Fruity finds

Little pomegranates! So cute! But my phone cam focused on the leaves BEHIND it.

Was walking out along the covered walkway and what should i find?

There are TWO! Sneaky little things.
Pomelo! Woah, wanted to bring home sia. But could only bring home photos.

And just the other day as i was walking out, i found a PASSION FRUIT PLANT WITH FRUITS! I was so in love. No seriously, i love passion fruits and seeing them growing on local soil is actually quite charming. How often do we get to see fruits growing naturally before they land up in our supermarkets?

I shall be keeping my eyes peeled for more fruity finds at secret location.

girly buys from Sephora

I've been wanting a vitamin C serum for about a year already. I was eyeing the one from Skinceuticals but it would cost me an arm, so i settled for this. Was hoping to find something that would deliver and wouldn't bust my pocket. Bought this because it's made with organic products, brand seems results oriented but also has adopted practices that love the Earth. When it comes to skincare products, i make an effort to read the ingredients. So what i saw on the box pleased me: there wasn't a plethora of chemicalish stuff i cannot pronounce but was instead made from a combination of nature's botanical goodness. it does not do testing on animals, contains no petrol chemicals, parabens or those lauryl sulfate stuff, nor synthetic fragrances or colours. I didn't know what a gem I had bought till i went online to look for reviews. Apparently, it's a product quite a lot of people like! I've only used it twice so far at night, and not on consecutive days though. It has a strange smell (which i like) and i'm really liking what i see in the morning after applying it overnight. Skin looked supple and plumped, and i'm not sure about this, but i thought my acne scars looked a little lighter.

In my quest to complete my work attire look for my practicum/work, i bought this palette of eyeshadow colours.

Having been wow-ed the first time, i decided to buy this after trying it the second time (and was wow-ed again). I brought "that gal" home! It really does increase the mileage of my foundation. Skin looks smoother!

This isn't a very good photo... But here's a picture of the cake that i've ALWAYS wanted to eat but never got a chance till i went for a buffet at The Melt (sister's birthday). I LOVE the Ispahan cake: a soft, giant pink macaron, sandwiching a layer of raspberries and lychee, filled with rose buttercream.

Yes, i died and went to Heaven.

Washed dinner and dessert down with a light and simple English Breakfast tea. Divine. :)

I wonder if Samsung got the inspiration for one of its message tones by listening to nature.

This morning, i heard a call of a bird outside my window and mistook it for my phone's message tone. Teehee.

Wow. If you remember, i was really upset over a certain person (X) who was, in my opinion, giving me plenty trouble. Simply put, person in authority who might've been able to help me had her hands tied. X is a "big shot", so it's not so easy to change status quo.

I prayed about it very honestly to Father God. You know, just telling Him how i really felt about her and the whole situation. I specifically asked Father for X to take the initiative to opt out. As i was asking God for that, it occured to me that that scenario happening actually seemed very unlikely/impossible.

But i remembered the story of Gideon. Of how Gideon went to war with only 300 men each armed with a trumpet, clay pitcher and a torch against thousands and thousands of enemies, and won it. I mean, who in the world goes to war with a flower pot, a musical instrument and a simple light source?! Much less, WIN it?

Gideon did. Because He had a God more awesome than any million of battle worthy soldiers.
And so do I.

So, i just had faith that my God is a God who works in funny ways which i'll never come up with and He'll make a way for me. So i just did my part: be nice, respectful and do what needed to be done.

Until now, i find it hard to actually realize that God really answered my prayer the exact way I had hoped for, just in the nick of time. A prayer completely answered though it had seemed so unlikely!

Clementi: yummy food place! (Le tian something something...)

This was a sambal (was it? cannot remember what type of chilli was used) pork rib dish with some kind of savoury cream sauce. Woah. Frekkin' nice man, i tell you. And i am blogging this at 2am which is a bad time to get hungry. HA. The dish was a great blend of salty, sweet, spicy. It was tasty and went very well with hot rice. Any of my kakis who live near me or not so near also, if you're interested, i would be glad to bring you to go eat this!

These little nugget guys are actually crispy deep fried scallops coated with batter and salted egg yolk. SHIOK for people who love, well, salted egg yolk and scallops. ME! Gem, who does not fancy eating salted egg yolk actually enjoyed this.

These two dishes were featured on a channel 8 food show, and the shop takes advantage of this to promote these dishes quite exclusively. I'm game if you are! :)

Not advisable to do on v day

You can read it if you try hard enough...

The sign read "Flirting Point", complete with the imprint of a juicy smooch. Couldn't capture it on the phone cam though.

I was amused. They can't be serious! :P

This is Jed showing a little reluctance going down the stairs to reach home after his sunday afternoon walk. This is because the smart little pooch knows that a bath awaits him and he hates to bath! He gives me that manja look and wags his stumpy tail every time i talk to him. Aww!

Here's another manja face for good measure. :P

A Post for the Girls (+ Cheap Yummehs + Item for Sale!)

Kinda having internal girly giggling right now, because, well, i had a lone ranger girly short evening out with myself (after dinner with Gem) and i don't know where to begin talking about it. Needless to say, there will always be window shopping involved and wishlists being mentally drawn out. Ok, not mentally, i actually made a memo to myself in my phone to remind myself of what i'd like to get once my current stuff (face wash, scrubs, etc) run out. So this post is for the girls. :) Which would apply to most of the people reading here, methinks :)

1) Raffles City

Was walking about the cosmetics/shoes/toiletries department and checking out products from the brands that i favour/hear more about. And i found a couple of gems!

"that girl", Brightening Face Primer, $58:


Decided to drop by the Benefit counter to take a peek at the stuff they have. Usually, i don't have the patience to find out what the products are about. If you notice, Benefit products have a lot of funky names in bold and fancy fonts, but what it is and what it is for is usually not very prominently shown. But this time i had a nice salesgirl answer my query about which ones were their best sellers, and this was one of them, and now i know why!

I must say i was duly impressed. The product came out of the bottle as a pink liquid and went onto my skin just like any other smooth creamy make up cream. After some blending about and having it dry up a little, the imperfections on my hand looked smoothened out (wrinkles) and hidden (freckles): an illusion of perfect skin!

The liquid dried up without feeling oily at all or overly powdery. Altogether, my skin looked evened out and when i compared both hands side by side, i was quite wow-ed. Of course, the skin on the back of my hand is generally smoother than my face so the effects of the product was magnified. All in all, i guess if you prefer light make up, this would actually go very well on its own, OR, with a little foundation after the primer. I don't know how it will look like on blemished skin though. But i think if your skin is average-ish, then this might be good! Of course, do sample it first. I don't know if sensitive skin can take it.

