*cue in music from twilight zone* I bring you another episode of "strange tales"...

Jo: What does your mom work as? *staring into the distance and the word "remisier" pops into thy head*
S: Oh, she is a stock broker.
J: Is that the same as a remisier?
S: Yes. The same.
J: Before you told me what she worked as, i had the word "remisier" in my head.
J and S: *become wide eyed*

Ok, so the next time someone asks me if i can read his/her mind when i tell them that i did psychology, i shall just look deeply into their eyes, with a slight creepy smile and say, "Sometimes.....".
Hurhurhur.

***

Yesterday, Gem and i were at Watsons holland village choosing a shampoo for me. I was making an evaluation of some brands and just as i said, "The shampoo is quite moisturising", this slim lady with long brown hair and blond streaks walked by us along the same aisle and said outloud to no one in particular: "No, it's not."

I was quite perplexed for a moment, and i asked Gem whether he heard what i did. He said he heard: "Doraemon". (ok, at this juncture, i declare that women have better hearing. heh. ok, kidding...)

After a few minutes of deliberation i picked out a sunsilk shampoo happily and said to Gem, "Ok! It's $6.50 right?", while striding towards the cashier.

Then, the SAME lady who happened to be in the queue in front of me said outloud, "If you have the money to pay for it."

In my head, i was like... "HUH?!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE???"
SO WEIRD RIGHT!!!!!

I kept quiet till i paid for my shampoo and then Gem said to me, "Hey, that lady is saying some very bizarre things!"

At first, i thought that her first comment was to the person she was talking to over her handphone or something, through an unseen bluetooth device. But the second "pissed-at-the-whole-world" comment, was just too coincidental that it left Gem and i super amused and bewildered.

HA. These are the things that make life so interesting. I don't even know the lady and whatever she was saying was too directly relevant to whatever i was saying. And i couldn't find the bluetooth device anywhere because her hair was covering most of her head. I wonder what was making her so pissed that night.

***

I don't really know how to begin or end telling you this. But. WOW! God REALLY surprised and blessed me AGAIN. Some 3 years ago, i didn't know if doing my honours was the way to go because i wasn't sure if i'd nail a good pass for it. But well... With hard work and faith in whatever God had in store for me be it good or bad... I just got my official transcript 2 days ago, and i was awarded a upper second class!

WOOooOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOooooOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my Gawssh!

You know. Nothing about what i do makes me deserving. Yes, i did work hard but there were many times when i really struggled through my work, because of never ending deadlines for self study, doing essays and reseach, fatigue (through nights and wee morning hours), severe writers' blocks (can last for 1 week!), immaturity in thought at some points, not being able to attend cell group because of clashes with class, etc. Throw in the fact that I've not been the most angelic of people, with my fair share of horrendous behaviour and unfaithfulness to God. I really had to depend on God to pull me through it all.

With that, i can only say: God, You amaze me.

I just feel that it's appropriate to post this poem by Carol Wimmer here. It really touched my heart when i first read it through an email sent to me. Here we go...:

WHEN I SAY, "I AM A CHRISTIAN" by Carol Wimmer

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved

Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

Just this morning, i thought to myself when i awoke: "I think i can't remember how to use my bow anymore."

And what do you know.

Here i am checking my email, and my club vice president just sent a mass email to the club members to inform us of an upcoming workshop for archers with their own equipment. The goal? "To teach basic set up, tuning, and skill."

Sister: It's a sign.
Jo: hur hur. *sigh*

OH MY GOSH... This is FREAKY. Ok, i was going to write a new post today about how i feel that my writing style in my posts are beyond poetic (erm, "beyond" meaning on the other polar end of the spectrum). My posts sound exactly the way it would if i were talking to you face to face. Nothing flowery, nothing poignant. Just pure straight talk from a straight up honest girl.

Then i remembered that i wrote this "poem" some time ago... And the topic was also about "the way i write".

And GUESS WHAT. I found the post and "poem" and ......................... discovered that it was also written on the 7th of Feb, 2006. EXACTLY ONE YEAR FROM TODAY.

