I wrote this some days a go, but now it's ready to be posted up!
1. God really knows my needs even BEFORE i tell him...
Now, bank accounts are meant to see your savings increase right? Yes. So, having received my allowance from my work last month, i was pretty happy about the digits and i had really just wanted to keep things the way it was. I was exceptionally reluctant to spend on things, though there are lots i really want to buy for myself!
So with the bintan trip, i had to draw out a sizeable amount and i admit that i was feeling disturbed at the sudden drop in finances. My phone bill also came in today and it was HIGHER than usual, because i was in Malaysia last month and the smses chalked up a sum. Also, this is coupled with the fact that i am no longer going to be working and therefore, NO INCOME anymore. Although i will still survive on kind parental support, i have to watch every penny that comes out from my wallet or i may run low.
But as i was packing a while ago, out of the blue, my dad came into the room and he said with a smile: "Need some money to spend?"
I was STUNNED and i couldn't even reach out to take what looked like blue notes in his hand.
He said: "It's just ****** only...."
Jo: But still... I'm really thankful. Thank you, thank you! I really appreciate it...
Dad: Good. Good night! *smiles to himself as he exits my room*
Then, a few minutes later, MOM came in with a smile and i can almost feel her heart beaming with delight as she blessed me financially too!
I'm like, OH MY... I was brooding over the cash flow and i had all my broiling concerns about finances which kept drumming away in my head the last few days. And sadly, I didn't think that it was important enough for God to care. In my mind, i just figured that i would just swallow my circumstances and handle my own problems in my own way. But you know, God cares and he supplied my needs (through my folks)! It's just so amazing... I really should trust God a whole lot more even in the everyday/mundane things.
2. Being assured of my future.
Today at worship ministry bible study, we were asked to pair up and just ask God how we can prophesize, or simply put: bless, the person we were paired up with. J and i sat down to pray and she said that even before she paired up with me, she had a vision of me, for me...
J saw that i was standing in a forest, with trees surrounding me all around. There was no path leading out from the forest and she asked God for light so that she could see. Then, light appeared and it illuminated a dirt path that led out me out from the forest and... When i got out, before me was a beautiful, magnificient view.
J didn't know what it meant, but felt that God was saying that "He would show me, in his time, what he intended for me."
I was so STUNNED (again). Because right now, i am facing both certainty and uncertainty in my life.
My certainty: the road to being a counsellor is right before me; God has clearly opened the door for me.
My uncertainty is: I have such a great fear of people but YET, i know nothing else that i am passionate about. And i am going headlong into a career where i have to deal with all sorts of people EVERY day. Having experienced interaction with difficult people, i have begun to doubt my ability to love and reach out to those in need.
In my heart, i have been constantly asking myself and i have been wondering incessantly: HOW on the WORLD is God going to use me? I just don't see how it is possible. I am weak, fearful, doubtful, inadequate!
My personality is a complete opposite from the other counsellors i have met. I just cannot see how i can be useful, how i can bless others, how God can use me, a person who is choosing to do something so opposite from what i am normally more comfortable doing.
It's such a mismatch, and i am just, like what J said, in a forest. I cannot see where i am going, i cannot see what God has planned. I cannot the picture yet. I cannot see HIS big picture. I'm still far away from the finished product.
But God has now told me that, in time, i will see. I will see the light, and i will be led. I will eventually be led to see the beautiful outcome of what He has planned for me. I will come to see it.
And this gives me the assurance that i have to just keep walking in the direction that i am walking towards. Because God WILL reveal the fruits and reasons in time to come!
Oh, and note: J had no idea of the things that i am going through, so you can see, that it's REALLY God just speaking to me through J! :-D