Clarins UV Plus Protective Day Screen, $70 (gulp!):

What i look for in sunscreens is that it should not be thick and pasty, should not leave an odd white film on my face, should feel light and natural on the skin. This pretty much did the trick. It was lightweight and didn't have that gross pasty white residue. It didn't dry up as a powder, so it did leave the skin feeling a little moist. All in all, pretty decent. Pricey though. Eeks.








2) Blogshop: Lilies of the Field

LET ME SCREEAMM: AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COMPLETELY LOVE THE DRESSES THAT I'VE JUST PURCHASED FROM THEM!

Found out about this blogshop from another person's blog that i've been reading. I found the website to be pretty decent: pleasant, neat, tastefully set up, and there was effort put into the photography of the items on the model (who has a really nice figure without looking malnourished!) So, i chanced upon two lovely dresses from their latest collection.

They fit me to a T! AUGGHHH! Happiness.

This one was the one i fell in love with immediately when i saw it. It's a lace overlay CNY-ish dress in purple. It was initially "pending" (meaning stock was all fully "choped" but not paid for yet by potential buyers). So the seller said that if anyone backs out from the sale, she'll let me have a piece. I was quite sad that i couldn't secure one for sure. Was at my desk the other day when i prayed and ask God for it... You know, just innocently so like a little kid. Heehee. To my utmost GLEE, when i met the seller today to collect my items, i peered into the brown paper bag and caught a glimpse of the shiny purple fabric inside. I was SO happy, you can't imagine. THANK YOU PAPA GOD. :DDDDDD *beam* I'm his girly plus chor lor daughter who is just starting to appreciate dresses.

Ok, tummy is bulging a bit here from a yummy dinner i had with Gem earlier. Char siew and siew yoke rice, with the shop's awesome gravy and chilli. He gets all the good food lobangs from his friends and he brings me there to try. So far all the recommendations have been great!

This was the sleeveless structured dress, another one that i allowed myself to purchase.

















NOTE: I have a size S lace overlay cheongsam (in champagne) (click on the link, scroll down the page and you'll see the model wearing it. The image's colour does not show the true colour. In real life, the colour is beige-ish and not silver) that i'm willing to let go of because while most of the dress fits me, the shoulder part doesn't because of my broad shoulders (dang, should've bought M instead!). My shoulders stretch the fabric a bit so it looks quite strange on me. To be honest, the workmanship is so-so, but it is definitely wearable. It would be a waste if no one wants it. I'm good selling it off slightly cheaper than the price i bought it at ($30).

Measurements of dress: Point to Point 14" to 16", Down 33"

**ok, end of girly ramblings**

Remember the char siew rice i was talking about?

The stall name is: New Rong Liang Cantonese Roast Duck (...) Soup. Sorry, i cannot read it either and can't remember the full name. It's quite a mouthful. This was where Gem brought me on our latest food trip. It's situated in a dingy below-building-void-deck kind of coffee shop. The building is directly behind Iluma, at Bugis. Oh... for the love of char siew, siew yoke, duck meat, laap cheong, gravy and chilli. It is YUMS.

And get this. A decent plate of char siew rice is only $2. Char siew with siew yoke rice is $2.50. No wonder there was a good queue when we got there.

Cleared out old blog links and adding new ones to the side... If anyone objects to either, please let me know!

***

It's quite freaky for me to learn that some people want to be psychologists because they think that they can judge others.

***

As a noob, training and learning to be a counsellor is painful.

My skills (which of course is limited at the moment) is openly challenged, i am fearful and anxious. There is a lot of pain to hear about and work with in the counselling room which i cannot "bring home" after a day's work. Mistakes are plentiful, disappointment in myself is cutting and sometimes sadly becoming a familiar feeling.

Yet, for now, it doesn't make me want to give up. Instead, it spurs me to want to be a better counsellor. I think it helps greatly that i have the support of colleagues and a good working environment. I noted that this feeling of wanting to be better isn't something i had to force myself to feel that i had to do. I didn't have to tell (or psycho) myself into thinking that i had to take all the negative feedback positively. The desire to improve just comes out naturally from my being.

Some might say, "you're not jaded enough", or, "you just wait". True to some extent. Burnout happens to many a counsellor, and it can happen subtly or drastically. I know i have to be consistently aware of my emotional and mental states, take stock of what's happening to be able to manage the issues as they come.

I wrote this as i was reflecting on what was happening in me and i wondered and then realized how crucial it is for counsellors to have a supportive friend or family member, a network that will help us release the pent up pressure inside. And i think, i'm pretty blessed. :)

For those who know me, i'm generally more of a pessimist, so saying this in all honesty surprises even myself!

Before i left his study room, dad was telling me that his laser pointer cum powerpoint slides changer (when you press a button) that has been with him for years no longer works. He was a little sad because he was going to have a presentation the next day and no matter what he did, the little device couldn't come back to life. It had well and truly croaked.

I left the room and was doing stuff at my comp when after about 10-15 minutes, dad came by my room entrance and excitely exclaimed, "JO! I'm SO excited!"

"What? Why?"

With a big ole bright grin and waving the pointer about in his fist, he said, "I held the pointer in my hand and said, in JESUS' NAME, IT. SHALL. WORK.! And then i turned it on and... it WORKS!!!!!"

Apparently, Jesus saves/heals electronic devices too. He's quite tech sav(e)vy, huh? :p

Though i knew it then, it didn't hit me as hard before. But i now know why junior college life was so friggin' hard for me and why i didn't do all that fantastic for my 'A' Levels.

Because NOW it gives me the opportunity to understand life from their point of view, to tell them that there IS hope and a fighting chance if they try, though the road is definitely rough.

Not to say that counsellors who were super pro back in college can't be effective, but i really feel that there is so much more meaning when i speak as someone who struggled too.

I would find it so much harder to empathize, encourage, cheer them on if i had breezed through college and got my As. If everything was perfect, i would have had nothing to share.

So yes. There is a reason for what i went through. To be of some help to those around me where i am placed for this season.

Geez. You live on your own world, so don't you blabber your personal sob story issues to me even when i don't even know you, you don't get to talk to me as if i am the cause of your problems because you set yourself up for them yourself. I don't know what the heck you want, i am trying to accomodate you and you switch here, switch there. Woah lao eh, i wish i were Jed right now so that i don't have to deal with morons like you. I didn't do ANYTHING WRONG. NOTHING. ZILCH. If you're in a bad state to begin with, don't go and unload all your crap on me. I don't care if you're some big shot. I didn't deserve that kind of treatment from you.

Where do they get these jokers from man, seriously.

God, please help me.

Rant over.

***

Guess it's time once again for the semester summary of assignments! Usually i do this towards the end of the semester when i am highly stressed and rushing them out. Maybe it's time to do things differently for a change. Heh. In the mean time, a Jed update.