Do my thoughts and emotions occur in a cyclical pattern or WHAT?! I'm doomed to be a boring person!!!!! *screams and runs around in circles*

Tuesday, February, 7th, 2006

Teehee, i'm no poet, but decided to try my hand at one. So here goes...:

To open thy heart before, 'tis a risk i did take,
But somewhere along the line, i realized i risked forsake.
But sometimes the urge becomes so strong,
So I simply just scribble some obscure song.

Such is the silliness of my public blog,
For one who fears getting severely mobbed.
Hence the things i type and publish,
Are mostly selfish, and some just rubbish.

It's for all to see, this online real estate,
But I know not who treads on this slate.
Nevertheless i thank the readers,
Who've often visited as this Vacuum's feeders.

Deep level discourse and embellished writings i have not,
Breathtaking photos, i also boast naught.
Witty lines and flowing expression,
Are more likely non existent than inner suppression.

Then again there was once a time,
When words arrived so clear and fine.
"Eloquent and articulate" were terms i favoured,
Thoughts borne of conceit and pride, they escalatored.

But then Life had a way to suck me out dry,
I open my mouth and nothing would fly.
When i once could slice a person in half,
Now, I'm as docile as a calf.
(ok, maybe not really. edited: but it rhymes. hahaha.)

I look back upon the days of yore,
When suaning people was never a chore.
Though i'm watered down some with more to learn,
A dagger sharp mind, i still do yearn.

Hence often times i feel the evil green,
Creeping and seeking to consume and preen.
But then i think: "I Am Me",
My value, my worth: In the God i can't see.

So i worry less though still plagued at times,
But i remind myself: Don't waste your time;
"I am who i'm meant to be
Says the God who crafts perfectly".

***

Some of the.. eh.. what do you call them? Stanzas? Some of them are a little obscure because i had to compress a long story into 4 short lines. So even i have to stop to recall what i had meant to say when i was fashioning the stanza.

Off to mug... And wonder about how my mind freaks me out sometimes. Ask Gem, he'll tell you about some of my psychic moments. Muah hahahaa.. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

My mind (or is it more than that, i wonder.) has the funniest way with me sometimes.

After the fireworks display at Marina Bay yesterday night, the bridge that links the One Fullerton with the Esplanade became a tight "road" for two-way human traffic. The squeeze was really maddening (having God on my mind to keep me from thinking bad, negative thoughts really works) and my cell mates, another friend and i found ourselves being jostled along one "lane" towards the Esplanade.

I was pretty much minding my own business as i made my way, trying to make sure that i wasn't going to step on kids that were too short to see, step on shoes or kick anyone's heels. (I was also wondering if my hair stank, and if my friend behind me was secretly choking to death.)

Then somewhere along the way, this thought entered my mind and appealed to my conscious decision making processes: "Look to the left (where people were facing my direction as they made their way toward One Fullerton) 'cos i think i might see someone i know."

Lo and behold. Waddaya know.

About half a minute later, a familiar face i knew popped up from the linear mass of unrecognizable people. DAYANA!
We were so excited over seeing one another (the odds!), but noting as how we couldn't stop to talk, we had to keep moving on and away.

I related this to my sister who then asked me: "Did you dream of me winning one billion dollars?"

-.-"

I'm always having these weird, "coincidental", mind experiences. It's been more than once when particular thoughts would echo in my mind (and/or heart) and then something related to that thought would occur shortly after. But i'm not complaining.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's me just giving these occurences special notice until it feels like it's statistically significant (as opposed to people who've had such experiences but don't think too much of it). Or whether i'm just really........ special odd in that way.

La dee dah. Actually, i really wouldn't mind more of such "coincidences". Wouldn't it be nice to be psychic a prophetic speaker.

***

I popped into my sister's room to find her playing this xbox game that saw her as a third person character who happens to be a "squirrel" who "kills foes by bravely brandishing a frying pan in its right paw" and "battering the enemies to bloody bits and pieces".

Oh. Kay.

Something fishy, this way comes. Ok not really, but i sense a common theme that happens to have strung two incidents together, that is.

