. It's a joy to see us close friends just being ourselves, the way we are.

And then i think, we don't always have to smile for photos, do we? Yeah. We don't.

Think about how different it would be if we took photos of ourselves in times when we are feeling anguish, when our eyes are sore and swollen with prolonged crying, when our faces reflect emptiness, dull from the sapping of all positivity.

If photos are about capturing moments to remember, are not times of unhappiness worthy of being remembered, or captured, too? Thinking back on events past and seasons of our lives need not always have to stir good emotions. Our lives are a collection of far more than that.

Life is equally ugly as it is beautiful.

***

THREADLESS IS HAVING A SALE FOR ONLY 3 DAYS. LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GO! GO! GO!


***

Germ and i scored when we spent a rainless wednesday last week at Sentosa, Palawan Beach, doing nothing but sprawling ourselves upon the beach and nua-ing in the sun. The days that came after saw only cold rain and dull grey clouds. Hah!

Must say that spending a day with my homie at the beach (i love everything about being at the beach) was a lot more than just pleasant. I didn't really want to leave when evening creeped up on us.

For those of you who've been to Palawan Beach, you'll know about that wooden bridge and two tall wooden structures that overlook the sea with a bridge connecting them both. I'm not kidding you when i say that these are things that come straight out from my fantasies. What i would give to spend a night up there with nature and people i care about. *wistful smiley sigh*

Got to love the amenities (newly renovated) too though i can expect to see it tranformed for the worse in a few months time, with the usual wear and tear as well as lovely contributions from inconsiderate users.

I felt like i was showering in a resort-themed loo, or a stable or something. The ceiling wasn't your usual white and flat ceiling but the toilets were housed under this huge wooden shelter that covers all the showers as well as toilets.
When you tilt your head up, you'll see the ceiling fans twirling round and around above you. Quite shiok when you are doing your stuff in the toilet. Hee.
(note: i may have misjudged the height of the ceiling though, 'cos my glasses were off)

The feeling you get is one of openness without the fear of being peeped at. Yet you feel the free flow of fresh air. I like.

We even bought pictures of our pretty selves. ;-) Muah haha. Erm, what happens is that photographers will come by and ask if you would like to take photos, of which you can later view and buy as a souvenir at the Island Shop. Not bad you know... Sentosa has their own line of clothing too now. Interesting.

One of my all time favourite movies HAS to be the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
***

This sounds crazy but i'm going to plan a schedule for myself to read up on the most recently completed sem's textbooks once through again. It's a whole load of beneficial information missed out during the academic writing frenzy. I don't want to slack off too much either lest i forget what i should know for the next semester.

***

It is usually after an enjoyable day out with a friend or friends that i always wonder to myself when in solitude: How many of these people will be friends who stick around for life?

Some friends may marry off, and some may not. Either way, there's a chance that some part of their lifestyle may pull them away from you. Or, emotional distance and connection between two people become so ghostly thin that it stops one party from reaching out to the other, or from reciprocating the request that was extended. Worse, what if something horrible happens...

There are only so many friends with whom you can really stick tight to. It's kind of like you have a core group, then a next group outside the core, and so forth. The people staying within a group may not be static, and may move from group to group over time. But there will always be a group left on the outside, and those are the ones at risk of being lost, and possibly for good.

***

Trekking 10km is nothing like running 10km.

A group of 5 of us took to the reservoir so that we could reach that tree top trail that we've been dreaming about venturing across. Thank God that the weather was great on sunday morning, a.k.a merciless searing hot sun, blue skies and white turfs of clouds.

Throughout the 10km, we walked our way through stony paths that wound their way through the forest sometimes bring us upslope and downslope. Other times we padded on soft black soil that felt almost like a carpet beneath our footwear. We also strolled parallel to the SICC golf course on a patch of open land under the perfect sky that made us feel like we weren't quite in Singapore. (we tried to ignore the concrete buildings in the far distance) And the finale was a walk on a 2km long wooden boardwalk that snakes itself between the edges of the forest and the fringe of the reservoir.

As much as i know that all good things will need to come to an end, the tree top walk could've been made looonnggerrr.......... But i loved being up there. Downright exhilarating (for me at least)! Being high above the ground, looking across the canopy of green, feeling the heat beat down and the slight carress of the cool wind on my skin. Looooovvvved it. :-) It was interesting to absorb in the smells and sights, observing how our climate allows for such a diversity of flora. Looking down, you'll see a variety of shapes and sizes of leaves in a small area of land.

One of the most memorable parts was of the climbing up of this tall er... wooden structure thingy that allows you to overlook the vast greenery and enjoy the cool breeze with the direct heat of the sun. It was too bad that not many people seemed to have the fear of heights because shortly after we came up, more people started trooping up which meant that we had to get down or else we all might end up going down together in one atrociously huge lump, wooden structure and all, whether we planned to or not. Boo. Good thing we've got pictures to remember those moments. :-)

I particularly enjoyed walking on the open land next to the golf course because the grass was so green, the sky so brilliant and the air was so fresh. There was little noise too, a kind of peace and quiet that feels alien to us city dwellers. The boardwalk later on also proved to be a perfect spot for people who want to meditate beside the quiet of the forest and slow moving water. If i had gone alone, i'd have chosen to stay there for a while. The silence that descended when one stills one's heart, is pleasantly intoxicating.

Nothing like a good workout in the morning with good friends, i must say.

Next up, more meet ups and a beach trip with my homie. Toodlee Doo!

Ah, i am a young, handsome, fit male.

You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause. You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them. Power: force beams from your eyes

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Teeheehee.