He's much better and is no longer as bloated as before. Almost back to the usual when it's a norm for him to come around begging for food, something that he always does rain or shine. It's like, as long as he SPIES the journey that the food makes as you lift your hand to your mouth, he perks up and runs over to you in hope he can secure a hand out. Yesterday, he was too bloated and lethargic to move much so he skipped the begging but his behaviour today is a lot more familiar. It's a relief. I had wondered if his little kidneys could take so much preservatives... :) Silly puppy!

Friend gave a bag of laap cheong (preserved chinese sausages) for CNY last night, which i put into my bag and forgot about when i came home.

Jed stole the whole $$#%$#^% thing and ATE EVERY SINGLE SAUSAGE leaving just the plastic bags and the red string behind.

Mom found his newspaper toilet drenched with pee this morning, and his water bowl devoid of water, which is a first time EVER. The salt consumption was probably too much for him and he was drinking a lot to purge it out.

Sigh.

His belly is now bloated tight with his breakfast and probably a lot of digesting laap cheong from last night. Think he needs to go out for a run later today man. This crazy eating episode is not good for him at all. I'm honestly a bit worried for him so i'm keeping watch. He's now lying embedded in his favourite spot that is the bean bag looking very, very full and lethargic. If he could make sounds like a human, he would be saying, "errrghhh... (moan)... oh my stomach..."

Miniature pinschers just... They just rock because of their hilarious antics but they also drive you absolutely nuts because they are so hard to train and also possess a (very mischevious) mind of their own.

Bonitochico is one of my favourite blogshops to shop at, but oftentimes, i cannot get what i want soon after a release of a collection because the pieces sell out within minutes! So, by the time i decide on what i want (what colour?? which piece??) or when i get home from school/practicum/errands, i have to wait for the backorder.

From the time of ordering from a backorder (a timeframe for people who missed the initial release to make their orders) to the time the clothes arrive at my home, i have to wait a whole month or more. Which is generally not fun.

So, this time. I waited. When the clock struck 5pm, I refreshed the page, looked rabidly through all the clothes and decided with lightning speed what i wanted and shot my comment and email address to the sellers in record time.

I still think i'm not fast enough yet though. I took... 12-17 minutes? We'll see if i get my invoice by tonight. If i don't, then woah seh. I need more training. Muah hahaha. *silly grin*

I've joined the ranks of the other rabid online shoppers!!!!!! *ROAR!*HAHAHAHHA!*

We're all so STOKED because the project is taking off, and seems to have started on a good note!

It's not our project. It's God's project. And I must not forget that.

"weighty" issues

As you can see. Huge long list of sports events for this year on the right. :) I shall pick and choose the ones i think are do-able for me. Ragh, i can't help it but rest assured that i will pick the ones my body can handle. I want to do my sport(s) for life and not kill my body too soon and have it cut short.

Since last year, i've been toying with the idea of doing duathlons and mini triathlons to branch out from just plain running, but getting a bike is too expensive for me at the moment and keeping it in good condition requires time to maintain (from observing my sister who's into triathlons). We'll see how it'll work out.

Speaking about health and sports. Recently, my weight has been something of a topic for people who've not seen me in a while. Actually, even those who've been seeing me relatively often have noticed that i've shrunk somewhat. Some people said i looked "gaunt", some said i looked "nice what", some said i looked like "skin and bones" (haha... you know who you are! :P), some said i looked "unhealthy".

I don't really know how to respond to their surprised questions and comments, except to cursorily name one of the few reasons that explain what they see. It got me thinking about what started this whole continuous weight loss. Though i can assure you that i am not anorexic or bulimic, because i love food too much to be! Long story ahead...

It all began when i developed mild IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) during my undergraduate days. My doc said there is no distinct cause for it, though it is most likely due to my lifestyle. At that time, i was stressed most of the time from school and stress is apparently one of the lifestyle related causes for IBS.

Since there was no specific cause, he could only treat the symptoms. So he got me started on establishing good toilet habits. I learnt that i had to avoid certain foods as well because they made me bloat up. I underwent treatment with medication, fibre supplements and even laxatives. Within the few months of treatment, my doc said i had lost a bit of weight. (Ragh, because carbohydrates was one of the things i had to avoid due to bloating)

Things definitely got better in about 4-5 months, with less bloating. But not without being extra careful about my diet. Back then, my concerns were what i put into my mouth. Today, it has developed into a careful monitoring of what i eat, when i eat (time of the day), HOW i eat (i realized that taking more time to eat slowly and chewing my food thoroughly before swallowing eases the job of my digestive tract, less bloatedness), even.

As a zealot-runner, i took part in regular running events. But it was this one sports expo that i went to when i went to collect my Standard Chartered race pack that knocked some reality into me. I stopped by a Cali Fitness booth and did a body composition test, just for the fun of it. And to my ultimate shock, i was informed that at my size at that time (i had always considered myself healthy and even slim-ish!) i was close to being overweight.

My fat content was apparently quite high, which i didn't expect at all. I can't remember which year it was when i found out. But together with that bit of info, plus in 2007 when i put on 3kg SUDDENLY for NO apparent reason after my 21km Standard Chart race (weight ballooned to 58.5kg), i decided that i really needed to lose the weight.

So one day when i stepped on the scales, i prayed. I asked God, "God, i need to lose the weight to get to my ideal weight of 50-51kg. Can you help me, can you partner with me on this? We'll do this together."

I'm serious! I prayed to Father God to help me lose weight. I'm sure He does care about that too to help me! So, guys and girls, you now know what to do if you need help in this area ok.

So of course then came the decision to start making changes to live healthier. CY calls me a health freak in mock disgust though he's one himself! Hur. Well, what did healthier living mean for me? I lived and still live by these mantras:

1) Always pick food that will give NUTRITION. Meaning, i MUST get my fix of proteins, fibre and carbohydrates in my meal (try as far as possible though it's hard when you're eating out). Don't get things that give you calories but yet does not give you nutrition. For instance, potato chips, certain biscuits, doughnuts, etc. These are empty calories.

2) Avoid processed food as far as possible. Eg. i avoid cakes, soft/can drinks, biscuits that i think do not contribute to my health. But... (see point 3)

3) Yet, if something is really good (even if processed AND unhealthy), i WOULD eat it. Hence, I use my daily calorie intake only on food that is worth eating (i learnt this important lesson from a doctor who writes the famous local food blog: ieatishootipost.blogspot.com). Meaning, if the food i'm eating is yucky and/or unhealthy, i won't force myself to eat/buy it just so that i will have something to eat. If something is not worth eating, don't. So yes, i do eat stuff like fried pork lard. Heh. YUMMEH. Because it tastes good to me and it's something i won't regret eating. Which brings me to point 4...

