Hotel Rwanda

using my mom's lappie which's a bit messed up so i gotta type most things in small letters. :-)

*** ***

My tutor keeps talking about how she did this and that while teaching in NIE, how the culture is there and how she is doing in the SIM culture, her students there, blah blah blah, "in IE, in IE, in IE..."
That it has turned from pleasantly interesting to jarringly annoying.

Now i guess i know what it feels like for others when i prattle on about all things ACJC.

*** ***

I've decided that i will not deprive myself of brain food, be it in the form of movies or books from the library or concerts or some such, even during the academic year.

living the way i used to last year was rather meaningless. one must know that there is a time for everything.
it's not an excuse to go out exactly, but haven't we all heard... "all work and no play, makes jack a dull boy".

so, i have stomped my foot down and went to watch Hotel Rwanda yesterday.

i am glad i watched it, it was worth my every cent. it was so deep and engaging that when i stepped out from the theatre into the brightly lit mall and saw the bright blue sky outside, i felt almost like i've never lived before.

like, i live in a plastic world.

of course, in different parts of the world and in different stages of national growth, with whatever level of poverty there is, the people all over, go through different forms of troubles and calamities.

But you have to admit that some calamities could be more heavy on the spirit than others.

i might be dying from my academic studies and going insane and breaking down mentally.

i might be going through a rough patch at the office with too much work.

or, maybe i might be facing the very lack of a job altogether.

or, maybe my husband is leaving me for another woman.

But imagine having a gun pointed at your head, your spouse's head (someone you've fallen in love with, given of yourself and share intimate ties with) or child's head (your own flesh and blood and maybe part of your "spirit" even).

you never know when the last breath will be or when will be the last time you get to say goodbye.

death is certain, as certain as taxes.
death is solid, irreversible. by most standards at least.

the dead person has no more life to hope for anything.

that is, unless of course you think that life hath no more meaning. and if you think that living is more of a pain than anything else.

"i would pay you to shoot me and my family"
-Paul, the main character.

The swaying between both ends: the desire to survive and to end the stress upon his shoulders and the horror of what he has seen.

*shiver*

"What's the use? They would simply say: Oh my God, that's horrible... And continue eating their dinner."
(or to that effect)

Having it SAID RIGHT OUT for you to hear really tears a chord inside.
How true it is.
I can picture it happening now. Sinking teeth into fresh homemade food while i watch the news, of people being beaten, people being burnt from bombings, getting shot down.

And not doing anything about their plight.

Once, i thought to myself: "I am a servant of yours God, AND WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!?!"

Of course there are many considerations that i could go into but that's just another issue to tackle altogether.

there is more about the show i want to ramble about but i have to stop for now. i guess i fall under the "dying under academic circumstances" bit.

till then.
*this's a good start*