1. The thought that held my attention at gunpoint till i blogged it down.
"It's sad that when you do a right and moral thing against the flow of the prevailing influences of dishonesty, people look at you as if you were stupid."
It had no reason to pop into my mind but it did. The next day, i looked back upon the devotional reading for that particular previous day which i had not read yet, and it spoke of the same topic that came to me.

2. The meeting of thought and occurence (today)
While doing something totally unrelated to psychology, the thought of a friend who was working in a psychological clinic (plus other related issues) came to my mind. At around the same time, my phone chimed in an sms which happened to be from said friend. As (insert word of providence) would have it, he told me that there was a vacancy at the clinic to work part-time.

Funny hor?

God? What is going on? I'm gunning for a career related to psychology, not to be a psychic. But then again......... Having a psychic ability would be really good in psychology now wouldn't it.
The term "Psychic" makes me think of gypsies and crystal balls. Or in our Asian culture, i'd think of old folks sitting against a wall in the heartlands with a small table adorned with idols, joss sticks, candles, yellow paper with chinese characters inscribed on them. The works.

At this point in time, I'm sitting here, stalling. What do i write as a next follow up paragraph? I've got ideas flying and circling my head but as i'm reviewing them, i also shoot them down after that with, "No, imagine what opposition i'm going to get if i say that!"
I realise this is an author afraid to say something controversial out of the sheer subjectivity of the matter.
How silly.

Was about to continue when i realize i have better things to do than manage and conduct a furious debating session in my mind. So, toodles!

PS: I saw this guy at Bras Basah wearing a Threadless.com tee called "Death by Music". I bought that one too!!! And i'm still waiting for it. Hmmph. I wonder if he saw a flash of appreciation and recognition in my eyes for the design as i fixed my gaze upon the tee for the 2-3 seconds that i had as we passed each other on the escalator.

perfect time for a lesson

O.O

Woah. See that statement below that i made yesterday, about doing the right thing and being thought of as stupid?

I opened today's devotional and was greeted by a related topic: That the world does not mind the Moral Man of this world, but hates the moral Christian. The reason is that because the former relies on his own strength while the Christian relies on God's strength.

The basis for this difference is: The holding onto and the releasing of the Human Pride. When one gives up one's reliance on the self effort, one gives up that pride. To illustrate that: Remember how you had to acknowledge that you didn't understand a concept, decided to humble yourself and asked someone how to solve that math, physics, chemistry, etc, question?

And that's not all the "coincidence" there is. I was doing some research yesterday when that statement from yesterday just bore its way into my mind and grabbed my attention till i had it blogged down.

I didn't read yesterday's devotional but today i flipped back to it and saw the topic for the day: "Hated by the world", the message being, 'the world did not hate Jesus because he pursued opposition or antagonism just so that he could be persecuted, but rather the world hated him because of his absolute purity and holiness'.

What a perfect match in timing!

Which brings to mind that most recent entry that Eugene (see my comrade links) made about being in Mindef also...

O.O

I've certainly not yet learnt the skills of observing and making deductions on really er, practiced psychotic individuals and/or serial killers, but for friends... I can tell if there's something wrong under their seemingly joyful visage. Sometimes, i see it blatantly. When you've known someone for a while, you're more finely tuned to their body language, their gestures, the rise and fall of their voice tones, the look in their eyes. These're plenny of tell tale signs. Other times, i sense it in my heart, that something is amiss.

Every now and then with a friend, when the superficiality of the conversation wears off and when the deeper issues start emerging, inside i'd be thinking: Yeah, i knew there was something wrong.

For my Gem, we've had thoroughly uncanny moments when "coincidence" becomes something like of a central theme running in our relationship. At times, i'd get these vibes about certain specific issues. I only bring up what i think is necessary to bring up, while in other cases, he'll talk me about them and i'm thinking and i tell him: Yeah, i had a feeling about that too.

This so called ability just might be borne from the quality of "natural hyper sensitivity" that females have. Teehee.