4) Diet is a huge portion of what makes you physically. Hence, "you are what you eat". But like me, if you've eaten stuff you KNOW don't quite score well (PORK LARD!) in the health department, then you need to work it off.

5) When i eat, i don't gobble. When you eat slowly, you'll realize how little food you really need in order to feel full. If you gobble a lot in a short time, you'll realize later on how full you made yourself to be. Whereas when you take a longer time to eat (and hence eat less), your body has enough time to tell the brain that you are full. Less food eaten = less excess calories.

6) Fullness: I eat till i'm just about right or slightly less than just about right. I used to think this was torment! I mean, hello, i LOVE food so if i did this, i would be eating so little!!! But when i didn't heed this, i suffered a lot of bloating which over time i realized was very uncomfortable, so i've learnt to listen to my body and just practice this. I'm now benefiting from this, thankfully.

I realized when i followed these points, it all came together to help me manage my diet, weight and health (IBS) overall. Of course, i was also accountable to God in that i wanted to take care of His temple (my body) and to make sure that i didn't go overboard with the weight loss and have it turn into something pathological. Honestly, there were times when losing the weight was so important that i would do and think really stupid things. So i would have to refocus and remember that i was doing this for my overall health and not to achieve a number on the scale.

There are other things, like stress from school (NIE ah... tsk tsk) and personal life, my busy schedule that sometimes forces me to eat only light meals, my "shrunken stomach" (i feel full with just a bit of food... quite annoying and also amusing lor cos i love to eat at mega buffets like the one called The Carousel), that have also contributed.

Anyway. This has been a rather long post after allowing myself to recollect the whole journey. So after 4-5 years of living this way, i've slowly lost the weight and i'm now at a healthy average of 51-52kg.

Come to think of it, losing 6-7 kg in 2 years (from 2008 when weight was 58.5kg after the 21km run) is actually a long and gradual process (think: it's losing a tiny 67grams a week *chuckle*). Which i guess is healthy weight loss. I'm hoping that the changes to my physical body is deep (cardiovascular improvement, better metabolic rate, etc), rather than on the surface like how it is with crash diets.

This post was pretty much about the eating and food part of living healthily. Maybe i'll talk about my sports regime some other time. :)

I know i said that i was going to give my knees a break... (Cutting down on running events, running less, etc)

And i AM, honest! I tried to stick to walking only but as usual, i cannot stray long from running. So when i do, i do it in short durations/distances only. Plus, i don't run on pavements/tarmac anymore, or rarely. I jog/walk on the treadmill (yawwwwnnn) or do the elliptical machine (double yawn, but boy, it pushes my heart harder than jogging man). To balance everything out, i've added strength training to my exercise regime, i do some light weights now.

The general feedback i get from my therapists friends is that i probably cannot go on at the same intensity that i used to, but i MUST still keep active by doing other things. Having knee problems is not a reason to stop exercise (not that i can totally, anyways. i DO get lazy, but exercise to me is like a mild addiction. stop, and the urge will definitely return.). That being said, i was told that i should do exercises that are low in intensity but work my way upwards so that as my body takes the time to adjust, it also has time to rebuild... and maybe in time, i can go back to running like i used to and with a stronger ("more prepared") body. Something like that. I was also told to do strengthening exercises to support the weakened areas.

Points all taken, my friends. Hence my effort to scale down at this point in time.

So to get to my original point. Recently my classmate, who's also a good friend in my masters class asked me excitedly, "Hey! You wanna go run the Adidas Sundown? We go run the 10km one lar..."

Being a sucker for running events despite my knee issues, you can easily guess what my gong gong answer was.

(Hey at least she said we'll walk and run, no need to run all the way. So, that sounded good to me!)

Fatherhood

Some time last year, i asked God: "What topic should i do for my dissertation?"

And i felt God say: "Fatherhood".

My initial reaction was: "Ok, duh, God, that was a no brainer... So typical!" But i decided to believe that that was what God wanted me to do, so i've kept it in mind to look out for anything to do with fatherhood so that i could use the resources. And also... hopefully yo find a place that would allow me to carry out my data collection.

Strangely enough in the months that came, i began to see posters/email notices related to events that are trying to bring fathers together with their children, an article in the newspaper about father-children relationships, societies and groups stepping up to make fathers more aware of their roles in the family, their importance in their children's' lives. I even saw an MCYS grant being offered for people interested to carry out studies on family related issues.

Recently, when my classmate found out that i was not doing my dissertation this semester and would therefore not graduate at the same time as him, he tried to persuade me otherwise. I was told that i could just take it easy, don't take on a topic too big for myself, just do something simple and it can easily be done. A part of me wanted to give in, to maybe change my mind and take up his advice. But somehow, i felt that firstly, i don't think i will be able to handle the dissertation and i did after all make this decision to prolong for another semester for good reason, and secondly, i felt that since God wanted me to DO this, then i will NOT be swayed.

As if to drive in His divine point... On watch night service (church service on the 31st of december 2009), our senior pastor focused all our prayers on something that he felt weighed very strongly on his heart, and it was PRAYING FOR FAMILIES and for FATHERS/MEN TO RISE UP. My heart kind of skipped a few beats. And to make it even more blatant, our adult services have begun the new year with a series of sermon teachings on the importance of the role of the father.

I'm completely blown away. Every sermon that i've sat in so far has been difficult for me to listen to, given the family saga that i've been through recently involving my father. I know first hand the kind of raw pain that a father can inflict on his children, and i knew exactly what my pastor was saying and i was nodding in agreement.

Week after week, my jaw drops again at how applicable the sermons are to my dissertation topic and at how more resources for my topic are being made known to me (which i really need as a student needing contacts and resources). Our senior pastor believes that fatherlessness is a big root problem in society today, giving rise to many social problems. That it is time that the hearts of fathers should turn towards their children, and vice versa.

I'm like, "WOW GOD! This cannot be coincidental... this whole slew of stuff coming my way and how my dissertation lands itself at such a time as this. Really helpful for me! Thanks Father God. :)"

I feel like i'm going to be a part of a movement, even if it's just a small part. I'm just wowed at how all this is coming together.

Hiak hiak.

Apple Invasion has begun in this residence. This entry is being typed on the tiny little white wireless keyboard, and my right hand rests every now and then on a sleek, smooooth, creamy piece of apple heaven, called the magic mouse. :) and my eyes behold my blog entry on a hubungous display screen.

listening to matt maher on the imac, sitting by the window where the cool wind easily reaches in to bring the scent of fresh air, having Jed nearby. Bliss.

"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I remember coming across this when i was in secondary school juggling the concept of what it meant to be "deep" or mature. I must say the quote is quite crude (and reeks of snobbishness, unless i've misinterpreted the intention) but hey, it seems to hold a brutal grain of truth in some ways. Of course we can't be categorized cleanly like that. It's too broad a statement. Like i said, pretty crude but kind of self reflective, really. Up to you to wonder about the validity of such a statement.

