Muddled

Pretty much explains my state of mind.

Been waking up to pretty looking mornings having no drive whatsoever to accomplish my work which has been nagging at me for a while.
I wouldn't say it's piling up as yet. But i do know that if i continue like this, it WILL.

Hitting a plateau maybe?

Hopefully this entry will be short.

I've recently begun doing my quiet time in the mornings instead of at night before i sleep.
Why didn't i do this long before.
I am usually too tired out at night that i fall asleep while praying.

What better way to start the day. Start it off with a talk with my one Creator and Heavenly Father. He's the utmost head of everything in my life.
It only makes sense.

As Christians, we have these few sides or rather, that influence that taunts us continuously.
Sometimes we might seem to feel that picking up the Bible is such a chore.
But i know that my soul enjoys basking with, and in the Lord, no matter what S.A. Tan tries to do to tell me otherwise.

Sing His Praises and Thank the Lord.
Keep mind focused on God.
The devil hates it.

*******

Well.

I've called Simon.

THANK GOD.
God has been so gracious. Yesterday morning, i just prayed that whatever will be spoken about would be favourable... But of course, keeping God's plan/will in mind as well.

And YES.

Was asked: So how should it go from here? Are you interested to further this?

I was SOO afraid he was merely going to tell me the procedures of gaining membership.
But no, he was posing the offer to me about the training team.

Conclusion this far:

I am still unsure, afraid, freaked, worried, about how this's all going to turn out.
The new team people i've to meet, the politics (possibly), the training...
Most of all, MY PARENTS.

The next step is getting me a compound bow.
A brand new one is 2 GRAND. Yes, $2K.

But Simon will be looking out for a second hand one.
The tricky part here is that compound bows are CUSTOMIZED to the archer.
You can't use mine, i can't use yours.

I've spoken to my mom. She's very concerned about my studies.
My dad?
Sceptical as usual.
Made a remark that pierced me.
In times like that, i am determined to prove it to him.
Just like i did not long ago.

I remember how sceptical he was when i said i wanted to do something for the Republic. That was just after our fun shooting stint at SAFRA.

I guess i felt i wasn't going to be tied down and away from my aspirations. And so i just went ahead and paid for my own lessons.
Here i am.

Not trying to boast or sound like an arrogant big shot.

The point i'm making here is:
When you believe in and want something, go for it. When you feel something seems right, don't be afraid. Don't allow yourself to be shot and brought down therefore, discouraged.

**********

I had an experience like this in secondary school.

Our military band was having our annual band camp and during some interaction time, i must've said something to one of my juniors about A Math that one band teacher in charge didn't quite agree with.

That night, she singled me out for a scolding. Using reasons like the above and other stuff.
I knew (at that time) that i did nothing wrong and well... i let my bullheadedness stick with me throughout.

The thing that has stuck with me till this day was this remark she said repeatedly in my face:

"Next year (referring to when i'll be in sec 4 with the stress and all), I WON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU HANG YOURSELF."

How's that for a teacher?
She must've been hysterical with anger.

In the end, i did well for my 'O's.
Too bad she quit from our school before the 'O' Level results came out for my batch.

She would have had to eat her own words. And that ugly handbag.

***********

Yup, so don't be discouraged.

Maybe sometimes, people DO have a point when they say something negative because they can see that perhaps after all, you may not have the potential to go far.
Which is why sometimes, you've got to use your gut feeling.

Am not saying this is definitive as things can change like the wind.

Nevertheless.
You DO get my drift.

So much for a short entry.