I received these smses from a friend from my keyboard class (it's been some time ago and they still sit in my inbox), and i thought i'd share them because they're really meaningful:

First one:
Only God, can turn
a mess... Into a message
a test... Into a testimony
a trial... Into a triumph
a victim... Into a victor

Second one: (she sent me this during Easter and i just loved the simple phrases that yet meant so much because it just captures the very essence of who Jesus is in just 3 short sentences)

His Destiny was the CROSS,
His Purpose was LOVE,
His Reason was YOU.

*** ***

(3:20pm)

Some time ago, i think, last year, i decided that i wanted to try/re-learn blading. Since my family would go to Pasir Ris some certain sundays and since the blades in the home needed to be taken out for a whirl, dad and my sis became my blading coaches at the same time. I was never any good on blades because my sense of balance on just, two rows of straight lined wheels, was pretty poor. I had no confidence on ground that wasn't completely flat too.

But strangely, before the day we adjourned to said park, i had a dream that night, that i was blading with NO difficulty whatsoever. My balance was perfect, there was confidence in my rhythm and gliding, and what a joke! I could even do tricks while on them blades.
I could actually FEEL very tangibly the emotions going through me as i moved with the sense of smoothness and perfection in balance in the motion.

(sunday morning)

*clicked on dad's blades and stood up shakily like a newborn calf*
*Thanks lucky stars that there was a little area of flat ground on an otherwise hilly-ish park*

Ok, for the most part of the beginning, i was trying to blade based on previous knowledge and also on the physics of what was happening there and then and so was trying to figure out how not to topple over. Altogether, it was ungainly though i was moving.

And then i remembered my dream and for some reason, i decided to tap into that dream, tapping into that really vivid and fluid sense of ease in the motion and tried to recreate that confidence. And before long, i actually felt my feet obey me, and i found myself moving, gliding like how i was SUPPOSE to.

I was REALLY surprised at what was possible! I cannot even begin to describe the feeling of bringing an unreality into reality and seeing it work for you. Bringing the (un?)consciousness into consciousness.

So, the next time someone says to you: IN YOUR DREAMS AH!

They might not be too far wrong, eh?

*EYES POP WIDE OPEN*

Oooo... So maybe, just maybe... .. My dreams of owning that soprano saxophone was actually my inner fortune teller speaking?
(please please please please please!!!)

Hearing the unheard.(updated)

Note: Haloscan has officially declared itself UNTRUSTWORTHY in my books, so people, simply click on the comments link whenever you please and disregard whether or not it looks as if Haloscan has updated to reflect the new number of comments. Thank you.

*** ***

Rather odd.

There was this time when i was stoning and staring into space (you know how sometimes your vision rests on something ahead but your mind is floating and running through thoughts such that you're not really aware of what's going on around you).

A David Lanz CD was playing in the background and you know, for the life of me, i promise you that i thought i heard someone singing the WORDS to his music.

The tricky thing is, the music from David Lanz's CDs are purely instrumental.

But i honestly thought i heard words singing in sync with the melody. Every emotion that was stirred by the notes he played, was matched with what was sung.

When shook myself up from my... er... hallucination? I realized with surprise that the singing had ceased and all i heard was just the tinkling of the piano again.

THE STRANGE THING WAS:
The words (that i thought i heard) of the song that i had been listening to, still echoed in my mind.

I think it was a male voice. That typical kind of male singing voice you might hear in a Jim Brickman album.

(I don't remember the exact words now. Though what i do remember was that the words revolved around the theme of "Love".)

I sure wasn't making up the lyrics in my head because the words simply flowed with the music.

Ah... One more thing added to my Personal Collection of Mysteries.

*** ***

We sat in the calm darkness, after the rain.
The night was young, but time was fleeting.
(with you, time is always fleeting)
The initial chatter slowly gave way to that soft, sweet, peaceful silence, made complete by the enveloping quiet night.
(And isn't being surrounded by nature, beautiful?)

I smile at the thought of the coming together of two naturally occurring gifts to Mankind.

There was no need to say anything.
Our communion was not bound to words.

But if there were to be any sound at all, or if you thought you heard something, perhaps a funny little high pitched tune...
It probably was the singing, coming from an achingly enraptured and contented heart.

Note: Oh and by the way... This is rated VERY "PG" ok? Nothing sleazy going on around here, yo.