Dog Run Part 2

Jed looking up at the treat my sister is holding.

Checking one another out.

Jed is trying to show who is boss. Sigh.

Shot of the dog run while the sun sets. Dogs playing in the mud. Huge black dog checking Jed out. Jed doesn't stray very far from us, so he trots back every now and then to hang around us.

Very pretty Corgi.

Cute Jed moments

Cute Jed moment No.1

Cute Jed moment No.2
He's doing this usual begging tricks... My mom is eating a nice juicy mango and he ingratiates himself with her, as you can see, spreading his doggy self on my mom's stomach and resting his little doggy head on her chest and staring longingly at the mango. Look at those eyes... Aiyo.

Avatar

Edit: woah, i'm thinking of catching the show again and/or buying the DVD. if there were non-pill versions of addictive drugs placed in movies to keep people watching, i think James Cameron stuffed this one full of it and it's working for me and loads of other (unsuspecting)people and critics! (same for his other movie isn't it, the Titanic? There were people who watched it 100 times or more!)

For the first time ever, we double dated. Well, sort of. Haha. It was the first time the folks went out to watch a movie on a weekday night either in a looooooooooong time, or if ever.

Last week, i told mum that i was going to watch Avatar with Gem and she promptly asked dad if he wanted to go as well. So this evening, two couples went to the Lido Cineplex for the 7:30pm show.

Boy.

I will be eating, sleeping, thinking, DREAMING, Avatar, man.

The story is simple. Man wants resources from the land belonging to a difference race (the Na'vi) and push their agenda by force. The Na'vi retaliate, the hero who served Man at first moved his allegiances from Man to the Na'vi when he learns about their way of life and when he falls in love with one of the Na'vi. Full on battle, Na'vi wins, and hero becomes a real member of the Na'vi.

But more than that, there were quite a handful of messages! It subtly or otherwise raises issues and familiar political topics like the the war in Iraq, Afganistan, the destroying of the Amazon forest by heavy industry, genocide of Native Americans (read from an online article), that nature will eventually "fight" back when the balance between nature and human activity (extraction of resources, etc) has been upset (global warming anyone?). I was amused and appalled that they even threw in the term "shock and awe", a concept (from the Nation Defense University of the USA) referred to as "rapid dominance" (wikipedia: "spectacular displays of force to paralyze an adversary's perception of the battlefield and destroy its will to fight").

After the show, it even got my folks discussing the content. As a bonus, my mom didn't get motion sickness. I was a bit worried that she might and wouldn't enjoy the 166 minutes in the cineplex because we watched it in 3D and there was quite a lot of action. Haha. Everyone liked the show, and i was glad it was moolah well spent.

In the first part of the show, there was a lot of "romancing" going on between the movie goer and movie. My church mate likened it to watching Jurassic Park, when you get to experience the vastness and lushness of the flora and fauna and the sheer monstrosity of the lifelike dinosaurs. In my opinion, the purpose was to allow the viewer to appreciate and sink into the beauty of a different world, to come to value the culture, creatures and livelihood of a people different but yet not so different from ourselves.

So when the destruction kicks in, you pretty much may feel some degree of pain and grief that the Na'vi must've felt when they saw their beloved forest (their whole lives, basically) and loved ones being murdered. My mom commented that when she was watching the war take place, she "felt disturbed". She could feel the chaos. For some people like myself, i didn't feel sad at all when a human being took a hit because all our sympathies were with the Na'vi.

Honestly, i walked away with one thing resonating most strongly in my mind and soul. And that is that what i saw really isn't very different from what's happening today in our world. The tribes of indigenous people being harmed today due to the destruction of their forest homes for the resources present there aren't from another planet, they're just on the other side of OUR planet. Even if the extraction of resources isn't the main issue, there has been and probably still is the senseless discrimination of such people.

I don't know what i can do to stop it, and my heart grieves.

face off with a deadly predator? really? watch to find out. :)

Fascination at granny's house.

I've always wanted to snap pictures of her home appliances because they would be considered antiques! It's so easy to get used to all the modern stuff I have at home and overlook the old ones thinking they're passe and ugly. But something just made me stop and allow wonder to take over one saturday morning.

Who would've heard of the brand Cromptom Parkinson in this day and age???

These are actually the ceiling fan controllers.
The light switches... They are all still functioning fine and dandy, by the way. And ok... this is my place of solace when we come back from our morning hot drink at AMK market... *ahem* Seriously! It's quiet, serene, peaceful, clean, dry, i hear birds and sometimes the buzzing of insects, the tapping of tree branches on the roof as they sway lightly in the wind, and i feel right at home immediately. Life seems to stop for just a while, while i uh, answer nature's call. Just give me my morning saturday papers or a good book and i'm set. :D Probably the first generation of window grill design when the house was first built? I'm not too sure.


Old rubber slippers with the old fashioned jade green and light green tiles.
The stairway leading downstairs.

More photos later! Need to get some readings done.

All i did was ask her a simple question: does too high or too low a pillow cause backaches? cos i woke up this morning with a backache.

and then she unleashes a whole barrage of stuff on me, saying that i don't take care of myself, i don't respect my body, it's cumulative, my body is retaliating. Basically, she was throwing back at me the point that i asked for it, that it was MY fault that i hurt, that i am to BLAME. I was so sick and tired of it all that i retorted to her to stop nagging and stop finding fault with me for every little thing.

a part of me, if i heard hard enough, underneath all that blabbering, i would've heard that she was really saying that i should take care of myself.

but by george, it's SO hard to hear the concern under all that acid.

good grief, and then i was so angry that when she brought up another issue within less than 5 minutes, i was utterly rude back to her. i just freaking had enough of her ability to find all sorts of reasons to say something negative.

i left the room in a big huff yelling that her expectations are too high, that no matter how good i am, i'll never be good enough. that I just wasn't good enough.

the same thing happened yesterday when i was driving when she made a totally unnecessary remark that triggered me off and i raised my voice at her, in front of him. i didn't care if i was going to get scolded for being rude because i have had enough of the nonsense. i needed to prove that what she was doing wasn't helpful.

i don't normally react in such a big diva way. it's my patience for her constant nagging over some fault she finds in me that is wearing so thin that i can no longer hold in my bitterness and i lash back out.

a part of me is saying that i'm an adult, so stop acting like an impulsive angsty teenager. another part of me is saying that i will not take unreasonable behaviour lying down. the injustice of being told off when i didn't do anything wrong pisses me off BIG time and if i don't voice it out, it'll eat me inside.

whatever. needed to rant.

recent snaps (oh, and it's my 1000th post on thevacuum!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

As promised, some random photos. And more to come...

Ex-cell leader's wedding dinner at The Amara Sanctuary Resort, Sentosa.

