Cease. (i must've edited this no less than 6 times)

Why do i keep torturing myself?

Why does it hurt so bad even when i know it's going to happen?

AND HAS HAPPENED ALREADY.
IT'S BEEN A YEAR TOO!

Why jo why. Why do you keep doing this to yourself.

It's been years already and you still feel the stab?

Let go... You HAVE TO LET GO.

But i already have!

Then why am i shaking like a leaf?

God... My Abba Father...
Your love is the only thing keeping me safe and secure.

OH GOD....... WHAT CAN I DO TO RELEASE MYSELF FROM IT?
I thought this was long ago dealt with.

I'm feeling so divided.

A part of me is screaming, kicking and crying.
And feeling so alone and in crippling pain.
I'm trembling.

But the other part of me is sitting calm, with a tilt of the head, smiling subtly and wishing all things well.
Almost... psychotic-like.

Love gives rise to unspeakable joy and such cruel, ruthless pain all in one serving.

Wretched double edged sword.

But then, if Love is as it is from the Bible (which IS, as i believe), the latter part of me should be about the right way to go.

Should that kind of perfect biblical Love give us pain at all?

My life is in your hands Lord. You know what's best for me.

Your love is about the only thing that is constant. Change is a constant, but so is your love.

Take comfort in His love. It is unfailing.

All i need to do is TRUST YOU LORD and walk in your ways all the days of my life.