Beautiful (deco), simple (procedures) and clean of "frills" (like the whole yam seng thing). I likey. This was taken at my spot at the long banquet like table while waiting for people to come.

There was this mood lighting thing going on, so the colours changed every few seconds bathing everything in its hue. So this was red.Then blue.
And neutral.

Dessert at Mykii, Holland Village.

This was the green tea ice cream with espresso, i think.

The green tea cake... which did not taste like green tea at all. If you told me it was a new york cheesecake, i would have also believed you. It was bland. The tastiest part of the cake was the whipped cream on top of it.

At my classmate's home baking cookies!
It's her special recipe for cranberry almond cookies. There's crushed cereal, chopped almonds, quaker oats and cranberries in there. As healthy as butter cookies go, i guess. :) Getting ready to be baked.Baked and displayed on the plate to cool.

Peekchures coming up soon! Just... random ones. :)

In the past week... I,

... had some daddy-daughter time. Which is rare. But nice and necessary.

... almost got into a road accident. (this one was frekkin' traumatising. i went home and cried and actually crawled into bed to sleep with my mom. not kidding. i felt traumatized, fearful and lousy.)

... rediscovered grace, kindness, and once again felt the old NTU cell spirit when my friends stood by me after the near collision. They assessed the situation and gave objective advice for the future, assured me that i was a safe driver, felt the unhappiness with me about the behaviour of the road bully, made sure that i was ok enough to drive back home on my own. Somehow, they just said all the right things, in the best way. I could not have asked for better passengers, who despite having had gone through the same scary experience, still had the grace, gentleness and mercy to tend to my needs.

... knew that God's protection was upon us through the way things unfolded and how i managed to handle the extremely scary and new situation. Maybe i'll write about what happened in a later post.

... promise i will be a better defensive driver and expect the unexpected.

... was blessed immensely by people around me on my birthday and beyond the day itself.

... learn that butter noodles made by N is BE.AWESOME.
(garlic, onions, mushrooms and salted butter. With linguine. That's ALL. Goodness.)

... met my future cell leader and admitted that i am his phantom cell member. heehee.

... went for my previous cell leader's wedding. It was simple, intimate, beautiful. None of the extra stuff like gate crashing, no table to table photo taking. It was just all about the couple, but without sacrificing on giving the guests the best as far as possible. And i got to sit opposite one of Singapore's retired army Generals! And he's really nice with no airs about him at all.

... have been blessed by my folks.

... sat in for the first time to listen to what my folks' insurance agent was talking about.

... cleaned the car briefly for the first time on my own and found it very therapeutic. Getting the bird poo off, cleaning nooks and crannies, turnin' up the volume of the CD player (WOW Hymns by contemporary artists) while doing so. Yes, it was therapeutic. No one to hurry me or tell me what to do. Just the hot sun on a sunday afternoon, music, and getting some cleanin' done.

... drove to Seng Kang and Bedok with very good and skilled instruction givers at midnight, which was something i otherwise wouldn't have done, especially since i almost could have gotten my friends and myself killed or hospitalized just the night before. Gosh. Being a beginner driver is frightful. As frightful as being a beginning counsellor. All involving the care of lives.

... have more or less decided to graduate later. I will take 6 more months to complete my program because i cannot handle practicum, a module and thesis all at the same time.

I just need to say this, before the day ends.

THANK YOU EVERYONE for your well wishes and messages... Although i spent the day doing mundane stuff and thinking back on birthdays past and the hoohah surrounding it, it was your constant influx of blessings throughout the day (and one person was early, which i totally do not mind one single bit. ;P) that made me feel so special and remembered. The little gestures meant so much to me and it made me quietly vow in my heart that every person DESERVES to feel blessed and treasured on their birthday.

Thanks everyone. :) My heart is aglow and that's how i want today to end. :)

"Good Morning! Happy Birthday!", Dad very enthusiastically exclaimed with a big ole smile on his face, when he heard that i was awake.

He came by the sofa where i was half sleep with gift in hand, while i squeaked with delight and covered my mouth with my dog scented blanket.

"Good morning, and get up." He stood there and offered his hand to pull me to a sitting position.

"Can i just...". His voiced trailed off slightly awkwardly and said, "... just, hug...". Dad held his arms open in a gesture inviting me to hug him. And we embraced. Messy hair, out of bed smell, half consciousness and all.

It's been so long since my dad ever hugged me for anything at all. It's been years.

Especially since the saga in my family that we are still healing from, it means so much to me for my dad to reach out to hug his (still hurting) daughter.

Even as i type this, i realize the risk he took, the pride he (maybe?) needed to swallow and as I think about it, it brings fresh tears to my eyes.

I can't really explain the joy i felt when my folks returned from malaysia and without me expecting it, proposed to bring me out for my birthday dinner despite them feeling tired out from the long drive home and the whole trip itself. And as "luck" would have it, my sister who is usually running around with her own agendas was home and therefore could join us for dinner. It's been so long since we could go out as a family... As time passed by, our lives have slowly drifted in different directions and so this family dinner is a huge blessing to me.

For lack of a better description, i felt like i was 10 years old again... "with the power to decide where i wanted to eat, what i wanted to eat. Everyone just wanted to ensure that the birthday girl gets and enjoys whatever she wants". I'm a quarter of a century now really, but somehow, with grown people asking things like, "what have you been REALLY WANTING (like, craving) to eat?" and "You decide, you're the birthday girl...", etc, i really felt so... liberated. Like, man! Now, when was the last time that anyone paid THAT much attention to what I really wanted, saw it as something so infinitely important that it was ready to be given at the snap of a finger?

Needless to say, i was, er, behaving like a 10 year old at Bakerzin and Swensens. What with my happy grins, incessant chatter and laughter, clapping of happy hands when dad said, "Ok, quick, better go get your packet (OF BAKERZIN MACARONS. OMG.)" and when my Durian Supreme sundae arrived. The higher-than-normal tables at Earle Swensens made me feel even more like a kid at the dinner table that is too high for her.

I'm thankful that i wasn't brought up to be given every single thing i demanded for, so i really felt immense appreciation for the treat and felt touched by the time that spent together. I felt good to just let loose and forget about being all prim and proper, but instead just take joy in simply being my parents' daughter... Though she's changed from being the toddler wearing the plastic sunglasses/spectacles with the ridiculous bee perching on the frame to their now university going young adult with the, well still plastic, but now nerdy black frame glasses, she's still very simply, their younger daughter and child.

When my sister (3 years older than me) and i were goofing around while sitting opposite my parents, i saw, something so different and rare in my mom's smiling eyes as she looked on at us. I saw genuine mirth and even thankfulness in her eyes as they twinkled and crinkled when she smiled at our nonsense. Her eyes and smile looked, ALIVE. Something i have not seen in a long time. It was as if her eyes were saying, "I've not seen my children this way in so long, and i miss seeing them interact like close sisters. The way they are talking to one another now really makes me happy."

Edit:
I spoke too soon... I thought i had escaped the sprouting of white hair from all that stress, but my mom spotted one yesterday. Dangit!

Narnia is freaking awesome. Ok, I'm biased because i love medieval related war scenes (swords! bows! arrows! catapults! chain mail! armour!), horses, mythical animals, animals in general. But as i was saying...

In Prince Caspian, I love it when little Lucy emerges from the forest, steps onto the bridge and faces an army of probably hundreds. She's fearless as she unsheathes her little dagger. She appears all alone till the majestic Aslan comes up from behind to stand beside her.

I just love the image it portrays. Despite facing the odds of 2 is to hundreds, she had placed her complete trust in her hero, the one whom she believes had come to overcome and to save. So much so that she could step out in total confidence to confront grown and war bloodied men with her tiny "letter opener".

It isn't just about what we can do on our own. After all, all we can do is give whatever we've got. We can't go beyond that. What we CAN do however is believe in the One who has the utmost wisdom, power and authority, who will make up for what we lack to help us conquer our challenges.

That is what makes the whole difference.

Tiger Woods seems to have some really mean time management skills. Juggling between family (1 wife, 2 kids) and allegedly 6 (and counting?) more women.

Sheesh, if all this is true... Then here's another one joining the ranks of multitudes of men who have cheated on their wives. WHAT SIA. Yes, we're all attracted to beauty but surely there is a head with a brain somewhere in these men that can be involved in making responsible choices, no?

It's not ONE woman, like he had a lapse in judgment somewhere. It's like, "hello there, you with the skirt? Wanna get it going?"

Like, hello? No conscience is it? And those frisky women. Shame on you! RAGGH!

It's beyond frightening to me that when i read the first page of an online article of this whole tiger woods fiasco, most of the comments on that first page actually are so blase about the whole thing. There were comments like, "Get over it", "He's only human", "I'm surprised that everyone is surprised". The worst comment i read was "Get over it! Life happens, monogamy is not normal and that is the truth." I mentally did a double take and would have choked if i was consuming something.

Are people so jaded and used to infidelity that they are able to close an eye and treat it as part of life? HELLO? Where have moral values in this world gone to?! Where have trust, respect, honour all disappeared to??? Seems like people are so used to hearing men cheat that it's no big deal anymore. Ok fine, if they say, "morality be damned, i live by no rules", then how about something as FUNDAMENTAL as the mental and emotional PAIN that they are going to cause the family? Like, for starters, the one they said their VOWS to, the person they PROMISED to honour and respect?

If people start off thinking that they are going to cheat anyway, then don't hurt others by getting married, bringing children into the world, only to desert them along the way.

i don't get why the Jet allows the keypad to pop up when i select the field to type in my blog title, but it doesn't let the keypad pop up when i want to enter in an entry in the type-a-post field. touch screen phones. bleargh.

a trip to nie recently shot and blew up my holiday dreams to smithereens. my holiday dreams meaning just 4 weeks of peace, without having to think about work and school.

the good thing was that i managed to tie up the loose ends of one of the major problems i was facing academically, but in the meeting, i was also told that i needed to catch up with the others in dealing with my dissertation/thesis. i told my lecturer honestly that i was so worn out, so tired. i haven't had a break since the beginning of the year, and the stresses of school has taken a toll on me. i'm the not the only one, apparently. my classmates feel the same way. they're feeling more tired than before in this semester that just passed by. and of course, there was the major family issue that erupted in may, that killed my june break AND the peace of mind that i needed to face my practicum (which also started in may, so, no break either).

i actually cried in her office that day. i usually try my best to control myself in front of strangers but i didn't this time. i almost cried in front of my boss at work too when i told her that i had a family crisis and couldn't handle certain things.

i had hoped that i could breathe easier for these few puny weeks in december before school starts again in january. i find that this whole year, my stress levels have been kept at above the normal average levels and sometimes peaking at maximum or close to maximum. i marvel at the fact that i have not yet sprouted out white hair, which i did in JC... oh yes, i DID in JC. gosh.

and so when i finally settled some issue with the lecturer, she dropped the bomb that i still had to do readings for my dissertation and get some writings done because submission next year will be close and i will have my practicum to settle still, AND plus one more academic module. Ok, doesn't sound that bad in number, but finishing the practicum hours are very draining. So, to add a module PLUS carrying out a research and doing research paper writing, is just... monkey.

yet. one thing that took the heat off is that my thesis isn't meant to be a groundshaker, it's just suppose to give me an experience of carrying out a research. my heart slightly lifted when i heard that. lowered expectations is good. i just find it curious that they don't expect more out of masters students.

now as i'm writing this, i'm considering if i should take one more semester to finish this course off (ie, stay in NIE for one more year, versus the 6 months that i have now), or should i stick to my guns, feel the stress build up but finish along with everyone else. I'm thinking about my health, my sanity. My IBS problem started when i was doing my undergraduate studies, and back then, it was worse. Now, it's better but it still occurs. i prefer my stress related health issues to stop at IBS, thankyouverymuch. Through my practicum, i've seen how stress can really cause havoc in a person. It's quite crazy, what it does. I don't want that to happen to me.

i'm just glad that my topic for my thesis interests me. it's on fatherhood (prayed about it), but i don't know how i'm going to develop that into anything just yet.

i guess... i'm going to have to let my interest take me through and God handle the nitty gritty.

and then there is the question of whether i should spend the time left on myself, or spend it on others. that is, leading a group at a youth camp. i'm like... argh. i. need. time. for. myself. i don't know. quandary.

i think i may take up my lecturer's suggestion of taking a break. not some shopping break, not a break that would require moving around and doing things, but something that would allow me to SLOW DOWN to a STOP. to cease the erratic running around and frenzied thoughts that worry me all the time, take some time to chill, reflect, change my mindset on things, so that i can move ahead with a positive mind frame. i don't know what that may be because it's a bit late to go booking for holidays.

so, ambrose, you're right. i NEED TO DO SOMETHING, which is about doing NOTHING. Or, close to nothing.

maybe a trip to sentosa, a short stay at a cheap hotel there. near the beach. i do so miss the beach. then again. where's the money going to come from??? gagh... maybe home will have to do.

This little dude was perched in a zen-like manner on the first step of the flight of stairs. ALMOST squashed him when i came pounding down the stairs. Isn't he cute? Check out his awesome curled tail with the tip just hanging over his head! He didn't even so much as budge or twitch when i stuck my camera near his lizardy face. I was ready to leap back if he jumped or anything though. Heh.

Driven by the reality of my gross natural curls that ruined my side parting, my bald spot on my preferred side to part my hair at (too many years at the same parting), the itch for a new look, i went to cut myself some bangs at JP. I really like it! Even though my sister thinks i look toot. I love my sister, she tells me her honest opinion without hesitation and i in turn appreciate her prompt and objective feedback. After all, i always prefer the truth over a lie that would make me "happy".

I was thinking about doing this for weeks and finally, when Van said "Just go!", i decided... OK, I SHALL! I figured that i might chicken out at the entrance of the salon, but somehow, something about the place made me take a step in to enquire about the price for cutting a fringe. A nice lady greeted me and answered my queries, and when i decided $5 was a good deal, i decided to give it a go.

I was praying, "God, please give me an experienced stylist!" (i was frekkin scared because i'm not one to follow trends and i've never had bangs maybe since i was a wee kiddo?!)

And true enough, God gave me the LEAD HAIR STYLIST can? Who was the same nice lady who answered my queries. In about 10 minutes, i was done, and personally i think she did a quick, professional and tidy job. Just by looking my hair over and flipping it about, she could pinpoint how my hair behaves (natural waves, cannot cut too short and not this way, etc) and what i should avoid and what would be suitable for my face shape and manageable for me to maintain. Ok, maybe i look like a goon here. HAHA. I like!

Ok, slightly more normal looking here.

Nothing like watching Bolt on the samsung jet while having Jed lie down next to me so that I can pat him as he sleeps.

Cried my eyes out again while watching the last part! Ah, a show for dog lovers...

Breathing a little easier now, now that the assignments have all been handed in. I have just my practicum hours left to clock (ARGH, i still don't know if i'll have enough hours), reports to write as i go along, and session preparations to be done as i think of the intervention plan for each person. It's quite draggy work, but give me this any time, rather than school work man.

I was just thinking of how much work takes up my time such that I am wondering how my involvement in church will be like in future when majority of my life will be consumed by work. I'm hoping that as a counsellor, work stops in the office, but with the way things are right now... I'm suspecting that reports will eat into personal time, which isn't the way i want to live!

I caught myself thinking a while ago, whether i can skip this and skip that and just go for service only. It was then when I pretty much realized that you know, it's because i am around in church a lot that keeps me encouraged because of the friends i meet and the whole atmosphere of being in the presence of like minded people. This isn't to say that God doesn't exist outside of church, nor does it mean that my Christian walk ceases to exist once i step out of church.

But what i DO realize as part of REALITY, is that if i become too busy, and church and Christian living is relegated to a trip to church for 2 hours out from the whole week, i am likely to go down the slippery slope of being a sunday Christian. A Christian in name only, with just a hollow heart. Honest.

That was when it DAWNED on me... why, it's so important to have some form of commitment to a ministry(s), where I am accountable to people and there will be at least two or three people who will care enough about me to check up on me now and then. (Ok, i'm thankful that i can think of at least three. Which reminds me. Have I ever bothered about those who haven't been showing up? I think i tend to take the stance that they don't want to be bothered, so i in turn don't bother them...)

It's important to have people check up on you to see if you're still alive, whether you've died from being blown up in the kitchen or something like that, but it's even more essential that there are people who will ask how you're doing, not judge/scold you about why you've not been around and will even ask if there's anything that they can pray for you for. Those people are so precious and far and few in between.

Then again, i'm glad that what i am choosing to do with my life is something i knew God has planned for me to do. And with that, i know that i cannot do it without Him, i know that i will always be relying on Him to guide me and to bring me through. Which helps me keep close in step with Him. By default.

But still, i may fall into the trap of treating God like a genie, and though I toil with and for Him, I may still lose sight of the purpose of the journey every now and then, right?

Which brings me back to full circle. I need to be kept active in my ministry and guard my walk with Jesus like freaking jealously.

Have always wanted to wear coloured contact lenses but the makers haven't gotten round to making lenses for people with astigmatism, aka almost the whole of Singapore...

ALMOST done with my wretched assignments.

After which, it will be practicum hours and report writing galore but still may not be enough to graduate on time. I don't know. We'll wait and see.

God HELP.

my classmate put into words something i didn't realize i was going through.

Burn Out.

Yes, i am burnt out. Not majorly so, but it seems i'm on the route to being so. The only thing that can get me doing work is when i am pressured hard to do it. Otherwise, i can't bear to get typing or get my brain moving. I haven't had a proper break since january. and i'm still struggling with meeting the practicum hours requirement. I may not get to graduate on time because of that.

Recently, i experienced sour burps, something i've not had before/in a long time... And by chance, i happened to read an article about it and i found out that sour burps are a result of stress. i'm worried that i'm going to sprout out white hair soon. honestly, there are a few counsellors i know who seem to be hiding their white hair with hair dye...

I'm tired out from the work load and personal issues, and one of the only pleasures (other than FOOD) that i am refusing to give up is a good night's rest. I refuse to deprive myself of sleep even if it means that i can't get work done. i mean, c'mon! the stresses of life cannot rob me of that basic need man.

where is God? i do talk to Father now and then, but never more than a short simple prayer. i know He deserves more than that.

The good thing is that i got past that one period where i wanted to simply run off to a secluded place to have a good cry and get a breather from everything. I've moved on from there, but i can't say that there won't be another episode. i could just be running on a concoction of panic, responsibility and adrenalin right now.

i feel like telling the world to just get lost and frekkin' leave me alone, man.

i'm going to bed. it's 12:55am, i didn't get any work done and frankly at this current moment, i don't care.

jet out, iphone in?

With M1 and now, STARHUB joining in the race, that is, selling the iphone as well... i am SO tempted. To jumpship AND to trade in my Samsung Jet.

I have to admit, i still hate touch screens. But i wonder if the iphone's touch screen technology and it's interface would be any better... The Jet's not a bad phone, it's just the fact that the touch screen and nitty gritty details to do with interface isn't that efficient, which makes its usage darn annoying for someone like me who's got to do things snappy and on the go. I've been quite frustrated with it recently. :-(

there are some features that the iphone is lacking (features which i count as important): a good camera with flash, a front pointing cam for video calls, bluetooth (the iphone's is next to useless), and decent battery life.

i guess... i just need to get used to this irritating touch screen nonsense. For now. Who knows, maybe my next phone will have the good old keypad, once the phone makers have figured out how to include big screens with keypads in a slim phone body. In my world, and probably everyone else's, life zooms by at a crazy pace and i find myself having to multitask as i move about. Thinking, planning, communicating, pondering, worrying, troubleshooting...

Maybe having this little monster called the samsung Jet will slow me down for a bit, to hone my patience and allow me to take time to see what goes into my smses. Might help my brain form more neural connections while i'm at it, since i'm still fumbling. But boy, i wish i could make the perfect phone!